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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Feb072011

The Cake Cannibals

Once upon a time, a baker decided to ice a giant baby butt on a cake.

And so she did.

The rest of the bakers gathered round to congratulate her, and before long they'd all agreed: baby butts were surprisingly appetizing. Reeling from this rear realization, the bakers went on to change the face of baby shower cakes forever.


By turning it into a baby butt.

The cake butt phenomenon took off like projectile vomit from a colicky infant. It was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Otherwise rational women dreamed of eating chocolate-filled diapers. Grandmothers sliced up legs with abandon. Little children screamed in glee at the sight of adorably draped half bodies served up on platters. ("Aw, look, she's sobbing with glee!")

After a while, the original bakers got together again to munch on fondant toes and discuss their next "big thing." The vote was unanimous: they needed much larger bodies of work.

Literally.

"If eating baby butt is sweet, then eating mom boobs will be AMAZING," the bakers exclaimed.

And so, they did.


Just about everyone loved the mom boob & belly combo, but there were a few complaints from the moms-to-be. Not that their cake effigies were being eaten, of course, but that their cake effigies weren't sexy enough.

Quickly the bakers arrived at a solution: the cantaloupes would be made much larger than the watermelon ("if you catch our drift"), and mom's cakey doppelgänger would be dressed in only the raciest of lingerie, the better to emphasize how she ended up in her present glowing condition.

And so it was.

And, once again, everyone was happy.

At this point the bakers fell into a deep depression. "We've done it all!" they moaned. "What more can we possibly achieve now that women are eating both baby butts *and* mom torsos?"

Which is when they realized: the only thing better than eating a mom torso or baby toes was eating them both together.

Quickly a new decree went out: push that lingerie aside! It's time to show off the baby inside the belly. And then EAT THEM BOTH. Haha!

Remember to keep that melon ratio, though.

At last, the bakers felt they had arrived at the pinnacle of baby shower cakedom. They would continue to fine-tune, of course: a cherry filling here, a plastic baby fished out with tongs there - but overall, their cannibalistic urges were sated. And all was well.

Until they discovered gelatin.





[ear-splitting scream]

[of glee]

Thanks to Jessica M., Candace G., Jessica T., Germaine, Jessica G., Sarah M., Taylor F., & Ruth T., who think that's one heckuva womb with a view.

« One of These Things is Not Like the Other | Main | The Super Bowl of Sunday Sweets! »

Reader Comments (299)

Hahahaha oh maaan. I was scrolling down all happily, feeling confident that the horrors of baby cakes were very familiar to me. 'Oh, baby shower cakes, never change,' I said to myself, chuckling, as I scrolled. I think I seriously jumped back from the screen and squealed at that last cake. And then laughed uncontrollably for about half an hour. And then came back and laughed for another hour. How do you even make that cake without giving yourself nightmares for eternity? XD

February 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIngeborg

That last cake gave me the first legitimate spit-take I've ever had. Thanks CakeWrecks :-)

February 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last one is just horrifying. Someone needs to stay out of the aspic section of Mastering the Art of French cooking.

February 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdietplaid

I haven't been this woozy since I broke my arm and the bone was sticking out. What I worry about now is that the jello is not quite set and may, shall we say, "leak."

February 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

this made me laugh so hard! that last cake is brilliant! whoever came up with the idea for it is a genius!

February 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

all creepy, but on that first one the baby got back.

WV: unkleho--more appropriate for the valentine's cookie one (feb 8)

February 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

Dear lord, what is that thing?

Gelatin baby reminds me of a scene from a really bad horror movie!

February 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlma

that last cake, is by far the most disturbing cake I've ever seen o.o

February 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKitrina

the gelatin one was the worst ever.
yuck and gross.
i hate the baby cakes, baby butt cakes, bobbies cakes etc.. how can you cut into a baby?

cupcakes with sprinkles please!!!!!

February 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertiny purple elephant

I am not even kidding, that last one made me throw up in my mouth a little... Ugh.

