My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Old Glory Daze

Yesterday we here in America remembered our fallen heroes.

Today, we remember...the American Flag.


O-oh, say can you SEEEE? BYYY the bakery light?
How so soundly they failed... to give our flag any meaning:

Those brown stripes and blob "stars" ARE a scurr-i-lous sight!

And the RED parts they botched... are so def'nitely leaning:

And what's that O-VER THEEEERE?!

[cymbal crash!!]



[slide whistle!]


A goof, what a sight - it's more THAN I can bear.

(Yes. Really.)


No WAY does thi-is new-fangled airbru-ush yet blaa-aaaave!

[You know, "to blave?" It means "to bluff."]

[Now, someone fetch me an MLT!]



For the BAND of the THREEEEEE (red stripes)...

And the hoooome...of theeeee....WAAAAAAAVE!

(Before you ask: all of today's wrecks were sold right here in the good ol' US of A, on or around American holidays. I also have LOTS more where these came from. [proffering tissue] Tissue, teachers?)


Thanks to ToniAnn B., Trace L., Stephanie P., Sarah C., Kelly S., Sharon E., Lori A., Lin Q., & Daniel K. for their flagging enthusiasm.

« Drunken DeBOTCHery | Main | Happy St. Memerial's Day! »

Reader Comments (82)

@Linda -- Jinx!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Have fun storming the cake! ...or maybe not. Okay--To the pain!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Now now, I think Mondrian's version of the flag complete with patriotic mouse droppings is quite festive.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

That first cake hurts my eyes- I'd hate to have a migraine and have to look at that cake!
For the second cake, I just want to know who looks at a black cake and thinks, "This would make a perfect American flag!"???
Cake three's red stripes go over the edge of the cake? Why?
#4- Did they run out of frosting and just finish with an airbrush?
Five could almost, almost be an acceptable cake, though still not really accurate cake, if they would have just frosted one more of the cupcakes blue to make a squarish field of blue.
The sixth cake was decorated from a preschooler's description of the flag.
I actually like the seventh cake, but I think it would have looked nicer with bright red stripes instead of the depressing, blood-colored ones.
The cookie flag would be acceptable as a picture in Pictionary. Maybe the bakery staff were playing it then put out their drawings?
The final cake is a tribute to Tremors. It represents the Land of the Free and the Home of the Earthworms. More colorful than in the movies, but it's artistic license.
I loved today's post. Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies! It could also be used for wrecked wedding cakes at some point. "Mawwaige..." LMAO

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

When I opened your link just now, my 5-year-old said,"Look, those babies are riding on carrots...that's funny."

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTennille

LOVE the Princess Bride reference! Now, have fun storming the bakery!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFrancesca

"I pledge allegiance... to Queen Fragg... and her mighty state of hysteria..."

Ahahaha I saw cake #5 in the store! And thought to myself, "I wonder if I should take a picture for CakeWrecks... nah, comparatively, it's not that bad!" Which just goes to show how low my standards of caking are these days.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJackie

I really think there should be a princess bride reference in every post. And what is up with the "hard solute" stripes on the forth cake? Or am I the only one seeing them?

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSara A.

The “O-VER THEEEERE?!” sent me into singing the song of that name by George M. Cohan. yowza

<3 @mel, Andrea, Sharyn, Craig, KarateLady, elissa <3

@mindy1 you’re good in my book!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

From us

There is nothing specific in the Flag Code regarding the use of the US flag as food. It does say:

"No disrespect should be shown to the flag of the United States of America."
"... It should not be ... printed or otherwise impressed on ... anything that is designed for temporary use and discard."
The icing on a cake would generally be eaten, digested, and "discarded" in a most disrespectful way. We suggest that it is an inappropriate display of the flag.

I think the disrespect shown by these wreck-erators speaks for itself. I don't want to discuss the part about discarding.

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

The next time I have to sing this, for any reason, I'm sneaking in the 'blaa-aaaave'

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

@SuBee -- quote away! I stand firmly behind my imagination! (which for me is not only more fun, but it totally does away with those pesky footnotes....)

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

You were not offensive mindy1, I just get a bit upset if I think anyone is knocking Jen. Sorry if I overreacted.
Can we get a group hug?

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Kudos for "the RED parts they botched!" I'm totally impressed you found a substitute for ramparts!

