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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Dec302011

Bottoms Up!

New Year's Eve isn't until tomorrow, but it looks like a few bakers have started celebrating early, if you know what I mean.

Yep. Definitely a whole lotta "celebrating" going on.

Yessirree, some serious merry-making.

I'm talking some exuberant saucy-sloshed tipsy-toppy revelry, people.

[winkwinknudgenudge]

[nodding knowingly]

[waggling eyebrows]

****

[uncomfortable silence]

*****

[crickets chirping]

****

Ok, maybe we should address the elephant in the room.

THE BAKERS ARE DRUNK.

 

I mean, c'mon. How else can you explain this?

****

[head tilt]

Wow. What a waist.

 

Holly G., Catie C., Patricia W., Jodee R., Amanda M., & Mrs C. for reminding us to always - ALWAYS - hic UP.

« Sunday Sweets: Winter Wonders | Main | Wrecky Replay: To Be Read By Rod Serling »

Reader Comments (64)

Just goes to show that one should NEVER, EVER, DRINK & DECORATE!!
Happy New Year to one and all and let the Cake Wrecks Roll.......

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbette

Not ony were they drunk, I think they were on LSD-how else to explain what they were seeing? D:

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

The half a baby has me crying laughing. WHAT THE HECK PEOPLE! ha ha ha ha ha!!!

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Baby Butts have always been the symbol of New Years for me...

Yeah, sure.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

I love how on the party hat cake there's a stripe missing...

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha B.

I seriously tilted my head on the baby butt before I read your text. Classic! I'm new to your site, but love it! *Doesn't mention the hours she's spent AT WORK looking through all 682 pages* Time isn't "waisted" here. ;-)

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuperChan

Every year, when the clock strikes twelve, we usher in the new year by opening a brand spanking new container of mustard. I'm glad to see the fourth cake commemorate this thrilling tradition.
If I knew what the third cake was supposed to represent, we might greet 2012 with one of them. Or several.

I thought the half-new year's baby was only used during leap year...

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Uhm, do they know it's ticking down to 11:00?

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjuliettesjules

It is days like this that I wonder what Frued would have said about your site and the wreckorators featured. They clearly have issues. It is pretty sad when you find yourself hoping someone was drunk, but funny sad.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRixie

Oh my, return of the dead elephants.
Except they're pink now.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLizzie T.

Pink elephant cake is kind of clever, as long as one doesn't over do it.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSunshine Mary

*tips hat to HaikuJoy*

New Year's Eve cakes - FAIL
Overdosing on "good" cheer
Welcome 2012 (twenty twelve)

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGrnEyes6

as horrible as the wine cake is... at least they spelled celebrate correctly!!!!!

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

No wonder those elephants are dead, their heads are screwed around backwards. Either that or they are mutant elephants with four breasts on their backs.
Can someone pleeeeease enlighten me as to just what cake #3 is????? My best bet is a psychedelic mushroom cloud, but I feel sure that can't be right........

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercolleenoz

#2 looks like a very cheery and well-endowed Dalek. I'm scared.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterInaya

My guess on #3 - Martini glass? Or, well, some alcohol glass or other... Took a whole lot of staring to decide that *might* be what I was looking at. ;)

Amusing and terrible cakes as usual - thanks for the laugh on a really slow, quiet Friday!

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

Although CCC's are often perceived as the step-sister of real cakes, the first cake is an appropropriate use of the medium. This is nothing other than a classically inspired piece with a hint of comtemporary whimsy. Looking carefully at the swirls, we are subtly, perhaps even sub-consciously, reminded of the swhirls in two apparently divergent works of art: "The Scream" by Munch and "Starry Night" by van Gough. While the first piece if often associated with madness and the second with tranquility, here the juxtapostion works perfectly as a symbol of the apporaching new year: the madness of the past with the anticipation of a peaceful future. The uncertainty is further reinforced by the the use of the CCC format and the wiggely hands-- highly suggestive of Dali's "Melting Clock" which mimics the fluidity of time itself. The comtemporary whimsy is fully articulated in the items sprinkled on the cake: sliced almonds and candy kisses. You can almost hear the baker saying, "Oh, nuts, let's kiss this year good-bye!" It is not often that we see classical and comtemporary expressions integrated in a single cake, let alone a CCC.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

lol i was wondering if anyone else noticed some of the elephants heads were backwards : )
i also have no idea what cake 3 is...

