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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jul142011

john (the hubby of Jen) In The Flesh

My friends, today is National Nude Day, which is why I... [ripping off Velcro pants]...will be writing this post entirely butt nekkid. Aw yeeeah. In fact, I suggest you join me! Just be considerate of your family and cubicle mates, and be sure to walk around and extend a personal invitation to each of them, too.

Now, you may be asking yourself, how will I know that john (the hubby of Jen) is actually naked? Well, here's a picture as proof:

I like to oil up when I write about cake.

Now, let's do this thing!

Here we have a ...

I'm sorry. Excuse me...this chair is really...erph!...scratchy.

So. Here's a turtle:


Oh! Hang on a sec; my neighbor is watering her lawn.

[opening door]

Hi, Mildred! Did you know it's National Nude Day?

Mildred? Don't run so fast, dear, remember your hip surgery!!

She's such a sweetie.

Now, check out this hot little chick:

That is some serious duck face.

(Question: is it ok to scratch below the belt with a back scratcher? Asking for a friend.)

And now, a taco:

Or possibly a hot dog.

Never thought I'd get those two mixed up, to be honest.

(Another question: are wood back scratchers dishwasher-safe?)

Huh. That's odd. Ever get the feeling somebody's watching you?

Must be the cold draft in here.

[crossing legs]

And finally, because this post has been the picture of modesty and decorum so far, let's end with something really inappropriate:


Hey, Carol G., Marianne F., Susan M., Sarah A., & Alexandra, for the last time: I'm up here.

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Reader Comments (104)

John, hubby of Jen...I must say this was a little creepy. Seeing you nekkid...NOT seeing you nekkid...I mean, I absolutely DO NOT want to see you nekkid or even imagine you nekkid. It's not just you...it's any unknown man...and many known men, come to that. If it's National Nude Day, I think I'll stay in my house all day with the curtains closed...wait...that's what I do everyday! NO, it's not what you think. I'm not nekkid...no one is nekkid...except at appropriate times...like 3 o'clock or 5 o'clock...NO that's not what I mean, I mean nekkid for showers only!!! (and other needed nekkid activities) And the curtains are closed because we live in the desert and it's very hot and I don't want the sun shining into our house to make it even hotter...yeah, that sounds good.

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin

The taco dog makes my stomach turn.

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterstuckinmypedals

That's just funny, I don't care who you are. ;-)

Poor Mildred and her bad hip!!! Funny post :)

WV: Putio clothes back on Jon (hubby of Jen)

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNo Cake Fo' You!!!

Is the taco/hot dog cake supposed to be a half a hamburger??? Sloppy either way!

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNiki

P.S. That turtle looks entirely too perky!!!

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin

I have to tell you that I look forward to your posts everyday! And today was no exception!!!! If you ever come to Prince Edward Island in Canada you would be welcome with open arms!! Andrea

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The last one is awesome...and 100% correctly spelled! Amazing!

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteralenxa

@craig...if that pic of John is real (and we all KNOW it is ;-P), then i'm REALLY wishing cake wrecks had a webcam! (wink wink nudge nudge)

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSiouxBee

We mix up tacos and hot dogs on purpose here - Taco Dogs! Put a hot dog in a taco shell and top with taco toppings for the kids.

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenternmc

Aw, man! My plan was to get dressed up for the Harry Potter movie tonight, but I can't pass up celebrating this holiday! I'll just wear glasses and a lightning scar.

WV: siffths
The sound of bare...um...bum slowly separating from a leather desk chair.

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMay

Renee,

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you over the sound of my abs rippling.

[ripplerippleripple]

john

Oooh, oohh! Also:

WV: squac

The sound one makes when one's bare skin separates from the leather desk chair.

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMay

I love this blog!! I come here when I need a chuckle. Thanks!!!

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa C

@Haiku Joy, I too am speechless and concerned for Mildred...

Jeezum, you guys make me laugh! Great post, thanks!

wv: diatio; 'My eyes went all diatio after catching a glimpse of John's rippling abs...' (lordy, sounds like something out a bad historical romance, doesn't it?)

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNatalieG

Cake #4 is why the earlier Elmo cake was screaming.

"THEY CUT OFF BIG BIRD'S HEAD! Elmo not want to be next!"

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Reluctant Diva

Laughed the whole way through...

WV: "immotshr" immotshr what that chick cake was supposed to be, but I'm pretty sure it escaped from the Jersey Shore: http://youtu.be/d7D7DooFO5c

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter144Years

So awesome, on so many levels! Thank you, thank you, for making my day!

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenericFN

So the fact that, after all that, when I went to click for comments it said there were 69 of them... that made my day.

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterViolaNut

While I'm struggling to come up with a comment about today's very amusing theme, I'll discuss the cakes.

#1: um, guys? If it's turned green and has that much shrinkage, you might want to see a doctor.

#2: tammy faye?

