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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Nov092017

The Baby Cake Gets Cut Down To Size

You know how sometimes you see a baby cake that's not too horrendously awful, and your first reaction is something like,

"
Aw, just lookit that face! Who's a cute widdle boopsie woopsie baby? Is it you? Yes, it's you!!"

(Actually, sorry, that's John talking to our cats. My bad.)


Anyway, my point is that while some of these baby cakes might be just the teensiest bit cute, you have to remember one very important thing:

 

It's all fun and games 'til you cut the cake.
Yes, I have an example. Brace yourself.


Here we have the standard old man baby cake:

I say we call him Benjamin. ('Cuz he's cute as a Button!)


[Quick side note: in case you're wondering, as I did, why he's on a food court tray: it turns out that's a new type of cake board popping up in bakeries. Weird, I know. Ok, sorry to interrupt. Let's move on.]

 

And just so you get the full effect:

Just lookit that face!

 

No really, look at it. Aren't you glad the eyes aren't open?

[shiver] Whoah. I just gave myself the willies. (Or should I call them the "bennies?")



Okay. So, über realistic baby. Been there, done that. However, here's where things get...

...cutting.

 

I would insert some side-splitting commentary here about how stabbing someone in the back always gets you the cold shoulder in the end - but as you can see, there's no need. He's already "waist"ing away!


Oh, Oh! Wait! I have one more:

Hey, Benji! You just got served!

 

Bwahahahahahaahaa!

Ah, I crack myself up sometimes.


Anyway, we still haven't gotten to the worst part yet. The worst part actually, literally, in real reality, honestly gave John nightmares. Seriously. So now he won't let me post it here. Instead, I'm going to link to it. But please, all joking aside, choose your clicks wisely. I'm here to make you laugh, not give you nightmares - and this thing puts the "ick" in "squicky."

 

Ok, enough warnings (since I'm sure they're having the opposite affect anyway): Click here to see the final photo. Also there's a video if you're into that kind of thing...

Thanks to Kimberley K., who will never again say to a child, "I could just eat you up!"

*****

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« Nightmare On Elmo Street | Main | Expect Less. Laugh More. »

Reader Comments (30)

It looks like a gigantic shrimp sushi roll until you recognize the face.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJanna

I can just hear the sick folks who sat around to eat pieces of this cake.

"I got an earful."
"I got an eyeful."
"Don't give me any lip."
"I've got to hand it to you."
"Who's footing the bill for this?"
"I got a leg up on everyone else."
"Get back!"
"I don't have the stomach for this."

I'll leave the butt of the jokes for someone else.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMike

I didn't bother looking, but was that next slice filled with chocolate ganache? (gaaagck)

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Why?!?!?!?! Dear lord, why?? Cakes should look yummy, not like something from a creepy movie D:

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

What? Is wrong with these people?

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterGreeta

Nope. Not gonna. Can’t. Nope.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBiffster

So that's where the Snowpiercer line "I know what Babies taste like" comes from.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMealla

Eye yi yi.

I'll have a slice of nose, please.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKai Lowell

I don't like red velvet cake, but red velvet cake would have been SO appropriate!

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLisa H.

hey, that link wasn't so bad! I thought you were gonna say they filled it with raspberry jelly or something! (Oh shit, now I just gave someone an idea for the next one! At least wait until next Halloween!!)

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterdnana

I'd be that person who cues up a "baby crying" sound effect on my phone just as someone starts to cut it.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKJ

All I can say is: at least it’s not red velvet cake.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMshelton95

Meh. It would have been cooler if they had filled it with raspberry jam.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAmy C

Well executed but, "WHY??" indeed. (As I was fond of telling my (ever creative) kids when they were preteens and teens: Just because you *can* doesn't mean you *should*.)

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTheo Bromine

OH MY GOSH........Why?

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKelly L

Check out the spoof video linked within the video link. Nightmare fuel.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered Commentertiff

At least it didn't have raspberry filling

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJ

I used to be a nurse, it's hard to squick me out. Consider me squicked.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSarudo

A really, sick, horrible, crass part of me always hopes these are red velvet cakes.

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBeth C.

Is that a cellular peptide cake with mint frosting?

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterStephanieJ

WHY oh why did I look at that???? I'm not surprised that it gave John nightmares!

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAnne S.

Ya know, I may have been the only person to laugh during that video...anyways, wouldnt it be killer if it was red velvet cake with that gooey stuff inside running out? Too soon?

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJ'NaeNae

Stephaniej: mnmnt frothting

November 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

Oh man that was horrific. I clicked the link of course I did lol. Now I will be joining the nightmare club. That cake should haunt the ones that made it.. ugh.

November 10, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

My sense of humor demands that someone make a cake like that with red velvet lava filling.

November 10, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBergman

You would think I would know better after Jen's warning...squicky. Can not unsee!

November 10, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterkrunchifrog

That cake looks like a young Hank Hill.

November 10, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCreeped out

Seriously, why are people suddenly so squeamish about cutting and eating a cake just because it happens to be in the shape of a baby? I mean, why not? You'll happily enough cut and eat a cake in the shape of anything else! And without a thought. It's all just cake. CAKE!

November 11, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMia

I remember when you first posted this (I think it's a repost, or I'm having real strong Deja Vu) but since then I've watched Star Trek, and now I'm getting terrifying flashbacks to a certain episode of TNG... I think it's the one where Data dreams? or was it Ryker? Something about a cake Deeanna Troi...

November 11, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSam

Oh god, is that smörgåstårta?

November 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNoLongerBreathedIn

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