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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jun032011

I Guess The Butt Was Laughed Off?

I like Dexter. I know it's a horrible show and I shouldn't, but I do. (This is John, by the way. Jen claims she'd rather "exercise" than sit through a single episode. Harsh.) Still, there's one thing missing that I think would make Dexter truly great: puns.

Think about it. The occasional "good" CSI-style pun could transform Dexter from a pretty decent cop show about a psychopath who chops bad people up into little pieces and keeps blood in his air conditioner into a pretty decent cop show about a psychopath who chops bad people up into little pieces and keeps blood in his air conditioner...with puns.

Allow me to demonstrate. (With a little - ok, a lot - of help from Jen.)

Random cop 1: "Hey, Dex! Take a look at this blood splatter in the garden."

Dexter: [serious look] "Well, I guess the killer didn't stop... to smell the roses."

Random cop 2: "Oh, man! It looks like the victim's nose was sliced off with a cheese grater!"



Dexter: [putting on sunglasses] "Hmm. I smell a rat."

Random cop 4: "And his feet were thrown over the back wall!"

Dexter: [taking off sunglasses] "So you're saying he got a little...foot loose."


Random cop 753: "I think we found the rest of him over here by the tool shed! Does this look like murder to you, Dex?"

Dexter: [putting on sunglasses again] "Ab-solutely."

Random cop Bob: "Cause of death appears to be a small steel marble lodged in the brain. The vic was a famous marble-collector, but a few seem to be missing from their cases."

Dexter: [squinting] "So losing his marbles was the last thing to go through his mind."

Random cops: [applauding]

Random cop 8675309: "What the...? Hey, Dexter, I think we have an extra limb over here!"

Dexter: "Huh. Maybe the perp was looking to get a leg up on killings."

[silence]

"No? Ok...uh...

"This is a killer who never toes the line."


[everyone avoiding eye contact]

"Still no? Ok, ok, I got it:

"Looks like those little piggies went, 'Whee whee whee! We're DEAD.'"

Thanks to Kelly M., Joanne D., Jenny W., Emma R., & Anna I. for putting murder...on the menu.

Although I don't think I'll be eating again any time soon.

--------------------------------------------------


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Reader Comments (111)

So friggin funny! I love Dexter almost as much as I love this blog! Speaking of puns, you have noticed that Dexter's boat is named "Slice of Life", right?

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenniffer

I'm with you...looking at these cakes is a great weight-loss plan. The leg missing the toes in particular made my stomach clench into a knot. Ugh.

wv: itepr Thanks for being an itepr and helping us understand these wrecks.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

The brain cake reminded me of Gary Olman's hair in Bram Stoker's Dracula.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterUsagi

Gasp...................{crickets chirping}.....................................................................................................................................

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKay

I'm fairly certain that the majority of those puns have been used by Horatio Caine on CSI Miami.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Random Cop 8675309? You owe me a new computer monitor. Mine's sullied with Diet Coke.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhelenabucket

Now I have that Jenny song stuck in my head :-)

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok, you had me on the maggot infested torso...then the foot with the toes amputated.....UGH! Thanks for helping my diet today!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

This post was great! I love the Tommy Tutone reference!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteryellowpickup

YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney

WTH is the deal with the last cake? Is it "celebrating" someone's toe amputation? From an extremely swollen foot? I guess that we should be "grateful" that there was no toenail fungus involved on the remaining toes.

wv--tridetel: Don't attempt to make sense of these cakes; I tridetel make your brain hurt.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

Please no Horatio Cane jokes on my precious Dexter!!! LOL

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLydia Ruby Atsma

OK, OK. You've had your fun with Dexter. (Jen - it's a great show! Read the books for better insight.) But a mash-up with "H"? Our "good little monster" would have to break Harry's Code if he had to work with "H". http://www.cracked.com/funny-116-david-caruso// I once more fail miserably at embedding a link but it explains so much about Horatio Caine.

