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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Feb072011

The Cake Cannibals

Once upon a time, a baker decided to ice a giant baby butt on a cake.

And so she did.

The rest of the bakers gathered round to congratulate her, and before long they'd all agreed: baby butts were surprisingly appetizing. Reeling from this rear realization, the bakers went on to change the face of baby shower cakes forever.


By turning it into a baby butt.

The cake butt phenomenon took off like projectile vomit from a colicky infant. It was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Otherwise rational women dreamed of eating chocolate-filled diapers. Grandmothers sliced up legs with abandon. Little children screamed in glee at the sight of adorably draped half bodies served up on platters. ("Aw, look, she's sobbing with glee!")

After a while, the original bakers got together again to munch on fondant toes and discuss their next "big thing." The vote was unanimous: they needed much larger bodies of work.

Literally.

"If eating baby butt is sweet, then eating mom boobs will be AMAZING," the bakers exclaimed.

And so, they did.


Just about everyone loved the mom boob & belly combo, but there were a few complaints from the moms-to-be. Not that their cake effigies were being eaten, of course, but that their cake effigies weren't sexy enough.

Quickly the bakers arrived at a solution: the cantaloupes would be made much larger than the watermelon ("if you catch our drift"), and mom's cakey doppelgänger would be dressed in only the raciest of lingerie, the better to emphasize how she ended up in her present glowing condition.

And so it was.

And, once again, everyone was happy.

At this point the bakers fell into a deep depression. "We've done it all!" they moaned. "What more can we possibly achieve now that women are eating both baby butts *and* mom torsos?"

Which is when they realized: the only thing better than eating a mom torso or baby toes was eating them both together.

Quickly a new decree went out: push that lingerie aside! It's time to show off the baby inside the belly. And then EAT THEM BOTH. Haha!

Remember to keep that melon ratio, though.

At last, the bakers felt they had arrived at the pinnacle of baby shower cakedom. They would continue to fine-tune, of course: a cherry filling here, a plastic baby fished out with tongs there - but overall, their cannibalistic urges were sated. And all was well.

Until they discovered gelatin.





[ear-splitting scream]

[of glee]

Thanks to Jessica M., Candace G., Jessica T., Germaine, Jessica G., Sarah M., Taylor F., & Ruth T., who think that's one heckuva womb with a view.

« One of These Things is Not Like the Other | Main | The Super Bowl of Sunday Sweets! »

Reader Comments (299)

I will need electroshock therapy to keep the image of that last cake out of my nightmares.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok that last one was just gross.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterev

That final one is the most horrifying thing I've ever seen. It will forever be burned into my brain. What a way to start my day .... shiver .... Thanks, I think. :)

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan

Oh, dear Lord!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

That is officially the first time Cake Wrecks made me literally throw up a little in my mouth. Seriously, and I've read every post. That last one needed a warning or censorship or something, whew.

I am so glad I have made the decision to never have a child... I don't want to know what causes people to think these are a good idea!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

Does that one cake say "Farewell?" That's creepier to me than all the butts and boobs combined...

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The last one is just so wrong. I shall be seeing it again in my nightmares tonight.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSara

OH NO! Seriously the first words out of my mouth as I saw the last cake. You were illustrating your point perfectly, (the bad to worse progression of shower cakes) but I did NOT realize where you were taking me until it was too late! Amazing, (horribly, well done, terribly)amazing!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Valinda

OK, I thought I was beyond being offended by a cake, no matter how disgusting. Life size cake of the bride? Whatever. Edible baby cake? Sure.

But clear jello with a baby inside? That's disgusting.

Spudbeach

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

an unborn carrot jockey!! sweet!!! or puke!! not sure which!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDave and Natalie

OMG!! I actually shuddered when I saw that last cake. Why would someone do that?

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim A.

I thought the hacked up leg of cake #4 was going to be the pinnacle of my horror...and then I saw that last cake. What the j-frog are people thinking??

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteranadandy

oh gross, that last one doesn't even count as cake, or food. also, where are all the cakes with the baby pushing out of the pregnant mother? those are such the classic baby shower wrecks.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKate

How, how, how can people be this tacky? It boggles the mind.

Baby shower cakes are the stuff of nightmares.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

Wow... just when I thought I'd seen it all (though I really should know better than to say that on here)...
Those cakes are all very wrong but that last one is every possible kind of wrong you could think of. *shudders*

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I am 27 weeks pregnant and I can’t stop laughing! This is so disturbing yet I find myself hoping that one of the 3 baby showers I have coming up next month will produce a cakewrecks.com worthy cake! Is that wrong of me?

