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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Aug272012

Passive Aggression is a Dish Best Served Iced

Passive aggression comes in many forms, but I prefer the subtle approach for added deniability. The message is still there, of course, but it's not so obvious as to get you immediately disowned.

"Here's a big dead tree to represent your general state of witheredness. 

"Oh, and..." [jazz hands] "Happy birthday."

 

If she asks, it's a crown. But we both know better.

"No, Mom, of COURSE that's not a hand giving you the finger. It's a crown. Because you are a ROYAL...delight."

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this engagement cake:

...except that the groom's name is Nathan.

Nathan = 0

Mother-in-Law = + 20

 

When the subtle approach isn't getting the job done, though, sometimes you have to step up your game. And then put it in quotes:

"Also, I got this off the week-old clearance rack. For free."

 

Vicky: "It's not even my birthday!"

 "We know; we just wanted to make extra sure you knew you were being excluded."

 

"No, seriously, we're reeeeally sorry about that. Now, can we get you some cake? Or a drink? Maybe some adult diapers?"

 

Sarah C. claims she only asked for Happy Birthday, and the baker overheard her saying the rest on the phone to someone else. Riiiiight. How'd that excuse fly with the birthday girl, Sarah?

 

With friends like this, who needs text-speaking enemies bearing lousy Coco Chanel knock-off cakes?

 

Of course, when it comes to passive aggressive cakes, nothing can ever compare to the ones mom used to make.

Right, Jason?

Oops, looks like we just missed Jason - he's gone on a guilt trip. See ya when you get back, buddy! "Enjoy!"

 
Thanks to Anne M., Courtney B., Emily K., Greer D., Laura P., Jessica S., Jennifer B., Sarah C., Faigie L., & Sue F., who will always still love me. Right, guys?

Guys? ...Hello?

« How It Might Have Happened | Main | Sunday Sweets: Threadcakes, Take Two! »

Reader Comments (35)

Bahahaha, nothing like cake to make the pain go away :D

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Most of today's cakes would've been nice if not for the awful inscriptions. Maybe the Happy Birthday Mom cake was Jason's follow up cake? It's even funnier that way.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

Wowwww these make me giggle but just shake my head in disbelief.

Oh and congrats on Lady Vadore's grand debut! Wish I could've made it to ooh and aah over all the little details in person.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

The flowers on the second cake are so pretty! It's a shame it had to have that weird short-fingered thing.

I'm wondering if Chrissy's cake was a joke. Since 34 isn't old, there must have been a story behind it.

The misused "your" is also killing me.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSydney

Sung to “Hush, Little Baby”

Hush, Ancient Dorris, it’s not a fake
All your friends got you a mocking cake

And if you hate dead trees in brown
Here’s a nice passive aggressive crown

And if that crown makes your Mom sick
She’ll buy Nathan a cake for Nick

And if that cake gets the bride’s goat
She’ll resort to “sarcastic” “quotes”

And if those quotes make you feel icky
At least you’re not poor, cakeless Vicky

And if Vicky’s cake ban was rather bold
She's still happy her friends didn’t call her old

And if those words make Chrissy hate ‘em
They’re better than what Sarah piped verbatim

And if Sarah's words produced some shocks
You could mask your feelings with Botox

And if Botox seems like quite a zing
Remember, poor Mom didn’t get anything

And though Jason’s cake was a sunny yellow
Still, you’ve got to feel for the fellow.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Very "enjoyable" post today. One of your best.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDatada

Looks like Chrissy's friend also doesn't know the difference between "your" and "you're." Thirty-four is old?? God, I hate to think what that makes me.....

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

Oh Jason, I really wouldn't eat that cake if I were you...or anything else your mum makes for you to eat over the next few months. You really messed up there, mate.......

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Sharyn... I can't....stop...laughing XD XD

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

The only real question I have is, wherever did the recipients of these cakes bury the bodies?

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

hahah YES and Sharyn, YES!

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

I just love the Jason one!!! I make my husband an apple pie for his birthday each year and normally just put the "Happy Birthday" on top. This year the inscription will read much much different!!!!

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Sharyn, will you marry me? I hear Nick and Vicky are free if we need witnesses.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLis

Sharyn, that is hilarious!!!!!!!

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKim

What was the censored out "N" word? Was it THE N-word? :O It doesn't make sense grammatically unless you put a comma before it and even if Sarah is comfortable using that word in private company, she should never say it when on the phone regardless of her race.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Another hit Sharyn! I kinda like the idea of a cake to tell someone off...in a sweet way!!

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkatie

Chrissy: We're sorry we can't spell or punctuate. Or pick colors that wouldn't make you vomit when you saw the cake. But try it -- it's delicious!

As for the engagement cake: Nathan should run. Very fast. NOW!

I think Jason's cake is the best. Nothing like a nice piece of birthday cake served with a huge side order of mom guilt!

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

"sorry your getting so old" That one goes to the grammar police as well! " you're"

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Sharyn ROCKED it!!

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDominicanHottie

Sharyn, I think I'll be laughing at that the rest of the day.

*hanging my head in shame* I thought I was the guilt-trip inducing queen, but Jason's Mom has shown me up!

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTheOneOnTheRight

If 34 is old, then I'm creeping up on ancient. The misused "your" is making me twitch.

I'm not sure which made me laugh harder--the inscription on Amy and Alex's cake, or the "we wanted to make extra sure you weren't included" comment after. It's too bad about the unfortunate messages, because most of them weren't executed too badly, other than the "misformed crown" on the cake for Mom, and the bare tree on Dorris's cake. And Crissy's eye-bleeding-causing rainbow.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelindaB

I just ordered a cake, it says "Happy 85th Birthday, Mom" & will have red roses....super simple, right??? I"m so scared....
It didn't help that the girl taking the order kept calling me dear & told me it might be too early to order a cake (for Sept 1) because we're still in August.
::SIGH::

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertk

The second cake has the largest scallops I have ever seen in my life!!!