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDIana

Awww, look at the teeny tiny PBR on the pink elephant cake! They're hipster elephants :)

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTori Michel

I have no idea what the blue and yellow blob cake (#3 in this line-up of disasters) is supposed to be, or why it says "Happy New Yeae", but most confusing is why anyone would pay nearly $14.00 for this mess!!

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdeb

Is cake #3 the New Year's Ball? You know, the program Dick Clark does every year? That, or yeah, mushroom cloud from all of the illegal fireworks exploding at once in the munitions depot.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmika_B

Is cake #3 supposed to be a cocktail in one of those huge margarita glasses? I think the green thing at the top is an olive. Maybe.

Love the "hipster elephant" comment! LOL!

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTmac

What I want to know is, where did they get the mini PBR cans??

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLKennedy

(stern narrator voice) Cake Wrecks is on alert. If you drink and decorate, you WILL be caught.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristi

Still trying to figure out what #3 is.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

@SuBee 2012 IS a leap year, so this wreckerator was spot on!

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlabgoddess

From the Mayan perspective that it's over in 2012, these are "Auld Lang Signs" -- things we should look out for to know the end is near.

Sign 1: Time will warp, adding additional hours to the clock before everything finally grinds to a halt.

Sign 2: Chameleons, hypersensitive to changes around them like earthquakes and imminent destruction, will take refuge in any available place. Since party hats are common right now, a disproportionate number will end up hiding in them. People will try to soothe the chameleons with music, but to no avail.

Sign 3: While it might look like a martini or margarita, it's the Mayan representation of a mushroom cloud (which is a pretty clear sign something catastrophic is happening...)

Sign 4: The remaining Mayan pyramids will tip over and start spewing magma.

Sign 5: Elephants will mutate horribly, sprouting multiple back breasts before turning pink and dying. Metal objects will fall from the sky and embed themselves in the earth.

Sign 6: Bakers, almost as prescient as chameleons, will lapse into a trancelike state. They'll find themselves unable to frost entire babies, instead producing half babies in a futile attempt to warn us there's no future. (Most people will miss the significance and buy their cakes for baby showers.)

These cakes are the modern equivalent of hieroglyphics, telling us our story -- if we're smart enough to read them.

(Or the bakers are drunk. You're right. That's probably it.)

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

#1 A CCCC (CupCake Cake Clock). If they can ban light bulbs, why not these?

#2 Celebrate responsibly. Remember to use a condiment.

#3 A life raft atop a geyser?

#6 Oy. If this new year is going to be represented by half a baby, couldn't it at least have been the other half? I think 2012 should be given a fair chance (a week ought to be enough) to prove that it isn't 2011 in disguise.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

"Hic up"? I suppose that's better than a "Hic down"... especially if you're shorter than the one doing the hic. Ew.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSue

BUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That's all.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLeighAnne

Cake #4 is for me! I too live it up New Year's Day by getting out my special celebate crayon.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#1 No surprise - Kroger cake
#2 Test question: Fill in the following pattern - Red, yellow, blue, red, yellow, blue, _____, red, yellow, blue (and why is there marching poop?)
#3 No surprise - Walmart cake
#4 Way to layer that icing, dude
#5 Nice concentric circles, I think,... uh, pink lizards, new year's... cannot connect...
#6 Baby suffering sudden swelling. Get him to a hospital, quick!

