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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May032010

It's Wrecky Wedding Week!

That's right, Wreckies: We're about to embark upon a week-long marathon of wedding atrocities. Tipped over tiers, questionable themes, the missed marks...oh yeah, it's gonna be awesome.

So, let's get right to it, shall we?

It's your wedding day. Of COURSE you want sprinkles.

Er...

Did the camel sneeze?

Brides-to-be, want your cake to convey a sense of elegance in addition to the fun, campy style normally reserved for peanut vendors and clown cars? Then have I got the cake for you!

(Levitating tiers come standard. Cake stand extra.)

Or perhaps you'd prefer something less colorful. Something that evokes less "Big Top" and more "Sewer Pipe...with Flowers":


You could call this color a blue/grey/green. Or "hurk," which is faster and more accurate.


Still hungry? This'll help:

I'm reminded of a song my dad used to sing to me when I was little. Maybe you know it. Does "Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts" ring any bells? (Man, they just don't write lullabies like they used to...)

Hey, you know how we're always wondering why more wedding cakes don't use Mardi Gras beads? Well, wonder no more!

These colors are making me a little queasy. Which is ironic, considering the Pepto Bismal icing.

[dramatic movie trailer voice]
"She was the belle of the ball, the picture of elegance.
He was a rough country boy who'd never seen a fork.
Together, they would create something the world had never seen.
Something ground breaking.
Something divisive.
Something...
well, kind of prickly."


And that's why you always let the groom have his cake, ladies.


Karen M., Karin D., Judy M., Anony M., Danielle T., & Jennifer C., hang on to your veils; this week's gonna be a bumpy ride.

« May The Fourth Be With You | Main | Fashionably Sweet »

Reader Comments (147)

I thought the mardi gras beads were messing with my head, until I scrolled down to the Borg one!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMartha

Freakin' greasy grimy gopher guts! What *is* that from? I remember giggling about that as a kid, but had no idea it was an actual SONG. That....is awesome.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteramy

...contaminated monkey meat, chopped up birdies feet...

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Oh, God! These made me want to stab my eyes out! Especially the second one and the last one! EEEAUUUGGGHHH!!

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

The last one isn't really the bakery's fault. If that's really what the couple wanted I suppose they did an OK job.

May 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Who put mold on the poop frosting cake?? Number four made me want to hurl.. nearly did in fact.. blah. The one with Mardi Gras beads would make great dental business for one lucky dentist if some unfortunate bit into one. I know people that actually would think those beads are edible lol. I can only imagine how the rest of this week is going to go.. I am truly afraid.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I can`t get past the fact that somewhere a nativity set is missing the camel........

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfuzzandfuzzlet

Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey mutts,
Dirty little birdy feet,
Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
But I forgot my spoon!
*SLLLLUUUUURRRRRRRP*
I'll eat it with a fork!

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Okay, here's my version:

"Great big globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat,
Little dirty birdies' feet,
Great big globs of all-purpose porpoise pus,
And me without my spoon!"

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Walsh

That last cake is wonderful! Are you sure you didn't mean to add it as a Sunday sweet?

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNick

I like the last one and the clown/color one too! This is my favorite giggle spot on the Web...

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJess Parsons

A Circus/Mardi Gras themed wedding wouldn't be for me, but the second cake was very well made and I am assuming it was what the couple wanted.
Same with the camo/flower cake.

It's ust a matter of taste. There are many 'Sunday Sweets' that I find very tacky, if well made.

I think would prefer the colorful calla cake to that 'goddess athena' or that blue metallic dress shown Sunday.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLissy

To the top one - ugh, since when are Willowtree figurines acceptable cake decorations?

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha

Look where #3 came from:
http://www.uglyweddingcake.com/pranks.html
Poor couple!! Somebody had THIS cake made as a GIFT for their wedding!

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkeenacat

What's the deal with the animal toppers? Is there a theme here? Do guests get a prize for guessing the 'why' of animal toppers (or these cakes in general)?

Speaking of themes, one wonders about the theme of the wedding with the bead cake. The figurine in the foreground is sweet, though.

Someone mentioned a bride holding a shotgun on the camo cake. Wait, that's what we should have seen. I mean a bride *figurine*, with shotgun, on top of the cake. Didn't see it.

If a wedding cake isn't eaten, can it be returned? Could that be the hidden logic with these wreck-creations? (Smirk)

Maybe these are 'show' cakes, and the guests were served nice, simple, safe sheet cake. 'Safe' as long as it isn't ordered over the phone, that is.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Why? Why is there a camel!?!

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

I can't resist posting the "gopher guts" my sainted mother taught us:

"Marinated monkey meat
Concentrated birdie feet
Rubber tires from a bus
Roasted hippopotamus
And I forgot my spoon--
But I brought my straw!
*SLLUUURRPP!*

She'd be proud.

I sort of like the clown cake! It's festive.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie Beasley

I like seeing wedding cakes that are different and show the couple's personality.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Wedding Lady

I like that last one, and you know the one with the circus colors would be cute if it didn't have those stupid colors airbrushed on. The shape of that one is interesting. I would have done frosting ribbons or fondant ribbons instead.

Honestly these all look (with the exception of the last one) like they were made by some well meaning friend who thought they could tackle a wedding cake but failed miserably.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

#4 (Deer Hunter) topper:

No, people, that's not a reindeer. Nor are most cartoon depictions of Santa's deer reindeer. In the US they are almost always depicted as whitetail deer, the same ones that get hunted and hit by cars throughout most of the country. That's what this one is, too.

She's holding a rifle or shotgun, not the "Deer Crossing" sign, and dragging the groom by the collar.

