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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

WE Will, WE Will...

Wreck you.

I had so many starts and stops trying to read that second line, I can actually feel my neurons overloading. It's like the visual equivalent of trying to step out on hot coals. I'm suddenly fighting the urge to sing Daisy and invite you to a game of chess. (Don't tell me to open the pod bay doors, pal, I'M TRYING TO READ A CAKE OVER HERE.)


Still, it could be worse:

Aw, now, don't start the waterworks.


The only thing missing from this heartfelt goodbye is "you!"

And the "d" and the "y," but really, who's spelling these days?


I'm almost starting to think everyone should just stick to "Bon Voyage!"

...but after carefully examining the issue, I've decided that banning Voy rage is FAR more important.


Look, I know it's never easy to say goodbye. I just never realized how hard it was to spell it.

Proving once again that if you buy people cake, they will love you.

Which is essentially what all my book tours were based on.
(awwww yeeeah)

Thanks to Shelli E., Chandy M., Niki D., Frank M., & Heather S. for the parting shots.

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Reader Comments (48)

I got so distracted by the carrots, I didn't notice the Voy-rage. They reminded me of that horrible trend of cone shaped bras and I didn't notice the other error until I read the commentary. :P Ooops!

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelleH

I miss Alreal, too. She was a helluva gal.

"You be mist" sounds like something I'd find on my daughter's facebook page that would cause me to go to urban dictionary, only to be horrified by the meaning.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

The writing on the first cake is pretty!

These are my favorite kind of wecks!

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteremmbeedee

1. We all remember Amber'. This is her brother "Well." Sadly, his decision to insert an apostrophe in the middle of his name (as a tribute to his sister) caused nothing but trouble. Amber' gave We'll this cake the night before his sex change operation.
2. You don't do a traditional cleansing to rid your house of a class 5 free roaming vapor. The real nasty ones respond better when you break the news of their ghostly condition with cake first.
3. You know the ghost cleansing referenced above is working when the vapors start spontaneously scrawling messages on cakes lamenting -- and therefore acknowledging -- their no longer "all real" status. (Note the deterioration of their spelling skills. They decline rapidly in the non-corporeal.)
4. I thought we banned voyrage in the '50's?
5. The steaks Brenda served before this cake said, "$10.99 a pound, Brenda? You suck." (Her family is pretty passive-aggressive... )

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

What the heck is up with the carrots on the Bon Voyrage cake? If you're gonna go carrot, go all the way...where are the jockeys? :)

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie P.

Cake #2 was actually for Vin, from Elend. How sweet! I didn't know they even had sprinkles in Luthadel.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna K.

Haha, "you be mist" is even funnier because I speak German..."Mist" in German means manure...and other lovely words like that. What a great cake!

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristina N.

So we have a cake calling for banning Voy rage,

This was obviously ordered by the creators of Voyager. Looks like Berman and Braga are trying to stop SFDebis.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Was Brenda bought? As in slave? I know bosses today demand more and more in exchange for less and less and less, but...

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJo

LOL@Sharyn XD Reading these cakes hurt my language brain cells-can't comprehend these O_o

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I think I want to have a bumper sticker that says "Ban Voy Rage!" It could become a new movement!

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonna M

At least they're not calling Brenda "not worth the money."

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

"Mist" is German for "manure," which is a possible key to understanding the bilingual (?) "You Be mist" cake.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I have been on enough crappy/traumatic vacations to say that voyrage is real and should be banned for the safety of loved ones and innocent bystanders.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

I have a migrane this morning. Line number two on cake one nearly made my head explode.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

Haha this is way to funny

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

That second cake features either a tiny space for a message, or a massively thick shell border.

Come to think of it, these all have wonky shell borders. It's not that difficult, guys. Squeeze, slide, lift, repeat. I know for a fact that an eight-year-old can do it.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

We happened to catch "2001" on cable last week; although my husband and I have watched it so many times before, we still shout at the TV for the astronauts to cover their mouths while they were talking inside the pod, so HAL couldn't read their lips! As someone whose actual name is "Daisy," though, I will forever grin at the fact that my name has been sung by a homicidal emo computer...

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

Ich bin ein mist?

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

#1 Wreckerator (on speakerphone): "There isn't much going on right now and I have a piping bag in hand, so just tell me what to write, and I'll write it."
Customer: [Thinks ahead and refrains from saying anything not intended to be on cake] "Best wishes and we'll be missing you."
Wreckerator (to self): "Best....wishes...I'll just use 'plus' for 'and' to save space...we'll -- wait is it that, or 'will'? I'd better put both to play it safe -- be...miss...oh MIST! ran out of space! Oh well, I'm sure no one will notice. (to customer) There, done!"

#2 C: "You'll be missed."
[What wreckorator hears over bad connection]: ""
W (to self): "'You be mist'? That doesn't make any sense. Oh well, the customer is always right. Here we go..."

#4 And while you're at it, ban riderless icing carrots. I was going to put 'jockeyless', but that suddenly had an entirely different connotation.

#5 Never ask the person who makes the signs to write on cake.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

"You be mist" sounds more like a threat. And I thought the fourth cake said "Bam Voyrage," which sounds like the name of a punk-rock band.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJules

I read the first one as "Best Wishes and Will Will Be MIss" Just a couple of snips, a few nips and tucks, and Will will be Wilhelmina.

