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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jun032011

I Guess The Butt Was Laughed Off?

I like Dexter. I know it's a horrible show and I shouldn't, but I do. (This is John, by the way. Jen claims she'd rather "exercise" than sit through a single episode. Harsh.) Still, there's one thing missing that I think would make Dexter truly great: puns.

Think about it. The occasional "good" CSI-style pun could transform Dexter from a pretty decent cop show about a psychopath who chops bad people up into little pieces and keeps blood in his air conditioner into a pretty decent cop show about a psychopath who chops bad people up into little pieces and keeps blood in his air conditioner...with puns.

Allow me to demonstrate. (With a little - ok, a lot - of help from Jen.)

Random cop 1: "Hey, Dex! Take a look at this blood splatter in the garden."

Dexter: [serious look] "Well, I guess the killer didn't stop... to smell the roses."

Random cop 2: "Oh, man! It looks like the victim's nose was sliced off with a cheese grater!"



Dexter: [putting on sunglasses] "Hmm. I smell a rat."

Random cop 4: "And his feet were thrown over the back wall!"

Dexter: [taking off sunglasses] "So you're saying he got a little...foot loose."


Random cop 753: "I think we found the rest of him over here by the tool shed! Does this look like murder to you, Dex?"

Dexter: [putting on sunglasses again] "Ab-solutely."

Random cop Bob: "Cause of death appears to be a small steel marble lodged in the brain. The vic was a famous marble-collector, but a few seem to be missing from their cases."

Dexter: [squinting] "So losing his marbles was the last thing to go through his mind."

Random cops: [applauding]

Random cop 8675309: "What the...? Hey, Dexter, I think we have an extra limb over here!"

Dexter: "Huh. Maybe the perp was looking to get a leg up on killings."

[silence]

"No? Ok...uh...

"This is a killer who never toes the line."


[everyone avoiding eye contact]

"Still no? Ok, ok, I got it:

"Looks like those little piggies went, 'Whee whee whee! We're DEAD.'"

Thanks to Kelly M., Joanne D., Jenny W., Emma R., & Anna I. for putting murder...on the menu.

Although I don't think I'll be eating again any time soon.

--------------------------------------------------


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Reader Comments (111)

Oh, John. You're really going with PUNS? *profoundly disappointed facepalm*

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

THAT show already DOES exist! It's called CSI Miami and the man is Horatio Caine. (lol)

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterchase

The puns are great and all that, but what causes me more concern is that fact that people have apparently felt a need to have such a plethora of anatomy-based cakes created. Why, for the love of Betty Crocker, why?

Except for the cake missing toes. I don't want to know "why" on that one.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKnit Wit

I visit Cake Wrecks on my lunch break at work every day. I'm proud to say that, until today, I've never gagged while reading. I'm just going to put the rest of my spaghetti in the fridge.
WV: Slici (really? I may just throw this food away.) Slici-ed off- what happened to that last cake's toe.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGennyDiggory

hahahaha. I love puns! I don't want to watch Dexter, though. I'll just stick with yours and Jen's!!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

LOL this was fantastic! Love it!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

On that last one, at least the remaining toes are nicely pedicured. She hasn't completely let herself go.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

If you had used Horatio on a Sunday, I'm not sure I could have forgiven you. However, since these cakes are as wrecky as he is, it works.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSam Gamgee

WHAT is that last one?! I feel scarred. We were not properly prepared for that. What the what?

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

I had no idea Dexter was missing puns, but you've sold me on it.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hmmmm...Random Cop 1,Random Cop 2, Random Cop 4...no Random Cop 3...sounds like a cop-out......

wv - coment: short observation

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

I literally pictured David Caruso making each gesture and his dramatic pauses whenever he states his signature line for the episode just before the dreaded commercial break. Love it. I can't comment on Dexter as I've never seen it, but on another note, it amazes me what people with make a cake into.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Even the mere hint of a reference to Horatio Caine/David Caruso makes me go into fiery feral soap box mode of wondering FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD, WHY IS THAT MAN STILL ON TV???? They (tv execs) cancel shows like "Arrested Development" and "Pushing Daises" and keep "CSI: Miami"????? Why, God, why??? The injustice of it all!!!

