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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Dec212012

STILL HERE

I'm particularly proud of today's lyrics, so for the full effect, hit play and start scrolling:


**********

 

I found the species of this land

Often aren't all there

This one took some time for me to understand

They gave me words I just can't say

Somehow this sells

Proving Cake Wrecks is still here to stay

'Cuz even though they don't like me sooo snide

That's the thing that makes me feel alive!

 

The Mayans show

You just can't know    

Why some people are so slow

But weeee're stiiiiill heeeeere

If they were right we'd all be gone

But big surprise: THEY WERE WRONG

 

 

And weeee can cheer:

STILL HERE!

 

Thanks to Stacey L., Nancy H., Kimm W., Julie G., Ben M., Kama K., & Lisa N. for the staying power.

 

P.S.

 

P.P.S. Clean water and memories to last a lifetime. You can give both by supporting these two amazing charities.

 

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Reader Comments (49)

Hehehe. Can't get youtube at work :( will have to listen to song later

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

That was brilliant.

Sadly, it also means I really DO have to clean my house now. (I was counting on you, Mayans!)

Happy Festivus, Jen, John and fellow Wreckies. I have no grievances to air (except with the Mayans...)

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Hooray for clean water and memories! It was amazing to me when I came to live in the States after a year in Central America - I could brush my teeth with tap water. I walked around in a reverse-culture-shock daze for about three months. Clean water! If you've never had to cook or wash without it, it's hard to appreciate even just its emotional impact.

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

The beautiful thing about Cake Wrecks is that there are so many ways for a wreck to happen. Sometimes it's the decorator's incompetence, sometimes it's the customer's weird request. And sometimes, when the planets line up just right, it is both. Such is the case with cake #1. (Who would ask for numbers to high five each other?! And who would decorate a cake using the "blow food colouring through a straw method?!) Working it out mathematically: stupid+stupid=funny
Glad we're still all here to enjoy it!

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Is it December 22nd yet? I'll breathe easy then, thank-you....

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPersephone

Air your grievances,
then pin down the bak'ry boss.
Congratyourah - yay!

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

He did it! The Doctor saved us!

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMooMom

Happy HOILDAY! For the GLAVIN!

(Animaniacs reference there.)

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna K.

Happy "Conoradula"? Is that some sort of weird holiday commemorating the (not) end of the world?

And that last cake was for the Costanzas, from Newman.

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEileen

What? You can't understand Nancy?

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

MooMom, what are you talking about?! *Clearly*, the fabulous agents of Warehouse 13 saved us yet again... ;-) (with possibly a little help from SG-1...)

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

It was Sam and Dean. But there wasn't anything they could do about the wrecks...

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

I love the second cookie cake. You just know that the blue-and-yellow border was made by someone at the back (maybe the one who does all those roses). The guy at the front of the bakery started to write 'Congratulations', couldn't make it work, crossed it out and wrote 'Yay!' instead, then decided to mess up the border as well, to distract the eye from the wreck in the middle. I wonder if the first guy saw it when it was done?

"Good Job Not Drying". Is that meant to congratulate an actor on remembering all his lines? Or is it a misspelled reference to the fact that the world didn't end? I don't know if we can really take the credit for not dying. At any rate, I didn't do anything.

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

What's a "festivus a**hole?" ;)

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterwordphreak

OMG*. WTF**. ROTFLMAO***

*Oh My Glaze
**What The Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la la
***Rolling On The Frosting, Licking My 'ands Off

By the way...the use of *'s is particularly significant today because, after all, wasn't the world supposed to be destroyed by a gigantic asterisk...?

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

I'll admit, I scrolled through first to sing along with the video but then went back to actually look at those...umm... wrecks

The last one almost made me spit hot coffee again...

@Persephone ~ It's already tomorrow in Austraila... just sayin'

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

i can't believe you missed the opportunity for a fabulous portal reference. so sad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPenni

Yeah, I'm with BADKarma - it was DEFINITELY Sam and Dean who saved us all YET AGAIN!

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLis

I read "congratulations on not drying" on cake #5. I don't know when that would be appropriate, but it did make me chuckle :)

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMom A

I am too busy at the moment to comment on the wrecks. My mind is occupied instead with visualizing an Apocalypse-averting mash-up with The Doctor, Sam and Dean, the SG teams, Buffy, Warehouse 13, Magnus and (insert favorite Apocalypse averting hero/anti-hero here) all having to work together. In the end, our own Theardare winds up saving the world, Indiana Jones style. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DzcOCyHDqc

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Dammit, does that mean I quit my job, spent all my money and gave away all my possessions for nothing? Happy Festivus indeed.....

