Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May242010

The Baby Cake Gets Cut Down to Size

You know how sometimes you see a baby cake that's not too horrendously awful, and your first reaction is something like,

"
Aw, just lookit that face! Who's a cute widdle boopsie woopsie baby? Is it you? Yes, it's you!!"


(Actually, sorry, that's John talking to our cats. My bad.)

Anyway, my point is that while some of these baby cakes might be just the teensiest bit cute, you have to remember one very important thing:

It's all fun and games 'til you cut the cake.

Yes, I have an example. Brace yourself.

Here we have the standard old man baby cake:

I say we call him Benjamin. ('Cuz he's cute as a Button!)

[Quick side note: in case you're wondering, as I did, why he's on a food court tray: it turns out that's a new type of cake board popping up in bakeries. Weird, I know. Ok, sorry to interrupt. Let's move on.]

And just so you get the full effect:

Just lookit that face!

No really, look at it. Aren't you glad the eyes aren't open?

[shiver] Whoah. I just gave myself the willies. (Or should I call them the "bennies?")



Okay. So, ├╝ber realistic baby. Been there, done that. However, here's where things get...

...cutting.

I would insert some side-splitting commentary here about how stabbing someone in the back always gets you the cold shoulder in the end - but as you can see, there's no need. He's already "waist"ing away!


Oh, Oh! Wait! I have one more:

Hey, Benji! You just got served!

Bwahahahahahaahaa!

Ah, I crack myself up sometimes.


Anyway, we still haven't gotten to the worst part yet. The worst part actually, literally, in real reality, honestly gave John nightmares. Seriously. So now he won't let me post it here. Instead, I'm going to link to it. But please, all joking aside, choose your clicks wisely. I'm here to make you laugh, not give you nightmares - and this thing puts the "ick" in "squicky."

Ok, enough warnings (since I'm sure they're having the opposite affect anyway): Click here to see the final photo.

Thanks to Kimberley K., who will never again say to a child, "I could just eat you up!"

Note from John: I initially made that last picture a separate post and linked to it, not realizing it would show up in Google readers before the actual post. Oops. Sorry to those of you who clicked on it with no warning! Oh and if the new link doesn't work, you may have to refresh the page.

« The CW Book Tour, Part Three | Main | The LOST Sweets »

Reader Comments (270)

O. M. G. NO!!! Poor lil baby!!!! I agree with Kira-at least it was red velvet!!!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbetty crocker

Awesome! I needed a boost to my diet! Thanks for reminding me and enforcing that cake is out!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulie U

I had kind of decided not to click on the link. Then I read the comments and decided I absolutely will not, ever, never, click the link. If it is that disgusting, it obviously should be banned by law, and the baker should be committed to the State Home for the Criminally Ill-Advised.

wv: molla
Holy, molla, that link must be disgusting.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

This just reinforces my belief that Cakes should not, under any circumstances or for any reason, look like animate living things. No cake babies, cake brides, cake dogs, cake cats, cake caterpillers, cake butts, armadillos, etc.

Cake should look, in my opinion, just like something I want to eat...like CAKE! I'm all about the killing, mutilation and happy, happy eating of CAKE.

Not babies. No eating of babies!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSherri

Maybe it's a celebration cake for an anniversary of Jonathon Swift's work?

mocking

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love babies.......but I can never eat a whole one.

(very old joke I know, but so fitting......)

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Quite possibly one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. *shudder*

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJacqui

SO WRONG. JUST SO WRONG.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenni

I consider myself tough, so I scoffed "how bad could it be?" as I clicked on the link.

It was worse.

I clicked back as quickly as I could, before the image had a chance to fully embed in my brain. Tonight under the covers with the lights out, we'll see how successful that was. *shudder*

Courtney

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterC

I'm not sure which would be more disturbing: getting served part of the face or the seat of the diaper.

I'm inclined towards the diaper.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

I just happen to have a four-month-old son named Benjamin nursing in my lap right now. And After seeing those pictures, I think I might never let him out of my arms!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

If I'm not mistaken, this is the precise reason Duff Goldman refused to make "people" cakes. Though apparently he has no problem with you hacking up your favorite pet in cake form.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Wow, I took your tale of John's woe for hyperbole, but... looking at that photo reminded me of that time I spent two days reading through random SCP's (scp-wiki.wikidot.com/ ; an entertaining and sometimes totally creeptastic wiki) and then had to sleep at my parents' because I had wigged myself out that badly.

