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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jul202010

The Number Won

Hey, guys! Number 1 here, and it's my birthday!! I am so excited to have my first birthday as a Cake Wrecks writer. What wreckiness will I get to witness FIRST HAND this year?!? I can't wait. I keep imagining Jen ordering me a cake with some sort of numerical wreckery like "Numbered One," "1 Number," "1# One," "Nummer Won," or "Numb Are Want in pink icing." So in that spirit, here are some other Wrecks whose days are numbered.

 

Maybe it's celebrating Mr. Big's 13th episode of "Sex in the City?"

 

Yeah...probably not.
(Next to "Big," it should read, "off-center.")

 

 

At least they wrote a big "13" though. It would have been doubly wreckalicious if they wrote it all tiny-like...

 

...which brings me to:

 

In this case, "Giant 57" = "Giant empty space and 57 rainbow sperm."

 

 

A very merry unbirthday to this guy:

Hey, who's counting?

 

 

Here's how Kelly got a brand new nickname:

(Give it a minute.)

 

It could be an inspirational cake, though, if you just tweak the punctuation:

"Asbigas, you can make it! 30! Happy Birthday."

See?


There's really no excuse, Ricki M., Jane R., Callie B., and Kelly (A.K.A. Asbigas.) These cakes are a giant number #2! With pink stars. And frosting flowers under neat.

 

UPDATE: I got my wish!! Here are the cake mounds Jen and John got me for my birthday:*

 

*Carrot jockey not included.

They were pretty awesomely wrecky (note the "#1") but MAN, did they taste good. Jen and I were kinda bummed that they removed the cupcake wrapper before frosting them; that would have made a perfect wreck! Thanks again, guys!

 

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Reader Comments (76)

"Giant empty space and 57 rainbow sperm."
.......... Soooooo funny!

check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~Nikki~

WAIT ONE SECOND! THEY GOT YOU CUP CAKES!?!?!?!?! I thought we hate cup cakes? (Yes the caps are on purpose! I'm Shocked!)

Happy Bithdays #1!

Misty K.

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMisty

It took a while to figure out "asbigas"! But once I got it... oy.

We're ordering a cake for a colleague's event, and another colleague grumbled today "I don't understand why [the bakery] won't take phone orders!". Obviously, I needed to educate that junior analyst as to the joys of CW :)

PS Happy birthday #1!

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Happy Birthday Number 1! out of curiosity, how did you and Jen meet?

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelsey

Regarding the Big 13 cake. I'm sure the recipient took the candles out before taking the photo. Otherwise it would have been difficult to get the full effect.

@Amber, have you ever heard the saying "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything?"

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEsty

Misty,

Cupcakes are GLORIOUS.

It's cupcake cakes that are evil like the fruits of the devil.

Kelsey,

Jen and Number 1 met a long, long time ago and in a land far, far away called Orlando. It was laugh at first site.

john

Oh, though I travel through the valley of sleep deprivation, dehydration, 100+ degree day w/no AC, a fever & side effects of antibiotics , my gift to Jenn AKA Number 1, is the following stream of consciousness. I will not compose, proofread, or edit. I always learn something when this happens. Hang on to your seat, here goes:

Oh, wait: means "be right back" in "before computers had graphics cards" speak.

For real, here goes:

I haven't stopped smiling since midnight MST as I celebrate the birth of my niece (which sounds like the plural of "nice" if it was a noun).

On this special day, Num1, (I just called my sibling's child, my angel baby, a "numb one") I read your post with love in my heart, joy in your humor, pride in your excellent usage of standard English grammar, and relief that you turned out so clever after that one time I almost dropped you when you were in diapers.

Despite my bliss, within I find an elusive desire for what I cannot name - so strong, I feel it in my stomach....oh! Cake! That's it. Yea, cake.

Phew.

Your greatest gift may just be the life lessons which abound in your 1st Cake Wrecks Birthday blog post:

Big 13.

Life Lesson: Some men lie.

Asbigas. I thought it was a comment, insult or pet name, inappropriate, yet suitable for a license plate - because at first glance, it was obviously "Has a Big A**". Yes, Really. No, I am not making that up. That's what i thought it said.

Life Lesson: An amazing unique, miraculous universe exists in the minds of every human being, AKA, folks say the darnedest things.

Giant 57.

I'm confident in my belief that this in NOT a birthday cake, but the result of a kind gesture performed by an enamored medical assistant intern, a quiet, lonely, but hopeful person whose poor posture reflected her self esteem. After sorting through a stack of lab results, she phoned a bakery. On the return of the patient who held her affection, the shy medical assistant intern proffered him this informative, distressing, yet festive confection. 57 is the ACTUAL sperm count of a guy named Giant.

Life Lesson: Some people are really nice.AND It's almost never too late to improve your posture.AND Hope is better than hate.

There. I'm done.
I love you angel baby, and thank God for the day you were born.
ILYMTML
rhod

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNo.1's Youngest Aunt

Why did they put the Olympics rings on the one cake?

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Did I miss something with the 'asbigas'?!

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMolly Malone

Happy Birthday! It's mine too!

Have a great day!

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Hippy Bathday, number 1! I love your hairy boob cakes.

I've had a couple of thoughts about the "asbigas" cake. First of all, I thought it was about flatulence, i.e. a$$-be-gas. The second thought involves the icing colour. I've never had black icing but I've heard that it has disturbing repercussions, and I was just imagining the horror if they had managed to create an enormous black 30 on that cake. Oh the asbigasity!

wv: borottl - the sound your bottom makes if you have a bath after eating an asbigas cake.

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWolvie Girl

bwahahahahaha

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I believe that "Ace of Cakes" had a Cake Wreck on their "30 Rock (And Roll) episode. The cake was the gaudiest thing they have made... completely gold cake. I believe it had a "Write this ..." on it. Sadly, I can't find any pictures of the cake, but you may be able to!

Happy Birthday!!

Equest2007

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hey I would love to have a no number birthday. Then I would never age! Lol yeah yeah I can dream. I am laughing so hard at the asbigas cake.. come on is punctuation too much to ask for in this bakery? Loved the cupcakes at the end I would heartily tear into them once I got past the frosting :D.

July 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Asbigas is my new "No#1" fave cake - love it!

July 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSquirrel

Happy birdholq!

And a picture of a carrot jockey.

Lets celebrate in the middle

July 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVédis

Yay we share a birthday!!!

July 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrittany

At home with strained lower back...not a great time to visit this site..."hahaHA Owwww". Not sure if the tears rolling down my cheeks are from the pain or laughing hysterically.

July 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Cake mounds look like Cousin It from Addams Family & his date :))

July 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

that Number 1 cake on the left looks like a Number 2 to me!

July 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWayward Son

You can not make this stuff up.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The "asbigas" cake. I did not realize that it wasn't supposed to say that until now. And I've seen it roughly 3 times.

September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLa Llama

Piped balloons must be banned.

November 14, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkhaynes

@Sharon their are 17 holes!
Asbigas how the heck did that come from Kelly????. 

June 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My daughter's 5th birthday cake read, "Happy Birthday Mollie - Big 5" Yep, I asked for the cake to have a big "5" on it.

June 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Cake's candle pockmarks
give celebrant facial angst.
The teen years await.

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

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