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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Apr202009

Return of the Belly Cake

So tell me, how long's it been since you stared at a pregnant woman's naked belly?

Wow, that long? Well, have no fear! As long as belly cakes are made, I promise to never let you forget what a pregnant woman's torso looks like. Or at least a fondant-covered version of one, anyway. Consider it my personal Cake Wrecks guarantee to you.

You're welcome.

Now, you would be forgiven for seeing a bald Ziggy doll in a bib here at first. (I know I sure did.) After all, I don't think I've ever featured a belly cake with the oh-so-authentic "belly line" before.

Speaking of which: When I first saw this cake I had no idea what that line was or why it was there, since I've never been pregnant. So I mentioned it to a then-pregnant friend. My friend was quite helpful and, despite my protests, insisted on whipping up her dress to show me the line on her own belly. Which was...unexpected. Kelly R., I have you to thank for that bit of enlightenment. So thanks. Really.

I used to think that part of the belly cake's creepiness was due to its having no head. Then Melody W. sent this in:


And I totally changed my mind.

By the way, I've never seen a belly button look quite so much like a...well... belly button before. It totally looks like a tufted pillow. Or maybe the end of a giant hot dog. [head tilt] Ok, yeah: let's stick with "pillow."

You know what these belly cakes are missing, though? No, no, besides that. Sex appeal, that's what. Totally. Tune in tomorrow for a few spicy numbers that you are sure to remember far, far into the future. Like, deathbed future, even. (I'm trying to ramp up your sense of anticipation. Is it working?)

« Belly Cakes, Continued | Main | Sunday Sweets: Game On! »

Reader Comments (114)

In answer to your question, it was just last week that a very pregnant co-worker hoisted her shirt to show off her belly which looked almost identical to the first cake. Yee gads.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

What, really? the one with the face... did she want that or was it a suprise? Id be weirded out.

And the one with the underpants... I know youve never been preggers, but uh.. those who are THAT pregnant, dont usually wear underpants like that. Do they make maternity thongs? Either way.. EWWW!!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterautumn

I have only one word: YIKES!
I think that sums it up quite nicely.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Ew, ew.
Remind me to never have a baby shower.
Just in case.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBaking and Mistaking

Don't they know how sensitive pregnant women are? I practically cried over the fact that my baby shower cake had green trim instead of blue. Had I been greeted with any of this...it makes me shudder just thinking about it.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

*shudder*

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

Seriously. What makes people think this is ok to do in cake? Can you imagine the sick comments as the cake is cut and served?

Just say no. Really. Body parts in cake is not ok!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh gross.

I'm due July 11 and nothing like this better show up at one of my showers!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Those are some scary cakes! Two facts that I think should be added here...
1) The "belly line" is technically called the linea negra (but not all women get them)
2) On the top cake "Mazal Tov" should actually bespelled "Mazel Tov"

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Apparently, a belly line is a hormonal thing that eventually fades after pregnancy. If you hadn't mentioned it, I'd've assumed it was just a clumsy trickle on the cake.

Incidentally, mere minutes ago, I saw an insinuation of a very pregnant woman having sex. Somehow, that does not strike me as acceptable.

I'm certainly loath to find pregnant women sexy. It tells me they're already taken. Of course, if I were the father, I might think differently.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

that is just WRONG!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina Bambina

Heh, I haven't thought of Ziggy in ages. What a boring comic that was.

Also, yes, I am wondering what comes next.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAcid Zebra

The one with the face is really, really....creepy...oh my, I hope she didn't know they were doing that.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDelaney

:::blink:::

That.
Is.
Disturbing.

On many, many levels.

I don't understand the cute panties, either. I've never heard of a pregnant woman who was concerned with her undies except for how comfortable they were.

Those do not look comfy, and I'm not pregnant.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterXOXO

I have known pregnant women who totally wore underwear like that. They're not "maternity thongs" they're regular thongs. Most women can fit into regular underwear when they are pregnant, provided they don't expect the underwear to come up to their belly button, granny style. I have known pregnant woman who went out of their way to buy underwear that basically covers up the entire belly, but wearing whatever underwear you wore before pregnancy seems way cheaper and easier to me, thongs or no.

Still those cakes are deeply disturbing. Are you sure tomorrow's are worse?