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Haha PERFECT

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

My office is a few blocks from a Chinese bakery that sells EXACTLY the same type of cake as the one "Nancy" (lucky her!) got. I wonder if Nancy's cake came from there ... ;-)

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJules

I feel honored and kind of famous now that you've used one of my photos. Thanks!
Happy Festivus to all!

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie G.

Andrea - I like your thinking! ;-)

Anyway, just one question - Which Magnus? (or all of them?!) My husband's personal hero is Magnus The Robot Fighter, but apparently there's also a Magnus sorcerer in the Marvel Universe and a Magnus scientist in the DC Comic Universe...guess Magnus is a popular name around here...

@Sharyn - how's that house cleaning going? I have to do mine, too, and start planning/cooking our gluten/dairy/corn/a bazillion other allergens-free Christmas dinner... What I wouldn't give sometimes to be able to just buy an overpriced prepared meal @ HEB or buffet dinner ticket @ the local hotel... <sigh>

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

I am devastated. The end of the world has obviously come for me, as my comment from early this morning did not appear. I know it was not as memorable as most of those appearing here, but it was mine AND it is gone. I'm doomed. (Wondering if I should show up for my night shift tonight, if I'm not really here any more.)

And that meatloaf/bacon thing really gives beefcake a bad name.

(editor's note: So sorry about your missing comment! I do not recall seeing anything come through under your name today other than the short one at 10:03. Please feel free to repost - it can't possibly disappear twice! I think it's safe to blame this on End Of The World Day. ~ The Wrecksistant)


December 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Maybe "Congratulations on not dying" is sarcastic and it's a funeral cake? ;)

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjulimari

@drgns4vr: you mean there was more than just the "What? You can't understand Nancy?" post? Because that made me laugh!

@KarateLady: It's a Choose Your Own Adventure kind of thing, so whichever Magnus you like! I was thinking of the Magnus from the Sanctuary TV series. I hesitate to admit that because, while there were episodes I liked, there were not a few that were hilariously bad (the one with the phrase "I can dance!" comes to mind).

@Craig: How about you stop messing around with trivial stuff like the UnApocalypse machine and work on something more helpful? For instance, an Instant UnDirty machine that allows me to clean the entire house at the push of a button. The Roomba keeps malfunctioning when I try to get it to do the toilets!

@mel: hahaha! You slay me. : )

@Caroline B: I would say now is the perfect time to begin your life of crime.

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

My browser currently won't play videos without turning my computer into a steaming pile of glurge, so I'll take Jen's word on the song.

#1 That might match the decor at a paintball gallery, but generally speaking, you have to *stir* the food coloring into the frosting once you add it.

#2 Happy Conoradula! Assuming for the sake of argument that 'congratulations' was somewhere in this word's ancestry, why would one have to specify *happy* congratulations? But there is a larger question here: If a cake is shiny, but only in certain places, is that worse than being uniformly shiny?

#3 Variations on the spelling of 'snow' must be a 'thing'.

#4 As must 'Hoilday'.

#5 My eyes insist on seeing an 'r', even though that makes no sense. My guess is that the intended message is a flip comment, the humor shared between two people who are as tired as I am of hearing every ten microseconds the praiseoid 'good job!' applied to things that are neither.

#6 This actually works, in a wry sort of way, so it could be intentional. But I'm certain it is not. [Ear scratch]

#7 Oh, dear. Someone found a new use for the pole. Commas have the amazing power of being funny whether they are misplaced ("Eats, shoots and leaves") or missing altogether.

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

KarateLady, I feel your pain! I am working of a gluten-free, vegan feast for Christmas. Not easy, but it will be yummy! (I made date squares today that I made the mistake of letting my family sample. They might not last until Christmas now!)

drgns4vr - Hang in there! You are getting through now so maybe you haven't ceased to exist but rather been reborn from the apocalyptic ashes, like a phoenix. :)

Craig, I agree with Andrea; an UnDirty machine is top priority.

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Andrea, I'll have to test the prototype on the Bunker, first.

[Giant sucking sound, followed by disappearance of Bunker]

Oh, dear! You naughty machine! Spit it out, this instant!

[Bunker restored]

Alas, I can't talk as far back in my throat as Marvin does.

Now, if the machine was in the Bunker when the Bunker disappeared and disappeared with it, into what did the Bunker disappear? It's one of those two doctor things.

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

It is the 22nd here in New Zealand and we are all accounted for and about to start celebrating Festivus. See you on the other side.

