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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May142010

What $1,000 Gets You In Texas

Groom's cake: $400


Wedding cake: $600

Having the two biggest wrecks in a state where everything's bigger?

Priceless.


(Okay, not really; it's a thousand dollars.)


Thanks for putting those Longhorn cakes in perspective, Shelley G.

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Reader Comments (145)

Wow, that first one is HORRENDOUS.

The wedding cake looks like it had potential, actually. I like the pink and brown (though I would have used a paler shade of pink). It's just a shame they couldn't have found someone with a little more talent xD

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Well, I've got to think that maybe the bride and groom were actually doing the wreckerator a favor and giving them a $1000 scholarship to cake decorating school in exchange for the "before" cakes...and hopefully they will then get some very nice "after" cakes as a "thank you" for a future anniversary party. Otherwise they've just been robbed...

WV: oseck--"Oseck, look at our cakes!"

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow, I think I've been on this site too long since I thought, "that wedding cake isn't thaaaat bad!". OK, the bride's taste is questionable if she selected a cake quite that pink, the writing is a mess, and the bottom layer is collapsing (Texas summer heat, which I learned about last week? Although I still think that they should have planned it better since the top dome is fine!).

Now, the groom's cake... wow. I thought the barbells were gambling coins until I clicked on the picture, a Toyota FJ's front end does NOT resemble a cassette tape, and the "cookies" of decoration aren't even rolled flat. And do NOT qualify as decoration! Seriously... like many others here, I'm an amateur, but I've produced better cakes. Even my "wreck" cakes are better! When appearances matter, my baking looks fine-- although my emphasis will always be on taste over looks! I just hope that the cakes tasted wonderful, that Texas bakery prices are over-inflated, and that the wedding party only intended to buy delicious cakes and didn't ante up for attractive. I hope?

WV: psyno-- when faced with a groom's cake like this, just psyno.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Oh good grief! All that pink is making me think of Pepto Bismol, which is what I need after seeing these wrecks.

Ok, I will say one positive thing about it. August 15 is a great date. That is the day I got married to my wonderful husband. Luckily our cake was a lot nicer. It almost wrecked because some idiot put it on a rickety table.

I hope Jim & Christy's marriage is a good one, after that wreck of a cake they deserve some good marriage juju.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPhoenyx

drgns4vr said...
"I know the official animal on that groom's cake is supposed to be a panther, but I am voting for the Giant Sloth."

I agree! I guessed either a beaver or a woodchuck, but it looks more like a Giant Sloth. Yes, having grown up near Fort Worth, I know one of Fort Worth's nicknames is Panther City (apparently there were actual panthers walking the town's streets in the early days), but that ain't no panther on that cake.

Miradwyn said...
"Wow, even if the pink cake wasn't collapsing in on itself it would be a wedding wreck. It looks like the birthday cake of girlie girlie 13 year old."

Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. Now I'm certain the bride must BE a girlie girlie 13-year-old. If the groom is also about 13, that would explain all the stuff on his cake, too.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I'm guessing that the bride's colors were "Blush" and "Bashful". Too bad they look so similar to Pepto Bismal pink!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercraftinqueen75

Oh I feel sooo sorry for the bride and groom. Those cakes look like a high school freshman in Home-ec attempted to copy something they saw online after one day of class.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCameo

They paid?? There *has* to be a backstory, cause...damn!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaaren

I have a term for cakes like that. They're "monkey iced," as in, they look like a monkey (possibly a drunken one) did the honors. If that's the real price for those two, someone needs to ask for a refund, unless they DO like monkey-iced cakes.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKara

That's so sad-- they would have done better ordering a tiered buttercream cake from Kroger!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow. That's criminal. I feel so lucky that I had a gorgeous wedding cake, despite the fact that I had to order it from almost 3,000 miles away. (Destination wedding.) Check those references, brides and grooms! (And, my cake was only $500!)

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. DeRaps

A tablecloth might have helped. And a fresh coat of paint on the church basement walls. Ok, maybe not.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn H

You know, since moving to Texas, I've gotten pretty sick of the "big" thing. Firstly, bigger isn't always better (just ask my butt!).

Secondly, it's not all that big. My home province of Ontario is bigger, as is my husband's home state of New South Wales. Heck, Texas isn't even the biggest US state...Alaska is.

I can't believe those cakes cost $1000 but members of my local cake club have said nobody around here could get away with charging anything close to that for something much nicer! Yikes!

