My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Now THAT'S Italian

Today's post has a special Read-Along Feature!
Press play before scrolling down to get the full "Italian" flavor.

Ay everybody! Giusseppe Sarducci here froma Ma Biga Freakin Italiana Cake located ina beautiful downtown Trenton. We specialize ina making da biggest, freakina cakes you ever dida see. An we gotta somatin new!

Looka dat!

Even da leetle Bambina, she knows! She'sa sayin, "Ay! Dasa one biga freakina cake! I mean looka dat! What isa dat, lika twenty-seven feet a cake?! Who needsa more cake dena dat?!?

Now you might be asking youself, "Isa ma cake gonna be so beautiful like the one ina da picture?" You know it!

Firs, we starta wita da cake which isa twelve eenchess high, ten eenchess wide ana twenty-seven feet long. Den, we squeeze rowa after row ofa brown "icing" ona top.

[kissing fingertips] Bueno!

Denna, we take what we lika to call "dirt" ana we put dat ona top too!

Isa so beautiful!

Finally, we taka a biga tubba cream, ana put DAT ona top, too!

Everyting go ona top!

Ana one more ting! Ma uncle Guido, he make'a da bessa squiggles ana dots you eva dida see so we puta dose ona da cake too! It's mucho cucina bella farfalla cappelini lasagna!! Mach schnell!

So calla Ma Biga Freakin Italiana Cake today. Because ifa is nota Freakin Big... nota cake! Ciao!

You mighta wanna check out our Five Minute University too!

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Reader Comments (104)

oh lord, just looking at all that frosting makes my teeth hurt!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

LOVE it!

Actually, the final product didn't look THAT bad... unless all of that stuff is icing. In which case-ew!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJ. R. W.

What a lovely cake... and hilarious post.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

LOL! Y'all have WAY too much time on your hands!!!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonkaloosa

LOVING the way you threw in the German! Hahahaha!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteremilysandlin

I'd eat it!

Then again, I'm Italian. Say, you know we don't really talk like that, right? :P

But we do like cake as much as anyone else does! Hmm, I feel munchy now.

VW: clueyin. Don't know what goes into that cake? Let me clueyin.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

That's one freakin' abig cake.

Until I started reading CW, I would have pushed my way to the front of the line for a slice of that. But after months of reading CW, all I see is poo. May be the reason I'm losing weight. Thanks CW.

More audio segments, please!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

I just spit my morning soda all over my screen because I was laughing so hard. What a wonderful way to start the day--even though, I have to clean off my desk now.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDr. Russ

Thanks for the Cake Boss transcripts, I have missed the past few episodes!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I almost choked on my cereal when you got to "Mach schnell!"

Well done.

wv: ungsto - Ungsto hungry! Ungsto want eat!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercoeurdechoeur

when I got to the last picture, I tried to say to myself, "WHAT THE F* IS THAT?" ...but I think it was my outside voice.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlizzied

This post gave me indigestion for the rest of the day! Great laughs though!

WV: elamel - Italian version of lame

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

In the spirit of random accents - I'll say, "That's a bloody brilliant post!"

Oh, look - WV is "Bless"

bless you for making me laugh.
Keep up the good work!!!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterComfyDenim

Best way to start the day.

And I agree with Tricia. More of these audio posts would be fantastic. Mach schnell, Yates.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrittani


This is even better than the song where Number One learned the dog died.

Thanks for starting the day off right.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterReverend Ref +

Holy [insert favourite exclamation here]! That's a lot of icing!

Great job with the audio clip. I'll echo what others have said: more audio, please!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJim Todd

Hilarious--Love the audio!!!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbamatam

The end result is actually pretty spectacular. That first picture, though? All I can see is hot dogs.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElissa

Great post John! Bueno!

WV: fantshea is that like Italian for fantistical?

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

Up until, oh, the third time I looked at the cake I really thought all of the brown icing was hot dogs. That is just not ok.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Uh, the children's eyes are blacked out? Are they criminals defendents, or on the run from the cops, or something?

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

OMG that is funny! Thata isa soma caka!!


August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That was great! Just when you think CW can't get any better, it does!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You peeps is crazy.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBabs

I've just decided that women with morning sickness need to wait until later in the day to view CakeWrecks. That cake just turned my stomach.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Too funny. :D

The petite Fours and bon bons just gave it the perfect finishing touch.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIce Queen

Best. Post. EVA!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMetalRose

That - the 'finished' product - is the ugliest thing we have seen in a LONG time. And, we are turtles - we basically swim in our own poo.

wv - thyovenu... we got nothin'. Does sound vaguely Italian, though.

WOW for the end product, that was mouth dropping. Wondering how big a tip they had to use to write on it.

Like someone said, I can't see chocolate now without seeing poo!

Loved the audio!!!


August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSheri

For those first three pictures, all I could think was, "why so many hotdogs?"

Well, that, and "the Yates only seem to get awesomer with time."

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

Love the voice over! Great addition to the post. (though, you know, it wasn't really necessary, as I hear those voices when I read your posts... )

Gotta say, you got me with the mach schnell. Shades of Dorapost.

Keep 'em rollin'.... with laughter.


August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is it just me, or did John sound like Rosanna Rosanna Danna?

Megan Self

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHer Self

Oh myy!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCome At Me Bro

What on earth are the big piles of pink frosting at the ends? They're like clouds--I keep seeing different shapes in them ("Oh, look! It's an elephant! No, it's a pig. No, no, it's a baby seal! It's a dinosaur! A pink elephant dinosaur made out of frosting!")

Yikes seems insufficient.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermadrobins

There's CANTALOUPE stuck in that icing. WITH THE RIND ON. Doubleyou. Tee. Eff.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterabi

Does anyone else see where the puffy pink frosting at the bottom says "Happy" something..?

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWifeOfSeth

Is it my imagination or are those pink squiggles in the last one supposed to be the words "Happy Birthday"? Well, the first part looks kinda like "happy" maybe.

Dassa lotta cake.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Actually, for future reference, Bueno is Spanish. Buona is Italian.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

Hey! John got CAPS!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hotdogs? Intestines? Poo?

None of these things belong on cake.

wv: oravora. "That's the Oravora, Alice."

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEsty

That made my day.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG! Freakin hilarious!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEasier2B

LOL! Love this! I think this kind of commentary would benefit many posts :)

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlyssa

Urgh. Just...urgh. At all stages of creation. =P

Your 'Italian' was much better than the cake itself! =D Reminds me of Brak and his "Learnin' to Talk Italian" lessons. "La porta facta la zuppa: The door is made of soup!"

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladyrazorsharp

Is that a dead pink bunny face-planted in the cake? Sadly, I couldn't get the sound to play.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSandi

Heh heh! You're spoiling us. First the musical, now the read along. Pretty soon you're going to have to add audio to everything.

I loved how there were random words used like lasagna and then the German came in.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVicki

PiĆ¹ appaganti!

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I also saw hot dogs on the first picture. I love hot dogs as much as the next person, but NOT on my cake!

Anyway, this post was hilarious, as usual, and the audio made it that much funnier. Great job, John! :)

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

"It's-a me, Mario!" is all I could think of while reading that. As an Italian from NJ, I can tell you I've never seen a cake like that before, and also, ewwwww. Also, half my relatives do actually talk like that.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Oh c'mon - go for the less obvious Don Novello reference and write a" rel="nofollow">Lazlo Toth letter.

Because those pink squiggles in the last picture? The first five are "Happy" if you look closely. I don't think the rest are "Birthday" - I'm guessing by the little white dresses it's confirmation or something. This level of wreckiness screams for a Lazlo Toth letter.

August 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChasmosaur

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