{Panting with the exertion of being bodily removed from the soapbox by my husband...}

But, um, great post today.

:-)

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoanna

Oh, I totally understand Jen's hesitation with Dexter. One: I'm squeamish and cowardly and was afraid it would be gory. Two: The premise itself turned me off. However, my hus started watching and I became curious and started watching. I got hooked. Surprisingly, I think there's not that much violence considering the subject matter (compared to the CSIs/ NCISs). Try and convince her to watch a full episode. She might get sucked in like me.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSillyRnti

The last cake reminds me of a friend of my grandma's who had her index (this little piggy stayed home) toe deliberately amputated so she could continue to wear narrow pointy toed high heels. EEEEUUUuuwwww!

And my favorite Horatio one liner: Oh, crap, RUN, he tood of the sunglasses!

Dexter, I tried, but it's like Lassie and worrying too much that Granpa might not get there to get Timmy out of the well. Gives me anxiety nightmares.

wv: quicher Eat your cake and quicher bitchin.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie in Texas

@ Joanna

Preach on sister.
Do you want company up there and is your soapbox built for two?
You forgot 'Life' (a thousand times better than CSI); "Dirty Sexy Money"; "Better Off Ted"; "Southland" (yes, technically picked up by TNT, but that doesn't help if you don't get that station)... I could go on.
and on and on and on....

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPuppygirl

Officer 8675309's correction to ...

@ yellowpickup

That's Tommy "Two Toes" according to the evidence.

wv: Lythol : I need some lythol to kill the lingering bugs that survived the brain bleach

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

I'm a big Dexter fan and although I can't think of a lot of puns (using the true definition of the word) in the show, there are usually at least a couple of lines in each episode that get a giggle from me. And in Dexter's defense, he does only kill the bad people! And yes, that foot cake is truly disgusting…

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterrifframone

Dexter is horrible!? Nuh-uh! I completely disagree, however; these cakes are quite creepy.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Funny. I skimmed right over the long random cop number until I read the comments. When did Jenny become a random cop?

wv: imples - knee-jerk reaction. Maybe the killer was acting on imples.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenternan

Dexter is NOT a horrible, guilty-pleasure show... it's just plain GREAT! I love it! After discovering it, I watched all 4 seasons via Netflix in just a few weeks' time. (However... I will also admit to loving all 3 CSIs...)

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHolly C

LOVE Dexter, LOVE the puns, LOVE this blog! I needed a laugh today...Great job as usual!!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLinda C

I laughed so hard at these, CSI puns are always hilarious. Have you seen this? http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/csi/ I watched this a lot in the UK, but I don't know if it ever caught on here...

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLouise

LOL great post! I've never seen Dexter but I could totally see it's punny potential...

love the random numbering of the random cops, btw!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Oh god... is it just me or did anyone else have a sudden flashback to that foot cake you posted a while ago that had a toe missing? Anyone?

wv (almost to good to be true): outsh. When my limb was hacked off with a rusty butter knife, I screamed OUTSH!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@Louise

I'd never seen that; it's FUNNY.

I don't like the corny one-liners, either, but I think Mr.Caruso is pretty. I liked him in NYPD Blue.
I'd like him in---never mind.

=^9.9^=

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Mein Gott, in what universe would ANY of these be considered a good idea?

The chest hair one turned my stomach in particular. As someone who once got through half of a BLT before realizing the bacon was incredibly spoiled, that's saying something.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterClint

What. In. The. Heck? I, I can't.

wv: Tasift I'm going to eat like nobody's business tonight. Tasift I can get the images of these murder cakes out of my head.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love dexter! I accidentally let it slip to my church group that I watch it though. As if I was not an outcast before.. I feel your pain, I really do.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBigMomma

"I love Dexter! The books are great too, sometimes a little too much like the show [in regards to story line], but when reading it, it's like I'm watching the show.. which is awesome."