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's a good thing I haven't eaten breakfast yet or I'd be throwing up!!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKelly K

OH MY GOD!!! WHAT THE HELL!! That's HORRIFYING!! There should be a movie made where that is the last scene! WHY? Dear God! WHY!??!!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

While it is disturbing to eat a pregnant lady torso regardless of clothes and little foot prints from the inside they combo ones are atleast well done and pretty.
The gelatin abomination makes you wonder whos more at fault for the creepy factor the wreckerator or the person that ordered it!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDenise

Wrong, wrong, very very wrong!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLouise

I had a feeling there was going to be a finale of some sort, but wow. I'm sitting here with my mouth hanging up, trying to think of a response to that last cake. But there are no words!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

I thought the pink and brown one would have been pretty cute if not for the subject matter.

The last one made me gasp out loud.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermanybellsdown

I need BLEACH for my eyes! AGH! THat was just awful! I thought this was a family site!

Now I need to forward it to everyone I know so we can discuss...

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterscrapopotamos

I'm finding it much harder to type since that last cake made me gouge out my eyes. Sadly, I can still see it in my head. Now what? Exorcist or lobotomist?

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn in Superior

As the baker of the "Sexy Suds" cake(you know...plastic baby...tongs...), I have to say that even I am grossed out by most of those....but the baby on gelatine is just vile. Vile I tell you!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

ROFLMAO "Womb with a view!" That killed me! That gelatin cake is CREE-PY! What is the baby in the window aquarium made of? so happy and pale! *shudder* nightmarish!

Meanwhile, I love the story today, and the progression of the obsession....

the chocolate butt looks like shiny poop, #2 is very cottage cheesey. looks like a loaded diaper...and legs...so morbid! and sexy mama cake #1 is terrifying, especially with half the leg already eaten. YAH!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Oh. My. Those others make that first baby-butt cake cute! Aaaaaaahhhhhh! [with glee]

What happened to the baby? Is that blood on the head? Is it dead like the frogs & brains kept in jars?

And why does the one cake say "Farewell"? All I have running thru my mind is Bugs Bunny saying "Bon voy-ah-gee, farewell to thee, goodbye, don't forget to write, well I'll be seein' ya". Of course I think the wreckerators have a different trip in mind. Eww.

wv: jughtio: The ratio of jug size to pregnant belly size.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

My three year old actually screamed when she saw the last cake. For a bit of context, this is the child who thinks the Rancor is 'awesome.'

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSif

Oh dear Lord, save us from the gelatin!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Is that JELLO? I can't stop looking or laughing. What a great way to start a Monday.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStella

That last one with the gelatin has traumatized me. I'll never be able to eat cake OR jello ever again. I'm afraid that there will be an alien baby inside. Oh, and thanks for making me snort Dr. Pepper out my nose. It smells rather nice, actually.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenny H.

Wow way to bring my brain fully back from my vacation last week. #4 was bad enough (is that pink filling?), but that last one...EEEEEKKK!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I need a brain eraser for the last one! EEEEWWWWW!!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterUtahMillers

Rarely does this site make me gag out loud. Today it happened twice. That gelatin picture was beyond wrong.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah McNair

For the record, I just did my OB clinical rounds and watched two births... but to this point, I've never seen a transparent womb. (I really thought I was going to see a cake of a birth, and I was prepared to be grossed out far more than seeing it in person.)

Oh, and that first baby should see a doctor. Looks like he has some serious hip dysplasia.

WV: podiper. Exactly what some of these wreckerators were going for.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

That's abuse of gelatin, that is!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

farewell baby Nok? maybe farewell is for the mom, who will be leaving her job to care for the baby? and then they stuck the baby's name on there too? Who names a baby Nok?

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am going to be sick.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterValerie

Ya know it's to bad I like my two pregnant sisters in law or I would order one of these just to horrify them.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDani

OMG!!!! (A horrified one). I'm so glad this kind of thing hasn't caught on in Britain ......... yet.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlynn

This is the first time that I actually gasped when I saw a cake. Then I laughed, but I gasped first. Yikes!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen Taylor

*taking deep breaths*

*of...'glee'*

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

Is it just me, or does that 4th photo kind of look like sort of abortion cake? It's saying FAREWELL to the baby. Even if they're talking about the baby leaving the womb, that doesn't really constitute a 'farewell', does it? Oh, maybe they're putting it up for adoption!
Either way, abortions and adoptions don't really seem like cake-serving occasions.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKiara

I too would like to know what the backstory is on the "Farewell baby..." cake. And am with anon who is trying to figure out which is more disturbing, the cake or its writing.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

These may actually put me off cake for a while. Which, I guess, is a boon for my diet. Ugh.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

the last one almost made me sick...Jen, i think you need to add that whole "do not read while eating or you may find your appetite wander and/or hurl" warning at the top of this one. eeeeew.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I will never close my eyes again... every time I do... I see the floating baby gelatin cake... ::shiver::

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

omg...omg...omg...you need to WARN us pregnant ladies! I mean, the first few were funny, not anything we haven't laughed at before, but...the gelatin!!! To the lady doing my shower who I know reads this blog, NOOOOOOO!!!

There's always room for Jell-O!

O.o

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Someone help, I've just poked my own eyes out!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

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