My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Win With Civility

Did you know August is National 'Win with Civility' Month? It's true; the internets told me so.

And since we could all use a reminder from time to time that "polite is always right," I've prepared a few handy tips.

Civility Tip #1 - Always precede a negative comment with a positive one:

Civility Tip #2 - Practice an attitude of gratitude:

And maybe your spelling.

Civility Tip #3 - Instead of rudely pointing out the birthday girl's faults, try focusing on her accomplishments:

Or, if s/he has no accomplishments to speak of, then try complimenting a physical feature.

There! See how easy it is to be polite?

Now, you try!

Ok, well, that's not so much a compliment as it is a reminder of old age - which is never polite. Why not try opening up, instead? You know, tell her how you really feel?

Well, while I applaud your honesty, that's...not very positive.

Ok, new tactic: Is there anything you can congratulate her on? Something worth complimenting?

Ah, much better.

So remember, kids: polite is always right, and successfully kicking narcotics calls for frosted cheesecake.

Don't ask me why; it just does.

Thanks to Wreckporters Whitney M., Birdy, Susan K., Heather R., Andrea F., Gina G., & Janet S., who, for the record, have never had frosted cheesecake.

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Reader Comments (79)

They're a bit premature on the kicking opiates one... unless that's a vegan cheesecake.

August 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIronica

I think "You have nice clavicles" is a quote from Ghost Busters.

I don't know how accurate this script is because I have't seen it in a while.

August 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I LOVE the sweet sixteen cake, its hilarious ^_^

August 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKoli

heheheheh any excuse for cake

August 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Had to think of this:
"I'm not allowed to eat cheesecake. Just protein shakes, falcon eggs, and rocks." - A Very Potter Sequel

August 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter...

I'm picturing the Sweet 16 cake being ordered by the grandparents of the birthday girl's toddler. And it is gorgeous.

August 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlinguina

I wonder if the tolerance cake is a gay reference; the rainbow color motif is what made me think about that. So often, people use the word "tolerance" in conjunction with "gays," and I've heard people balk at that. "I'd like to be more than tolerated." I wonder if it's an inside joke based on that?

August 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I share names with whoever had the first cake...including last initial...I about died laughing when I saw it!

August 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Lol I think I nearly choked on my soda reading all these cakes. Wow such anger these wreckerators are showing. Some are actually kinda pretty in a way but nothing beats the thank god your leaving cake. Heck I would have liked that one when I left to get married lol. Because I would agree with it :D.

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I tried to be polite to all these cakes, but damn, it's more fun being snarky!

#1 The handwriting is so beautiful, and they even spelled "you're" correctly. It was very sweet of Whitney's cellblock to get her a cake to commiserate her having to spend her birthday in prison. Plus there's a file baked inside.

#2 The recipient of the cake is a lovely person who was expected to leave the ICU on a slab. Everyone is so happy she is leaving on her own two feet that they got her a cake.

#3 Whitney's sister may be a slut, but so long as she doesn't charge for it, she can celebrate her birthday on the outside.

#4 See? I told you it didn't take much to get with Whitney's sister.

#5 Recipient recently lost her job as a zebra tamer for being unqualified. Cake intended to remind her she is qualified for something.

#6 This is a touching breakthrough from a father to his gay son. After many years of separation he took to heart Jesus' words of love and tolerance and made the first step. Next year he might let his son eat off the china instead of giving him a paper plate for his cake.

#7 It's a poppyseed cake.

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAviatrix

Riiiiiiiight! Sure! If you honestly say so. While the cakes LOOK good enough, I'm sure there has to be a logical explanation for some of this. Are these honest mistakes or did someone ACTUALLY order these things? Some I can say 'yes, they probably did,' but the rest confuse me. I'm going back to bed.

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershikishinobi

hi good day

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#1 The wreckerator was afraid they had made a mistake? Having no fear (or awareness) of mistakes is what makes a wreckerator in the first place. Since this is a properly-executed inside joke (even spelled correctly and written legibly!), this is no wreck. The 'share and enjoy' area at the side is probably part of the joke. One hopes.

#2 Perhaps this cake was to celebrate the successful restoration to health of a favorite rosebush. At least the 'G' is capitalized. That almost atones for the missing apostrophe and 'e'.

#3 The line used to be, "Sweet 16 and never been kissed." That went out about the time I was born, so I wonder what the cakeworthy occasion will be in 10 years -- 'Hasn't Killed Anyone Today (that we know of)'? I join Mr. Incredible in asking, "Why do they keep finding new ways to celebrate mediocrity?!"

#4 [Singing] "Three of these letters are not like the other ones..."

"Let's see... C-l-a-v-i-c...wait, is it l-e-s or a-l-s? Clavic-less or clavic-ALs? Ohmygod, it must be a-l-s! I'm like totally glad I learned phonics and stuff! I gotta go -- finish it for me, newbie."

#5 "I told you having this party on the 'African Queen' was a bad idea -- the leeches would get to the cake in no time! Plus, I was far from sure we'd make it back, what with that engine sounding like it did. But the captain was a real character." Bonus: Shop-note-as-inscription. Who needs tact, anyway?

#7 As an major fan of cheesecake, I am fairly certain the surface of this cake is frosting-free. Except for the writing, of course. I'll add my own congratulations to the recipient, and to the decorator for the nice writing and spelling.

All good things deserve cheesecake -- why is this one a wreck?

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I was given a cake with an abusive message on it once. I ate it anyway, but it tasted of regret.

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKay Richardson

haha always a lovely read!

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersarah

I agree with what some have already said--some of these cakes have such lovely writing! I love the first and last ones, and the "sweet 16" cake.

We've done a couple of inside-joke cakes, the most fun of which happened around the time Napoleon Dynamite came out. My friend's mother had overcome a difficult health challenge and decided to turn over a new leaf in life and go back to school to get her degree. So of course, we made my friend a cake that said "Your MOM goes to college" and decorated it with tater tots. :D

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

#4 is definitely not a professional cake! The cake part looks fine but the writing is horrible. I just can't believe that that's a professional cake. However, the "Sweet Sixteen" cake had beautiful handwriting!!

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am demanding a "You are tolerable" tie-dyed cake for my birthday this year. Love it.

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I was once told I have nice shoulders, which was nice...but it was after my friends little brother tried massaging them...ew.

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Some of these are hilarious! And I hope are just jokes.

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNotebook In Hand

That never been to jail cake is just gorgeous! If someone's gonna congratulate me on THAT...well, at very least it should be on THAT cake.

August 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGale

lol... these cakes are funny! The second cake is perfect for a friend who's leaving town next weekend. :)

August 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeal Replacement

Too funny. But how could anyone actually write some of these things on a cake? I don't get it.

August 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMercy D'souza

The opiates cake made another of my favorite blogs"

August 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLayne

I so wish I could have brought that first cake brought to every single family reunion that my cousin Whitney attended...

August 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"you are tolerable" Who doesn't want to hear that?!

August 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEllie

LMBO!!! "Congrats on kicking opiates!!!" That's hilarious!!

Now you need a cake celebrating completing the steps at "Overeater's Anonymous."

Or "I beat anorexia."


August 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMags

I think the "nice clavicals" cake could be a reference to an Alkaline Trio song with a line that says "I wanna wake up next to you kissing the curve of your clavicals"...But then again, I could be giving these people way too much credit.

August 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSynthia

Any fan of Chris Rock's would have preferred the "never been to jail" cake to be a giant cookie instead.

September 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRaul

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