Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May272011

Confectionary Compensating

Men, we need to talk.

Ladies, if you could just give us a minute? Thanks.

[tapping foot while 99.6% of readership leaves the room]


[whispering] Right, then. Listen, guys. I know some of you might be "concerned" that your bride-to-be has had wedding cake in the past. And yes, she probably has!

Hey, some girls have had lots of wedding cake.

And sure, ok, maybe they were fairly large cakes.


Maybe they were even huge cakes.


But that doesn't mean she won't be satisfied with a perfectly average-sized cake!

(Ok, you can't see her face - but I'm sure she's thrilled.)

So even if your wedding cake seems a bit small and overgrown...


Or perhaps leans to the right...


Or even has a little trouble staying upright...


...the important thing is to remember that your bride loves you, no matter what. The cakes of the past are the cakes of the past! No matter how massive and sweeping and awe-inspiring they may have been.

Er...

And if all else fails, you can always buy a Ferrari.

Thanks to Kimber M., Anony M., Julia H., Tessa D., Adrienne H., Jamie, Rachel O., and Anony M., who can come back in now.

-------------------------------------------------------


« Sunday Sweets: In Memory | Main | HaiCakes! »

Reader Comments (91)

@flying gargoyle- Lol!! Electric company reference!!!

I thought the asians' couples cake had tulle on it. Smoke is much more impressive.

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLatinMama

hahaha it's like you're using wedding cakes as a metaphor for penises

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaptain Obvious

HAHAHAHAHAHAH *choke. sneeze* HAHAHAHAHAHA ....

Sorry. It's not you, guys. Really. *snort* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

That was great,,,, oh and by the way I didnt step out the room... *sticks out tongue*

Have a great holiday weekend!

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNo Cake Fo' You!!

See, this is the problem with our world today. You don't need to even have tasted the cake to be constantly comparing. Back in the old days you'd maybe see one or two wedding cakes - and that might be you best friends cake, or your siblings cake - before you got your own. Now the internet has made it possible for you to look at cake from anyone's wedding from anywhere in the world! Can't we all just be happy with the cake we're given?

wv "fingshe" - I think the wedding planner was using the ancient art of 'fingshe' when stepping up the photo for that last cake.

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaury

I think steam rising from a cake is very traditional in China....Just saying.

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenni Robinson

It might just be that I have a complete lack of a dirty mind but I totally didn't get the innuendo until I started reading the comments. x3 Then I re-read the post and found it much funnier. =3 The "small and overgrown" is the best.

wv - coning, what the chef did to the first cake before decorating it (cone)

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

A HA!!! The newest alternative to plastic flotsam for hiding a wreck... buy yerself a FOG MACHINE!!!
Or, alternatively, serve a lot more alcohol and make the fog a perception rather than a reality! Niiiiiiiice!

wv- berachea as in, "I'll berachea waiting with baited breath for the next edition of Cake Wrecks... I'll jus'be standing rachea... right ovah hea"

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I just wanted to say that I appreciate the too infrequent Male Bonding CW posts hosted by John (The Hubby of JEN).

You think maybe some of those were Tim Allen "Home Improvement" More Power Cakes?

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeffrey

Thank you cake wrecks...once again I have snorted in the breakroom. My co-workers think I'm crazy now- and I can't show it to them because this is soo not work appropriate.

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCorri Anne

Best. Post. Ever.

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sorry, Laury~

I just can't help but paraphrase, in the spirit of the occasion:

"You don't need to even have tasted the (*BLEEP*) to be constantly comparing...you'd maybe see one or two (*BLEEP*) - and that might be you best friend's (*BLEEP*), or your sibling's (*BLEEP*)- before you got your own. Now the internet has made it possible for you to look at (*BLEEP*) from anyone's wedding from anywhere in the world! Can't we all just be happy with the (*BLEEP*) we're given?"

Well, I made myself giggle, anyway.

Onward and upward!
=^~.-^=

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Are we males really such a tiny minority of CW readers? I find this hard to believe. Men love cake, and also hilariously terrible things.

Evidence: obesity epidemic, WWE.

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan

My groom and I decided to pull a fast one on all the people who were expecting us to smoosh the cake into each other's faces.

We sliced two massive pieces, held them up, grinning, and slammed them down on the table behind us, splattering the gathered, aghast crowd.

http://smeelgova.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">Smeelgova Badger-thrower

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCirt

LOL, count my husband as one of your new readers! I just found your blog a few days ago and my husband stayed up last night reading your blog saying, "omg look at this cake". lol.

John, I'll assume asking us female types to leave was facetious. As a married man, I'm sure you know that while men will never stop to ask for directions, we women will never stoop to following them (if given by a man, anyway). :D

BTW, did anyone else see teapots in some of these cakes? (waggles eyebrows)

-Barbara Anne

Could someone work on this for me as I can only get so far with this thought: it's not the size of the innuendo, it's the motion of the notion.

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I hope you're not mad, but I didn't leave the room. But am I Kimber.M??? Or is there another one out there? Thats sooooo freaking awesome if its me.