As for the lantern, we'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say that he was going to be using it to help find and field-dress the deer after having shot it during legal hunting hours. It gets dark quickly in those woods.

The rest of the cake is a mess.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoland

I actually like the second one, though the topper doesn't really match. If you're going for "circus tent", go all the way!

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I think the fake wedding cake pearls are at least as bad - and ten times as boring - as the mardi gras beads.

Again, not what I'd do, but I love it when a couple says "you know all that elegant wedding stuff? It's ugly and boring even though everyone seems to like it. We're gonna rock the casbah with pink and green!"

Because it IS ugly and it IS boring.

Pearl strands on cake - boring
silvery, white, gold etc. fondant - boring
monograms made in chocolate or piping - boring
white white everywhere - boring
sugar roses - BORING
typical bride-and-groom topper - boring
using the same "new exciting trend" that everyone else is using (hello cherry blossoms) - sooo boring
tiers with draped white icing - boring

etc. etc.

THOSE are the true cake wrecks, not the bipolar cake here and maybe not even the Mardi Gras cake.

No offense if that's actually the cake you got and you're reading this. These are my personal opinions and I wouldn't try and tell another couple that they have to do things my way for their wedding.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

ya, i like these custom made wedding cakes , really funny!!

I always appreciate this site so much and love to visit for a GREAT laugh... But here... In my opinion these cakes are horribly ugly, but I would hardly call them true "wrecks"... I think it's getting a little picky to call these wrecks when they are just really ugly cakes.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNJBakerGrrrl

Please refer to Jen's definition of a wreck and note that since it is her blog she is the sole arbiter thereof.

That said, I love the last cake - both the idea and the execution. However, I do not dispute Jen's right to call it a wreck and neither should you.

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You know, props for creativity to the last one. I think my mother would have screamed bloody murder had she seen that on the cake table at my wedding, but it's...distinctive.

The gum paste flowers on the 'levitating' cake aren't too shabby, but the rest is just eeeeeuuugghhhh.

In fact, that's exactly what the rest of the cakes in this post are. Euuugghhhhh.

WV: Forkin. As in "stick a forkin these cakes--they're done!"

May 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladyrazorsharp

The "Hurray, sprinkles!" cake looks like the sprinkles were put on with a paint ball gun.

Adding flowers to a circus tent doesn't make it elegant.

Gopher guts appears to be a preschooler's finger paint project - smear colors around until all you have is a brown blob.

I despise pink so there was no hope for redeeming that one in my eyes.

There is something vaguely disturbing about the grass on the split personality cake. Not sure what it is, but it isn't too horrible. The decorator did pretty good with an ugly camo idea.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiradwyn

I like that you've spelled it Pepto "Bismal", like it's a combination of "Bismol" and "abysmal". Because that is certainly accurate.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

it must be the southern girl in me, but I love that mardi gras cake. The colors aren't exactly my cup of tea, but I think its pretty well executed!

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Actually, that last cake is pretty darn cool. Check out that camo! Love the border between the sides. I'm sure the bride and groom were thrilled with how well it turned out! Only... isn't marriage about two becoming one, not two becoming two halves and resulting in something a little... off?

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

I am reminded of the immortal words of Sally Field in _Steel Magnolias._

"It's got gray icing. I can't imagine how you would even make gray icing."

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfoxfire

And many of these cakes have a common theme... PANELING appears somewhere in the photo. Hmmm.

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

My 4 year old LOVES the Pepto cake and wants it for her Birthday. ::shaking head::

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlawnajo

One of my friends made the last cake! LOL - I knew it looked familiar so I went to her website and sure enough there it was, the exact same one. She is a very talented sugar artist, all of the flowers, pinecones, and leaves are sugar. Not my style, but according to the comments from the bride it was exactly what they wanted! :-)

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

Awww...the last one must be from the Xander/Willow wedding!*

*Yes, "Buffy" fans, I know Willow is gay (or at least, bisexual), but if she imagined her wedding to Xander, then so can I.

May 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBlue Jean

omg. The last cake -- split personality horror -- actually made me scream.

Matti

p.s.: I *love* you people!

May 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMatti

I enjoy so much how a large portion of wedding cake wrecks have a wood panel wall background.

May 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

I am fairly certain several of those wedding cakes are not from professional decorators. There is just no freaking way... That greasy green slimy thing? Nuhuh... Looks like someone was trying to make the vines for the flowers and kept screwing up and tried to scrape them off. And that sewer pipe looking thing, that looks very home made as well. But.... ugh... icky icky no matter where they came from. Except the half and half cake, I have to agree with other comments on that one... it's kinda cute!

May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlutterby

Okay, I must say the last cake? Innovative and imaginative! I don't think I could have it for my wedding cake, but it looks well executed and is creative.

May 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Selky-
I'm loving all of this different versions of the song.

Here's the one my dad used to sing:

Great green globs of greasy grimey goofer guts,
mutilated monkey meat,
dirty little birdies feet.
French-fried eyeballs rolling in a pool of blood,
and I forgot my spoon, but I have a straw!

October 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSelky

That's awesome, can't get enough frosty funnies.

Victoria

January 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last cake looks schizophrenic. But it actually cool... Somehow.

October 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRonda

Thanks CakeWrecks! I had been wondering what detail-obsessed bride came up with the idea of a groom's cake. Now I completely understand.

November 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAshes

Must be said, I actually really like the idea of the last cake!! And it's pretty well decorated!

December 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Camel sneeze: perfect
mucilage for gluing tiers.
Pro baker's secret.

January 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

My dad used to sing that song too :)

February 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEmpress Platypus

I recognize the camel - it is from the Willow Tree Nativity Set...which confuses me even more.

February 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

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