My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen


Is your guy a real "man's man?" Does he enjoy grunting, beer-can-crushing, and flexing?



Remember, pretty colors are for GIRLS. Singed poop and "I love hunting" flotsam is for MEN.



And you know what else is manly? 


Make it a bloody action tableau for that extra festive touch!


Oh, and MANLY MEN may only express affection for other MANLY MEN through poorly spelled insults:


Translation: "I value your friendship and enjoy our long talks and emotionally validating back-slapping sessions."

(I'd tell you how they say "I love you," but there are innocents present.)


MANLY MEN also love the bewbies:

... or the butts.

(It's like a dirty optical illusion: WHICH SIDE AM I LOOKING AT?)


And MANLY MEN ride big ol' manly motorcycles:

Vroom vroom!


... and chug smeary bottles of manly booze for breakfast:



But most importantly, MANLY MEN are always - ALWAYS - happy to let their kids choose their birthday cakes:


 (Although it gets less cute when you realize those blobby things are supposed to be hearts. o.0)


Thanks to Julia K., Katherine H., Meredith, Anony M., Monica F., Anony M., & Marianne for joining me in a rousing rendition of "Men In Tights." All together, now, ladies!

We're men! {MANLY MEN!} We're men in tights! {TIGHT TIGHTS!]

Ok, girls, that should be stuck in everyone's heads now for the rest of the day. OUR WORK HERE IS DONE.

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Reader Comments (63)

Why do I never learn? After all these years, I still get caught with a mouthful of food or drink when Jen tosses out a zinger and I spend the next ten minutes cleaning my keyboard. And yes, I will have that song stuck in my head all day.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Butts and boobs are not exactly the body parts I'm seeing here...

Now if you'll excuse me I need to go retrieve my mind from the gutter.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I am really truly terrified by the prospect of glitter icing as show by Ian's cake. GROSSNESS PREVAILS!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Why is the boob/butt cake surrounded in fur?!?

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Bwahahaha, thanks for the giggles :D. @Melissa, I do not think you want to know O_o fluffy cow, if you see my mind there, please give it back.

p.s. thanks for the men in tights earworm

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I totally d'awwed at that last cake. So sweet!! Also, ew for furry slices of cake-butt (or boob).

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

Sung to the theme from "Men in Tights"

They're men. They're men, that right.
They hunt poo in the forest -- it looks a fright.
They're men, they're men, that's ri- ight
They want birthday cakes with big bleeding stags alright!
They may love their insults, but watch what you say or else they'll put out your lights!
They're men. They're men, that's right!
Looking at butts, 'cause bewbies have nipples, right?

(Laaaa, la, la, la, la, la, la.....)

They're men, MANLY MEN, they're men, that's right! Yes!
They ride their Harleys on cookie cakes at night
They're men. They're men, that's ri- ight
They drink manly booze at breakfast, it's quite a sight!
It won't make them sissies, if their daughters get them princess cakes, oh so bright
They're men. They're men, that's right! So right!
Always on guard defending their cakey rights...
'Cause they should get cakes that give them manly delight!
They're butch!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The boob/butt cake looks like it has a tattoo of the Playboy bunny but the bunny is sideways? I just spent 5 minutes trying to figure that out. That's 5 minutes I'll never get back! I seriously need coffee now O.o

And for the record my brother would have been terribly proud to receive that daddy cake, even with the icky hearts.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Wreckyard Cakeling

If you can celebrate hunting with crap cupcakes,
Or woodsy tableaus filled with blood and gore;
If you’re a tool who’s loving friends have bad taste;
If you know what breasts and butts are for;
If you can down a fifth of Jack Daniels
As you go out on a wee scooter run-
Every princess will rise up to praise you,
And-which is more-you’ll be a man my son!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Woah what is it even what is where is my mind? Thankfully, all the men in MY life are more of the last cake variety ;)

@Sharyn - Genius! They should hire you for the remix ;D

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

Yes, I will now be humming "Men in Tights" all day. But that motorcycle rider looks scarily like one of my kids' drawings from first grade. My kids will be very annoyed that they weren't hired for that one.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDeirdre

Ok, the boob/butt cake I totally believe is a butt cake. No nips. Also, it is in dire need of a brazilian wax!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdonna

On the field, no stream
can wash away the skid marks.
Of blood. From my heart.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Chocolate chip cookie cake: man riding a wheeled cow? Guess it would be a cow-a-soki?

