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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Sep242010

This Calls For a Par-Tay

Birthdays and weddings? Pshaw. That's nothing. How about...

...celebrating your favorite fashion fetish?

And I love cake! We should be friends.

No, you can't borrow my yellow boots. Yes, I know they're awesome. No, sorry, you can't "just hold one for a minute." Hey, what are you...are you smelling my shoes?!? Dude, this is getting kind of uncomfortable. You know what? How 'bout you just give me my slice of cake and I'll go eat it in my cubicle?

Ok, so maybe fashion fetish cakes aren't the best idea. How about obscure lines from 60's sitcoms?

Here's a story

Of a lovely lady!

(everybody, now!)

Who was something something very lovely something!

Something something...something...

something...
.....

AND THAT'S THE WAAAAY WE BECAAAME THE BRADY BUNCH!

Alright, maybe some of us don't remember the Brady Bunch that well.

HOWEVER, who couldn't use a cake like this?

Perfect for blind dates.

(The visual is in case they happen to be illiterate. Or Canadian.)

And once the honeymoon's over, there's always this handy design to let your mate know exactly where s/he stands:

Or, in this case, sleeps.

[It says, "You're in the doghouse now!"]

It's kind of a mixed message, though, don't you think? I mean, I'm in the doghouse, but you're giving me...cake? (Granted, a vile cupcake cake - ptooie!- but still.) Hmm. Yeah, I've thought it over, and you know what? I *still* think those pants make you look fat. So THERE. And I hear there's a sale on sheet cakes today. Just thought you should know.

And speaking of repeat offenders...

If loving your favorite gun enough to celebrate it with a cake is an offense, then call me not guilty. (I prefer cannoli. Unless it's an automatic, of course; in that case, I go with the more traditional JELL-O Jigglers.)

"But, Jinn," you're thinking - because now you've confused me with a bottle-dwelling genie, or maybe that guy on LOST - "Jinn, I don't *have* a favorite gun to celebrate! Or any gun at all!"

Well, my sadly confused friend, never fear; no matter who you are, or what you're celebrating, I've found a cake that will truly go with any occasion:

It's like a one-size-fits all.

Assuming the "all" is one person, of course.

Thanks to Alison D., Becky K., Sondra D., Kasey R., Laurie R., & Mia L., Mia L., Mia L., who I believe are all Canadian. And I love them. In fact, I love Canada. I love Canadian stuff. The fact that I've chosen to make Canada my knee-jerk nemesis for this post is really just a reflection of my deep-seated love and respect for this country and its people. 'Cuz they can take a joke. And won't, for example, hunt down errant bloggers with packs of wild meese. (That IS the plural of moose, right?)

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Reader Comments (127)

The gun one is completely appropriate. Who doesn't want flowers and guns together?

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

Personally, I would buy a cookie that said Marsha Marsha Marsha simply because it said that, but then I was raised on the Brady Bunch.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is the gun edible? That's a handy idea - just eat the evidence!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJan

"Or Canadian."

What the what?

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCanuck

(The visual is in case they happen to be illiterate. Or Canadian.)

Hey now - that's not nice. As a Canuck I take slight offense to that. :(

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGalFromAway

I have to admit, I would have loved that soup can cake when I was 5 and asked for a tomato soup cake for my birthday!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Do I detect a reference to the "drinking out of cups" animated bit there in your special-thanks-to section? Whether or not you meant to, it made my day.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBekah

Hey, now, don't be Hosers, eh! We Canucks can totally take a joke.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Personally I'm a bit worried by the blood pooling under the shoe.

WV: phissedn. I suppose the shoe cake would be worse if the shoe had been p(h)issedn.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarliO

Careful on those who can release the wrath of meese on you...

Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDubs

Girlfriend ---- you ARE feelin' frisky this morning. There will be Brady Bunch singers, Canadians, moose, and foot fetishists all wanting to Epcot your...um...butt. ( I was going to use "a" word but butt seems more family appropriate..oh nevermind. Note: am now randomly mushing words into one word for fun. Tryit.)

As for Campbell's tomato--there will always be somebody at the table enquiring if they can get the reduced sodium version!! Bleech....

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNiteNurse

After seeing that doghouse, am I the only person who is now singing "He's in the Jailhouse Now" (from the Soggy Bottom Boys)?

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKay

I am in awe. The diversity of cake afficianados out there is inspiring.

I also like the firearm cake. But, hey, I'm an American with a NRA membership. Lynyrd Skynyrd puts it best "God & Guns". It's what this country is founded on.

*scratching head* Always thought of meese as plural for mouse, not moose. (yeah, mom had some odd grammatical sense) Our plural of moose is 'moose and squirrel'.

Good thing there was a pic with the crabby cake... I wasn't sure what it said. Lousy icing writing and all that, eh?

SO happy you decided I need the Brady Bunch theme song floating in my head for the rest of the day. Yeah, REAL happy. NOT!!!

~~Di

Oh, and if you're handing out the drinks... pass one my way, please?

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My husband totaly LIKED the gun cake. (in sing song voice) I know what he's getting for his next birthdaaaaaay.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDani

Ground red glass in my shoe? Nice! Oh and, "Here's the story
of a lovely lady
who was bringing up three very lovely girls
all of them had hair of gold like their mother
the youngest one in curls
here's the story of a man named Brady, who was busy with three boys of his own..."
I can't remember my cell phone number but I remember this

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJan

ha ha ha! Guns-N-Roses

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertjbmurph

Kay, I wasn't singing that song until you mentioned it. Before that, I was singing the theme to "The Brady Bunch," because I totally remember it (and am willing to sing it at the drop of a hat. Or even if the hat doesn't drop...or if there's no hat at all, really.) Being a BB fan, I also know that the Wreckerator misspelled "Marcia."

