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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Oct202011

Open Belly, Insert Foot

Friends, countrypersons, CCC-makers (ptooie!):

I've tried to be reasonable.

I've tried to show you the appetite-killing effects of edible mommy bodies:

I've tried to show you the cannibalistic undertones, the disturbing ramifications, and the flat-out creepiness of neck stumps and booby slices.

I've even shared with you the horror stories of raspberry fillings, plastic baked-in babies, and mock C-sections!

All to no avail.

And now - NOW - bakers are adding an homage to the scariest scene in Ghostbusters. Because that scene with the demon dogs pressing their faces through the door? [sing-song] A-DOR-ABLE!

Quick! GET OUT OF THE ARMCHAIR, DANA!!

 

Sure, they might have started out small...

"Aw, lookit da cutesy-wootsy lil' foot sticking out! Haha! So sweet!"

 

...but it wasn't long before bakers were pushing the boundaries of what anyone could stomach.

Literally.

(Also, ow.)

 

And because more is ALWAYS better...

"Leeeet ussss ooooouuuut!!"

 

...it wasn't long before the laws of physics went completely out the window:

Sweet mercy, woman, TELL ME you're getting an epidural.

 

So I ask you, fellow citizens, are we to stand for this? Or will we put our foot down, stop toeing the line, and kick belly cakes to the curb once and for all?!

Hey, wait a second. You just saved these photos to your "inspiration" folder, didn't you, bakers? YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME, are you??

Oh, fine. Just send me photos when you're done, and we'll call it even.

 

Thanks to Amy U., Elizabeth M., Alanna E., Amanda R., Mary V., & Holly T. for today's belly laughs.

« Halloweenies | Main | Wrecky Replay: Halloween Heckling »

Reader Comments (88)

OK, not saying I would, but if I were to have a belly torso cake, it would be Alaysia's. As far as canabalistic cakes go, it is pretty cute. As for the torso with Sasquatch inside, I'm afraid we'll have to operate - STAT.

Hopefully I'll see you guys tonight in Concord. I've been planning on making the drive from South Carolina ever since you announced the tour, but unfortunately I have one child getting over croup, another who just got it and I'm starting to feel a mite peckish myself. Believe me, I don't mind leaving the hubby home with 2 sick kids, I just worry a bit about driving 4.5 hours while not at my best.

Have a wonderful signing tonight with or without me!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

How many babies is the second one from the bottom carrying? Every time I count, I get a different number. Twins? Triplets? Another octomom? It resembles a bloomin' clown car.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

The feet and hands are creepy!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCrissy

Hey is that last cake from the baby shower of Frodo? Mrs Baggins congratulations ypu are carrying a healthy four pound...foot, sorry baby hobbit I mean

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterScifimom

Actually these cakes bring an actor in two movies to mind:
John Hurt in Alien and...
John Hurt in Space Balls.
these cakes are just disturbing, they are well done, but the sick minds behind them?

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJamie Jo

Okay, Lady Anne, I almost spit my water onto the computer screen! Funny stuff!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSalannB

LMAO Lady Anne....clown car indeed!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

Hmmm...interesting how no matter how many or the size of the babies you're carrying, you still have fantastically symmetrical, perky boobs!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAJ

There's nothing wrong with the last cake; obviously, it's for a mama Dufflepud.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterabi

Dear God what IS that THING!!
Also, ouch... This is why women like me are scared to have babies!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

I understand how the last one is bad because of how big the foot is, but there is no mention of the poorly placed dots! There is a nice way to place dots, and a not nice way. This is not a nice way.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBluAero

I'm thinkin' Sasquatch on the last cake!
Maybe they'll name him Harry.
Poor kid when he gets older...Mommy, why are these guys making plaster casts of my footprints?

O.o

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

In all honesty, I think its time to call in the exorcist for these cakes. Particularly for the second last one.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEvalis

OK, I had a very uncomfortable twin pregnancy where I had to be placed on complete bed rest, but the fifth cake freakin' SCARES me. How many kids are in there, anyway?!? And they don't look patient...

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

O...M...G what were they THINKING??? It's nice to want to share in the joys of childbirth, but those are just WRONG D:

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMINDY1

Aw, screw it, I'm giving birth to a shoe store.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMimiheart

The fourth cake isn't very pregnant to me. But the fifth cake is just sort of creepy. They should do that fifth cake for a Halloween movie, and the third one for a Halloween movie. In fact, all the cakes should be in a Halloween movie. Peace.

Olivia, SaraCVT's 8-year-old daughter

(She has Asperger's, but she loves Alton Brown and wants to be a chef when she grows up. Please bear with her. Swear to God those are her words. SaraCVT)

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOlivia

Oh, my. Some of these actually made me wince.
(And the song that is now stuck in my head today? "Devil Inside" by INXS. You know, I am kind of tempted to "wrectify" a song every day until I get to see you in Toronto. You know, like a celebration, or a tribute, or a really annoying countdown.)