#3: Is that a Lorena Bobbitt hot dog?

#4: I think Big Bird's jealous that he's not hte only nekkid one around.

#5: A work-appropriate inappropriate cake! I love it!!! I have colleagues who would appreciate that one :)

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Now I want a cake for my birthday that says "something really inappropriate"

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

I think that taco-dog might be a half-a-burger??

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh dear! I couldn't stop laughing today. Thanks John! Good job! Hope you clean that back/butt scratcher!

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterleannwoodward

I like the turtle.

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLeigh Ann

Omg I am sitting at resturaunt waiting on my son, he works here, and I am on his laptop, I almost spit water all over it with the oiled up comment and then burst out laughing with the Mildred dont run.... HAHAHAHAHAHA Best post for me since the dog wanting the cupcakes video. Dont get me wrong they are all awesome but seriously this is hysterical...
Amy

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Ellen

John,

(You share the same name as my hubby, BTW...)

I've always fancied you a beefcake.

I am pleased. (Apologies to Jen.)

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

Wait... you mean... that first picture wasn't a cake?

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

John(thoJ) said:

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you over the sound of my abs rippling.

[ripplerippleripple]"

Please, John, I really, really must know if this line is an-oh-so-appropriate quote or an original statement? I intend to steal it and insult someone-- but like to give credit. ;-D
Thanks, Terrell

wv: rodonest: each of today's cakes (except the last) could pass for the home of a rat, aka...

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNiteNurse

National Nude day AND it's my birthday!!! What a way to celebrate, LOL!!

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterwildmaven

I'll have to give you an LOL for this one. LOL, my friend. LOL.

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

It's BUCK NAKED--not BUTT NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

National Nude Day and cold, wet puppy nose sneak attack do NOT go well together!
(Back of the knee! Get your mind out of wherever it was going.)

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPuppygirl

(silly grin)
I've been so deep in the doldrums recently I thought I wouldn't smile until I saw Darth Vader holding a baby girl while My Little Pony (with a Death Star tattooed on it's butt) danced on a double rainbow with Rick Astley to the tune of Walk the Dinosaur while silver dragees from an Italian bakery in Afghanistan twinkled like stars in a poo colored sky.

(silly grin)
I was wrong.

-Barbara Anne

P.S. I, too, thought: taco, hot dog or half burger lying on it's side? Also, my grandmother's name was Mildred and she would have thought this was funny (and she had an artificial hip).

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Such an awesome post!!!! Still laughing!

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBlalock

I thought the turtle was kinda cute.

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarnie

*palm to forehead* Why didn't I check CW this morning when I KNOW it is my primary source for important news. National Nude Day AND My 50th Birthday?!
Just imagine how much better my Sally O'Malley impressions at work all day would have been nekkid!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiehDcVZ-vA

It's not midnight yet - may have to step outside. ^^

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjillb-ilslp

John, I believe you actually did write this entry in the nude. At least, I wouldn't put it past you. :)

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarrietastic

Oh My, I am dying over the extreme awesomeness of this post! "I'm up here." Classic.

Then I get to the comments...

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you over the sound of my abs rippling."

Best post of all time, OF ALL TIME!! And I may or may not have spit pop all over my monitor, keyboard, and mouse.

wv-ressespe: I need the ressespe for the hot dog in a taco cake.

July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

the post: hilarious!

the comments: had me looking for the 'like' button! lol

thank you thank you thank you all for the laughs!

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Lol thank goodness I stayed home today if it was national nude day. Some things cannot be unseen and around here I would probably never come out of the house again. That taco/hot dog/man vs. food hamburger thing makes me kinda wanting some food at the moment just not that cake lol. Mmmmmmm I love this post!

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

John, your post in the comment section was the funniest part of this entire post (and I was laughing from the very beginning)!! I can't stop laughing at the visual it put in my head :D

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMadTigerKitty

This was actually a very nice way to wake up, nice abs ;)

Couldn't realy focus on the wrecks though, the rest of the post kept me laughing too hard.

wv: bedeesso - I just got totally bedeesso-ed by those abs.

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNoortje

Not sure what's more nauseating, these cakes (especially that taco/hotdog one) or widespread nakenedess in my town. However as it's very warm and I work on my own it sounds like a good idea, happy naked day!

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMM

Taco! !

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMio

Big Bird looks like the start of an Angry Birds post.

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Did anyone else misread 'decorum' as 'scrotum'? ...No?

July 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDakota

Whoa! Is it just me, or are these wrecks getting worse?

July 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSim

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! *breathes* hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahha *gasp* *wipes away tears* *snickers* hehehehehehee. lol.

July 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissRon

"I like to oil up when I write about cake."

That made me laugh harder than I have laughed at anything in a while.

WV: moncto. It doesn't take a monc to have some concerns about National Nude Day!

July 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEve

Is it just me, or does that Big Bird look like Figbash?

August 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJane

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