May 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle .K

Holy moly.. who on earth could make that first cake without ten ladders and a prayer? Who for that matter needs that much cake lol. You can never really have too much cake but that is just coma inducing to say the least. Wow. I am dying of laughter here at the commentary too lol.

May 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

LOL, "too much of a good thing is wonderful"...or not.

I'm going to a wedding this weekend, and I'm taking my camera, but I really, really hope the cake isn't worth of this site!

May 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

Haha, that's my cake-- where you can't see my face but you're sure I'm thrilled... the really sad part is, THAT was the savior cake from a very accomodating grocery store bakery at the last minute. I went to pick up my $350 wedding cake from a "real" bakery... and found that it had apparently been done by a somnambulant six-year-old with a drinking problem.

(For the record, it's nearly 6 years later, and the cake he still gives me is juuuuuust right. ;-))

Word verif: soicadt. "SoICadt cake is adequate... but is there more underneath?"

May 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTessa

The posts from this entire week just might be the best EVER.

May 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Best. Post. Ever.

May 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJay

Does cake #3 have WHEELS on it? It looks like a huge phallic cake on top of Cinderella's carriage! Wow, fairy tales really CAN come true!

May 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

HA HA HA HA! I LOVE this! :)

May 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLiana

lol. I can't wait to see how many "I hate you now! I'm never reading Cake Wrecks again!" coments you will recieve.
For the record, I don't like this post as I think it is gross and innappropriate. But I absolutely LOVE 99% of the posts you do so I will never leave!

May 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Shirley,

Actually, I think you're the first person who doesn't like the post. At least the first who's told us. Of course, I'm sure others just left forever but they don't tend to tell us about it.

Ah well. Can't please everybody.

john

i think someone is totally over compensating for something with those too tall cakes.

May 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

Jen this was one of your top 5 funniest posts, and that's saying a lot. Keep up the good work :D x

May 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLulu

John, do you ever wonder who reads the 'posted by' line at the bottom? Just wondering.

By the way, I don't view CW for hours at a time, but not because of offense. Maybe my offense threshold is higher than that of some others, or maybe it's just that there are things happening in the world that truly are offensive and inappropriate, and not many take time out of their busy day to protest those. Irony can be pretty ironic.

May 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

So funny, John! And don't feel badly about being in the very, very small minority. ;-)
And Captain Obvious made me snicker when I read his/her comment, thought "Duh!" and then caught the name. Perfect. Love it!

May 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjillb-ilslp

Wow... gotta admire the construction of the first cake .... how is it staying up ????

May 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDOLCE

Haha, we always said that it wasn't size that counts. This post just proves it.

May 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWee Tait

You should know that, for the last cake, about 90% or more is not actually cake, it's rubber. In Japan it's kind of a novelty to have some western elements in the wedding, including the cake. The facilities that hold these weddings sometimes have these huge rubber cakes in store. The cakes have an empty "slice" at the bottom that they fill in with real cake, so that the bride and groom can cut into it, and get their picture taken.

May 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa H

Hahaha I loved the last one especially since my parents had exactly the same kind of cake at their Japanese wedding! I think when you cut it, smoke rises out of the cake.... kind of like those ninja smoke bombs that they use in the movies lolol. If you want to get a taste of Japanese weirdness, you should go to www.wtfjapanseriously.com for some offbeat videos... lol

May 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The correct spelling is "confectionery", I'm afraid. Not sure if it has been mentioned in any other comments.
Maybe the cake wreckers' bad spelling is contagious? ;-)

-Adriana C, from Dublin, Ireland.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdriana Collins

Adriana Collins,

I don't think you're right in this case. Confectionery is a noun and means either a collection of sweets or a shop that sells them. Confectionary is the adjective of the word confection which is the way I used it. Unless I'm wrong. And I don't think I'm wrong.

Unless I'm wrong...

john

Cute! But, what is so funny about having a small wedding cake? I did because we had a small wedding......:)

June 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last cake is fake. Standard operating procedure in Japan is that venues own a stupidly huge fake cake they rent out over and over again. Every wedding they just replace the two inch square bit of real cake that the couple cuts. They don't even eat the bit they cut, they just cut it and get a picture. It's one of the traditions from the west they've adopted but don't quite get.

June 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOnikenbai

I thought this was the most boring post ever, until I got halfway through the comments and realized it was full of hilarious innuendos. After rereading it, I found it was just as funny as all the others on here. :) Thanks for always making me laugh!

November 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Late to the party, but for the record, that last cake (the Japanese one with the fog) may not be a real cake. Many fancier Japanese wedding halls have fake cakes for the "cake-cutting" with slots to put the knife into. Sometimes on a rotating platform, to ensure all guests get a clear photo of the occasion. (Though to be fair, if anyone would put a fog machine into a real cake, it would be the Japanese...)

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbewildered

With the huge fog filled cake at the end... Most of that is NOT cake. Only a small portion where the knife goes in (and sets off the fog, not smoke) is cake. The rest is (frosted) plastic and used over and over again. Guests are served slices of sheet cake or fancy, individually decorated, petite cakes.
(I've been to a few weddings in Japan, none as 'rich' as this one tho!)

July 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterT M Kubota

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>