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

The rainbow coloured cake for Chrissy turning 34 had me laughing hysterically!! I think my sister and mom got a cake early for me.... this is something I could see them doing!! ((I am turning 34 this year, and family still calls me Chrissy)) LMAO!!!

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

I admire Jason's mother. That's taking the guilt trip to a whole new level. She's the Jewish mother that I someday hope to be ;)

I wonder what that mother would do if she got a cake that gave her the finger?

Poor Nathan and Emily. If their parents can't let go the previous beau at the time of an engagement party, I feel sorry for them. Or was this cake recycled from Emily's last engagement (that got called off? Perhaps because that cake featured Emily's siblings name, recycling a family birthday cake?)

I think Chrissy's friends need 50 lashes with limp pasta for (a) thinking 34 is old, and (b) for their spelling of you're.

@pikkewyntjie: I suspect that's someone's name (Nancy? Nadine? Norman?) who didn't want to be featured on CW.

The Chanel cake is beautifully done. If they think 30 is old... yike. I'm not sure what punishment I'd inflict! Something that would encourage wrinkles, I think <evil grin>

And Sharyn, your songs are always amusing, but todays was particularly good!

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Anyone else think that maybe Lillian and Heke work in fashion? I'm getting a very bitchy fashionista vibe from that cake.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRauss

I agree....the best post ever...well, maybe not ever...at least..in a while. I love the song and I love Jason's cake....my mom used to do the same to me with letters when I was away at college. When I didn't write her often enough, I would get one from her with the tear drops on the paper circled....my mom was also a travel agent...specializing in guilt trips. Thanks for the chuckles.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGrandmaJer

@LIs: 2 questions. 1.) How do you feel about polygamy (because my hubby's great and I'm not giving him up) and 2.) Do we HAVE to serve cake?

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Bwaahaahaa! Who would have thought sweets could be so bitter? I bet the cake decorators were laughing the entire time they were decorating that last cake.

August 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterakathleen

Wow I feel horribly old looking at these cakes lol. Sheesh. Wreckerators and/or the peoples so called friends that got them these if I saw that you need botox one that person had better hope I lost their address lol. They would not like what would occur on their birthday that's for sure.

August 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

hmm aside from the "crown" and the misspelling of you're on the rainbow cake... I don't see these as wrecks.... I am constantly amazed at the things customers ask to have written and drawn on the cakes they order.

Just because the customers have misguided ideas for these cakes doesn't mean the people making them should be blamed.

Also if you are going to order a cake, please, PLEASE be sure of the names and spelling you want on it... how horrible for that engaged couple. And I can't tell you how many times I have asked a customer to spell a name so I can be sure it's right before I put it on a cake and I get the answer "I don't know".... /sigh

August 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen VG

kudos to the baker of Amy & Alex's cake. It's not often we get to see brown icing that looks like roses and ruffles instead of poo!

August 28, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersuzeckis

Oh, dear. Theardare's tail is twitching again...

#1 No one saw the scowling eye and the fang in the tree, like some mutant moose from Heck? Okay, moose don't have fangs. Work with it.

#2 I suspect the presenter got a 'crown', too.

#3 "Nathan, I'm terribly sorry. I must keep getting you mixed up with Nick because he keeps coming around...did I let something slip?"

#5 This was the second try -- the first one included 'Vicky' for some reason known only to the wreckorator.

#6 What happens when you order birthday cakes from the "60s Bakery".

August 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

lol - that first cake might as well have the Grim Reaper leaning against the tree, hourglass in hand! Hmm, maybe I'll do something like that for my dad when he reaches 80-odd - he'd think it was funny!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNothing But The Tooth

Read to the tune of the nursery rhyme "This is the house that Jack built".

This is the leafless tree brown

This is the five fingered crown
that sparkled under the tree brown

This is the best wishes for Nick-Nathan
that set along the fingered crown
that sparkled under the tree brown

This is the gift cookie choco tan
that wished best for Nick-Nathan
that set along the fingered crown
that sparkled under the tree brown

This is the monochromatic cake for two
that color matched cookie choco tan
that wished best for Nick-Nathan
that set along the fingered crown
that sparkled under the tree brown

This is the cake bordered blue
that shown the monochromatic cake for two
that color matched cookie choco tan
that wished best for Nick-Nathan
that set along the fingered crown
that sparkled under the tree brown

This is the cake crisis, old and wordy
that was boxed like cake bordered blue
that shown the monochromatic cake for two
that color matched cookie choco tan
that wished best for Nick-Nathan
that set along the fingered crown
that sparkled under the tree brown

This is the coco cake for lillian thirty
that warned like cake crisis wordy
that was boxed like cake bordered blue
that shown the monochromatic cake for two
that color matched cookie choco tan
that wished best for Nick-Nathan
that set along the fingered crown
that sparkled under the tree brown

This is the forgotten cake son shine
that shown on cake lillian thirty
that warned like cake crisis wordy
that was boxed like cake bordered blue
that shown the monochromatic cake for two
that color matched cookie choco tan
that wished best for Nick-Nathan
that set along the fingered crown
that sparkled under the tree brown

This is wishes and birthday cakes nine
that summarized the cake son shine
that shown on cake lillian thirty
that warned like cake crisis wordy
that was boxed like cake bordered blue
that shown the monochromatic cake for two
that color matched cookie choco tan
that wished best for Nick-Nathan
that set along the fingered crown
that sparkled under the tree brown

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterC.W.

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