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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jun072013

DONUT TEST ME, MAN

In honor of National Donut Day, I give you: 

13 Ways To Wreck a Perfectly Good Donut

(Because what are donuts, really, except small, holey cakes? That are deep-fried? I rest my case.)

 

1) Add poop:

 

2) Add poop with a worm crawling out of it:

 

3) Or a worm crawling out of... um... these things:

 

4) Put One Freaky Eye On It:

("I'm meeeel-ting!")


5) Put Four Freaky Teeth On It:

 

6) Make it angry:

 

7) Make it scary:

(Then tell kids it's the Easter Bunny.)

 

8) Make it confusing:

(Wha...?)


9) Glue a bunch together with frosting and call it a "donut cake."

(Hang on, what fresh abomination is this?)

 

10) Or stack them and call it a "wedding cake."

OY.

 

11) Misspell it:

S-U-A! S-U-A!

 

12) Or do this to it:

Ick.

 

13) Or, if all else fails, this:

"I'm sorry, but could I get a little more frosting on this? And maybe another waffle cone? With a cream pie on top? And some Gummi Bears? And one of those King Cakes? And then wrap it in a few dozen pancakes? Yeaaaah, that'd be greeeeeat."

 

Thanks to April R., Amy N., Susanna C., Ashley W., Aubrey L., Janet V., Sarah B., Malisa I., Jennifer S., Rachel K., Carol G., Sheriden C., & Rivit, and no, I won't make you one of those, because a girl's got to have standards. Plus I'm fresh out of King Cakes.

« Sunday Sweets: Here There Be MONSTERS | Main | Flotsam R Us »

Reader Comments (107)

Good lord that last one-I love frosting, but even that would be too much D:

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Oh... Oh wow. That last one... My teeth hurt just thinking of all the sugar involved.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKiraela

#8 reminds me of a male appendage involved in food play, only not very appealing.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKim

is it sad that i want a doughnut now

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElphaba Thropp

I think my teeth rotted just from looking at these....eesh! :|

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

I think I just got a sugar rush from looking at the last picture...

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnaxphone

I keep thinking of The Wizard of Oz for some strange reason. Must be due to all the melting going on! LOL
#3 - I can't decide if I'm seeing "tongues" or something completely different.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMary

What could be cruller
than to fritter away sweets?
Pile on the standards!

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

AND they misspelled caterpillar, adding insult to horror.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCJ

I can understand all of these, except no. 3 -- the Donut Nipples of Doom. Reminds me of something I saw on Tosh.O the other night. And no, I won't share a link because it's simply too disturbing, and this is bad enough.

In defense of no. 8, I can totally see a donut birthday cake, especially for a kid, if that's what he wants. More frosting on donuts? SURE!!!! The wedding cake, not so much.

@Kim: "Food play." BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

1:Well. Well. Well. WHAT have we here? An open MIND?? Could it BE???? I just shocked the **** out of myself, because I actually LIKE the idea of a doughnut cake. Individual portions...no utensils required...clean up a breeze...? What's not to like?
2: The creepy, M&M-eyed, noseless, mouthless, er..bunny-shaped (?) thing that looks like some sort of hoof, THAT'S what.

=^u.u^=

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Not just making ugly donuts, but misspelling 'Kids' and 'Caterpillar', HA!

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

I'm Dunkin' my head in bewilderment....

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

North American obesity problem? What obesity problem? … Bleeeackkkkk!

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Don't make me angry! You wouldn't like me when I'm… oh, who am I kidding. I'm still delicious when I'm angry.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGoldarn

#8 isn't confusing at all; they look similar to the toys I keep in my bedside stand. ;)

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Dunkin Donuts bakery to Large-chain-store bakery: "We'll see your cupcake cakes and raise you one donut cake."
L-c-s bakery: "We got floatsom!"
D D bakery: "We got bismarcks!"
L-c-s bakery: "D@mn! We fold....."

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

Cops everywhere must unite against this horror. PUT THE WAFFLE CONE DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM THE DONUTS.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjanice

These donut creatures reminded me of a debate I had with my sons about who is the best caterpillar.
I say the friendly chap from Labyrinth. (Although some would argue that he is a worm.)
My youngest son says the Simpsons screamapillar. (Which I think could be related to the three angry donut caterpillars.)
My oldest son says the hookah-smokin' caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. (Who I envision looking like our melting face donut friend there.)

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

That superhero donut cake is awful and totally wrong and I would eat the whole thing in one sitting all by myself.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

Someplace, I have a recipe for a Krispy Kreme Chocolate Bombe. Yes, it is just as appalling as it sounds. Line a large bowl with Krispy Kreme glazed donuts, using cut-up donuts to fill in the holes. Fill bowl with chocolate mousse. Cover the top (soon to be the bottom) with more donuts. Chill until firm. Unmold onto plate. Cover with chocolate ganache. I made it for Halloween on the grounds that the only thing scarier than the recipe was the nutritional count.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWaneta

Haiku Joy- Ha! That was great! (How is exam time going?)
mel- *groan* Very punny!

