My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Minor Oversight

Your first mistake, my dear Wreckies, was in being so positive and supportive of yesterday's post that some of you even asked to see some of the posts John *won't* let me publish.

So again, in my defense: you asked for it. 

Here's one that's been languishing in my drafts folder for nearly a year, and it still makes me snort-giggle - but I can guarantee there is NO WAY you all will find it as amusing as I do. You just won't. Trust me. You'll think it's cute and adorable and I'm a terrible person for laughing.

Or you'll laugh, too, and then we can nod knowingly at each other from across crowded rooms, as if to say, "Yeah, I'm a terrible person, too. S'all good."



A Minor Oversight:

Sadly, God neglected to add air holes.



Thanks to Anony M., the first newly inducted member of the Terrible Person Club.

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Reader Comments (223)

I think it's cute, but yes...that would present a problem if it were a real baby.
Unless bub were a 'toe-breather'...?

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

That poor baby has no head :D

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterApril

I laughed, hard. I laughed until I was crying, snorted, and laughed some more.

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSara-with an H

I too, am a terrible person. Laughed out loud at this.

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkendell

Count me as a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad person!

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichelaine

I thought God forgot the whole head! Hello, my name is Pam and I, too, am a Terrible Person...

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPamtastic

The first thing I thought of was a lovely wrapped anvil... with wee little feet sticking out. Add the message on the gift tag. You may be terrible... but I may be worse.

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Member of the Terrible Person Club here. I snorted so hard it hurt. Then decided the feet and toes should be blue due to lack of oxygen.

I'll just be hiding someplace where no one can glare at me.

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNoey

So I'm the only one who counted toes? 'Cause I was *sure* that was the problem, till I read Jen's comment. :P

Smirks knowingly. :/

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

Terrible person here. I'll prove it by saying that now that this baby is nearly a year old, I'll bet the parents WISH it still fit in this magical bag!

I wonder if it's sound proof??? I wonder if I could find one big enough for my teenagers???

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTauna

please set jen free

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterearlleen

well, when babies are brought by stork in cartoons and the like--i assume that's why this cake maker decided to do the pink bag thing--i don't think they're carried in plastic bags. It's probably supposed to be cloth, and that should be enough breathability for little baby lungs.

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpandawatch13

I'm an even worse person, because my first thought was that the tag was in the wrong place; it should have been tied around the big toe.

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSara

I have dated my share of guys who thought they were God's gift to women. Maybe this explains things. They were deprived of oxygen as infants.

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

I'm not sure it needs air holes and I think I'm terrible too. It doesn't look like it has a head in there!

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVtis4me

So, first I looked at the picture. I thought, cute. WAY too much pink, and the feet are a bit wonky but cute. Aaaaaand then I read the caption. BWAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Maybe He figured there would be space around the feet? Hang on. Who covers a baby's head but leaves the feet open to get cold?!

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTronell

I am also a terrible person, but thinking the poor baby got squished by God's poor aim

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I laughed so loud at this post that my husband heard me clear at the other end of house with music playing and water running. He simply yelled "Are you reading cake wrecks again?" Busted . . .

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

@RepubAnon - *giggle*

@Daphne24 - Hey, at least your hearing wasn't messed up. I thought it was a "HEN basket" for years!

@ SuBee - now you're really, *really* a terrible person! Even worse than a girl who locked her kid brother out on the front porch in just his Spiderman underwear. (Hey, there was a bush out there. If he hadn't screamed so much, nobody'd seen him anyways...)

@ HaikuJoy - <GRIN> I thought you were busy teaching somewhere! Guess we can call off that search...right, Andrea? (Or at least resynchronize our watches for 2 weeks from now in 3...2...1.)

@zoomom - secret handshake? CHECK.

@Sharyn - good, now no one will eat my gluten-free donut holes! :-)

@Andrea - your kid is GROWN?! Wanna trade? ;-)

@Barbara Anne - uh, waitaminute! Where is Barbara Anne?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ok, now that the meeting for the Terrible Person Club is over, and everyone's gone, I'm closing the door again (I was guarding it, remember?), locking up & going home. Craig, thanks for helping Theardare guide all the new TPC members around the Bunker while I kept watch outside...

BTW, John(thoJ), while I was busy watching the line for the TPC move sloooowly into the Bunker, I painted a new sign on the right side of the Bunker wall (outside, mind you) that says:


100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 MILES

You're welcome.

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

@Craig ~ Thanks for the clarification about the 'mustache thing' but I actually meant the bigger 'mustache thing' as in 'Why is everyone obsessed with mustaches? Why are there keychains and phone bling and confetti that's everywhere' mustache thing. Is it the guys version of duck lips??? I'm so confused!!!

I too had a big headed baby. My oldest had such a big head she broke my tailbone! I'm thinking it's a good thing this headless-baby-in-a-bag doesn't appear to have a head since it would not have ended well for the mom. o.O

January 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

my husband and i are convinced we're all going to hell in the same handbasket!

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergwen

Hahaha! The toe tag goes on the toe!