[insert winky face here to imply this story could also be hyperbole]

Here's hoping I forget that photo before bedtime!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

My face froze in horror for a few brief seconds. *shudders*

@ Anon at 11:08am - Brilliant!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie :)

I am reminded of the Star Trek episode where Brent Spiner is a cake and other cast members are eating him.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJohnnyb

I'm reminded of the Star Trek episode where Brent Spiner is made into a cake and other crew members are eating him. That is what that picture reminds me of.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJohnnyb

I think we should all be thankful that they decided against a strawberry filling.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

Ah! my eyeballs are burning!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

omg, when is it a good idea to make a cake like that. Im pretty sure i could even bring my self to have a piece of that.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

ooh! sushi! (last photo)

at least it wasn't red velvet cake...

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Let's stick to plastic babies in cakes. You know, the kind you remove before cutting. Those are just wrecky. This IS the stuff of nightmares!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKristine

Aaaaaaaaah! *screams and runs and hides*

Tishana

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter@tishushu

I find this cake inspiring.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJonathan Swift

EEEEEEWWWWWWW!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

Uh,um, oh my, uh, why?

All I could do after I saw the last picture was laugh at how gross and ridiculous it all was...and disturbing.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Could this post be sent out to all bakeries with the skill to make a realistic-looking baby cake, as a public service advisory to NEVER, EVER, make a cake of a person that will then be sliced up and served?

The thoroughly inept bakeries, of course, are entirely welcome because we can happily laugh and then mock them without getting queasy first :)

PS and since nobody's mentioned it... baby that young sleeping face down, not a good idea. "Back to sleep" prevents SIDS. Another public health message for the day :)

PPS Loved CarrieP's and CarolineB's comments

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Was that last picture from "Saw"?

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

Argggghhh!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkim

oh come on, it'll take more then that gros....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteracertainjustice

That is possibly the most disturbing cake that I've ever seen. Who would eat that? Can you imagine if you were served the face? AAAHHHH!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterReading Rachel

The cake is just ridiculous...doesn't everyone know you're supposed to put babies down on their backs, not their tummies. C'mon, people!

Picture #2 reminded me of Tom Petty's "Don't Come Round Here No More" video from back in the day.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHH! My eyes! My eyes! That cake is disturbing on so many levels. Put this in the category of "Things you can't Un-See."

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

all I can say is... that's a nice bread knife.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfaunablues

SUSHI BABY!!!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlea

Ummmmm.....creepy is not the right word. IT was horrid. I clicked on the link thinking....hey how bad could it be....its just cake. WRONG! I WAS SO WRONG. Some people are sick.

What is worse is they ate it....so wrong.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOlive

I will never look at a baby cake the same again. Never. Bluhh!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Ummmmm, ick! Life-like baby cakes give me the willies!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterqueeniek

JohnnyB, it was Troi who was the cake...but that wasn't half as disturbing as this was. *shudder*

Quit talking about sushi, people, please? *big eyes* I adore sushi. If I connect it with this cake, will I ever be able to eat it again???

Seriously...creeeeeeeeeeeepy. So very wrong. Genuinely scary.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

I actually came across this cake photo when I was researching ideas for my sister's baby shower cake. It creeped me waaaaay out BEFORE I saw it hacked to pieces!!! I joked to my friends: What kind of people would willingly want to HACK into that? And who gets the hiney? Blech. Seriously, seriously wrong.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterQuisty

Perfect cake for a Jonathan Swift/ "A Modest Proposal" party! See! We can give this a posative take!!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeele

Yea...um..I don't know how anyone can enjoy cutting that cake. Wonder who got to eat the eye. *shudders*

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shouldn't have clicked on the link. I'm going to be sick.

Reminds me of the display at the Field Museum of Natural History (in Chicago) that had 2 human bodies cut into cross sections - one horizontally and one vertically - so you could see what was inside.

Now we know why babies are so sweet - inside of them is cake.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLet Them Eat Cake

I wonder if it's a cellular peptide cake.

With mint frosting.

(Kudos to those who get the reference. You rock.)

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterZealofZebras

*looks at last picture* ACK!!! O_O That is just so very, very wrong...

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!! That's so awful!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

I sometimes feel like y'all are more easily creeped out or grossed out than I would be, but that last one definitely made me uneasy. Yuck-o. I totally get where you're coming from.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Beware the link. It cannot be un-seen.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpauraque

Creepy doesn't begin to describe that. There's no way I could eat much less hack into one of those!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

So, so very wrong.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennie

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>