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Andrea, I have all the details! Ok, so The Doctor is in the TARDIS, trying to stop Planet X from crashing into earth, and the TARDIS gets hit by a chunk of the planet. The TARDIS comes crashing down, right into the ancient Mayans isle in Warehouse 13! (Oh, the irony) Claudia almost tazers The Doctor, ( She's still trying to find the cure for the plague released at the ending of season 4) but then he explains that he is trying to save the world * insert hilarious dialogue here * and The Doctor agrees to help Claudia. After searching for, like, FOREVER, and eating WAY too much fish fingers with custard, they finally find the cure, and cure the rest of the team! * insert hilarious dialogue of Claudia explaining who The Doctor is here * They all formulate a plan to save the world, but before they can spring into action, The Vampire Robot Nazis that are also Zombies try to take over the world! (this is the best part) Suddenly, Buffy, Magnus Robot Fighter, Wonder Woman, KarateLady and KarateLady's fabulous daughter appeared! (Also, Ahsoka Tano was there. Squee!) Buffy attacks the vampires, Magnus fights the robots, Wonder Woman stops the nazis, and mom & I totally DESTROY the zombies, along with Ahsoka. ( double squee!) * insert epic fighting scenes here. And here. And also here.* After we defeated all the vampire robot nazis that were also zombies, we all high-fived each other. ( I got to high-five Ahsoka, triple squee!) But then, Planet X came crashing down, almost killing all of us! But, Theadare saved us! (He shot Planet X into pieces! ) we made snow angels in Planet X's debris, high-fived some more, and had a HUGE Christmas party. And that, my fellow wreckies, is how mom & I (with some help, of course) saved the world, and Christmas. Good thing, too, because how would I get my XBox if the world ended?!

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady'sDaughter

Loved the "Good Job not dying" cake.

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Saxon

I've always thought this idea that the Mayans predicted the end of the world to be rather bizarre--they seriously did no such thing. They simply had a much more complex time system than we do, and one of their time units (like we have decades, centuries and millennia) was this crazy massively long cycle called "The Long Count" that they used to measure time, and that happens to end today--indeed, the Mayans actually occasionally reference events that were planned to take place after the end of the long count (which is slightly bizarre in its own right--who plans a celebration to be held several thousand years from now, let alone set a date on which it will happen?). Anyway, they just had this crazy massively long time unit, and just as we celebrated the end of the millennium, they planned to celebrate the end of their "long count".

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

@KarateLady'sDaughter - I can't wait for the movie!

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

@ Penni. Read my mind. That was my jam this morning! Is there ANYTHINGJonathan Coulton can't turn into hilarious musical art?

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAshley Penn

You know, I started my own business a little more than 4 years ago and have loved putting my title as "President and Owner."

But now I see today that some lucky person has the title of "Wrecksistant." And I am swooning with envy.

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

@KarateLady'sDaughter first, you're a chip off the old block in the very best way; second, that beats the plots to most anything I've read or seen in months- CALL HOLLYWOOD NOW.

@Craig Marvin F.T.W. (I will pulverize him with my pulverizer)

I never held much hope for the Mayans (they couldn't even predict those pesky Europeans). Hey, anyone remember Y2K? LOL

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Oops, I meant "Good Job Not Dying."

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjulimari

The Mayans never said it was the end of the world! seriously ...

December 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSalma

Wow that last cake.. lol someone really must have had a bad day. Since it had to have been the last day they worked there. Sam and Dean need a nice long break after rescuing us repeatedly from ourselves. Lol. Sheesh someone should pay them triple and not give them a wrecked cake as a gift.

December 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Actually, the third cake says 'The Snow' (SN├ľN) in Swedish :-)

December 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

@Craig Have you checked the bunker yet? Was Theardare in it too?

December 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEla

@Zoomom & Barbara Anne - My daughter quadruple squee'd when she read your comments & I did too! Now if only Craig could fix that blasted UnDirty machine...;-)

December 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

@Ela, bunker and all contents were restored. Theardare was in the basement at the time, which wasn't affected (apart from suddenly having a brief sky view). I think he found it all most amusing.

December 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

The not dying one... don't get why its here. It could for, say, someone surviving a car accident, etc. It isn't drying, a cursive y does have that loop up- its just dying.

February 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWildstar

So I'm saving the "Good Job Not D(r)ying" cake for when Sherlock: Series 3 airs... but I JUST realized today that it's actually MEANT to be a Sherlock cake. Black and white background with a yellow smiley face on it. Yeah...

July 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKatrina

@Katrina - So, did you eat your "Good Job Not Dying" cake earlier this week? :-) Good thing Cake Wrecks has one, cuz looks like John (i.e. Watson) is not buying one for ol' Sherlock, is he? :-)

January 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKarate Lady

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