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKippie

I may disappear yet. First papers are due tomorrow.

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Well add me to that new member list for I started laughing hysterically for no reason. I am a horrible person lol. Maybe the baby can breathe through its feet? Otherwise I will go back to hiding under my bed laughing to myself.

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

ROFLMAO!!!!! I too am a horrible person & besides the 'blue' baby, I would have a very difficult time 'carving' this cake up!!!

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKookie17

@KarateLady, you could always refer hate mail to the complaints department of the Sirius Cybernetics Corp..

@Jodee, I don't know what the bigger mustache thing is, either -- mine is normal size. I have it because I've always had it. Well, not always, but since 16 or so.

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I imagine it can breathe just fine (albeit foot-odour air) through the holes it has poked in the wrapping with its itsybitsycutesypie tootsums. Nobody ever warns you how LONG and SHARP newborn clawsXXXX sorry, fingernails, are!

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAA

Oh Yes, I´m a terible person too. Because I didn´t think of cute little babies being delivered at all. I thought: "Well, God´s being real cynical. Dropping hs dirty laundry bag on some poor bugger´s head and labelling it as a "gift".

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

ooooooooooooooooooo Sooo Cute... Terrible Person Here Too

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSend Cakes to Pakistan

bawahahaa! shame on john for making you keep this gem from us! ;)

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersmothermother

I just giggled at my desk in my office. I am a terrible person, but at least I have a fantastic sense of humor!

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Is it just me or did God forgetl the head....??

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeeanne

Bhahahahahaha! Hahahaha! Ahahaha! Ha ha ha!

...breathe... Ha! ...deep breaths... aha ha ha...

That is the best worst thing I've seen. Thank you.

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle Hartz

cutest cake... that made me snort out loud when I read your post... we'll have so much fun in hell :)

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterezipper

The baker should have made the gift tag a toe tag....given the circumstances.

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMLB

*blink* Oh my! Yes I am a terrible person too so I will join the knowing head nodding as well. :D

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda D.

Thanks @Craig for clearing that up about your mustache being normal size. Just one more piece of the 7 foot tall non-Gossamer puzzle. :D

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Wow, my first thought was that it was a really oddly-shaped baby butt cake and the FEET ARE TOTALLY ON BACKWARDS!

Then I read your tag line and joined the throngs of "Terrible People"

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Heather, I love it. It really does look like someone dropped something on the baby like the house on the witch!

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

apparently the feet need to breathe, but the baby in the bag doesn't :D

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Headless, oxygen deprived and pigeon-toed. Otherwise beautiful cake. I, too, am a terrible person. Hi everyone.

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFsurica

Two options here:
- baby bottom cake with upside-down feet (what I first saw), or
- baby sitting upright without a head

Either way, hilarious in a completely I-feel-sad-for-the-baby way.

*reverse nods* 'Sup. The line's over here? I brought a chair, thanks.

LOVE this site!

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

I will add my name to the horrible person club (long time member, first time poster), but I'm surprised no one's pointed out that after going through the trouble of making an otherwise well-executed cake (skills-wise, air holes notwithstanding), the creator couldn't decide if the tag said "gift" or "girl" from God. Looked they they were trying for both in an M.C. Escher kind of way.

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKim

I am also a terrible, terrible person.

Though when my son was 3 or so, we came across lots of Beanie Babies at a thrift store, each wrapped in a plastic bag. We bought as many as we could (not that many) to rescue them, then spent the next half hour poking miniscule holes in the bags of the ones remaining in the store so they could breathe, otherwise my son would have been distraught at the thought of them perishing. Stories about how they don't need to breathe 'til the bag was opened didn't work. I figured a pinhole wouldn't be likely to get the Beanie Baby dirty, and he left satisfied that he'd saved them.

Does that even my terrible-person-karma in regards to plastic-bagged defenseless creatures out?

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCaren

Love it! As a long-time Bad Person, let me welcome you by saying, "One of us, one of us, gooble gobble gooble gobble."

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergoldensloth

I had to go back and read your "just before this one post". OMG! I sooo get it and today i had a little "laugh/cry" at this one...seriously laughing because you are so right....then crying because it was so true and how could ANY baker not realize this.

Then, i had to read this to my husband...he should be a blogger. His reaction to your cake before seeing your tagline "yea, then God will have to resuscitate it after it comes out of there" WOW, great minds think alike ;)

i want MORE "too scared to post them" blogs!

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie&John

see what happens when I don't come in to play? biggest dang party in the bunker's history, apparently. (waves cheerily at KarateLady!)

came in today.
stared at photo without scrolling to the punch line in the spirit of "I can do it myself!!"
sighed in disgust because I didn't get it.
scrolled down.

I howled like a demented hyena.

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I saw 'Minor Oversight' and thought the head was missing.

January 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDancesWithSpatulas

I DID NOT make this.

January 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGod

Belated in responding: trust me, I'm part of the Terrible Person club. Looks like there are many members! Glad to know there are others out there. We can start a support group.

Beautifully crafted, but strangely inspired. So glad you posted this one!

January 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkbirdcarr

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