February 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKacie Galyon

Fairedust, I will probably get weird looks for this but since I can't see any of you, your idea of see through prego ladies actually sounds amazing. But then again everyone would know when you had to poo, which would not be as fun as the rest of it....
Anyway, that was a cool thought born of a tragic cake.

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

O.M.G. There are not words to describe the horror that surged up my esophagus and threatened to void the warranty on my laptop. The concept is bad enough. The baby looks like the love child of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man and a Spacing Guild Navigator.

I need 20cc's of brain bleach. STAT!

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

D: AUGH!

Can't sleep! Jello baby will eat me!

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersmurasaki

At least with the last cake they took the frosting off before they cut it and showed the guests. Could you imagine peoples reactions if they didn't? "mmm.. thank you I will have a slice... ahhhhh!!!"

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

All of these prove once again that there are things that cannot be un-seen.

#7 Where to even start?! What is running down the front, and why?

The baby looks like Casper. Why?

Rosemary's Baby gave me a lifelong conviction that babies and gelatine (or jelly) do not go together. That conviction has just been strengthened 1,000,000-fold.

More than one person thought this was a good idea. Why? I like gelatine, I like cake. The two together, not so much -- especially not with a 'surprise' inside. OY!

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Forgot to mention -- the baby in the last one isn't Casper, it's William Thomas Franklin. The third.

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Okay, whoever thought that last one was a great idea needs to be shot out of a cannon and into a pile of diapers!

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The "Farewell" cake has me cringing. Farewell from my belly? Farewell you passed away? Farewell I'm giving you away? WTF????

The gelatin-trapped baby is horrifying. How could any self-respecting person create such a monstrosity?

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdawnalee

I think the farewell cake says "Farewell Baby Nob," as in farewell baby bump, or that mom will soon have her sexy body back....

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG, so digusting. :(

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

@Anonymous 5:17 AM said, "Okay, whoever thought that last one was a great idea needs to be shot out of a cannon and into a pile of diapers!"

Used diapers.

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

My five year old son just saw that last cake and asked, "Is that a snow globe?"

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I made that gelatin cake... and proud of it. It was the first time I had done it and didn't know the reaction that the gelatin would have to the fondant. It was pretty cute and then it started to melt. I didn't know that would happen, so sue me. Is my favorite cake to date and I stand by it.

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPatty

I made that gelatin cake... and proud of it. It was the first time I had done it and didn't know the reaction that the gelatin would have to the fondant. It was pretty cute and then it started to melt. I didn't know that would happen, so sue me. Is my favorite cake to date and I stand by it.

Patty

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

that is just wrong

February 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ughh. Eee. Ack. Oh, the humanity. The carnage!

Thank God I didn't decide to read this before lunch.

February 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Am I the only one who noticed that the babies in utero were facing the wrong way?

February 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have seen many horrors of tempting cakey-ness on this site, but that last one was enough to make me squirm.

February 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterphoenixwomynw

Well done Cake Wrecks!

I've been so tough, and made it through the womb cakes and the scary feet cakes, but you finally did it with that gelatine cake, I actually feel like I'm going to be sick!

February 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachel.

After reading several posts, I think you have another function of your website - weight loss. You may have Weight Watchers beat in helping people lose weight.

February 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Out of curiosity (and because I'm hungover and feel like punishing myself even more), I went looking for this cake on Google.

http://cakecentral.com/gallery/1604785

It got third place in a San Diego cake show.

February 12, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterstarwidget1

Oh, that last cake with the baby that you can see in the belly! OMG, one of the creepiest things I've seen in a long time, looks like alien autopsy of some sort! Yikes!!! Who ever dreamed up of that notion should NOT HAVE and the execution of the cake, even worse. The decorator should be fired! The person who thought it would be a good idea..........Wow no comments....

February 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My four year old daughter saw the baby cakes and said, "That is not right." and "Yuck!" I think she is on to something.

Lanfier

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Honestly, who DOES that? That's just gross.

February 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter34milepizza

I would love to know what the last recipients reaction was. Horrible thing, ack!

February 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterarzt4empfaenger

The expression "freakin' disgusting" comes to mind on the last one.

