My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Two Steps Forward And Three Wrecks Back

When I first took up arms against the dreaded cupcake cake [patooie!] so many years ago, I never dreamed I would have such an impact on our nation's baked goods. Why, with the help of you readers, I've managed to rip back the curtain of Big Frosting's corporate deception and ineptitude, and reveal the fuzzy, sugar-crusted, frosting-smeared private parts of inhuman indecency.


After years of our virtual spitting and no-holds-barred, blistering mockery, I'm happy to report that bakeries have finally begun changing their evil CCC ways.

Granted, it's to stuff that's way worse, but still. Let's focus on the positive here.

For example, this is NOT a cupcake cake:

It's a "baked mountain." Or BM, for short.

Now, is it even messier than a CCC - something they said could never be done?
Is it repulsive enough to have been assembled by a drunken yak?
Yes. Is it STILL not enough frosting?




Enter the "Brownie Dipper."

It's a quart of frosting with a dash of sprinkles and brownie bites mixed in.



Because a brownie without frosting is like stick butter that hasn't been deep fried.
And also: 'MURRICA!


Now, I don't know about you, but I often think back to my poor, deprived childhood, back when gingerbread cookies didn't come with a half-inch layer of buttercream and freakish plastic flotsam heads.

I'm actually tearing up a little.


But you're probably wondering, "Gee, Jen, what ELSE could bakers cram together and cover in enough frosting to make my pancreas self-implode from mere proximity?"

I'm glad you asked.

How about cinnamon buns?

...shaped like the Lombardi trophy?


Hang on a sec.

[googling "Lombardi Trophy"]



(P.S. - I know nothing about sports, but even *I* can tell that thing is a puddle of Terminator.)

Still, those buns have a few frosting-free spots on them. Can't have that, now, can we?

Say hello to my new favorite pyramid scheme!

I'd also like to note that this Baked Mountain is really living up to its initials.


Still, you know what we really REALLY need? the shape of a dragon. With bacon. And more frosting. And more bacon. And a creepy skeleton wedding topper.

Yeah. That would be pretty epic, alright.

[whistling innocently]

On the one hand, I am deeply ashamed that this exists in our society today.

On the other...



Thanks to Kelly M., Bethany T., Jenn B., Kimberly, Karen F., and Tim & Angella D. for revealing my secret shame.

« Trekkin' and Wreckin' | Main | A Fertile Imagination »

Reader Comments (113)

I don't get it. Yeah, they are ugly but your post seems to imply that there can be too much frosting.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLynne

Is that a severed finger with the dragon?

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTony

This morning "Opposites Attract" was playing in the drugstore. I finally mange to get the "2 steps forward" part out of my head and then I see the title for this blog post. I don't know why you're conspiring with my local drugstore to drive me insane, but please stop it!

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbiblioholic29

Sweet Jesus. Where do they get the ideas for these things? However, that donut mountain would probably be a huge hit in my office --- but we've got grad students, and they eat anything.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonkaloosa

At least the clown thingy has a smile on it,.. the rest yuck. I'm not sure about the silver spray paint on the "trophy" either.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

Bacon. On a cake? As somebody once said "Makes your arteries go *CLANG* just by looking at it."

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDocbanger

I am going on the theory that someone took a trip to a "real" bakery , saw a croquembouche and tried to recreate it, not understanding what it was meant to be.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHai Dee

I would totally eat that dragon. Mmmmmm, bacon! The rest, not so much. Because, yes, there can be too much frosting. Especially store frosting, which is made with shortening and is nasty. Mmmmmm, baaaaaacooooonnnnnnn.... (I haven't had breakfast yet; can you tell?)

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

I see nothing wrong with the donut pile. I am also intrigued by the brownie dipper... (says the 8-months pregnant lady)

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteraimee

I just fell into a diabetic coma, just by looking at them.

The Terminator myst be storred in a liquid metal container pronto.

Ew Frosting EWWWWWW

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterScifimom

The last one somehow reminded me of Trogdor Though I don't think Strongbad would approve :/

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnna N

Is that bacon with PEANUT BUTTER ON THE TAIL?!? .....Would you consider sharing the tail and a side order of angioplasty?

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

Is that dragon covered in peanut butter? I could swear that's a PBB (peanut butter+bacon) Dragon!

