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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May032010

It's Wrecky Wedding Week!

That's right, Wreckies: We're about to embark upon a week-long marathon of wedding atrocities. Tipped over tiers, questionable themes, the missed marks...oh yeah, it's gonna be awesome.

So, let's get right to it, shall we?

It's your wedding day. Of COURSE you want sprinkles.

Er...

Did the camel sneeze?

Brides-to-be, want your cake to convey a sense of elegance in addition to the fun, campy style normally reserved for peanut vendors and clown cars? Then have I got the cake for you!

(Levitating tiers come standard. Cake stand extra.)

Or perhaps you'd prefer something less colorful. Something that evokes less "Big Top" and more "Sewer Pipe...with Flowers":


You could call this color a blue/grey/green. Or "hurk," which is faster and more accurate.


Still hungry? This'll help:

I'm reminded of a song my dad used to sing to me when I was little. Maybe you know it. Does "Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts" ring any bells? (Man, they just don't write lullabies like they used to...)

Hey, you know how we're always wondering why more wedding cakes don't use Mardi Gras beads? Well, wonder no more!

These colors are making me a little queasy. Which is ironic, considering the Pepto Bismal icing.

[dramatic movie trailer voice]
"She was the belle of the ball, the picture of elegance.
He was a rough country boy who'd never seen a fork.
Together, they would create something the world had never seen.
Something ground breaking.
Something divisive.
Something...
well, kind of prickly."


And that's why you always let the groom have his cake, ladies.


Karen M., Karin D., Judy M., Anony M., Danielle T., & Jennifer C., hang on to your veils; this week's gonna be a bumpy ride.

« May The Fourth Be With You | Main | Fashionably Sweet »

Reader Comments (147)

You make me laugh the hardest.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

that last one is actually kind of awesome. it's the sort of thing my husband and i would have done if we'd had a big traditional wedding. i'm not sure if he'd have had quite so many roses on his half, though.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermaggie

A marriage that has a wrecky start can only go up from there.

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

"Hurk" is my new favorite word and color.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor

Mmmmmmmmm.....moss cake. It's what's for your wedding!

I can probably guess what happened with the green and pink cake. The decorator made it the day before and, at first, the frosting was a lovely shade of light pink - but overnight it went all Pepto. A lot of paste colors darken over time. Still - mardi gras beads on your cake? What do you have to show to get that?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFerralyn

::Blink::

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterXOXO

Wedding cake wrecks are the best. Don't people know they can't be cheap with their wedding cakes and NEED to find a decent baker or else it's going to suck?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love when the wreck cakes are actually really well done, but just are a dreadful idea.

I am so confused by some of these. Is that a camel? And a deer on the other? Ugh.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

... and I forgot my spoon! Our dads had the same taste in music. Great memories (just not combined with cake).

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

The bi-polar cake makes me sad :( Oh well. Wishing you a Wonderfully, Wrecktastic Wrecky Weeding Week!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPinkPrincessAli

Does it really count as a wreck if the baker made what the client asked for? Because I'm pretty that for some of today's cakes the main issue was with the client, not the baker.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLoriK

Ohmygosh, #4 looks atrocious!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlex Getts

...mutilated monkey meat, little birdies' dirty feet. French fried eyeballs swimmin in a pool of blood, me without my spoon yum yum!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Is that a deer tick on #4???

And, "Never seen a fork": Priceless. Thank you.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

People paid money for some of these? (Actually, I really like the last one!)

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWriteCards

Oh, wedding wrecks are my favorites! I am so looking forward to the rest of this week!

Thanks for the earworm, by the way. And besides looking like it's coated in shellacked vomit, the tiers on that gopher-gut cake aren't centered. Is it really that hard?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

I'm with Maggie, the IDEA of the last cake is such a good one...
but you know, as is so often the case here at Cake Wrecks, the execution was literal.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha

I have to say that I actually like the last one. It was well-done and (I'm assuming) reflects the couple. If it hadn't been done so well, it would have been awful.

Maybe I shouldn't say this, but I don't think that the pink one is that bad either. Again, it was done well, but I think that the topper is what ruins it. They needed flowers or something to go with the pink.

Otherwise, I'm with you, Jen. When I see some of the toppers and designs, I desperately try to come up with a backstory that would justify choosing camels or mud for a wedding cake.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterblueiguana

Wow, that last one really surprised me.

