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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Oct082013

Tiers for Fears

It's National Face Your Fears Day, my friends, so buckle up. You and me, we're gonna get through this.

See, the trick is to just tackle these things head on.

Unless it's giant spiders. NEVER TACKLE GIANT SPIDERS.

 

Er, everyone's afraid of being attacked by anthropomorphized melons bearing pointy plastic cutlery, right?

Right?

Well, I KNOW you're afraid of clowns, so here are a few time-tested techniques (from a former clown, I might add) for managing the Squeaky Nose heebie-jeebies:

 

1) Picture them naked:

But watch out for any funny squirting "flowers."

 

2) ... or dead:

They're far less likely to tie your intestines into balloon animals this way.

 

3) ... or better yet, naked AND dead.

[PICTURE REDACTED]

See? Not so scary now, right?

 

Perhaps you suffer from Anatidaephobia, the fear that a duck is watching you.

I'm told this is a duck.

 

Never fear, I have a solution for that, too! See, there's this new show out called "Duck Dynasty," and while I've never actually watched it, I am sure it can remove your fear of ducks watching you...

... and replace it with the fear of this cake watching you.

 

Then there's the appropriately named fear of long words - which I swear I am not making up - called "hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia."

This one is easily remedied; first, never tell anyone you have it.

Second, abbreviate everything.

It also helps to adopt a cryptic, mysterious air. People eat that stuff up, man.

 

And finally, for my fellow germaphobes:

Good luck with that.

 

I'm afraid that Genevieve G., Amy M., Amber, Nicole V., Kelsey W., Mandy B., Joelle P., Kelli P., & Andrea M. are all terribly nice people - even when they're brandishing plastic cutlery.

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Reader Comments (56)

Bless you, Zippy, I could never do your work. There would be strangulations.

October 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

The redacted cake is part of the joke, for those unsure on this point.

You're welcome.

Keep calm and wreck on.

October 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarmaa

I'm pretty sure the sixth cake down is meant to be a Womble...

Loving your work :)

October 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVikki

the right-most clown appears to be have "a nerection".... dear god...why?!!?!

October 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

Months late, I just realized my cake finally made it onto this site! How exciting for me! …and sad for everyone else who had to see it! LOL

December 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoelle

[PICTURE REDACTED]... is that a subtle SCP reference I see? [waggles eyebrows]

December 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterYip Yippington

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