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

I have to agree with the other poster - if I were going to have a bridal shower cake - the pink one is the way to go. I think the little foot is subtle and cute. The rest of them?? Scary...

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

Those are terrifying, especially the second to last one. Remind me never to get pregnant so I don't have to run the risk of being given one of these monstrosities.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBriony

An epidural??! A C-section I hope! Good grief, my foot is the same size!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLorelei

Do it, zoomom!

So far, I really like your wrecky tunes!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I'm glad to see that they are dutifully maintaining the melon ratio. :-P

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSkeptic

The blue-ish one made me think it was a zombie mom. Double creepy.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

You know, I was fine until the epidural comment and then I literally had to LOL. Got to remember not to read these during breakfast. Even if my appetite can take it, my computer screen won't.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterteabunny

Totally OT, but I have found the Falker Satherhood of Pudding: http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6630563/german-man-does-not-understand-why-proof-is-in-pudding

"The new Theory of Reletation-tivity"

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLet Them Eat Cake

Pregnancy cakes ...
On one hand, I don't see how they can possibly get any worse than this.
On the other hand, I'm sure the next batch Jen shows us will be even more atrocious.
She has eleven more days to build up to Halloween ...

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

NONSENSE. The scariest scene from Ghostbusters is OBVIOUSLY the library scene. True story, I'm thirty years old, and after getting mocked *mercilessly* by my husband every time we watched Ghostbusters, a month ago I finally made myself watch the screen while that scene was playing. That is how long the scariest moment of my childhood has haunted me.

Meanwhile, I'm halfway through my first pregnancy, and these cakes are giving me a new terror.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

I agree with Olivia.
These cakes are scarier than actual Halloween cakes.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I just ... I just can't get over the image of cutting into a pregnant woman and eating a part of her stomach/baby.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJaime

It makes me sad when obviously talented bakers (the pink & black, the leopard biniki) have to make cakes like this. You can't blame the bakers - it's the tasteless customer who deserves the kick here.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlulu

Hmmm, based on foot placement those babies all seem to be breech.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKarena

That's just creepy..

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Yuck, yuck, yuck. It's like those little gold baby foot imprints, they totally freak me out. Ewww.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShazS

UM... how many toes does the baby in the fourth cake have? I'm counting at least 7 on one foot I think.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

It occurs to me that they wouldn't be making these cakes if people weren't coming in and requesting them. I don't think people realize how creepy it is until it's too late.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Not only eww, but ow! I don't even want to think about the size a baby would have to be for some of those feet.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

The fifth cake definitely captures what it feels like to be pregnant with twins!!!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

So the last one, it turns out has pink polka dots... NOT misplaced nipples

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDenise

The one with the giraffe print bikini actually made my stomach hurt. I've got a 6 month old and he pushed and poked me the entire 3rd trimester. I almost felt him in there again just looking at these!!!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Am I wrong, or does the giraffe bikini mama's baby have six toes on his right foot? (My father was slaughtered by a six-toed baby.)

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterabi

Is that first one a beheaded pregnant Patrick Starfish?

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngelina

Plastic babies baked inside cakes? I thought that was settled in the Great King Cake EPCOT of 2011: NO ONE does that, ever has, or ever will. Next you'll be telling us that some things one might find in a bakery are deep fried.

I mean, there must be tens of people who count on Cake Wrecks for serious information and hard facts, like the difference between Gerber and Gerbera, or what that giant spore-looking thing in or near Disney World is called. (The legions of others are just here for laughs. Except on Sundays. Ok, maybe then, too, depending on how snarky the comment-taters feel.)

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Umm... on the cake with the hands and the feet...did they put the belly button kind of low or is that something else I just don't want to think about?

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Ohmyholy....geez.

The giraffe-print bikini is actually quite well-done from a skills standpoint...now if they hadn't been given such a freakshow of a subject, this decorator MIGHT have made Sunday Sweets.

There were days just before I had my youngun that my belly had corners from the knees and elbows, but GAH it never looked like THAT.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSunny

My cousin's wife had one of those cakes for her baby shower. Kind of looked like Alaysia's but the name was written on the foot sticking out . . . oh, and the torso was wearing what looked like zebra stripe lingerie with hot pink accents. The pictures of her cutting into the cake were waaaay disturbing!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrenda

These are so bizarre! On some, it's not like they were made horribly, because someone DID order "a cake of my cleavage and stomach, with a foot sticking out and all in bright fondant". But why?!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarlee

OHMIGOSH! abi I agree with you! It is a baby Dufflepud from Narnia! Though that must be uncomfterable with all the jumping the baby Dufflepud would be doing

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather B

They are all actually Haloween cakes right? Oh! the Horror!

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAli L

This, this is why I'm never having children.

October 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

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