Plus we all know John is allergic to Texas...are his allergies maybe bigger here? ;)

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

I really hope they demanded at least some of their money back. That's ridiculous!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKassie

Someone charged $1000 for those? That should be a crime. What is the pink cake even supposed to look like? I want to say pillows with ugly squiggles on them, but I don't even know.

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIngeborg

craftinqueen75 said...
"I'm guessing that the bride's colors were "Blush" and "Bashful"."
******************
Hmmmm....I was thinking more along the lines of "Dopey" and "Sleazy."
(YOU know--some of the OTHER dwarves?)

=^-.-^=

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

If only the 5 other layers of the 2 cakes looked as decent as the top layer of the wedding cake...

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrietastic

lumpy cake=bad
ugly cookies=bad
spiral cartoon pubes???=unforgivable

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPumpernickel Pickle

$1000? For that? SERIOUSLY??!!! So, who do you blame here--the baker, or the person(s) who PAID for it?!!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurel H.

Everything about these pictures suggest the bride and groom were on a budget. Nothing wrong with that! But to pay $1000? Come on!

May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

What on earth happened to the groom's cake? It looks cracked and just plain horrible almost like it fell off the table and someone quickly put it back hoping no one would notice the damage.. and that pink wedding cake?? Scary.

May 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Are you kidding me??? Who did they hire? Wow, if that was my wedding I would have been pissed! Those two cakes are sooooo not worth $1000... it had to have been a relative.

check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

May 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~Nikki~

Hilary, you do realize when I say, "I picked the wrong career" it's a joke, right? Obviously if I had the talent required I would have picked that career - and done decently at it. And then it wouldn't have been the wrong career. The fact that I announced I'm a liberal arts student should have tipped you off that I'm lacking in such talents...

Sigh. Cake decorators should know that we really do appreciate those with good talents, but at the same time we reserve the right to snicker at those who don't have them but charge as if they do. That's why I come to this blog...

May 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Shouldn't any animal on a police badge be a badger??

*laughs at own stupid observation, made while out of coffee*

May 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

6 boxes of cake mix & 2 cans of frosting - $20.

Of course, I never voted for George Bush, either.

May 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPickyknitter

After re-reading all the comments, I've come to the conclusion that this decorator had been watching "Ace of Cakes" on Food Network.

The Charm City Cakes website says the starting price for their cakes is $1,000, so this decorator offered a BOGO deal -- buy one for $1,000 and get the second one free.

Too bad he/she wasn't able to copy the excellent work of the CCC decorators who, if you listen to the opening credits, are art majors. Duff Goldman is the only baker in the bunch. (Note to Jen: this CCC does not mean cupcake cakes. Relax. Deep breath.)

He/she also didn't watch the program carefully to see them put dowels in the cakes to support their weight and sometimes wait to stack the cakes until they are at the reception site.

It is hard to believe that someone would actually have ordered from this decorator if they had ever seen his/her work. Pitiful, just pitiful.

May 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

*disclaimer* PMS hacked my computer.

Here in this blessed country we know for a FACT that no matter how closely these cakes resemble booty, chocolate frosting makes up for it all.
So, yeah the cakes are....uh....well, there really aren't words, BUT! they are frosted! In. Chocolate.
God Bless the USA. And God bless chocolate frosting. Especially the kind with the mini chips in it.

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

But it's clearly the bride's fault! She should have checked the baker's portfolio! And paid more for a higher-quality cake! You pay a mere thousand dollars for dessert, and of COURSE you're going to end up with stuff like... that. Yeah!

(Sorry, the thread seemed to be lacking the usual contingent of "the bride was a stupid slacking cheapskate" posts. Whether you paid $150 or $600, professional wrecks like these are inexcusable.)

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, the pink monstrosity is absolutely a Wreck. Unless the bride's 3-yo child made it, not the alleged 'professional'.

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

It makes me sad whenever there's "victim-blaming" with the wedding wrecks. Either the bride and groom must have been cheapskates to get what they got, or - in this case, when we know what was paid and can't make that conjecture - they were "morons" for paying, or letting the cake get put out on display.

A lot of bakeries require most if not all of the money up front for this kind of thing (in my experience, apparently some must be different, judging by the comments). Given that on your average wedding day there're a million things to get done and an epic level of stress for everyone involved, I'm really not surprised that the cake would get put out, no matter how wrecky it was. At that late stage in the game all you can do is pray it tastes better than it looks (and of course take a picture to send in to CakeWrecks).