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

My first thought was, Is he riding a motorcycle or a DOG? And that brings up a lot of questions about manly men that I don't particularly want to know the answers to...

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

If my husband let my daughter pick his birthday cake, he'd end up with an astronaut-dinosaur-fairy-princess-pirate-car mechanic-who-is-also-a-baby. Which would be pretty awesome, actually.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWendyWendy

Sharyn, you and Jen truly inspired me to comment today. Meet my rendition of "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan.

Let's get down to Cakewrecks
To make some puns
They gave me moldy poo
When I asked for guns
That's the saddest deer
I ever met
But you can bet
Your breast/butts too
Mister, I'll make a cake
Out of you

*throws up hands* That's it. That's all I got. (They were out of coffee this morning.)

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

I can't think of a less appetizing cake (and there are sure plenty of unappetizing ones on this site!) than a hunter and prey, even without the blood. I can't imagine who would want it, and I wouldn't want to be friends with them!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

The childish scrawl on the princess cake just makes it more perfect! Thanks for the Men in Tights reference. Hey nonny nonny!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCookieD'oh

Is it just me, or does it look to you guys as though the wrecker of the "booze" cake just slapped a plastic parfait cup on the end of a loaf of bread and frosted the whole thing?

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

The trails of blood on cake #2 are a nice finishing touch. That they show only where the deer crosses the stream, instead of disappearing there, are a problem that I'd rather not think too much about.

Melissa — I think that's supposed to be a feather boa, an accessory for the stripper.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

@Lorie...I'm dying here..."cow-a-soki"...genius!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

What? No spent rifle shells or bullets on the first cake? The wreckerators are really getting lazy.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPeachkins

My nieces (aged 2 and 5) decorated a Darth Vader and ballerina cake for their dad last year that looked better than that "professional" princess one. He also wore a sparkly pink crown while blowing out the candles.

And Shannon? You rock.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSweetums

@Lorie ~ "cow-a-soki" = most unladylike snorts...Thanks for that!
@Sharyn ~ When Jen does another book I really hope you're songs are included!
@Shannon~ Well done! Here, I'll share my second pot of coffee with you. You're welcome! :-)
@Joel Polowin ~ Good catch! Don't try to analyze it anymore, you'll only make your head hurt. ;-)

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@SuBee - genius! I was just reading the original, unadulterated version in my daughter's 7th grade English textbook just the other day... :-)

As for cake #2, that reminds me of a friend who goes deer hunting every fall. One time, I happened to text him during his trip & he promptly reported getting 2 deer with one shot. Apparently, the deer had lined up just right. I texted back, "Congrats to you; condolences to the deer." (He would probably love this cake...)

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

@Lorie - If I could insert that slow applause animated gif, I would. Outstanding.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

That last cake is probably the sweetest wreck I have ever seen.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Now I have both Men in Tights AND Be A Man playing at full volume in my head, competing with each other to drive me mad. And I'm in a very quiet library trying to write a paper, so I can't even sing along. :(

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichelleH

Joel Polowin - I know I should never read the comments. Until I read yours, I thought it was a bridge on the deer cake and was only wondering what the sign said. Now, I will never unsee that cake!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

@SuBee - My lit-loving heart is yours for that awesome riff on Kipling!

and now back to lurking. :-)

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKate

@SuBee and Shannon: awesome.

#1: I could pretend those are toasted marshmallows and eat every one of those cupcakes. Thank you baker for not making a CCC (patooie!).

#2: Customer: "I think I was given the wrong cake. I ordered a Christmas cake with red and green decorations, but this has a hunter and a deer standing next to a stream."