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

And what is that...erm...coffee stain on the last belly? Yuck.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

Oh, good lord. This just reminds me, once more, why I choose not to join that club.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmaia

gross, gross, and gross. pregnant women are beautiful. belly cakes are not.

jen, i'm wondering if on cw2 you might want to blur or black-bar the face, just in case the pictured mama sees this and gets upset. i used to post photos of people doing rude things in my blog (eating unpaid for food, for example), until someone pointed out that even though I shot photos in a public place, i could be sued.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

never thought that they would make a belly shaped cake. it would be very queer here in Malaysia.

the realistic details make its more ickier.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermizzy N Naderiey

Wow, I'd be pissed if they stuck my head on a pregnant cake. (And I want kids!) That's gotta be one of the creepiest cakes. Ever.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

What's worse than a belly cake is the fact that somebody has to cut into the belly with a sharp knife...ewwwww

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Re: Cake #1

I have been so pregnant that nothing fit...even underwear. I just never thought of tying a bandanna down there...hmm.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRory

Yeah because *thats* the kind of underwear pregnant women wear!
Lol, Autumn, they DO in fact make maternity thongs. I came across some at "Motherhood" back when I was pregnant. Let me just say that underwear lines were NOT my top concern while pregnant! (And thongs, that big - sick and wrong my friends, just sick and wrong)

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

One question: What, no stretchmarks? So long as we're keeping it real. . .

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAli Mae

As as soon to be Baking and Pastry student, I solemnly swear to never, ever make one of these. Ever.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

All Mae - I was thinking the same thing! A few airbrushed stretchmarks would be nice.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

"Who wants to perform the cesaerian -- I mean, cut the cake?!"

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterun-bride

Ew. And ew.

It's immensely disturbing to me that at the party purportedly celebrating the impending arrival of the being in the belly, the guests EAT said belly.

Ew again.

WV: vulampr - the sound of my throwing up in my mouth a little bit at the sight of those cakes.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm going to go with "dread" rather than "anticipation."

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Speaking of babies and bellies, I'm reminded of this amusing "how to make a baby" video I just watched (yes it's work-safe): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luf6ZepNY6o

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMadeleine

Wow, suddenly I feel sexy, with 5 weeks of pregnancy left. My stretch marks are SO much more attractive than THOSE cakes. @______@

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKamity

I want to know where the stretch marks are on those pregnant belly cakes. I really think that if my relatives ever greeted me at my baby shower with a belly cake, I would have disowned them. And if it had been a friend? Well, we probably wouldn't be friends anymore. Yuck.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJayme

There's a line? I didn't know there was a line...

Well I'm surely anticipating the deathbed bit if I'm in a situation involving a belly cake :P

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBilby P. Dalgyte

What Ali Mae said. Stretchmarks.

I'm thinking, red foodcolouring, or maybe they could depress strings of strawberry laces into the icing?

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGlory von Hathor

I feel terrible for that first pregnant woman who, so close to giving birth, obviously had her legs run over by a steam roller. What worse fate could befall a young mother...

:: looks at the second cake ::

DEAR GOD!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdonkeyinawhitecoat

This is horrible!!! lol, thanks for the laugh!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNessa

Ali Mae - although you made me laugh...PLEASE do not give these wreckmakers anymore ideas - as gross as these cakes are, the idea of stretchmarks on a cake [Rand McNally Road Atlas Anyone?] made me throw up a lil' in my mouth.

bleech.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSkippyMom

Foreshadowing - the sign of quality writing, and a sign to me to avoid this blog tomorrow. Ack!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRob W.

No. No. No. NO. What is with the red pants? Nooooooo!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKid Vicious

The only thing that could make this worse is if they made red velvet cakes. Eew!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

well besides the fact that they spelled "mazel tov" wrong...

i love your blog... it gives me my daily laugh. :)

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

Anticipation? No, dread.

By the way, thanks, there's an ad for a stretch mark cure at the bottom of the page - complete with pictures.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDennis

As someone 22 weeks pregnant with my second child, I may just have to avoid cw tomorrow... I stare at a pg belly every day and even *I* don't want to see that!

And yes, there's a line. The line is one of many, many little details "they" don't tell you about in sex-ed. If you someday plan to have children, do yourself a favor now and just forget everything you think you know...

wv: trulnes. I'm mostly disturbed by the trulnes of it all...

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMalMal

why is there a bow on her nipple?

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhomeschool mamma

I SWEAR that when im pregnant. ( not ANYTIME soon ) but when i get a shower i will request no belly or creepy baby cakes. omg.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWakeGrace

Not only is the theme of the cake a wreck, they a lso spell "Mazel" wrong. Oy vey!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAllie

These are absolutely disgusting as cakes. I couldn't imagine being presented with something like this at a baby shower.
One really creepy thing is that while pregnant, a woman's sex drive actually INCREASES...which scares a lot of men, because they don't want to engage in that kind of activity with their pregnant spouse for fear of damaging the baby. The baby is well protected by amniotic fluid and all that....believe me!
Maybe that's why they put the sexy thong on the one cake.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne Dargie

What? Belly line? WHY does pregnancy have to come with all these hidden surprises?
Someone needs to compile a list so I'm prepared when I decide to have kids.
I'd also rather not learn about these things from a cake.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCristine

Ummm, no.

What happened to pictures of nice things on a cake, like rattles and baby carriages and teddy bears? 0_o

Guess those aren't 'edgy' and 'sexy' enough. Pleh.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

Those....eh, we'll go with "ew."

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiane - DB Impressions

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