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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jun172011

When "Falker Satherhood" Is Just Too Wordy

So, how do you tell your dad how much you appreciate him this Sunday?

Well, hopefully not like this:

"Fatters Day is kind of like Father's Day, only for fatties. So - and think carefully before you answer this - would you like a slice of cake, Dad?"

The moral here is if you add enough shredded coconut, no one will notice you wrote "Happy Fathday's Day."

Of course, if you do write it wrong, the good news is you can always fix it:

*sigh*

Oh, hey! If your father's dad is named George, then this next one almost makes sense!


What? I said "almost."

Now, brace yourself for my famous Goldmember impression in 3..2..


"My farza is toit loyk uh toyger! Schmoke and a pancake?"

[bowing] Thank you. Thank you very much.


Or, if you want to take it one step "ferther":

Ah, how I yearn for the day when I'll have a title* worthy of all-cap block letters.

"How are you, HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON?"

"Fine, thanks."

"Gerald, have you met HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON? She's quite snarky, you know."

"Yes, yes, I've known HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON for years!"

Ok, so the actual title needs work, but I rather like it. Especially since it would give the impression that everyone talking about me has Tourette's.

Thanks to Anony M., Brenda Jo, Jessica I., Kristen R., Kristina, & Toni S. who ARE ALL AWESOME PEOPLE.

*Update from john: As far as we can tell, this cake was not made for a Haitian dictator.

« A "Big" Contender | Main | Ties That Bind »

Reader Comments (53)

"Happy ferther day Fran├žois Duvalier"
wouldn't fit.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

That last one is wierd - Papa Doc was a Haitian dictator!

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterasthehind

I think we'd ALL be happy if George were our father.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

WHAT is on that first cake, besides bad writing? I can't figure it out.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

I have a friend who does an excellent Goldmember impression, but even he couldn't do it in print.
My hat's off to you, ma'am.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

wait... the Papa Doc? I don't think the Haitians really want to wish him that happy of a falker satherhood...

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertracylee

I went into WalMart yesterday and there was an entire table of Father's Day cookie cakes (mmm....big cookie is my favorite kind of cookie) right up front. Every single one of them could have been categorized as a "wreck" for one reason or another. I didn't even bother taking any pictures. It was just too sad. I wonder if the bakers of the world all secretly hate their own fathers.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

Are you getting submissions from Haiti? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fran%C3%A7ois_Duvalier

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

What? No farters day cakes?

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterScorp

Sprinkles make everything better...or coconut...whatever....

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

At first I thought that first one was a menorah for some reason. Then I realized that the silver orbs were roses and the poo menorah was actually poo foliage. It only could have been better with a " Happy Farter's Day" inscription.

i'm surprised you haven't shown any with the misspelling i did as a child once - happy farters day...it was early and spell check didn't catch it.
-mary

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMary

was "Doc" an afterthought? it's just floating in the corner...and why would you call someone Papa Doc anyway? is he a full-of-himself type that insists on his title of Dr. even from his kids? (those PhD types are like that).... unless the wreckerator misspelled "DOG", in which case Papa Dog is even weirder. he's either being insulted (philandering papa anyone?) or they're celebrating the fatherhood of their canine.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Funny but gutted you didn't find a farter's day cake =D

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWee Tait

The coconut actually looks tasty-just badly worded. The others-I have no words O_o

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I see I'm not the first to think of this, but you would think that Papa Doc Duvallier's kids could afford a nicer-looking cake than that.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Is it just me, or does it look like there's a poo menorah on the first one?

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

@Trevor: The first cake says "Happy Fatter's Day."

wv: dedag. "Dedag nabbin' cake is a wreck, Paw!"

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBob

Heh - George is my father's name. But he doesn't like cake.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

In terms of titles that should be said in all caps, I've always favored LORD HIGH MUCKETY-MUCK. When I take over and become Benevolent Dictator of All the World, I plan to have people address me as that.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought of Papa Doc Duvallier!
We is some edumacated people here at cakey wrex.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@Amy's Cooking Adventures: Really? Roses? I never would have come up with that, but you're probably right!

Y'know that saying, "He thinks his s*** doesn't stink?" It doesn't; it smells like roses!

wv: sualer Dad's a brave man if he can sualer a piece of that!

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

You know, a flapjack und a shigarette? No?

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhalesbales

Most Esteemed Jen,

Of course you're worthy of an all-caps title. I'm stunned you don't have one already.

While I like HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON ("HSCSP" for short,) I think of you as SHE WHO BRINGS WRECKED CAKES TO LIGHT (SWBWCTL), or SHE WHO MAKES ME SNORT BEVERAGES ONTO MY POOR ABUSED KEYBOARD (SWMMSBOMPAK -- see, an acronym is handy for the long ones...)

You should start using an all-caps title today. Trust me, it'll change your life.

Sincerely, SWWIGAB
(SHE WHO WALKS IN GRACE AND BEAUTY) -- bestowed years ago once friends and family discovered what an unfettered klutz I am.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Aren't Hot dogs, burgers and beer likely to make you fart? Maybe it's supposed to be farters day, for the dad who is particularly flatulent...maybe?