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSeth

After reading the second-to-last one that says "Hic Up!" my mind read the last cake as "Hicuppy New Year!" All it needs is an extra line and a dot to make an 'I'.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

AAAAAHHHH!
Cake 03 looks like a mushroom cloud!
...3...2...1...
AAAAAHHHH! WRONG COUNTDOWN!!!!

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

I see nothing wrong with these. BURP.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCat

Those pink things are elephants? I don't get it. What are the four blob things that look like boobs? And what does an elephant have to do with New Years? That cake is mystifying.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

I thought #2 was an oddly mutated metronome.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMumsykat

I want some of those mini pbr cans too! Oh, the cakes I could make. XD I could put all these wrecks to shame with a MEGA wreck.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergothchiq

Number one...an abstract work, showing time itself exploding in the form of a clock-gone-nova. It reminds us of our mortality.
Number 2... Either a party hat (are those tassels on top?) and one of those "blow 'em and they unroll a paper-thingee" noise-makers you sometimes get at New Years Eve parties? It was always a big deal to me as a kid to get up on January 1st and go see what fun noisemakers my folks had brought home for me to play with. Of course, I had to wait until any...er...headaches had dissipated later in the day. Or:
A jukebox with music rolling out. That's what I thought it looked like at first glance...a jukebox. But if I had to bet, I'd say party-hat and noisemaker.
In the end, these fine celebratory masterpieces do what they should be doing on such a holiday...they make us want to go have a drink.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChenaya

I wonder if #3 is supposed to be an hourglass? Anyway, these look like grounds for forming a chapter of BADD - Bakers Against Drunk Decorating.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

Doesn't anyone else get the pink elephants? they're from Dumbo! you know, when he drinks the water with all the beer (or whatever) in it, and he imagines all the pink elephants dancing around? just me? fine then. I'll go watch the Disney classics by myself, then.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRazberryBeret

Hey Jen and John,

Just wanted to say thanks for putting a smile on my face this week. You never fail to make me laugh when I need a pick me up.

Happy New Year!

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKristin E.

I'm pretty sure I'm alone on this, but #3 looks like a blue penis, although I'm not sure what on earth it is poking.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa P.

#3: What the H-e-double-toothpicks is that?

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWynn Anne Sibbald

Imagine the surprise taking a bite of the first cake and getting a mouthful of the foil wrapping on the "kisses".

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlaxmom

Oh, great! I’m going to have to self-enforce the “no stalking mel” rule again after today’s comment!! :D (tip of the hat)

@Sharyn, I’m now on my third round of singing “Time Warp.” Thanks.

@Craig, I’m giving 2012 three days, tops. You’re too nice with that week thing.

Have you ever seen a baby where all the toes are the same size? And what’s the blue ring at the top of the diaper- is that where the top half was supposed to be attached? Plus, it looks like there’s a whole rack of these things- it’s not just one! That begs the question of just how long that baker stayed drunk.

(Was it "Raw Deal" where Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "you shouldn't drink and bake?")

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

The following is a message from your local TV station:

Due to budget cuts, this year's New Year's Rockin' Eve will not feature a falling glass ball but rather a giant blob of poorly decorated cake. We apologize for any inconvenience, and for forever ruining your perception of such a magical celebration.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey

#6: The same people who want to put the Christ back in Saturnalia are now trying to put the Solomon back in New Year's Day.

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Well those pink things look dead lol and most certainly don't resemble a creature known on this planet. So wreckerators are either getting drunk and watching some scary movie and then scaring the crumbs out of their customers. Wow and to think I would never know that 3 was supposed to be the ball dropping it looks like a wall about to fall into the ocean lol.

December 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Last cake is the festive version of 'glass half full/glass half empty' ... is it Baby New Year? Or Father Time ready to kick off his Depends? (To what purpose is best left unsaid but COULD be linked to all those 2012 doomsday prophecies.)

December 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commentershan

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