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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Apr102013

Pass Fail

Ok, bakers, you have one job. ONE JOB. Ready?

Here goes.

This plastic piece has football lacing on it, so -  still with me? Yes? - so just put it on a cake, like so:

...and voilà! Instant football.

Now, go find a brown cake, and put the piece of plastic on it. That's it. That's all. You literally cannot screw this up. 

Annnnnd .... go.

What.

What are you doing.

Seriously.

 

TRY AGAIN.

*headdesk*

*headdesk*

*headdesk*

 

Thanks to  Megan C., Michelle L., & Carol B. for the reminder to always keep it stupid, silly.

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Reader Comments (59)

Sung to: Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Lace belongs on the brown cakes
Not on pink, just on brown
Skip cupcake trays and pudding-filled snacks
I'm just really so taken aback
C'mon root, root, root for the baker
If they don't get this it's a shame
(Aahh)
For it's one,
Two,
Three strikes, you're out
And your cakes... are... LAME!

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Yesterday, I had a student argue with me that the word "bunny" is a college level word which she should get extra credit for using in a sentence. Her rationale was that it was a word in one of her textbooks. She flounced angrily off in near tears when I declined to accept "bunny" as a college level word.

She and plastic football lacing decorator are soul-mates.

No, wait, let me guess:
Everybody's a winner
but you most of all.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Pink pigskin laces
Pass to poo asterisk "ball"--
Pudding cake touchdown!

[I now pass the haiku ball back to Haiku Joy, who always scores a touchdown.]

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHerakleios

The brown mess on those cupcakes... FAIL! Seriously, who would eat those?

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdannysmom

Is it just me or does the concept of a "pudding cake tray" just boggle the mind? It doesn't look like pudding, cake, or pudding cake. What is that?

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

In the last cake, one of the label choices is "Louisiana Crunch". I am sure the "crunch" is the plastic baby that's left over from the Mardi Gras cakes.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaxmom

@HaikuJoy: I can definitely feel your pain. I've had an ongoing debate with my (undergrad and graduate) students regarding the fact that they have to write in complete sentences. Granted, I'm teaching history, so the "bunny" issue doesn't come up that often. :)

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

I don't really watch football...I'm pretty sure those bakers don't either O.I

@Haiku Joy ~ Sounds like the perfect time to pull out the babies!

@ Sharon ~ Now I'm going to be humming that all day. I'm sure my boss won't notice, right???

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I would have followed the headdesk with a facpalm. Sharyn lolol

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Oh, and the "this source has a very deep to the soul information" sentence returned in the final draft.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I think we're going to have a whole generation of adults who don't know how to write in full sentences because they've been texting since they were 12.

dnt u thnk? :-/

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterValerie

If you squint a little and ignore the plastic lettering on the side is it maaaaaaaaaaybe possible that the pink cake is intended to be the back of a corset? I mean, if it is, it's still terrible, but maybe, possibly the wreckarator was trying to be creative? Possibly?

I am clearly feeling generous this morning. Huh.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterET

The shape of the football lacing... Um... That's an... Um... Interesting shape... Um... MOVING ON...
@millbrit I agree. What is a pudding cake anyway? Also, YOUR STUDENTS DIDN'T WANT TO WRITE COMPLETE SENTENCES? SERIOUSLY? What, were they going to use text language instead? Actually, maybe I don't want that answered...
@Haiku Joy Bunny? Seriously? The chick thought "bunny" was a college level word? SERIOUSLY? -_- Ouch. The stupidity hurts my brain.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady's Daughter

Ok.. the first cake looks like a creepy hacked off body part with stiches... bleck..

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterstaxia

I enjoyed Sharyn's song very much and then it dawned on me that is a baseball tune and these were suppose to be football fail cakes. Makes them even wreckier!

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharon's Edible Art

#2, no pun intended, "spaghetti and poop meatballs cupcake cake" . So many wrongs in one epic wreck!

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdutchgirl

millbrit, do they ever say to you "but this isn't English class? I don't have to use complete sentences in history class?"

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I just... I can't even...

