Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jul072011

Parental Payback

Parents, when it comes to planning your child's birthday party, prepare for a lot of whining, temper tantrums, and willful brattiness.

Plus your kids might be a pain, too.

Well, here's one way to exact a little revenge: your kids' birthday cake.

Can't sleep. Barney will eat me.

Yep, there's something about seeing their favorite lovable character transformed into a homicidal psychopath that could slightly unhinge more impressionable minds.

"To infinity! and killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill."

Hey, whatever doesn't make your children soil themselves in panic-stricken terror only makes them stronger, right?

"Now, don't worry, kids; Elmo's more afraid of you than you are of him!

"Billy, would you like to do the honors? Let's start with a good clean stab through Elmo's eye. Go on.

"Oh, quit crying. Birthday boys *like* eating Muppet eyes! And just look at that face! Elmo wants you to eat him!"

Ok, granted, you'll be the one paying for their therapy sessions later, but in the meantime...

Spongebob No Pants is here to say hello, kids!

Besides, sometimes there are added benefits:


I'm pretty sure your daughter will never ask for a pony again.

Thanks to wreckporters Laurie H., Stephanie L., Kevin H., Fraulein M., & Jennifer S., who think I should totally write parenting books. (Working title: Odds Are, They'll Live.)

« When Cakes Need Copy Editors | Main | Free Throws »

Reader Comments (109)

Even though I plan on going through the rest of my life childless (just like you Jen and John), I would love to see your parent book and what kind of (hopefully funny) advice you would come up with.

And I like the title you have created.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Agreed - the first thing my daughter said, "That's not a pony, that's a dinosaur!"

*shudder*

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany in Topeka

*shudder*

Thought the last one was a "Godfather" reference....

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

@trista - i was thinking drag queen T-Rex.

a pony? really? wow.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

If there's anything scarier than the Barney Song it's that Barney cake, and that Spongebob no-pants cake is pretty horrifying too.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMM

If I squint my eyes the "pony" starts to look like simba from the lion king

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterninja dude 12

Children everywhere LOVE
Decomposing Elmo!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy'sMom

For a second I thought the first one was Grimace from McDonald's...Grimace was one misunderstood dude.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPhoebe Muse

HAHAHAAHAA! Oh my gosh! This literally made me laugh out loud. KILLKILLKILLKILL! After having a long morning of food poisoning, thank you for actually making me smile!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKylie

I love the little aliens behind Psycho-Buzz! They're like "EEwwww....! (Please don't let him kill us....)"

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am wondering if the horse head cake was left on someone's pillow.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That mafia horse's head is very very scary. Why has it got blood coming out of it? And Elmo looks like a sort of Edvard Munch "scream" version of elmo, his mouth is horrible.

wv: amiton Ami ton't like that horse's head cake!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

You guys make my day!!! Not many things can make me laugh so much. These are great!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbeeladdie

That last one should be dubbed the Godfather cake...

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

"Leave the gun. Take the cannolis."

Or, leave the horse head cake, take scary Elmo.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

bahaha...that is one of my favourite Simpson's references ever.
Top notch post as always!
-Annie

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

I'm channeling Mr. Bill on the Elmo cake: "Ohhhhh Nooooo!"

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterfurpurrson

You need a "like" button like on facebook. Because I would really like to "like" the "Happy Birthday from the Corleones" comment.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Buzz Lightyear is TERRIFYING! It looks like his flesh is about to peel off his skull at any second! Ah, good old-fashioned Nightmare Fuel!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMike

I'm having a "GODFATHER" scene flash through my head with that last one...

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErinn

I thought the first one was the Hamburglar.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Zinn

Buzz Lightyear! What are you doing with Minions? Have you gone to the darkside?

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

"Psycho-Buzz" and "Spongebob Flasher" will now haunt MY dreams. Thanks, John and Jen.

Oh, and If I'm not mistaken, that last one is a Hippogryph from "Harry Potter". Which in no way makes it any less disturbing, I might add... O_O

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Does anyone else see that last cake and think "Predator?"

