My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Magical Story of Labor Day

Ah, Labor Day. A day when we celebrate labor and all of its laborious labors.

And who among us hasn't labored over laborious labors at some point in our labors? Heck, you may be laboring right now! You might even be IN labor! And that's the labor regarding which I have begun to labor over this post. Laboriously. And from a guy's point of view.*

(*Bearing in mind that, since I AM a guy, I've never had to bear children myself - laboriously or otherwise.)

So it all starts innocently enough. There you are, minding your own business with your nicely chiseled six-pack...

...when BLAM!, some dude comes along and gets all up in your business!

Okay, that came out wrong.

The point is: you're pregnant. And now your belly looks like this:

Which kind of reminds me of this plumber I once knew...

Or, if you're of the clothing persuasion, like this:

Because pregnant ladies like to carry baby gherkins in their underwear.
You know, weird cravings and all that.

Anyway, a couple of weeks later the kid wants out:

In the worst way.

And NOW you're ready to labor laboriously. Which you might think would look like this:

"Aw! Just lookit that teensy tiny baby! I bet that didn't hurt a bit!"

Yeeeeah... no.

In reality, it tends to look more like this:

Only, you know, more goopiness, screaming, nudity, and the doctor's skin under your fingernails. Really, it's kinda like a SAW movie, except you can't sleep afterward because there's an unfamiliar person screeching in your room, as opposed to just in your nightmares.

And then, after all that hard labor, you have a beautiful baby:

Who may or may not kill you in your sleep.

I mean, probably not, but there's really no guarantee.

So anyway, good luck with that, and happy Labor Day!

Meredith, Stephanie A., Anony M., Gina R., Stephen, Ginn, & Julie W., may your labors never be in vain. Or in cake, for that matter.

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Reader Comments (96)

I can honestly say that these are the most horrific cakes I've seen on here. But to me, any body, birth, or baby cake is generally creepy.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWifeOfSeth

In number 4, are those little black squiggly lines supposed to be stretch marks?? In addition to the horror that is already that cake, they felt the need to include stretch marks?? Jerks.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDznyjenn

That last baby is SO scary.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

OMG, I just laughed so hard I almost went into labor! And I'm not even pregnant!

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

As someone who doesn't have and never wants kids, I agree with and fully enjoyed this post. Also, yeah, that last cake will give me nightmares...

wv: laugha -- It'sa me, Mario! I'ma laugha ata this post! :D

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Connor's cake was almost a respectable way to do a pregrant-belly cake -- nice flowers, too. Then they had to go and add the tiny figurine....

WV: deferven: It is deferven wish of the oublic that decorators stop making scary pregant-belly cakes.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

Thank you John so much for the flashbacks! I can't tell you just how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness! *stomps off, flailing arms, muttering about psychiatrists, PTSD and drugs*

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermorriganscrow

What's with that last one--the baby looks like it is crawling out of a drum, with its feet where its hands should be. Yikes! I wouldn't sleep in the same room with that, or eat it either.

And the pancaked Casper the Ghost giving birth?? Is that supposed to be a person?

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

Will show this to my teenage daughter. If this isn't effective birth control, I don't know what is. Gahhhhh!

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJelliDonut

If I laugh any harder, I'll be laboring too hard, thus negating the point of having work off on Labor Day. Must...stop...reading! :D

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ahhh, the little blessings of infertility. I'm gonna squeeze my adopted kids a little tighter today.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

oh man that was just too funny!

It is just so hard to believe that there are so many wrecks out there.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

omg! This post needs a warning! hahahahahaahahahahaaha

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie G.

WTF?!where are people getting their cake ideas from

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

In my defense, I did not know it was Labor Day when I was born on Labor Day. *grin*

If I knew then what I know now, I'd totally have tried to wait until Tuesday.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNimras

Boy, I wish I had grill marks on MY stomach like lady #1. (Shakes head sadly.)

Word verification: catump, which is the arbiter in a feline baseball game.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNYCGirl

I liked the "Welcome Connor" cake at first glance. At my second glance I still liked it if I held my hand over the place on the screen where the toy was. :P

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

Psycho-baby got too funny, thanks for the giggles this morning.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm with JelliDonut -- This is one of the best forms of birth control I've ever seen.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterReverend Ref +

I'm pregnant....and this is going to give me all sorts of nightmares... And concerns about the kind of cake that may be awaiting me at upcoming baby showers!

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

Is it just me or did the cake with the arms and legs sticking out give y'all AlienĀ® flashbacks?

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OK, Am I the only person who thought of "Alien" when reading this post!
Nope, there's one just at the end there! Phew!

PS There may be a whole lot more of us by the time this get's posted. But, so far, there's only 1!

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDrawn to Caricature

love it! though as a pregnant reader, I had to wonder if all these blog-induced belly-laughs are "safe". I guess they'd better be, because I can't stop reading!!