Every time I think we've reached the bottom of the 'stupid' barrel. Every. Time.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

TECHNICALLY</>, those could also be used to make anything - ANYthing - into a "recent surgery" cake... FYI. You're welcome.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

@Sharyn - aaaaaand you've done it again. I honestly don't know how you keep it up. If they ever bring back "Who's Line Is It Anyway?", I am *SO* nominating you!!! :-)

@Haiku Joy & millbrit - I taught chemistry & biology for a few years & if I had a dollar for every time I heard "But this is <science> class, I don't need to write in complete sentences / show my work / include units in my answer..." (The latter would be why we lost a satellite years ago on the way to Mars. One engineering team used metric & the other used English...NASA's worst hour for sure... ;-(

@At no one particular - 2nd photo's mine - Whoopee! ;-0 KarateLady strikes again!

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

What is that, Frankencake?

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarian

Oh, no...the Tingler is loose in the bakery....scream for your lives!

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

I don't believe those are football lacings at all! They're stitches for all the headbanging they cause you. Thoughtful... no?

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKimberj

I heart Sharyn. Her work is the perfect complement to this site. That is all.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChris

Are you ready for some football? Good, because all you're getting is the laces.

If I'd paid a quarter, I'd want it back.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

By the time I got to the second "cake", I thought. "Wait, there's more than just the two of these out there?"

(hoping that's a complete and accurately punctuated sentence. LOL.)

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

It boggles the mind that decorators even need a plastic doohicky to make what would be a very simple design. I'm a horrible cake decorator but I'm pretty sure even I could glop on a fairly decent football lace - and it wouldn't be shiny.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

Did the second cake have guacamole on it? A little lemon folks!!!

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterliz

OK , I'll be the rational one! (And No I'm not a baker!) The plastic lace football covers MUST be leftovers from foot ball season, and they are using them up right? Right!?!?! God please someone tell me this is the case!

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

The bunny student is in her 40s. English is her first language. She literally pouted when I told her "no."

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

They could also be used for Halloween as spines.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJen (not THE Jen)

I think the brown one is "supposed" to be a basketball...maybe?

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy

#1: It's pink because a football is called a pig skin, duh.

#Every Wreck of This Magnitude: This is clearly a clever attempt at world domination. The rest of us will have headdesked ourselves into comas and be unable to resist.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Considering that the pink one had a plastic "XLVI" on the side, they actually meant to make a pink football. Was it just so their customers could avoid eating brown frosting, or were they trying for the "girl" market?
Because that would just be stupid.
Girls know footballs are brown.
Even Jen.
;-)

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

"Cake" #3 actually does look like a bunch of slices from a pudding cake (e.g. cake with pudding mix added to it to make it moist). Why someone would think it's acceptable to put plastic football (or corset) laces on it is beyond me.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna`

Please tell me these were all Photoshopped, like Sad Keanu.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPamtha

@Haiku Joy, that is just sad. I'm 40 and know quite well that bunny is a word I learned by first grade. Heck, I had to learn to spell and define 'procrastination' in second grade. By that standard, lagomorph wouldn't even make the grade.

As for the "football" cakes, I have no words.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMyra

The first one makes me think of my 16 year old when he smiles. (brace face)

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTaffy Cake

These all remind me of instructions between me and my "gardener." EVERYTHING has to be done twice - once creatively and the other the way I instructed. If I laugh at this site, sometimes I don't shreak after the "gardener" leaves. Jen, you don't know how many lives you have saved.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNorine

Thanks for the support everyone. Fortunately, students who do not use full sentences are relatively few and far between. Now the number who manage to avoid reading the whole assignment is a completely different story. Maybe that explains so many of the Cake Wrecks that we see... ;)

@KarateLady's Daughter: Pudding cake comes in many different forms, many of which are absolutely delicious! Granted, I'm slightly biased on that front. I always ask for Banana Split Cake for my birthday. Some people consider pudding cakes to actually be a form of pie, although I'm not going to attempt to differentiate between the two. Either way, it's worth trying. :)

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

Personally, I look to voice-texting on 'smart' phones that aren't smart enough to distinguish accurately between homophones as the agent of final destruction of written English. This trend merely reinforces the seemingly endless conflation of to / too / two, your / you're, lose / loose with which we are all overly familiar. Thankfully, it cannot contribute to the "extraneous apostrophe on a plural" phenomenon that I would like to see dropped into the nearest live volcano. You know, to advance science and stuff.