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Come visit Voodoo Donuts in Portland, OR. Suddenly these will seem tame. And if they can do cupcake wedding cake thingys, why not donuts?

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMW

Looking at those, all I could think was "Why? Why, why, WHY?" I can't even be grossed out, because I'm too busy trying to figure out why it would even occur to someone to try "decorating" donuts like that. o.O

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEAS

Well.. SUA sort of works. States of United America....

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHolkie

Yeesh! Made the mistake of reading this before breakfast. Have completely lost appetite after first few pix.
Have to wonder what kind of sadist does this to donuts....

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAngelic mischief

There's something a tad creepy about the mouth-less bunny wabbit. It looks a bit like a cloven hoof. All in all, I guess I'd call it slightly "nappetizing" (not appetizing).
That's the only one I have an issue with. ((cough cough))
=^>.<^=

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

#8 is clearly an inchworm double-date.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJacJac

Haiku joy bahahaha

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

@ zoomom: "My oldest son says the hookah-smokin' caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland."

Oh, yay!! I LOVE that guy! ( "And WHO are YOU...?")
But no--he doesn't have a melting anything...he's very dignified (maybe even a tad snobbish) and I want to be just like him when I grow up...!

=^-.-^=

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Now I want a donut cake. Do you think they make them in gluten free?

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterOmHeartMother

The only thing wrong with #9 is it looks like they used cake donuts instead of what I like to call real donuts (the ones actually made with dough). They even have a flavor to cater to individual preferences--maple, vanilla and chocolate. Mmmm, donuts. I'm definitely making the 30-minute drive to our nearest Krispy Kreme tonight.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Aaaaaaaaand there's the snark :-)

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEllen O.

@Shirley Fowley
"North American obesity problem? What obesity problem?"
I hear you. I really do. It's not unlike the "Why did you climb Mt. Everest?"/ "Because it's there" thing. It's sad, really.Junk/overly-processed food is sometimes "faster", or "easier", or both.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Off Topic: Guys, I don't want to alarm anyone, but I was totally kidnapped by aliens, after which my mind was wiped by a Flashy Thingy. Anyway, I went back to re-read yesterday's post and realized I had not read it yet. Obviously, this could not be because I FORGOT to visit Cake Wrecks, so there must be some kind of alien abduction story going on. You know, Ockham's Razor and all that. @Haiku Joy: From your vantage point on the moon, have you seen any suspicious alien spaceships around lately?


#5: Take off the 'h' on your description of 'Four Teeth', add an 's', and I think you've got it...although misspelled.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

to add to the inappropriate use of doughnuts, you can now get a bacon-fried egg sandwich made on doughnuts at Dunkin' Doughnuts. Follow that up with some krisy kreme bomb & you've got an entire meal based on doughnuts!

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna`

I do not voluntarily eat blue food, with an exception for blueberries. Think about it. Would YOU?

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Having my free doughnut & snortling at Kim's comment!! :P

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

I am not sure weather one can become diabetic just by looking at these, but I do not think I should take my chances.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHolly Folly

All I can think of is the Simpsons episode when Homer tried to decorate his own donut at the Kwik-E-Mart. "A candy bar is not a sprinkle! A gummy worm is NOT a sprinkle!" Mmmm.... donuts.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

now I want a plain lovely Krispy Kreme doughnut. I wonder if I can talk my daughter into stopping by the "hot now" on her way home this afternoon???

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

#7 ("Scary Bunny") reminds me of Donnie Darko's "Frank"! ("28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, 12 seconds. That is when the world will end.")

@MW - VOODOO DONUTS RULES!!!

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlysafulb

zoomom, we're a month done with exams, thank goodness. But that month has been full of other unusual events. I'm really glad to get back into my CW rhythm. I miss it here when I'm away.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Who'd have thought that a simple donut was so wreckable? All I could hear in my head when I read your line of "what fresh abomination is this?" was Sean Bean in Fellowship of the Ring, "What is this new devilry?"

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

#13's explanation reminds me of the taco town skit from SNL, "We take a taco, and wrap a cheese-filled tortilla around, and then deep fry it, and then add a pizza....." It goes on and on.

See?
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1447

Hilarious.

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBecky W

@Haiku Joy: Yay! So nice to see you!
@mel: LMAO! Nicely done!

These are professionals; donut try this at home.

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Well, I guess if the occasion ever arises that I know I will need to poop blue, I have someplace to acquire the necessary supplies... O_o

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

HOMER SIMPSON HEAVEN!

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

I didn't know that Single Umbilical Artery (SUA) was something that could be celebrated with a donut. I guess my hubby owes me from the last pregnancy!

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnnaB

Your comments totally crack me up!! Very funny stuff, lady :)

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