And the bead cake... one need only look at the cake's surroundings to determine what happened there. LOL

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

Do I smell divorce cake? Does camel taste like chicken?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJelliDonut

AAAAArghhhh! Yikes. These are pretty bad. But...

I don't know. I think the last one is kind of cool! I'm a cake decorator, and I'm actually in awe that the decorator pulled that off. That would not be easy. And I bet the bride and groom loved it.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSummersfam

Why is there a camel on cake #1? Do these people love the desert? The icing IS sandy colored. But then the sprinkles, hot pink? if the sugar sprinkles are supposed to be sand, this is a double miss. lovely effect on the tablecloth. and of course the daisies (the little known "desert flower" (NOT)) don't match either, wreckerator.

#2 needs carnival theme music to view. airbrushed circus colored stripes and a lavender bedecked bride on top--nice. again, color clash. and those calla lilies are a little obnoxious, no? I'm only assuming they're calla lilies. they could be pale baby carrots in tortilla wraps or some other unlikely "food" item suggestion. maybe they're hot dog wrecks.

#3 is a mess on so many levels. literally.

#4: love the happy little orange flowers on the mud and grass smeared cake. the topper says it all--apparently she had to drag him away from hunting to get married. she's holding the deer crossing sign, and the deer even followed....is this a bizarre love triangle? and the little lantern...how romantic.

Mardi Gras beads on a pepto-colored cake! score! that's classic. those beads had to be fun to try to attach, and so evenly draped. but the doves? ironically that just wrecks it. Carnival masks or more purple, green, and gold would be better than delicate white lace and doves. but pepto pink....

the last one is just hilarious. the definition of compromise, and the reason for a groom's cake!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ahahahaha, that great big globs song! I'm sure the song differs between families, areas, etc. We had "marinated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet, cow feet, pig feet and everything that I could eat, and me without out my spoon.. mmmmm!"

Camo wedding cakes make me sick. There is NOTHING tackier, in my opinion. No one will EVER do a "nice" one - it's impossible! So brides need to get a clue - and decorators need a clause that allows them to refuse ugly designs lol.

I agree with Maggie, I kind of enjoy that last one. And she made me laugh with "i'm not sure if he'd have had quite so many roses on his half, though." :)

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

When my Sister-in-law turned 40, I made her a black cake, which was just about as dark as the Hurk icing. After everyone took their first bite and smiled, everyone had unexpectedly blue stained teeth. (Black paste coloring is actually an extremely dark shade of blue.)
Can you imagine an entire wedding party with Hurk-stained teeth?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVickie

I also have to agree that the last one was done well for what was requested. It is the cake stand/setting that is revolting. Its like oil oozing into a swamp.

Oh, I get it! It's a Beverly Hillbillies cake!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

Very funny!

At our wedding, we didn't want a fancy cake, so we just asked for a normal sheet cake to cut. The kitchen, however, felt really bad that we weren't having a special cake and 'decorated' it with these odd tentacle-like blue-green things that I think were flowers. It was very sweet of them, but we have some good pics (not digitized!) of us and all our little kid cousins looking at the cakes confusedly.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMadeline

I'm kind of in love with the split-theme cake. :D

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I feel weird for finding that last cake to be slightly epic. xD;

Greasy grimy gopher guts... Oh, nostalgia.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

"Does "Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts" ring any bells? (Man, they just don't write lullabies like they used to...)"

...concentrated piggies feet, all the boogers you can eat. French fried eyeballs dipped in a pool of blood, you get them at your local store.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHelen Back

The deer hunting cake I'm guessing was suppose to be camo colored, but missed the mark. It looks more like it's been scooped up from the cow pasture. AND, not level or even stacked straight? Come ON, people! The coloring must have made the wreckerator too nauseous to finish it correctly.

Sharon's Edible Art

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I remember it as "gobs and gobs of green greasy gopher guts...and me without a spoon!"

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Camo wedding cakes? Plural?!?
It's a genre instead of a one-off?
Oh, myyyyyyy.....

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFiona

No, no, no -- it's "chopped-up chicken feet, evaporated monkey meat. Two bloody eyes a rollin' down the dusty street. Gee, I forgot my spoon, but I gotta straw."