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen G

Thanks for the Lombardi Trophy link. I had no idea. Bonus: one of the images was of a "cake"

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJeanette

Ewwwwww.......and ewwwww again. Rinse and repeat.......

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJean Burke

Despite its serious lack of icing, this seems to go along with today's post (thanks for the link, this made me oddly happy to see).

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

Jen, you have made my day! I have always wanted to be an insolent mass, and now I are one!

And now, with apologies to Keats, Ode on a Grecian Dragon

Thou still unravish'd bride of baked goods,
Thou foster-child of dough and frosting,
Chinese wreckerator, who canst thus express
A dragon tail more sweetly yet accosting:
What bacon-fring'd legend haunt about thy shape
Of deities or mortals, or of both,
In temple or the dales of chapel?
What bride and groom are these? What couple loth?
What mad doughnut? What black squiggle to escape?
What piping of squiggles? What wild ecstasy?
Tasted dragons are sweet, but those un-iced
Are sweeter: therefore, ye bridesmaids, eat on;
Not to the sensual tongue, pulled, not sliced,
Pipe the black squiggle across the pink glaze:
Fair scales, atop doughnuts, thou canst not leave
Thy "cake," nor ever thy baconly ways;
Bold lover, never, mandible canst thou kiss,
Though winning near the cone - yet, do not grieve;
She cannot fade, though bones belie thy bliss,
For ever wilt thou stun, and bones be bare!

O dragon shape! Fierce attitude! with glaze
Of skeletal man and maiden overwrought,
With doughnut body doth induce malaise;
Thou, grotesque form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Baked Monster!
When old age shall this confection mold,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, enemy to man, to whom foretold,
"Ugly is real, real ugly," - that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDB

Can't... type... arteries... clogging.... while ... reading.... heart .... atta....................

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDi

I think that dragon is maple bars with bacon. mmmmm....bacon.....

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterginger

I honestly read Brownie Dipper as Brownie Diaper at first. Still kinda works.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Jen, you need to hit Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland, Oregon. We went there when we were on vacation because my hubby wanted the famous bacon doughnut (maple bar with bacon on it) and it was surprisingly good. The other one he had was a basic round with icing and a large handful of froot loops. I contented myself with a basic doughnut covered in crushed oreos and peanut butter. Very good but also very wrecky-looking...and you would love the names they come up with for their creations!

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarrieG

I think the dragon looks like maple frosted and vanilla frosted donuts... with bacon.


Everything else kinda makes me wanna ralph... especially the brownie dipper. I'm not sure what would be worse, if the middle is brownies or frosting.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterspectacledowl

Is that last one from Voodoo Doughnuts? If so, it kind of makes sense to have the little skeletons (they do voodoo weddings) and they make a maple-bacon doughut that is actually really awesome.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCris

That last photo of the dragon (and its description) almost made me lose my breakfast. I'm 7 months pregnant, but still!

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHelen

Although I can't see if the box is pink or not, so there's no way to be sure, that dragon HAS to come from Voodoo Donuts in Portland. It looks like it's made of Bacon Maple Bars, which are incredibly tasty. Because, bacon.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

I read Brownie DIAPER at first. Which isn't far off. Maybe for a baby PBB dragon.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

@ JEANETTE: Not only was one of the images made of a cake, but of a cake covered with BACON!

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonna`

As much as I love frosting, for the love god WHO THINKS OF THESE?!?!?!?! D:

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I have a sneaking feeling that the dragon came from VOODOO DOUGHNUTS in Portland, Oregon..>They have had such wonderful creations as bacon maple, captain crunch berry, and the "Memphis Mafia"...

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMerideth

'A puddle of Terminator"... snicker... giggle... snort... titter... guffaw..... (blinkblink).... BWA, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAHAAHAHahAHAHAHahHAhahAHAhahA...

Why do I think you've come up with the title for the next Train album?

