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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May142010

What $1,000 Gets You In Texas

Groom's cake: $400


Wedding cake: $600

Having the two biggest wrecks in a state where everything's bigger?

Priceless.


(Okay, not really; it's a thousand dollars.)


Thanks for putting those Longhorn cakes in perspective, Shelley G.

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Reader Comments (145)

Oh man. I'm pretty sure I've frosted cakes better than the groom's cake!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

And those are considered *professional* cakes. YIKES.

However, the tuxedo strawberries look nice.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDebbraSue

On the bright side - it seems like their tuxedo chocolate covered strawberries turned out well!

Does the 2nd one actually say "Crousty" & Jim? Good Grief! I also noticed a new car manufacturer on the groom cake, I guess a "Toyot" is a smaller version of a Toyota?

vs - hospholi, as in where the cake decorator would be after the bride was finished with her

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh wow! There has to be more of a story to these cakes! A probably sad to the bride, but funny to everyone else story.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenniffer

Oh no!

I agree; the strawberries look yummy :)

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlysa

Folks, you're overreaching. Those strawberries are a mess. They only look good when you put them next to those cakes.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

You know, the second cake isn't nearly as wreck-tastic as the first one. *shudder*

Not that the second one isn't as bad, but I actually don't think I'd guess they were done by the same person (maybe they weren't?)

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

So, what do you do when you've got two really ugly cakes? Chuck random rose petals all over the place and hope they'll distract people.

Is that a beaver or a woodchuck on top of that police badge?

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Look, I'm just a mom who bakes cakes at home for family and church functions, and I wouldn't send one that is frosted that badly! Talk about embarrassing...

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I really hope that bride got back at least some of her money! Those are awful!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMike and Lisa

wOw, I'm not sure the wedding cake should be considered a wreck... nor should it cost $600 or well anything really (maybe a nice gesture from your friendly bakery), but still not a wreck... the grooms cake on the other hand, is a wreck, in fact I would say it has enough wreck in it for both of the cakes...

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVeggieT

They paid $1000 for those?!?! Who are these people, and why can't I find customers who will settle for crap like that?!?!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

I would love to see a pic of the bride and groom....camo wedding gown??

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKirwansmom

Wow...just wow. I think I may forgo putting out the cake at the wedding and call myself a rebel.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKat

OMG... I like pink; but between the walls the table coverings and the cake there is just too much pink.

And the ghastly red faux flowers hanging from the wall behind the cake table don't help a bit.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterECL 1996

Holy toledo!! Is that supposed to be a car on the groom's cake?? I seriously thought it was a cassette tape!
That stuff had better of tasted good... because otherwise there's zero redeeming quality!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEasilyTIMted

A THOUSAND DOLLARS? Surely you jest.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNani

I'm from Texas. It is great here, no doubt, but man, we sure can wreck hard! Yikes! Double wow, I'm from Fort Worth (born and raised) where wreck #1 is from.... facepalm*

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney C.

*tap,tap,tap*

Is this thing on?

Are you guys kidding me with the whole "The squished pink $600 wedding cake that a right handed five year old decorated with his left hand blindfolded is NOT a wreck?!?!"

Really?!

Well, apparently, today must be National Sunshine Happy Joy day and nobody told me.

Wreck On!

john

This is the SAME WEDDING???! AHH! Oh, I can tell it is by the tuxedo-sportin' strawberries on the table. Oh, the horror...

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Q.

I was hoping that $1000 was a joke....but from John's post there, I'm thinking it's not! Holy. Crap. I've done about 20-25 cakes now, and the kick the A$$ of either of those cakes (but hello, especially the Groom's cake-did they even ATTEMPT to smooth it out????) The most I've made on a cake so far? $50. Heck, with my skills, I could have charged these morons $5000. :)

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterQuisty

Yikes! If these are the cakes served at a wedding, that's grounds for divorce before the reception is even over.

Tamara Mitchell

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Please tell me they sued, or didn't pay, one of the two....

WV: chper. I could have made better cakes for chper than those two.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMike Owens

:O
That is right shameful.

I'm no Martha Stewart, but even *I* could slap frosting on smoother than that first globulosity (groom's cake). And wtf with the the barbells and gadgets? ("Look! The groom has HOBBIES! He's still HIMSELF, even as he gives up his freedom.")
Yay for him.
I like the top and bottom layers of the wedding cake, in the way that I like Dr. Seuss illustrations. Funky-quirky. The middle layer is "eh." Or "unh"...like a punch in the stomach.
Is it Sunday yet?

=^e.e^=

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Now, I've not had a wedding myself...but I'd like to think if the baker showed up with that groom's cake, somebody who loves me would toss the cake in their face, demand the money back, and run down to WalMart for a plain ol' sheet cake with flowers already on it.

Those cakes show lots of bad judgement, from the bride, to the baker, to whoever accepted the delivery.

wv: addon "If we just put more of these addons, no one will notice the frosting crevices!"

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

@Jasry- LOL! My sentiments exactly! :0D

And that second cake is most definitely a wreck! Especially if they charged SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS for it!!!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

I really want to know: what are the contracts brides/grooms make with bakers? Because I'm assuming these people pay up front, and to pay up front and have something like that delivered seems like some kind of breach of contract. Can you get your money back?