Wreckerator: *knocks deer over, splatters some red "blood"* "Now it's red and green. That'll be $19.99 plus a $5 charge for the custom decoration."

#4: It's Adam Savage wearing an I'm From Planet Butthead mask.

#5: @Lorie: I don't see a cow, but I love your post! Teehee.

#6: @BADKarma: Now that it has been see, it cannot be unseen. : - )

#7: I have been a fan of CW long enough that I could easily tell that those blobby things are hearts, but what are those long, yellow, wormy things supposed to be?

@Sweetums: I would love to see that cake! Too cute!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Does that boob/butt cake say "Harry" or "Horny"???
I'm dying laughing here....

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTamara

First thought that came with the Manly Men was the line from "Down with Love" " Ladies' Man, Man's Man, Man About Town"

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBecca L

I think, quite possibly, that Fluffy Cow and I are envisioning the same OTHER body parts than butts and boobs. Actually, the OTHER body parts were the first that came to mind on that fourth cake, though why a man would tattoo that... I mean... I think it might hurt a bit much.

Off to join the others hunting for where our minds trundled off to!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Yeah... That booby butt cake also looks like it might be a set of balls.... Yep, my head just imploded. I can't even identify the gender of a cake. I fold!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNaughty Naultilus

SuBee, that poem was awesome. Cow-a-saki is an awesome and appropriate pun. Lastly, that has to be a scrotum, given the pile of fur it sits upon. I have no idea why it's tatooed or wearing a thong, but I don't hang with a very exciting crowd.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercal

ok... so the butt cake... has no crack and if its boobs it has no nips so that means it might be a pair of freshly shaved dangling man parts and they left the hair around the sides for garnish. Not even gonna try to explain that strappy thing holding them down cause.. well, we just aint going there today.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjenjen

Re: The booby butt: John Wayne Bobbit wearing a backwards jock strap.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterharry

That first cake looks like a big, manly chest rug! Mmmmm, tasty.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHilly

Sharyn, Suebee and Haiku Joy BAHAHAHAHA

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

#1 Reduced 40%. Hmm, can't imagine why.

#2 The sign says, "Field and Stream." So naturally, you have a field and a stream. Only I'm not sure it's accurate to call that a 'stream', since the water isn't moving, as evidenced by the trails of... never mind. The deer looks like the victim of a drone strike -- it's sure that rifle didn't do that.

#3 Jon was the first guinea pig customer to receive the "Such-A-Tool". It's a hammer! It's a pipe wrench! It's two tools in one! If something turns and it isn't supposed to, use the hammer! If it is supposed to turn but doesn't, use the pipe wrench! Sort of like the famous duct tape / WD-40 'tool kit', only with actual tools.

#4 This couldn't possibly have anything to do with the chestular region, unless those, er, 'straps' are implanted.

#5 "Cow-a-saki" indeed. Does that mean the rider is a pun-gent?

#7 Hearts? Suure. What does a yellow heart symbolize? It sounds to me like something Yosemite Sam would say: "Git over here, ya yellow-hearted varmint!"

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Did anyone else notice that the singed poop cupcakes were so unpopular that they are marked down 40% to try to sell them???

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKestrelle

When I read the comment about riding a dog, the thing that immediately went through my head was a bit of lyric from Sondheim's Frogs. Where men are men, and sheep are nervous. At your service.
And now I can't get it out of my head. Thanks alot XP

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkelticat

Definitely a butt. It's the suspenders and where they connect.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCoffeetailor

am i the only person who knows that you're means you are - apostrophes folks!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjane lewis

my daughter's play is Robin Hood and at first the parents all had to fight all references to Men in Tights...a LOT! :D

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

Other songs that come to mind to accompany today's post would be:

The Lumberjack Song from Monty Python

& for a totally different perspective, Macho Man by the Village People

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna`

The "Happy birthday daddy" princess cake is just adorable, even with the heartblobs! Love you Cakewrecks, thanx for the chuckles.

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathie

...because making fun of guys is always funny. Right?



April 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

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