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSylph

Oh my...this are the most horrific baby shower cakes ever!

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Wait: picture #4, the one with the doll parts: it's from Breaking Dawn, isn't it??? It needs more blood, though...

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA Paperback Writer

Way to "belabor" the point, John! ;)

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKamayeth

Being in my second trimester, I found that censored cake to be positively the most horrifying sight of my pregnancy. And maybe my life.
Now all I have left to do is pray that my showers will be cake-less. Which is one of the saddest things I've ever wished for.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterM. Muenich

As someone without kids, and still debating whether to have or adopt them, this post is a definite "Check" in the "Pro" column for Adoption! LOL

wv: degam - Degam wreckerators are at it again!

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLis

HILARIOUS!! And frightening...oh so very frightening.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercrydwynn

Gotta say I'm longing for a link to the black boxed cake in all it's naked glory. I understand that we're staying more family friendly here but I'm curious.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNiteNurse

Holy. Crap.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Now in cake number 5 is that supposed to be a blanket draped over the pregnant woman. Please tell me it's a blanket and not some hideous 'oh no my skin is peeling off in large sheets' side effect of pregnancy?
And if it is a blanket, where does one get these oddly anatomically shaped blankets?

imagaine if babies where born that small ...

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTarri

All I can say is that I am sooooooooooooo thankful the hosts of my baby shower went with a basic grocery store bakery cake decorated with a Winnie the Pooh scene, complete with plastic characters stuck on top of it...

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLadybug914

I am soooooooooo glad that when I had my children NO ONE dared to make cakes like those shown on here....These make me want to NOT eat cake again! Especially seeing the one with the baby coming out of the person that was covered....seriously?!?!? Who would want that at a baby shower? LOL!

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm with WifeOSeth -- creepiest ever. Who thought making any of these was a good idea?

CW3: a cross-dresser who was just, uh, "excited" to see you? seriously....

and CW4: a snowwoman giving birth?

I long for the days when nudity and pregnant bellies were shameful, and we all just celebrated with sheet cakes. Nice, easy, plain, square sheet cakes.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteretiquette bitch

I don't understand the 4th one, but it scares me.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHanna

oh my what a post LOL I loved it . In 2008 my daughter did go through labor on labor day for 20+ hours delivering a nearly 10 lb baby so maybe that is why I loved reading this post

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershopannies

I'm pregnant, second trimester (When's your due date, M. Muenster?) and have had at least one freaky pregnancy dream a night since the middle of my first trimester. These cakes...sure as heck aren't gonna help that! ._o

WV: ferst, as in "Won't be my ferst cake-related nightmare, probably won't be my last either..."

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDenita

Besides the obvious weirdness of these cakes, I have to ask, WHY???

Why would anyone think that at a baby shower, it might be a pleasant thing to take a big knife and cut into a pregnant belly??? Dear God that's disturbing.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGS

It might kill you in your sleep... IF it had hands. And a torso.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Cakes 3 and 5 would have been so much lovelier without the belly button penis and the tiny baby, respectively.

It's a good thing I chose not to have children. I shudder to think at what monstrosity someone may have come up with for my shower!

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

Your site severely makes me laugh out loud. I think I particularly enjoy it because I've made a wreck or two myself. I love it! Keep em coming.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSally

Funny - after my 9 hours of labor - the next day (or same day) was when my mother introduced me to Cake Wrecks, the book. I was laughing so hard that it hurt "down there." I finally had to stop reading because I was in pain!

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMs. Sullivan

Sooo, whatever happened to sweet baby cakes with alphabet blocks, baby booties or rattles?

Heaven help me, but if I was still having kids I'd ban any cakes from a shower/birth/whatever!


September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The censored cake must have been pretty graphic, judging by what's peeking around the edges of the black bar. So what's up with the Mr. Bill facial features? I gave birth twice and I can say from experience that a falsetto "Oh Noooooooooooooo!" doesn't really sum things up.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This has to be one of the scariest posts I've ever seen on here... and not just because I'm a single girl and the idea of pregnancy and labor currently freaks me out.

But seriously... I couldn't wait to get on cake wrecks today to see what "Labor Day" would wrought... and you did not disappoint. Great post. :)

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCandace

I also have to wonder if there's a link to the real version of that black bar cake.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

The random limbs shoved into the belly are too funny. I can only hope that was meant to be funny.

When I was pregnant my daughter kept trying to push herself out the side. Others could see the lump moving from across the room. My RPG buddies started pointing to it and calling, "SHARK!"

To Drawn to Caricature: no, no you are not the only one who thought "Alien". But I'm the kind of person who deliberately makes Alien in cake, so I thought I was the only one. :D

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

Gross and ew!!!!!

What ever happened to teddy bears or duckys or even regular pink or blue sprinkles.

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertiny purple elephant

@Tarri: I think it's supposed to be a dress?

September 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

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