Now see? The juxtaposition of Dexter and H distracted me from the wreckiness - which was probably a good thing today.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Mindy

That was HIGHLY entertaining :)

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Yeah - I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I saw the dirty toed foot! :(

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarylee

HA!!! This was one of the best posts yet!! LOL, very funny stuff. I love you guys, you brighten my morning everyday :)

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

@Melinda (10:11am) - when my Mom had her mastectomy, we threw a Boob Voyage party. The cake was in the shape of single ta-ta. Sometimes you have to joke, or the horror overtakes you.

I'm wondering, though, why a birthday cake would be in the shape of a (huge and very pale!) nose.

wv: nuffici I've seen nuffici body part cakes to last me a lifetime!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarahRod

The nipples are so close together! And the weird chocolate hairiness of it! Nightmare fodder for reals. Oh the horror! D: (Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.)

leorising

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hey, John (THOJ)

I'm glad Jen gave you a hand with those.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I love Dexter! The books are great too, sometimes a little too much like the show [in regards to story line], but when reading it, it's like I'm watching the show.. which is awesome.
And you guys are awesome. And this blog is awesome.
!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberlyAlsp

Since nobody's eating anyway--

My grandmother once had to have some toes amputated due to gangrene.

Now I'm kicking myself for not thinking of ordering a special foot-effigy cake to celebrate the occasion.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Hmmmm....
We get to pick between dirty toes, a giant nose, a bloody rose...and MAN NIPPLES.
Oh, and the *brain* that makes me think of Bishop's mitre.
If it's all the same to you, I think I'll just sit here and wait for the ass that got laughed off to return.

~~takes out a book and kicks back~~

=^u.u^=

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Do you guys watch Castle? Also an excellent source for ... um ... less-than-tasteful (kind of like these cakes) one-liners. And, of course, Nathan Fillion.

WV is too good to pass up: pelve. Pelvis abbreviated, of course. Perhaps by a chainsaw.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

This post reminds me of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3K4yioL2ngI

I say ... jackpot.

I will never, ever, ever understand body part cakes, fwiw, but the wreck factor makes them worse.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Great puns!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Laughing my @$$ off, more at the puns than the cakes. I've never seen Dexter but can definitely see any of the CSI actors saying all of these. Thanks for making my day! :-)

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

How could you tell Dexter was squinting if he had his sunglasses on? lol ;-D

wv: litumecr: Don't li tu me crop #8675309, she won't be jamming anytime soon, will she?

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

Imma stick to NCIS and the various movie references.

But those cakes are disturbing...I can just see DiNozzo making some kind of crude reference and being soundly slapped across the head.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMs. MM

I have always been perplexed by why those puns are so cheesy coming from Horatio Cane. However, when Gil Grissom does his one liners they are so sexy. It's almost as if the Las Vegas CSI'er are so above it and don't want to do it, but Horatio embraces the cheese, he relishes it. Anyway good job!!

wv: toranter

These cakes will toranter me in my dreams!!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Never saw Dexter so I don't get the jokes, butt those cakes are horrible, horrible. I may never eat cake again!
I swear that 4 toed cake is going to chase me in my dreams tonight.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertiny p. elephant

This is my favorite. You guys are beyond brilliant.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

So, uh, that decapitated-toe foot thing... poor cake has a pretty bad case of edema. Makes me wonder what the real leg looked like.

Also makes me not really want lunch...

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

and there goes my lunch.

wv- psync - name of a boy band because nsync was taken

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

Wellllllllllllllllll....the foot bone's connected to the leg bone, the leg bone's connected to the...uh...
(Tries again): Okay! The chest hair's connected to the nose hairs, the brain lobe's connected to the ear lobes (not shown)...the...hmmmm.
Look, this isn't working; I'm going to need more random body parts to finish this song.

~~Back to my book. =^u.u^=

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Ooh, ooh! My chance to be the pedantic corrector who must point out your errors!