I had a friend who ordered a grey and mauve cake for her wedding in the 80s. She got a grey cake with mauve frosting. Really. I saw the photos -- and it looked as utterly vile as you think it did. She said that other than the first taste they fed each other, she was pretty sure the whole darned cake went into the trash, as nobody would eat a grey cake. (What, oh WHAT were they thinking!)

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last one is so well done, that wreck falls entirely on the bride and groom. That baker had to be crying when making that cake, either that or cackling with glee.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

love the power strip and tacky paneling behind the bead cake. classy. and the muddy hunter cake appears to be outside (tent ropes, tiki torches)--hope that muddy icing doesn't attract bugs. looks a bit sticky.

and the levitating circus cake? was that from a bakers website actually PROMOTING themselves? failblog...

does #3 have a theme or do they just like the color hurk? (plus pink. ick.)

split personality cake was nicely executed, but the concept divided over. this type of cake needs a category of its own. Jekyll/Hyde? Yin/Yang? his/her? she/he? hermaphrodite?

wv: ressessi. The bakers should have ressessi these orders before execution. now it's just time for execution--literally--of the cakes to put them out of their misery.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I remember it as ....."mutilated monkey meat, perforated pigeon's feet. Eight big jars of all-purpose porpoise pus and me without my spoon!"

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChickenfat

I disagree on that last cake. I think it shows a sense of humor and a willingness to share the spotlight which is truly admirable. No Bridezilla or controlling groom there. I'd be happy to be at that wedding & would give the marriage good odds at lasting.

Beyond giving kudos to the couple, I think the baker did a great job at creating a really fun cake under those weird parameters.

And no, I'm not related to the couple or the baker. I just like shows of personality over conformity. I was so thrilled that my own wedding cake had marzipan replicas of my pet rats (I'm not joking).

Regarding Cake #4, Jen, you apparently don't appreciate the subtle camo pattern in the icing, the homage to the great outdoors, the bride with the shotgun on the topper. Ah, yes, welcome to The South during hunting season. Actually, the bride is lucky she got the groom cleaned up in time for a Saturday evening wedding.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

I actually like the last one except for those ?silk? flowers and leaves? I hate silk flowers and to put them on a cake only makes a former trailer dweller cry.

I once was told by a bride that she was using silk flowers for her wedding because the live ones reminded her of a funeral home. I wanted so badly (but did not) to ask her if she preferred the cemetery on Memorial day with all the silk arrangements...

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKristan

Cake #3 is clearly a duct tape cake. The trend started with prom dresses - now it's moved to wedding cakes.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLet Them Eat Cake

Hee hee.

I kind of like the last one - it's like "Screw this bland traditional wedding - we are who we are and we're gonna have fun!" Not what we'd do for our cake but I like it and I respect the cojones it took to order and display it.

I am totally down with mocking poorly-made cakes, but the bipolar cake wasn't poorly made.

And seeing as I really hate most normal, traditional, "elegant" wedding cakes (YAWN!) plus they often don't even taste good, I rather like it when someone goes kraaazy with an idea.

This is why we're getting a tiramisu, not a cake, for our wedding. People would mock what we actually like, and we can't stand what people would expect of us. So it's either tiramisu (yum, plus it's not "decorated" so you can't screw up that way, and even it it looks funny, at least it will taste good) or a sheet cake from Costco because we're not paying hundreds of dollars for a cake.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

I actually like the Mardi Gras beads. If the frosting had been a pale pastel shade and they'd ditched the topper, it would have been kinda cool. Chalk it up to another good idea that just needed a couple tweaks to the execution.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#4 cake (right side) looks like the southwest had a drunken party and seriously hurled all over the cake with twig and leaf chunks!

perhaps the drunken southwest cake should have eaten the Pepto cake to feel better?

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

i esp like the over loaded outlet and spray paint bedeckled window (?) making up the back drop to the mardi gras beads cake. C*L*A*S*S*Y!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermelissa

You did mean to mispell Pepto-Bismol, didn't you? Like, it is A-bismal. I'm sure you did!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

OK, I'll say it. The last one is pretty cool. It's got clean lines, and if it is a little strange, it is still well done. And even the prickly's look edible, very nice.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

YES! This week is going to rock.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That pepto cake makes me sad, because it really looks like someone worked hard on it. But, it is so bad.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJackie

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