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCeci

These didn't look so bad until I enlarged the photos to see the details. Looks like a case of overwarm-overhumidified fondant... but I think the decorator's heart was in the right place. The worst part is the maiming of the bride's name... "Gloriosity"???

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPurplewalls

I have a taller version of the pink cake topper in my garden.
The cats like to play with it.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDecadent Housewife

OMG. That cake decorator? I would kill her with fire. After I got my money back.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterApril

Back story: I'm a liberal arts major with no hopes of a high paying career. Whenever I read about someone raking in major dough for something that doesn't seem that hard, I've been known to say, "Boy, I picked the wrong career."

So let me just say, "Boy, I picked the wrong career." Do you know how hard it is to beg and plead for $1000 worth of fellowships? Do you know how long those applications take? Yet this wreckerator got $1000 for maybe a day's worth of sloppy work.

I totally picked the wrong career... *pout*

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Is this a joke? I made a wedding cake for a friend and I kid you not, it looked a hundred times better than this crap. Her mom gave me $150 and I was thrilled to get it--paid for my expenses. Those cakes are butt-ugly and not worth $100, much less $1,000. Damn!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJelliDonut

I'm with you Anne, I'm definitely in the wrong job...I charge less than that for a painting that's taken me weeks.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Hee hee--Hey, John...How does one go about blindfolding a hand?

But I know what you mean! Really!

And it's NOT "National Sunshine Happy Joy day" either! Far from it!

Grrrrr! Roar. (There. I feel better.)

=^~.-^=

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

well, y'know, there's no accounting for taste. sigh.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

Hey John (the hubby of Jen), did that kid really have his left hand blindfolded? No wonder he had problems!

I thought the barbells on the groom's cake were ice cream cones at first, though why they'd have 100 written on ice cream baffled me. And I think the animal on the badge is a woodchuck, because a beaver would have a bigger tail, right?

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

wow...I'm guessing, hoping, that the heat had something to do with the bloated brides cake, but being from Texas myself, fort worth in fact, like our unfortunate groom! I'm thinking that surely Texas wreckerators could learn to account for the heat. no?

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Sendingtheclowns,

Sure, maybe I'm not "smart" and I don't use "correct grammar" or know how to "type" without looking at the "key" "board" but that don't mean that I don't not speak good English good.

;P

john

Keeley,

A good rant ignores sentence structure. Oh, and I'm a little French so my subject placement is tainted. I remember, as a child, I shouted to my English professor Mom, "Throw it down the stairs the pillow would you?"

Then she was all, "What?!"
And I was all, "You heard me!"
And then I distinctly remember a boot to the head.

YAH YAH!

john

Well maybe an older, inexperienced friend voluntee... well no... There was payment. Toyota was missing a letter, the frosting looked as if someone applied it with a toilet brush... So, therefore, it has earned the title of "One Hot MESS!" (actually two).

Burning questions: Are the "shots" on the quilted layer made of chocolate chips? (organ chord!)

Are there gummy Skeletons hanging from the Pink topper? (DOUBLE organ Chord!!!) aaaaaaaand...

[x-fade to ECU of pink 'cake'. SHOCK ZOOM on a THREE COUNT]

Will Christy EVER be able to read her own name in icing again without moderate seizures and explosive diarrhea???

(TRIPLE organ chord!!!!!!)

The answers to all these questions and more, when "Cake Wrecks" returns after a word from our sponsors.

just. wow.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTruthseekerLA

WTF? $1000?????

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Well, I could tell you what the...um...decorator?....did wrong, but it's truly pointless because at some point they stood back, dusted off their hands and said, "Yep, that'll do pig, that'll do." I have a seriously difficult time believing a)someone actually charged $1000 for those; and b) someone actually paid $1000 for those. It's a tragedy.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFerralyn

@ John,

LOL!!!

Don't feel too bad! Everybody has something they do good--
Like, I wish *I* could do that thing YOU do with quotation marks.
That's really fancy...I'll never be THAT good.
=^~.~^=

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

If you can charge $400 for that grooms cake then I am going into buisness. My 11 yr old can frost a cake better than that, and we'll be rich LOL

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershann106

ok id be yelling for a refund and make my own bloody cake or have a 12 year old try at it im sure they could do better

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCakeWarrior

Ha! That "woodchuck" on the badge is supposed to be a panther (I googled it)! And I had no idea those things on the right were barbells. Can anyone tell is a specific song is listed on the iPod? I hope this cake tastes like chocolate heaven because it looks like poop.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDarling One

Are you kidding me?! Where to start? Did you see the quilting pattern on the wedding cake? And my four-year-old could do better piping. $600? Seriously??

A friend and I just did our first wedding cake last week. We got $130 for it! And it looks much, much better than that!! Check it out:
http://cakesbybrandyandkim.blogspot.com/2010/05/pearls-and-bow.html

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrandy

Definitely wrecks. But the biggest wrecks in Texas? I doubt it. Surely there's one of those bride-dragging-groom, antler-and-shotgun-shell bedecked, frosted-in-camo cakes down there somewhere.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

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