You are kidding, aren't you? The books are not at *all* like the show - for once, the filmed version is way, way better than the written version.

Jen, I can't believe you don't love Dexter - it's brilliant. And so blackly funny and dry. Thought it would have been right up your alley. Best show on TV.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSigi

Hahah...brilliant! I love a good pun more than I love a good wreck - combining the two is excellence personified!

WV: slitin. Well it's clear how he died, there was a slitin his heart!

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaya

I heart Dexter! My fav. ever line has to be "I must not kill my sister, I must not kill my sister". :)

Would like to know the stories behind these cakes esp. the feet. Eeeee, would you like some toe jam with your cake?

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentershaz

Dexter as Horatio Caine... My brain hurts... Thanks, Jen/John.

June 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Hmm I agree Dexter could use more humor in it lol. I am still trying to catch up on Season 4 I am so far behind sad but true. Those cakes should just give up and admit the wreckerators butchered them poor things.

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Oh man I love that show! I think it would be a little funnier with some puns on the show.

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDina

Awesome, I've never seen Dexter, but the synopsis sounds neat.

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdorably Dead

John, John, John.

You're just helping the pun control lobby by making their case for them.

By the way, I had Random Cop's number right away. I didn't think you'd mind.

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

@Robin: LOVE the psync line!

@Crystal: Jen and John did a minor showing of big fried donuts back in March... don't remember? They were decorated with some type of beads and yellow, green and purple sprinkles...

Today's post was brilliant. Adore Dexter. I bought my husband the "killing shirt" Dex wears (it's from American Apparel if anyone is looking for it). And I do like the cheesiness of Horatio Caine in a totally different way. Well done today John :-)

wv: menions- Consider me one of your many menions...

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEllen O

This post was great! THAT show already DOES exist! It's called CSI Miami and the man is Horatio Caine. (lol) I love the Tommy Tutone reference!
Visit <a href="http://www.health-article.info/>My Site</a>

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

John, your last line made me laugh out loud. (Not LOL). It's so rare that someone takes the time to show off a sick sense of humour - and I mean that as a compliment! (And yes, I'm Canadian so humour is spelled correctly.) I actually find the Dexter books have some good dialogue that is funny, more so than the show. Hmmmm, think I'll see if there are any lady fingers left ...

Cheryl

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl Black

EEEEK! That toe one is scary. Do you know the back story of it? Like a commiserative cake for having a toe amputated?

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLozzz123

:D

My punny bone hurts. The post was hysterical and the comments have been just as good. Win/Win.

-Barbara Anne

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@sendingintheclowns:

AWESOME! Especially the "neither hand nor foot" part.

And I can tell you, what Julie et is NOT any of these cakes!

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

What! Dexter is a GREAT show! And the puns aren't as cheesy as CSI Miami and the horrible David Caruso. :)

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

While I applaud the use of CSI savvy puns (CSI Miami material for sure), I cannot forgive the insult to Dexter. I expect you to redeem this blog in the near future.

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The last cake will haunt my nightmares. I may never be able to eat cake again.

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjamie

i don't get why those body part cakes were considered a good idea. i suppose the nose one could be for a plastic surgeon, the feet could be for a podiatrist, the brain could be for a neurologist. but what in the name of all that's decent possessed someone to "celebrate" amputated toes with a cake like that?!

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

I love Dexter. I don't have cable so I've had to buy them on DVD. I'd probably hate it if there were puns... that's why I don't watch CSI Miami. I just couldn't stand to hear one more stupid phrase out of Who's his face!

June 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmethyst

It's as if Horatio Caine turned evil.

Wait, now I wanna see him and Dexter go at it.

June 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEjia

The toe-amputation cake is missing TWO toes. To lose one toe, Mr. John, may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness.

June 5, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

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