It's blood SPATTER, not SPLATTER. I'm a forensic scientist, I know these things.

And that toe amputation cake is one of the grossest things I have seen.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

(Epcot risk disclaimer: I can't read the comments in fear of spoilers because we haven't seen last season of Dexter yet. Although I will have to revisit these comments after we have caught up and see how the uproar compares to the SpongeBob riots.)

OMG! Jen doesn't like Dexter??!!!! Well, it had to happen sooner or later. John, keep working on her. Can't jump into the middle. Have to start with ep 1 to get desensitized. I thought for sure she would think he is a hottie.
Alex

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I heard every one of those puns in Horatio's voice.
Has anyone else ever seen the "David Crusoe school of acting" video? It's very appropriate with this post!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NCTUwfTq2I

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKrantz

Why *shouldn't* you like Dexter, John? It is not a "horrible" show, not by any stretch of the imagination. Season 1 was a TV minor masterpiece. OK, Season 2 was kind of all over the place, with too many new characters ranging from the merely unlikeable (Lundy) to the downright unlikeable (that British girl). However, in Season 3 it got right back on track. I liked Michael C. Hall in Six Feet Under, and in Dexter, he truly gives the performance of his life. Well worth watching, I'd say, and definitely one of my current faves. Sorry, Jen!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Anon,

It's the principle of the thing. A guy murders people and cuts them up into little pieces while talking to his dead father. And I enjoy it.

I don't know...

I just don't know...

john

Ick.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

John ~ This is interesting to me because I've never seen Dexter, but almost everyone I know says I HAVE to watch it because it's so great...

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatrina

The brain, ab and toe-less cakes were too gross!
Oh John, I can certainly see why Jen married you! LOL You are quite the catch..love funny guys!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterprotojew62

Leave Dexter alone! Don't contaminate it by linking it with that CSI crap. (At the risk of starting/fueling an epcot) I’m not a rabid Dexter fan, but Dexter is far more intellectual and better written than most of what appears on CBS et al. And Castle is written much better, too. (Surprisingly for regular network TV.) I’ll curb my CSI rant at that (my husband, who likes Dexter AND CSI, is just rolling his eyes).

As for the cakes, they would have to be a lot more graphic to disturb my lunch (ate right through reading the post). I’ve had many a pathology discussion at the dinner table. But as far as cakes go, I’m a little disturbed by the feet-- are they supposed to look dirty? I’m going on the assumption that they were for a Halloween party. Any other explanation is just wrong.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPuppygirl

Yes, it's a very unusual principle. In one way, it is heart-sickening. But strangely involving... and I think that one cannot deny that Michael C. Hall's performance is one of the very best of the last decade.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlastair

Dude, that was painful!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrianna

"I love Dexter! The books are great too, sometimes a little too much like the show [in regards to story line], but when reading it, it's like I'm watching the show.. which is awesome."

This is a joke. It must be...

I love Horatio, the way he walks backwards out of shots, the sunglasses off/on/off thing, the only ever interviewing suspects from side on... Fab!

Vw: deryo. Oh deryo, these cakes are terrible!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm pretty sure that the addition of puns to Dexter would turn it into Law and Order: SVU. Just sayin'.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

@Julie:

(Music, maestro, please)

I say "po-TAY-toe," and you say, "po-TAH-toe"...
You say "SPATTER," and they say, "SPLATTER"...
~blah blah blah~
Let's clean the whole thing up..!

What's in a name? a blood stain by any other name would be as red...

" What's bloody CAKE? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man."

That there's from that Romeo and what Julie et (and I bet she didn't like it, either).
=^~.-^=

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Totally LOVE this. I am a HUGGEEE Dexter fan. Deff. a shared link on facebook for today.
However, today is Donut day or some crap...would have been cool to see some Donuts on the CW board.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCrystal

Oh Dexter! One of the best shows in... ever!

Dexter meets CSI puns, though? Miami may just explode from over-abundance of cool.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShayna

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