February 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I saw this when it was first posted (on my birthday... gee, thanks!), but only last night did I have the nightmares about giant gelatinous fetuses floating in aquariums... had to spend the past hour surfing back to find this post so I could comment.

ew.

that is all.

March 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The fact that you have to scrape away at the fondant/buttercream icing to get to the jello suspended baby underneath... all that effort to get to a truly cringe-inducing "surprise".

Can you imagine how this went down?
Cakewreck culprit(who may or may not be the baker), who henceforth will be referred to as Cakewreck Culprit(wmomnbtb).

Cakewreck Culprit(wmomnbtb): (trying hard to suppress excited giggles presents the cake): Here's the cake y'all

Guests: ooohs... aaahhs.

Mom-to-be: Awww you shouldn't have...

Guests: that looks delicious... blahblahblah

Cakewreck Culprit(wmomnbtb): Wait!, there's more!(scrapes the fondant/buttercream off )
[horror slowly descends on the group]
Screams of terror as the guests run away

Mom-to-be: AAAHHH You shouldn't have.

March 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterxine

Gah! They were all disgusting, but that last one was just vile.

Cannibalism is right--it's all gross!

Though I remember the first time my daughter had a party with guests, and I made an ocean cake with a fish and some seaweed, etc. Most of the kids wanted to lay dibs on the piece with the fish's eye. WTF?

March 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Kimball

Aliza: Looking at the photo -- and I'm just guessing here -- I THINK they iced the dress etc over the top of the gelatin. Which is even more disturbing, cutting into the cake and being surprised by THAT.

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those are some of the most disgusting cakes I've ever seen. I am a total cake fiend. Nothing can stop me from eating cake....or so I thought! After seeing these....yikes!

March 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGhoulina

NOW THAT LAST ONE SHOULD B TAKEN TO ALL THE YOUNG GIRLS WHO WANT OR THINK THEY WANT A BABY! GOOD BIRTH CONTROL METHOD. LMBO

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well, Patty, you obviously never had biology lab (or zoology). In both labs, one is surrounded by preserved specimens in jars of formaldehyde. That's what your gelatin baby cake looks like to me. Even a fresh specimen of slime mold would be less disgusting. (Trust me, I have taken & taught biology labs @ the college level, have done or observed numerous dissections, and have two biology degrees (microbiology & genetics).)

You do get points for creating an accurate-appearing fetus, though. Perhaps all lab specimens should be made out of gelatin like yours - then there would be no need to kill real ones for collections! :-) And they would make nice museum gift shop sweets, wouldn't they? I can see boys fighting over lizard or fetal shark "specimens". (the girls, not so much...)

PS @Craig - you nailed it! Definitely Rosemary's baby x a million - where's the MIB red flashy thingy you stole? I need it BAD! (and with my EXTENSIVE biology experience, that's REALLY saying something...)

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

After reading through all the posts, I'm surprised that no one said anything about the lumpy baby cake with the smooth stuffed teddy. If they could make the teddy so smooth and relatively nice looking, why does the baby butt look like a pile of cellulite covered in fondant?

That last entry could be useful at my house. My daughter lately has gotten into the habit of not finishing her supper, then sneaking out of bed looking for snacks in the middle of the night. I don't think she'd be over indulging in the junk food after seeing that in the fridge.

August 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

I can't help but think of William Hurt every time I see one of these alien induced gut busters. Somehow, these are even more horrifying and I doubt the dismembered torsos do anything to add to the overall gastronomic pleasure of being first to cut into one of these...uh...babies.

I'm sure these would have been popular with the Caligula set of ancient Rome. I guess Ghandi was right, western civilization WOULD be a good idea.

Ugh.

Rick

April 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRick

I've been asked to do a baby shower cake this summer...baby bump with the foot sticking out. It's not always the baker's fault, lol.

May 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

What happened to little shoes? Those were much less, well, horrifying. Also, that last cake strangely reminded me of a kid I babysat for once.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterUm, me.

This is the first page of your site I've visited and I'm shrieking with laughter. Thank you so much for sharing the pics and your brilliant commentary.

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEva

Ew.

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

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