How did today's thread become an English forum?

In summary, I would just like to pose one question: Pineapple pudding cake? Really? Trying to combine 'pineapple' and 'pudding' in my mind is like trying to force two like magnetic poles into contact.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

@Haiku Joy- I'm guessing your 40 year old was snapping her gum, twisting her index finger in her hair, and wearing a skirt that was WAAAAYYYY too short when you had this conversation with her? I'm picturing a blank look on her face 90 per cent of the time.
It's a very scary future we are facing as a society.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterColin M.

#1... Theses cakes are ridiculous.
#2... Louisiana crunch cake is delicious. j/s

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKrystal

@Haiku Joy, @millbrit, and @KarateLady-- I asked my college students to insert a computer-related clip art image into a Microsoft Word document, and I got bunnies, Christmas trees, skateboards-- anything BUT computer-related objects. I finally realized that "computer-related" meant "stored on the computer" to them.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

I'm catching up on a few days here, and I really don't have much to say about today's cakes except: if even I know it doesn't look like a football, then it really doesn't look like a football.

As for yesterday, for those of you who have not seen Game of Thrones or have and it's not your pint of mead, please don't judge those of us who do. A few of us would run away with Peter Dinklage if he asked us to, and our loving husbands would understand. (Seriously, he's awesome. Actually, they both are.)

Through this fair blog I have been introduced to many a specialized interest over lo, these many years, (steampunk, Firefly . . . the Oxford Comma) and I have kept my mind open. Sometimes I, too, have fallen under the sweet spell of a new interest, and other times not, but through it all I have recognized that people of fine taste and intellect can, and indeed should, be partial to a diverse array of delights. It is one of the things that makes this community of loyal Wreckies so endearing and enduring.

Tricia . . . Out.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

Milbrit, I teach US history. Every term I have to explain that yes, grammar matters. "But this is not English class. It's not fair! You should only grade on content." Ah, but if I cannot understand what you are trying to say, I cannot grade the content. And then there's the, "You only read three chapters, didn't you?" "Naw, I read the whole book." If so, why did you miss the two chapters that talk specifically about {region}?

I suspect this translates into "Of course I read the entire order form. Your cake has a football flotsam on it, doesn't it?"

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

@KarateLady: They are bringing back Whose line is it Anyway!. It will be on the CW but but they are bringing back most of the performers.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJerseyGirl

It's time for an eye exam: I thought the pink one was a princess phone.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMs Judy

@JerseyGirl - Then we MUST nominate Sharyn post-haste! After all, they are bringing back *most* but not all of the performers... :-)

@Tricia - Well said & quite right! Thank you for being so gently assertive (seriously - it was nicely done!) rather than aggressively defensive as some might after their favorite show has been attacked. (Hey, if anybody mocked my fav shows or me for watching/loving both the new & old Hawaii-Five-O, or TRON, or Lost in Space, etc., I would feel at least slightly compelled to practice some martial arts on them, though I would try to restrain myself & be civilized...)

@Craig - Yes, we should discuss the wrecks & drop the tirade against students-who-aspire-to-do-the-least & are a sign of the-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it...Did ya see where I took the photo of cake (CCC) #2?! :-) @Haiku Joy - And did you snack on one of those babies when Ms. 'Bunny' hopped away? :-)

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

That first cake reminds me of when my sister's bestie was little and tried to fix his teddy bear when the seam between the legs got ripped. His mother advised him to never become a gynaecologist, and I hope someone said the same to that baker *shudder*

As for the decline of grammar, that's been happening for at least ten years. When I started college, one of my tutors had to make a general announcement after our first assignment for her class that text spelling was not acceptable in college assignments. These were supposedly intelligent people who had somehow already gotten into college (and future teachers, I might add) and they were using text spelling in their assignments?! I give up.

April 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGrĂ¡inne

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