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LOVE the working title of your book! I was told a while back that everyone should have a title to "their book" should they ever desire to write one...yours is CLASSIC!

Mine thus far is..."Does Anyone Know Why the Corn Flakes Bleached the Carpet?"

As for the cakes...Barney loses a lot in 2D...the horse is frightful...and Elmo...uhhhhh, who thought that was worthy of being for sale?

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

I question the placement of that "bow" on SpongeBob....

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Glad I wasn't the only one who thought of velociraptors and "The Godfather" upon seeing the final cake. Also, I would totally buy "Odds Are, They'll Live." Then again, I once took a picture of my baby in a dog food bowl while wearing a onesie that read "dingo bait"...

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Hannah

DANG!!!!!! That horse!!!!! It is scary, ain't it! I know I have seen that horse before!!!
It's that horse from "The Godfather"???? I know it is! YOU CAN'T FOOL ME, BAKERY LADY!!!!!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNana

I don't know which one was creepier. The horse head, the psycho Buz or the bug eyed Elmo LOL. It's a shame what people get away with putting in their deli cases lol.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterthesunshinieone

Buzz to wreckorator:

"HEY!! YOU! Get OVER here, NOW!
Look, I didn't come all the way over here just to have you P*SS me OFF!
I agreed to be on the cake--NOT to be IN the darn thing...and NOT to be wearing some freaking brown-leafed HULA SKIRT!!! Get me OUT of here and give me my legs back! Look at my teeth! That is a grimace! It shows that I mean BUZZNESS--er, BUSINESS!
GRRRR!!!!

=^>.<^=

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

blink blink

I can't get past that Buzz Lightyear. I'm soooo gonna have nightmares.

I also haven't seen the pony yet. I did wonder if the mob was now leaving dinosaur heads in victim's beds so I'm relieve so many others thought the same thing.

-Barbara Anne

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That's a horse? My first thought was.. huh.. someone made Draco from Dragonheart as a CCC. With his head cut off...

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

Is that last one an ode to Godfather?

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjeepchic20

psttt, Anon,

It's Tauntaun, not tonton

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Tauntaun

wv: Warcult: I don't know what this is, but it was too good to pass up reposting.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

But parents, REMEMBER, when the kiddies are grown, they will be buying you YOUR birthday cakes.

That explains a lot about some of the 50th & 60th birthday cakes we've seen here.

wv: juyea - another spelling of July

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjeliecam

altogether now.....
"never mind copyright infringement.... edible images"

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertiny p elephant

LOVE that i can save $5.99 on the pony cake

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertiny p elephant

Note to self: never read Cake Wrecks right before bedtime.

WV: nootings Buzz Lightyear and the horse cake are nootings for me to have a nightmare about tonight.

July 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPhil

I thought the barney was kinda cute lol. Now the shrieking Elmo on the other hand may just give me nightmares forever. And why would anyone give their child a decapitated horse head for their birthday unless they are from a rival family from the Godfather? Lol scary cakes..

July 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

That last one -- the horse that everybody thinks is from The Godfather or a dinosaur of some sort --

The first thing I thought of when I saw it was, "Sleestak!"

And it's 10:30 on the west coast and nobody will see this, but I had to post it up anyway.

July 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterReverend Ref +

I have a sweet, wonderful, beautiful horse, but after seeing that cake, I'm afraid to go to the barn!

July 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Seriously people, click on the pony. It's a cupcake cake!

July 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

A child therpist would love these cakes.

July 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commenternarwhals4eva

Buzz Lightyear looks eerily like Light-kun from Death Note. Oh and the pony looks like a dinosaur. Awesome blog.

July 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMello Fangirl

Buzz looks like he’s had some really bad plastic surgery! Surprise!

July 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGeminiWriter

a pony??? I was certain it was a T-rex.

--Kim

July 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is my favorite thing you've ever posted. The buzz lightyear is hilarious.

July 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I second Trista, I literally exclaimed, "That's a PONY?" Never would have guessed.

July 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVale's Mom

wait... that's a pony? i thought it was a beheaded dinosaur. it's even got the blood and gore on the neck!

July 9, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdreamerkins

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>