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

Oh, my.

However, I do like the Marsha, Marsha, Marsha cake. It is groovy. On the other hand, Ms. Brady spelled her name "Marcia", so I guess it is a wreck.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

I'm pretty sure the plural of moose is "moosen"... as in, "I saw a flock of moosen!" per Brian Regan ;)

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTornadoBaby

I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the concept of a tomato-flavored cake. I can't say I'd like eating a cake baked with tomato soup. That would be even a little too strange for James Lileks' "Gallery of Regrettable Food".

Chicken noodle soup-flavored cake would be even worse.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElkman

I can see the shoe cake possibly being done for someone who is in the Krewe of Muses (the only all-women nighttime parade at Mardi Gras) - our signature float is a red shoe.

Granted, I could do a MUCH better rendition and hope to for my Krewe sisters! :)

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterwendl26

@ Dubs: LOL

@ Jen: As a Canadian and very recent fan of your blog, I'm really not sure how to take that...I'm sure you didn't mean to be insulting, but I haven't been reading your blog long enough to 'get' where you were going with that comment!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

I can't believe stores sell this crap! It must have been, give a bagger a shot at the bakery position day. Especially the condensed, condensed soup can. Proportion does count!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentery

Packs of wild meese! I think your commentary about Canada just made my day!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJuno

The revolver cake surely must be for a shotgun wedding.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMoggypie

So that's a condensed tomato is it? No soup? Actually the whole thing looks a little condensed to me.

@ Dubs: I love the Monty Python line, it's one of my favorites.
Every time we see a moose, that line works its way into the conversation somehow.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

Pardone moi, madame, but Canadiennes do not pute an "e" at the ende of everie worde. Certainmente not crab!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterZita

I thought meese was the plural of mouse? Or was that meeses??? Now I'm even more confused!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterQueen Julian XIII

Was the fifth one supposed to be a veiled reference to Guns N' Roses? Because that's just sad.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHilary

Now that you point it out, it's interesting that the actor went from Jin to Chin. And he's still in Hawaii.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdrumnate

Wait, "Marsha Marsha Marsha" is an obscure line? Crap, I'm getting old. I think I need some cake.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeirdre

(The visual is in case they happen to be illiterate. Or Canadian.)

Hey, Im canadian and I love America as much as the next person (in fact, i love the USA so much, some call me un-patriotic! hah)
but even I know that canadians are just as stupid as Americans! :)

Canada may just be USA's "hat" but without your hat America, you would be lost!! :)

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCDSquared

I can't speak for my fellow Canadians but "Oh noes you dinn't". After all, legible cursive frosting does trip people up - does that say "Crabe" or "Crabs"?

Any Canucks still feel edgy? Here, I made some Brownies!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdagnabitt

I know I know I know!!!! The doghouse CCC (Ptooie) IS the punishment!!!

Just a thought...you may now resume your day...

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Aw, Canada. We only make fun of you because you're like our little bro.

Incidentally, ever seen this cake recipe before? http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/tomato-soup-cake-i/Detail.aspx
It sounds absolutely repulsive. :3

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLyla

I'm Canadian, and take no offense. Keep the laughs coming!!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I love shoes as much as the next girl...but wow!!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStefanie@IvyRoad

A joke about shoe-sniffers. This is why I love cake wrecks. My first few years using the internet was an eye-opening experience for me. I was astonished at how many creepers crawled out of the woodwork once people could communicate anonymously. But what really boggled my mind was how many heels introduce themselves with opening lines declaring their pointed interest in shoes or feet. *shudder*

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

I think the gun cake was for a meeting of the Guns 'N' Roses fan club. Sorry. It was too obvious not to say. :-)

WV: tionge I'm tionge to understand the logic of the wreckerator.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKnit Wit

the doggy house pic made me want to eat cake..

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertiny purple elephant

OMG Shoes!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HjIljJd-o0

LOL. Now, that is obsession...

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterT.T.

Its totally morbid, but if that gun was in better proportion, I would like that cake...there's something wrong with me.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterclan of the cave hair

Is it really a cupcake cake if it's just individual cupcakes arranged into a shape? These are not slathered together by a mass of icing mortar, after all.

WV: cisyndin. I got nothing, though it seems like I should be able to come up with something really good...

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

The Brady Bunch started in 1969 and ran until 1974, so it's more '70's than 60's!

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPeachy

Perhaps that cake was for a shotgun wedding! :)

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersara

Bwahaha.

Okay, in our household, if you're Canadian (or Australian, French, a New Zealander, etc.) it's like an automatic pass.

Ohh, you like [insert offensive viewpoint/taste/beer name/etc]!?! Ohh, well, that's okay 'cause you're Canadian.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterF'Bank

I wonder whether the Crabe cake is flavored with Old Bay spices? That would be unique.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrookeville

As a Canadian I'm going to pretend to be angry about that, and write a strongly worded letter.

ZED.

Seriously, that's how it's pronounced.

Now that that's over, I feel much better...Although for some reason i'm now craving tomatoe flavored icing...

P.S. Please make fun of us Canadians more. We like to belong.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Another Canadian who can take a joke. And got a chuckle out of the extra 'e'. Spot on. :P

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJJ Sobey

I'm totally an illiterate American because I thought the crab cake said "crabe" as well. Its pretty godawful ugly anyway, no matter what it says.

September 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly R

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