Let's Get Physiological

Gather 'round, my child, and I'll tell you a tale.

A tale...of where you came from.

Now, there are a lot of theories out there about how new babies get here.

Some say it's a bird:

...in a trippy oil painting from the 70s.

Some say it's a plane:

"Geronimooooo!"

And some say it's Superman:

Which, if you think about it, makes about as much sense as the stork.

These are all lies.

And I think it's high time you learned the truth.

The truth is, you didn't arrive by bird, plane, or Kryptonian. You arrived by:

Ram.

And by "ram" I mean "Mommy's magic baby bag."

See, it all started with these brave little tadpoles:

Er...

It all started with these brave gigantic tadpoles.

Together the tadpoles ventured through the winding Fallopian Forests of Ovarium, fought the wily Va-dragon, and ultimately joined forces with the mighty She-Ra in the magic baby bag.

(This is all true.)

And that was the beginning of you!

At first you were really ugly. Barely even edible, really:

You just floated around, day after day, flicking your fingers.

(*flick flick flick*)

If you're curious where on your mom you were, here's a handy diagram:

So, right armpit during the day, lower hemline at night.

Over time you grew bigger and bigger, and soon your wee little face was scaring the crap out of all our friends:

"Eeeaaaaat meeee."

Finally the emotional day arrived, and your mother and I were simply overcome at the thought of witnessing such a beautiful spectacle of radiant new life. [sigh]

And then a rainbow shot out of your mom's hoo-haw, tossing you a good 10 feet. Haha! You should've seen it, man. It was awesome!

Oh, don't look so worried. You turned out fine.

Thanks to wreckporters Paula L., Elizabeth S., Cariena B., Reed D., Valerie B., Kate M., Ashlee, Amber M., & Anony M., who will never hear "Rainbow Connection" the same way again.