May 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonna N

Well, I didn't have much to say earlier when I looked at these wrecks. But I did want to go back and look at what everyone else said whilst I enjoyed my Venilla flavored Yoplait Yogurt. Now I am having to wipe the yogurt spray off of my computer screen and keyboard. Sorry didn't mean to get you all sticky. lol

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

Mmm all the bacon comments and now I want some lol. I am shocked they didn't use grape flavored red vines..which are delicious by the way, for the flag. Sheesh. Other than that I kind of thought the first one was a vibrant color sort of way :D

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Don't feel too bad for our teachers, feel bad for the students! My third grade teacher insisted that there are 52 states. We (the students that is) counted the stars on the flag in the class room and one in our book because she still didn't believe it. Keeping in mind I'm in my mid-20s, this incident was quite scarring. I almost wonder if she was raised by a pair of'd make sense looking at these!

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBella

After attending the USA vs. Scotland soccer game in Jax on Saturday, I can assure you that bakeries are NOT the only ones who can screw up the flag. One simply cannot unsee some of the things that we saw that night...especially since I couldn't cover my eyes since my hands were clapped over my 7yo's ears for some of that wonderful American jargon that you come across in stadiums. However, my 7yo did a project on the American flag when he was in first grade, and can tell you all the pertinent facts about the flag. Perhaps we should loan him to the bakeries and make a pretty penny.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnna B

For me, it's not just the grotesque cakes that keep me coming back for more, but the amazing wit all the writers of cake wrecks share with us all. Thank you. Thank you. Can't stop laughing/crying. Thank you. :)

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephenie

ok, I don't usually comment, but had to let you know that your song spoof this week was BRILLIANT! Awesome job!

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

The "Did the BAKER NOT CARE?" cake is pretty cool in a pop-art kind of way. Of course, that can't overcome the fact that it's made out of cupcakes.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterspinetingler

I'm pretty sure #7 is meant to be flag-reminiscent, like bunting, rather than a failed attempt at the flag itself.

Since it's pretty well executed, I say it's not a wreck.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSigivald

I saw that third cake and thought "is that bacon?" Nope, just exploding stripes on a flag I guess...

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

@Sigivald, you know who I am. [resetting glasses on nose] I am here to help you.

I can't tell you when the wrecks began, but I can tell you that there will always be wrecks. If you want to see a picture of the future, imagine a presumptively food-safe cement mixer, dumping a cubic yard of frosting on a dozen cupcakes that are arranged in a shape that cannot possibly be made with round objects. Forever.

You see, they got to me a long time ago. Well, not that long, but long enough. I, too, was a rebel. I cherished dreams of spreading the fiction that not all cakes that appear Monday through Friday (sometimes Saturday) were wrecks. [developing strange gleam in eyes] But I was insane. A cat by the name of Theardare -- I'm not going 'jazzy' on you, an actual cat -- helped me to become sane.

Now, if Big Sister has ten cakes for me to look at on a weekday, I can see that all of them are wrecks. Even if a cake looks like something I might buy other than at gunpoint, it's a wreck. If I can't spot any flaw, even with a scanning electron microscope, it's still a wreck, because America. Sorry, I lapsed into quoting Big Sister, there. If there were 1,000 cakes on a perfectly ordinary Thursday, I would be able to see/i> that each one is a wreck, because that is the need of the moment.

If the Party calls for a wreck, a wreck it is. If the Party calls for a Sweet, a Sweet it is. If the Party has more people than there are cupcakes, then someone really screwed up. But that's an entirely different subject.

Theardare is watching you.

May 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

[I'll use Craig's ID to post this -- he won't be crossing me again.]

Did I hear someone say a cake wasn't a wreck? I thought we settled that.

Mutter, mutter, Room 101, mutter, mutter...

Note to self: Must get words to 'Copacabana' -- looks like I'll need them, after all.

BTW, I'm not falling for the sleeping pills in the milk a second time!

-- Theardare

May 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Cake #3 has BACON!!!

May 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKitty-Wolf

Am I the only one who thinks that the stripes on cake number three look like bacon? Anyone? Anyone at all? No? Ok.

June 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne

I actually teared up during your rendition of the National Anthem, especially as I envisioned Rosanne grabbing her (self) at the end. Sniff.

June 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAuntSister

I totally read that whole post to the tune of the song.

I declare you...BEST.BLOGGER.EVER.

June 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Lee

What came to mind when I saw #3 was the redkneck bumper sticker "These colors don't run"

June 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMark

INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!...........i am beginning to think you don't know the definition of that word!

after a few drinks this evening, i think i would totally go for a nice mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich......would prolly be a sight better than some of these cakes!!

love the posts/blog.....keep them up!!

June 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterfruitcakeliz

Wow. I understand not knowing what other countries' flags look like, but your own flag? You aren't expected to put every single star in the blue area, but c'mon!

Also, LOVED the "blave" comment. Of course, it put all of my other favorite lines and scenes in my head...

No more rhyming, I mean it!

Anybody want a peanut?

June 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTiredmum

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