I'd hope someone would be able to demand a partial refund at least, but again, considering Wedding Stress, I wouldn't blame the couple if they just chalked it up to a pricey lesson learned about selecting a baker. I certainly wouldn't be so quick to judge or insult the couple, as NOBODY deserves a wreck on their wedding day.

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh my! Those cakes! If you only could find such cool things in Sweden :(

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSilla

ok. i guess i figured out how it is possible that those two cakes could have been "payed for" 1,000 dollars:

the money was a donation to the school for kids with disabilities that made the cakes as a project in house keeping class. so, considering this they really came out nice. especially the brides cake.

at least that is what i'm choosing to believe as that will stop me smashing my head on my keyboard repeatedly.

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterwiesoauchimmer

Flamingo
I made a cake for my daughter's birthday and I was in a rush, I did better than that, and she paid $400! Poor girl!

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRed

Those strawberries are supposed to be wearing tuxedos? I thought they were little faces, their mouths frozen in tiny "O!"s of horror at those awful cakes.
They must have good taste.

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBlue Jean

I once had an expensive, horrible cake experience, regardless of having researched the bakery. When I asked for a partial refund, the bakery only would offer more future cake, as if anyone would take them up on that, considering the work they'd just shown. I should have taken it, though, and then I should have proceeded to pelt the manager with big handfuls of it. I have the feeling that no jury would have convicted me. :(

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Someone made these for a *cop* and his bride's wedding. Huh.

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

YIKES!!!!!!!!!! Those bakers should really look into a different profession.

May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

That poor bride, she didn't shop around. I'd have cwapped up her cakes for less than a quarter of what she paid . . .

May 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

I'm surprised at the folks who think the top dome of the wedding cake is OK. Even before looking at the enlarged photo, you can see that the squares of the "quilting" are all uneven rather than uniform. If you look at the larger version, you can see how all the...well, I'll call them buttons, not knowing the proper term...are not round and are also not uniform in shape or size. And that topper. EEEEK!

WV: upermaxi - what we women sometimes need at "that time" of the month

June 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So the groom's cake is meant to explain to anyone who a.) doesn't already know and b.) cares anyway, what the groom's hobbies are. Check.

The groom's hobbies include: having something to do with the Fort Worth Police department (shouldn't that be a 'job'?) and listening to an I-Pod. Kewl.

I know everything is bigger in Texas, but 100 lb. hand weights? It is difficult to see how something in such a small form factor could be that heavy.

What I initially was certain was a cassette tape turns out to be the front of a 'Toyot' (let's hear it for click-to-enlarge). So this adds 'driving an obscure vehicle' to the hobbies list, which completes the groom's portrait.

I saw the big '15' on the wedding cake and almost panicked (Total size of the blended family? The bride's age?), but then I saw the 'August' to the left. If this were just a cake, $600 would be way out of line. But since it also reminded guests what month and day it was, the price is justified. You can't get a calendar cake just anywhere, you know. Perhaps the date on the cake is a mnemonic device for the groom...

November 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

To Darling One:
I can't read the title but the song is something from the Goo Goo Dolls. Song starts with an S if it helps :)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKat

I like Heidi's comment the best! :-) I mean, either that cake decorator was planning to leave Dallas/DFW ASAP anyway, or s/he hates police officers & has a LOT OF BALLS! :-) Never, ever, EVER *iss off a police officer! You're just asking for it and you WILL be sorry... (And thanks to all the very, very, VERY GOOD and UNDERSTANDING police officers out there who risk EVERYTHING to protect and to serve us. Especially the one that let me off with a warning when I was driving hubby home from the doctor's one time. Another time, another one let me off with a bad tail light and EXPIRED insurance since it was only 1 day out of date & I had the other card @ home. I had hubby fix the light & I put the new card in my wallet that very night! :-)

April 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

I am a home baker. I do way better than this, thank goodness. But I would love to get $600 for a wedding cake and $400 for a groom's cake with my talent. OMGoodness. I hope they were paying for flavor, although I'm thinking there were no cake cutting photos... it does make you wonder what the happy couple looked like though.

April 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTop That! Cake Designs

Kat (and Darling One)- the Goo Goo Dolls song is 'Slide'

April 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterColin M

Why on earth do people take these cakes and actually use them. I'd go without before I'd place this mess in my wedding.

May 22, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercrystal

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