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I think the "farthers" day one was intentional...still funny, though. Nice impression, too.
*must work "smoke and a pancake" into conversation today...

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I see I am not the only one who thought the 'adornment' on the first cake looked like a mangled menorah.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNYCGirl

Falker Satherhood is a new greeting for Slartibartfast? Or a new relation? But I don't think he was a father.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

All my cousins' kids call my uncle "Papa Doc". Although as far as I know they don't know about this website, so there must be someone else out there who calls a father figure "Papa Doc" too. :)

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSkye

As a St. Louisan and a HUMAN BEING, I am embarrassed by the Happy Father's Dad cake. I will apologize on their behalf.

wv: ourip

Let 'er ourip, it's Farther's Day!

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I guess Baby Doc decided to get the dictator daddy a Cake Wreck.

WV: Pifisel... Man these cake's be pifisel (pitiful).

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKiriD

I'm reading "Farzthers" as FARThers or maybe that's just my family...

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjeannie b

#1: I thought that was a frost-breathing Hydra of some sort...

#2: Mmmmm, coconut. I think if you stare at that cake long enough, you will see one of those "#1 Dad" trophies.

#3: I wonder what it said *before* they "fixed" it!

#4: Nobody says "Father's *Day*" anymore. Get with it!

#5: "Schmoke and a pancake" was my brother's favorite line for quite some time.

#6: No, no, no! That's a cake for Doc's Papa. What you don't see, out of shot, is the six other cakes for "Papa Grumpy", "Papa Sleepy"....

Are you taking suggestions? How about Her Royal Snarkness? Number One could be the Snarkness in Waiting and John could be JTHOHRS - (John The Hubby of Her Royal Snarkness, of course!).

Andrea

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'd eat that second cake. It looks tasty.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

That HAPPY FARTHERS DAY cake would probably make my Dad laugh so hard and loud that he might accidently just let one rip. And then he would laugh even harder.

I like seeing my Dad laugh. Where can I buy one of those cakes? (jk)

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBhakti

A bong and a blintz?

WV: milsabl - these wrecks are milsabl.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAimz

Papa Doc is a Voodoo Saint..and those who celebrate the saints of that religion would make a happy birthday papa doc cake...Read Mama Lola it's about Haitian Voodoo Priestesses and the Saints.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen, it indeed seems that EVERYTHING besides "Happy" is "too wordy."

MILLIONS of other stores/bakeries are at this very moment in a fury to commit similar cakes before Sunday.
I find the implications deeply disturbing--does anyone else??
There needs to be a grassroots movement to modify our educational system to mandate cake baking/decorating classes in all schools, starting from Kindergarten and continuing on up through college.
Talk to your legislators.
Our cakes' futures are at stake.

=^-.-^=

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

there is a show here in the uk called Jeremy Kyle, I think that the Farthers day cake may have been made for one of its guests http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zekd4iNru6M
Watch and enjoy!

Louise

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My girls asked what we should get Jeff for fathers day. I said hot wings and beer. They said they don't know how to wrap that. Love them.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi D

I'm just glad there were no "Herpy Feathers Day" cakes...

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBriessa

Aaaaaah! Papa doc???

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLetitia

Empress Jen, Grand Snarky Poobah?

Her Snarky Eminence, Jen of Yates?

Maybe "snarky" isn't the way to go. It sounds sort of plebeian. Snippety? Ironic? Flippant? No, no, "flippant" would bring on ocean mammal jokes with this crowd. (ponders) I'll work on it!

-Barbara Anne, the Blathering Princess Non-Bride

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Might I just say that I love how many people thought of "Papa Doc" Duvalier. It warms my nerdy little heart.

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterycleped

I read cake number five as Fart hers day. I love this website!!

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Of all possible subjects for an EPCOT... John (thoJ), were you trying to block it or were you seeking to plant the thought? (For the record, PDV was my first thought on seeing the 'Papa Doc' cake. Glad I read the footer -- and the comments -- before commenting.)

#1 I could almost make a case for 'Happy Fratter's Day', but since we're supposed to be careful with such references, I won't go there. Gray roses? Really? In floral language, isn't that being darned by faint praise?

#2 Maybe 'Fathday' is another stage in the evolution of Newspeak. Of course, we would also then have 'Mothday', which brings up a curious set of geeky associations.

#3 'Happy Fathers Dad' must be one of those might-be-intentional conflations like 'congradulations'. Of course, with out the apostrophe, 'fathers' is plural non-possessive, as in "Look, Dad -- happy fathers!"

#4 "Look -- we include 'day', you lose some sprinkles. Life's about choices. Take your time. Next!"

Points for including the apostrophe even if the placement is ambiguous. (Trailing is correct.)

#6 Setting aside the possible historical reference, what might 'ferther day' be?

June 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Happy Fatters day indeed.. lol. Maybe just take dad out and skip the cakes since all of them seem to either misspell father or just add weirdness. Don't mind the weirdness but if my dad saw any of those my adult butt would probably be running for the hills lmao.

June 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Oh your remarks to today's cake post are wonderful! I laughed through the whole page!

June 18, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterflomino!

Heh heh Meet the Falkers. (satherhood)

June 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLydia

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