And that last one is just one comma away from being a congratulatory cake for that awesome deal Brenda was able to snag!

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaisee

2001 FTW

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRJ

The "you be mist" cake is probably to remind someone that life is fleeting as in "You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." - James 4:14

Maybe not.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

Funny as Voy Rage is even funnier if you are on the INSIDE. The Voy message boards, ever visited those? They are topic specific message boards for people to share ideas and suggestions. The Irish dance ones are full of rage and ire. I have personally be the target of "voy rage" LOL

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDiane

We thought it said "Bam" Voy rage. Not sure what that might mean, but my daughter suggests you say it like Emeril.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

What is this I don't even

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKath V

NOW I know where I've seen these sorts of messages

This is a strong argument that says they hire non-English speakers to write English messages on cakes. I've seen some job orders that say "Must read English, write English."

They should be accurate enough to specify that applicants, "Must read and write CORRECT English."

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBea

Open the pod bay doors, Jen!

(At least, I didn't call you Hal... lol)

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJim Todd

I agree with Heather's daughter. I totally heard Emeril saying "BAM! Voy rage".

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAudrey

Bam? I thought it read Barn. Wassa matter? Can't you read? Oh, never mind. Can't read writin' that's wrote rotten.

As for "mist", that word appeared in the obituary, if you please, of a friend of ours. Yup, "She will be mist." This in a major newspaper, not a bakery.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

You may be mist, but
will you be spray? Stream? River?
Nay, a cataract!

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

#1 no
#2 yes
#3 yes
#4 no (but weepy carrots)
#5 yes

all of them have poorly piped borders

(sprinkles. that wasn't too obtuse, was it?)

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I LOVE cake "#2"!
It can be Zen: "You Be Mist" ..."I Be The Dawn Coming Over The Mountain"
It can be Deutsch: U B <compost>, Scheisskopf
It just sounds so happily uban; I'll put it on every cake from now on no matter the occasion

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBlondie's Mutter

Fraulein Blondie agrees with previous posters about "Mist"="not-quite-rotted-manure" and adds it would be like "You Be Toast" because it sounds like "Todt" (Dead).
Annoying kid.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBlondie's Mom

The flowers on the first cake are so pretty. How could the inscription be so very wrong?

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKatiKat

I had to make one more comment. After all I had a migrane earlier and was pretty much done looking at the cakes after the first one. lol I never can look at a carrot without thinking about a wang thanks to my two older brothers and their dirty minds when they were children. lol So To me The cake with the carrots on it......well. You be mist is just funny I don't care who you are. Good Buy Brenda We love you looks more like a text message telling someone to go ahead and by Brenda with and after thought of we love you.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

I thought the first cake said "We'll kill be miss." I guess someone is a bad shot and they plan on missing???? It WOULD explain the blood red lettering

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Wonders what Brenda bought lol. It must be a trip where they ban voy rage. Sheesh can't do anything these days lol. That first cake was kinda pretty until I nearly blew my poor brain reading the second line. Boy what a way to ruin a perfectly good cake and what is left of my brains lol.

March 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Hate to not believe that my fellow humans are truly this stupid...but did it occur to any of you that maybe....just maybe....these cakes were deliberately ordered with these misspellings, so as to get a funny photo and perhaps...just maybe on Cake Wrecks?? No? Just me? OK....but consider it, ok? If that's the case, and I am pretty sure it is...then it sort of takes the fun out of making fun of these cakes. Not all of them, I'm sure, but most.

[Editor's note- Hi Margaret. Actually, we try pretty hard to weed out the intentional ones. (We've actually gotten pretty good at it over the years.) And since the vast majority of the cakes submitted are from the original purchasers, we usually get a pretty great back story to go with them. I can't tell you how often I see a cake and say to Jen, "There's no WAY this is real!" only to find out that it is. Crazy. -john]

March 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

@Becky - we thought that it looked like Kill on the first cake too
Perhaps the second cake, "You Be Mist", was for a homage to the Star Trek episode "Metamorphosis" where the companion was mist. (See more space reference)
The last cake looks like a sign on the men's room wall. All it needs is a phone number. Boy, that Brenda is a good buy.

March 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjeliecam

Seriously, the first thing that "Ban Vay Rage" made me think of was the Chinese restaurant scene from "A Christmas Story." So un-PC of me.

March 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHowlin Mad

For some reason, the first time I read cake #1 I thought it said, "Best Wishes or We'll Kill You." Maybe I need my meds adjusted again.

March 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Du bist ein mist = insult
Du bist der mist = compliment (think of it as akin to "You da sh*t!")

March 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKatiKat

"Will Will be Miss? or Mr." Find out after his operation coming in a few months back from his/her extended vacation overseas...

"Willie, is that you???"

"It's Miss Wilhelmina to you punk."

March 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMiss/Mr.

You Be Mist XD Two things here:

Okay *poof* I'm mist!

But I don't want to be mist! Make someone else be mist!

March 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentershaeyeradrache

Bon Voy rage... needs more baby carrot riders.

March 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCandace

I'm jealous over the last cake. When I find a sale to save my family money, they don't give me cake for my good buy!

April 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBev

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