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Despite having read this blog forever, I thought you were making up the bacon dragon. Then I scrolled down. O.O

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

A clown, a princess, a turkey, and Elmo? Must flee.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

There may indeed be no such thing as too much Buttercream icing, but there is definitely such a thing as too much "Buttercream" icing. That horrid stuff made with shortening - ick.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterspel chek

Sung To Feelings (with my deepest apologies – I loathe this song, but it fit…)

Frosting, pile on more frosting
Such INHUMAN INDECENCY, with frosting we love
Smearplops rolling down my cupcakes
Frosting covers best when dropped from above

Frosting, so much I’m diabetic
One more Baked Mountain and I’ll hurl
I’ll Never Eat Again

Frosting, wo-o-o frosting
So-o much frosting, I can’t feel my arms…

Frosting, wonder if I should have tossed you
The Brownie Dipper made me have two
Sharp pains in my heart

Frosting, gingerbread buried in it
I ate the silver cinna-swirl
Call 911 again!

Frosting, at the pyramid I lost it
That dragon is… is… Is that bacon?
I might just have a slice…

Frosting, wo-o-o frosting
So-o much frosting, it’s raising alarms


@Craig – Uh, Craig, Theardare called. He requested this song -- for you – and asked if I knew the words to Copacabana. Then he muttered something about Room 101 and World Domination and hung up. Is everything OK?

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Except for pinhead clown, which is just creepy, and the Lombardi Trophy, which I saw as something else (maybe because I went to the urologist yesterday), I see wonderous messy treats, crying out for ice cream... ideal for a holiday week-end...and a second coronry stent.... And I just know there's a Stevie Nicks comment somewhere in that dragon, stop dragon, stop dragon my bacon around.... naw...I'll leave it to the professional....

@Sharyn --- re Wisconsin: last night on Jimmy Fallon there was a girl from Eau Claire, Wisconsin, and, ironically, that's where I grew up...
@ Barbara Anne -- as far as I'm concerned, you're an honorary Wisconsinite...

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

The dragon is from Oregon's own VooDoo Doughnuts. They do wedding stuff too (which is what this must have been for). I can tell it theirs because a) the maple-bacon bar flavor, on of their specialties, and b) the "Blunt" doughnut seen next to the dragon.
Look 'em up. They're a hilarious bunch.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Someone else used to say "Let's focus on the positive" a lot, and you got rid of her...

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJo

The dragon wedding donuts look like a Voodoo Donuts (Portland OR) creation. They are known for their bacon-topped maple bars as well as for being a fun and inexpensive wedding venue. Go Voodoo Donuts!!

The unfortunate-looking Lombardi trophy buns reminded me of the Metalocalypse episode where they frosted a cake with mercury, accidentally poisoning the party guests.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCatTrampoline

I don't have much to add to that accept for it is a mess. lol However, for what ever reason rather than making me sick, I am hungry now. I guess that might be because it is near lunch time. lol

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

"Dibs on the tail!" ROTFL!!!!

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I agree with Lynne. There is NEVER too much frosting! I would eat (ummm...devour) each and every one of those "cakes". The bacon on the doughnut cake is pure genius!

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMellissa Rose

Am I the only one who sees stringy red hair, green eyes, and an agonized screaming orange mouth on that topmost mountain cupcake, as if it had suddenly become aware of its own existance?

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShyLittleSquid

I'm pretty sure that dragon is made of bacon maple bars from Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland, OR ( They also do weddings there. Bacon maple bars are one of the most delicious things ever invented.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPixel

I suspect that's actually maple glaze on the dragon, a la Maple Bacon Donughts.

In which case OH MY GOD I want it now.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnya

I'm with Jasry. Yes, there can be too much frosting when it's basically hydrogenated oil (think: plain Crisco) with refined sugar. Oh, and artificial color and flavorings. This. is. not. food.
I think I'd actually rather eat the little plastic doodads. Or severed fingers.
No, actually, I think I'll skip dessert tonight, thanks.

(Waiting for Sharyn's song today. No pressure, Sharyn!!)

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFM

The peanut butter is clearly Epcot.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I actually think the clown is kinda cute as far as clowns and CCCs (patooie!) go.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh524

AH the "Brownie Dipper." Anything with that many ingredients HAS to be good for you.

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I had some witty comment about the trophy one really being some variation of kings cake, and the tiny headed gingerbread cookies, but the donut dragon has rendered me speechless. OMG, I can't someone would really admit to eating that!!!!

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

@mel -- We were neighbors. I'm from Wausau.

@Barbara Anne -- What mel said (we were separated at birth, after all...)

May 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

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