Not a REAL baby, of course; that would be edible.
No, this is a tiny, plastic, inedible baby (a la carrot jockey) hidden inside the doughy goodness. The person who cracks a molar on said non-edible baby is King or Queen for the day, and traditionally is required to make next year's deep-fried baby fritter.
If that's you, then here's what you need to make a proper King Cake:
- Melted white icing
- (1) ton each of gold, green, and purple sprinkles
- (1) baby, non-edible
Traditionally speaking, the King Cake is not the most pleasing thing to look at. In fact, if your King Cake is a hideous blob of slime and sprinkles, then, congratulations! You nailed it!
Of course, some bakers do try to hide the hideousness with beads, coins, and any other shiny objects they have lying around:
And, given our sue-happy world, bakers do have to make sure customers are aware of the non-edible baby choking hazard:
Thanks to Anony M., Brinn M., Brooke S., Marcia T., Chastity B., Kelley H., Brandon H., Lauren, & Kiki, who think Fat Tuesday just got a little skinnier.
UPDATE: Whatever you do, DO NOT venture into the comments today. Our EPCOT threat level is at RED, people. RED! Run away! Don't look back! And whatever you do, DO NOT SAY A KING CAKE IS DEEP-FRIED! OR CAJUN! OR TASTES BAD!
[Kermit flail] AAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!