My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Go Figure!

Today, class, we're going to learn the fine art of figure drawing.

First, decide if you want your figure to be male or female.

Both will only confuse people.

Next, arrange the limbs in a natural, comfortable-looking manner...

...always remembering that there are some things the human body simply cannot do.

Special circumstances, such as pregnancy, may be approached with a certain amount of artistic license. If the mom-to-be is self-conscious, feel free to make her stomach just a bit smaller than in reality.

The head should be connected with a graceful, appropriately proportioned neck:

If, however, you find that your head and body do not match up, simply employ the "hand out of nowhere" technique:

If anyone asks, it's doing a shadow puppet.

Or, if you find that hands are too difficult, simply leave them off:

Or for that matter, just omit all of the limbs and the head. After all, a well-drawn torso is more than capable of communicating the innate vitality and smooth, vivaciousness of youth:

Mmmm. Smooooth.

Thanks, Jessica G., Amy K., Misty S., Lynne T., Jessica S., Julie B., Bianca L., & Brinn M.! Win or lose, these Wrecks are quite the draw.

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Reader Comments (71)

I simply must ask.

Is that last cake lemon?

July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

I simply must ask.

Is that last cake lemon?

July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

omg those look awful

July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's not the gender of those cupcakes that confuses me, it's WTF are they for? I wouldn't rank it that high on my transphobometer but I do think you missed an opportunity for better snark about the purpose of these mysterious torso cupcakes.

Also yes to Melissa and the owls comment. Now I can't unsee it.

anonymous trans woman

July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

A Hand Man Is Good to Find.


July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGoueznou

Um, Kay, don't some of your comments seem a little bit wonky? Even to you??

- anonymous trans woman

July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's a boy? It's an alien more like it.

Maybe the moobs up the top are a hint of what army girl looks like beneath her beautifully piped camo gear.

And I'm pretty sure the last one isn't a bikini, but it's her undies. Either way that's some pretty nasty wrinkles she has going on there.

July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWolvie Girl

I'll take a run at explaining Camo Barbie: Someone who sticks their neck out for someone else deserves cake.

The last one looks like pasta. I wish I was kidding. Puts a whole new spin on "If I eat this, it'll just go straight to my waist." And other places...

"What the...? Quick-set epoxy in the frosting again?! You guys got me with that yesterday, too! That explains why I couldn't change tips on the piping bag, and why I couldn't finish smoothing this out..."

wv: shedl. Shedl happen, I reckon.

July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

That's quite a set of shoulders you have there, 'Smith'.

By the way, the turtleneck? No, on your uniform. Look, it's understandable that you want to blend in and all, but modifying the uniform is against regulations.

We all have things we have to overcome; why look at Abby on the next cake. You think having a left shoulder six inches lower than the right stops her? Not likely! She makes shadow puppets and everything!

I'm just trying to put things in perspective, 'Smith'. Too bad these wreckerators didn't.

July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

It looks like something took a bite out of the pregnant lady on that cake lol. As for the first cupcakes.. I thought they were female breasts until I saw what passed for abs and chest hair.. oh boy would someone get in trouble if they brought those home. I would love to know why someone made a male torso out of cupcakes..gross and so not appealing unless you pretend it's cake then maybe.. lol.

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Actually, having another look at the Smith cake, I think I was doing her an injustice in my earlier comment. She's all woman, in fact she's all 19th century woman, in those lovely leg o'mutton sleeves. She should team it with a lovely wide brimmed hat adorned with camo ribbons and tree branches

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWolvie Girl

All I can think about now is the wrod "gynaecomastia". thanks. o_O

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersally

@ Octo: if you come here for carrot jockeys and horrible misspellings, rest assured that there are pleeeenntttyyyy of entries here you will love. I'm sure you can find some cakes you don't choose to be offended by, and let the rest of us be to laugh at what is a funny comment and a really creepy-looking set of cupcakes. (Yes, I said "choose to be offended"... you don't have to let your feelings get hurt every time someone says something you don't like. A lot of us learned that the hard way in grade school! *thumbs up*

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

The swimsuit looks like stretch marks got the best of her!

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDAlobeidy

Those orange cookies or cupcakes - the first time I looked at them I thought they were OWLS!

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEG

The hand out of nowhere people on the cake look like David and Darlene from Roseanne.

July 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMrs.S.Murray

Isn't Trigg the name of Sarah Palin's son? Isn't Trigg also the name on the bikini cake?

July 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMcGonagall'sCat

Hey! A stretch mark cake! I love it!

July 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGale

ever heard of cocoa butter?

August 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAdrienne

I use the mannequin heads like the one in the military cake at my cosmetology school. I wondered if they gave it a lice treatment before surrounding it with cake, because they are almost always infested with lice. When there are no live lice present, there are always dead eggs.

April 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

Birthday cupcake girl
is shocked to see you today!
May never blink again!

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

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