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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Feb052013

Bikram Beauties

Pssssst. You guys. I don't want to scare anyone, but I think Jen may be losing it.

I'm home with the flu, and my husband — who GAVE it to me — has me on house arrest until the fever breaks and I'm "lucid" ­­— his word, not mine. He doesn't get that I'm actually way sharper when I have a teensy fever. It's like that Bikram Yoga stuff. You know, the kind they do in the 105° rooms: the heat loosens you up and gets you way more flexible.

Since I'm stuck here, I figured I'd do some Bikram Cake Wrecks. But I can't find any wrecks! Everything Jen's tagged as a wreck is gorgeous! I think the pressure of turning out a daily blog is finally getting to her...

Here, let me show you some of the cakes she's calling wrecks:

Don't they look cozy? And with three babies you can avoid some of that ugly squabbling over who gets the head. Perfect.

 

Look at this sweet little leopard, napping in the forest while the fireflies glow.

 Adorable! He's even got a widdle-bitty pet fork! And what a clever idea to mash all the cupcakes together like that - you even get extra frosting under the wrappers!

 

This re-telling of Cannonball Run is brilliant:

It would have been so confusing without the extra birthday sign and airplane, though. Now, the plot's crystal clear!

 

OK, I'll admit this one has an error.

That should be a #2, not a 1, but the workmanship is excellent.

 

This is a perfect representation of Spongebob doing the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona:

It's a great way to teach your kids about Spanish culture, and if Spongebob gets gored no one really gets hurt -- 'cuz he's squishy!

Win-win.

 

Everyone knows you can't go wrong with unicorns.

They're magical.

 

And what about this? I've never seen a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast done better.

Never.

 

See? Jen's losing it! What should I do?

(Do you think john (thoJ) knows?)

 

Maybe I'll write her a song explaining the problem, right after I fix the Bugblatter Beast a sandwich.

(What? Jen's been losing it for a while, but he's hungry now.)

 

Thanks to Gretchen W., Nancy M., Laura H., Wendy E., Wendy R., Ginger G., and Anne-Marie L. for feverishly scouring their local bakeries for today's stunners.

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Reader Comments (76)

God bless these children
as they sink into the mire,
lifeline out of reach.

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I very nearly wrote "congratulations on your blandle of joy" inadvertantly in an email today. Thank you, Cake Wrecks!

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Drama! Adventure!
Winter Shrubs! All in the new
"Snow White Hails a Cab!"

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

At the risk of triggering an Epcot, I'll explain to the uninitiated how to tell who is the author of CW posts: The author's name is listed at the end of the post, next to the number of comments currently associated with the post.

As for these cakes, Oh. My. Gosh. Totally unexplainable. However, the backstory on the first cake is in order - it's very difficult to imagine what occasion would warrant that cake. I sure hope it's for a christening rather than a memorial service... It's not out of the realm of possibilities that a contest to explain the third cake could be held. With this group of commenters, the stories would be phenomonal!

Sharyn honey, get better soon. You obviously aren't feeling well right now.

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

Ok, Haiku Joy, I think that's enough coffee for you today. Ditto for donuts...either way, just put 'em down & back away slowly... ;-)

@Andrea - Thank you, thank you, *thank you*! When I saw Sharyn writing that these weren't wrecks I had nightmarish visions of Theardare going commando on her or, alternatively, self-destructing over the internal dilemma you just described. Whew! I think we (Sharyn?) dodged a bullet there, or at least a loooong stay in Rm 101...

PS Perhaps Theardare would enjoy a double-feature of "The Cat From Outer Space" and the movie version of the Broadway production of "Cats". Hmmm...bet he'd love Nastassja Kinski in "Cat People"...should we throw that one in as well?

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

"A merry heart does good like a medicine," so I certainly hope the mirth redounds to Sharyn.

#1 Between the Cross and the sign, PLEASE tell me the back story is 'ok'. With that particular shade of...whatever color that is and being shiny besides, my first impression was a giant wad of ABC gum. With ceramic (?) baby heads in it. On a pillow.

#2 What a clever mash-up. Are cake boards and covers really going to have to start being marked, "This Side Up" and / or "Do Not Tilt"? That was one of the last remaining Things I Thought (hoped) Everyone Knew.

#3 First theory: This is a display at Flotsam Mart. Second theory: Whoever ordered this is *trying* to get the wreckerator in trouble with the Copyright Police.

#4 The 'flies' -- which I hope with nuclear sincerity are not real -- leave no doubt as to what this is supposed to be. Frankly, I would have appreciated just a little doubt.

#5 SpongeBob in PamPlona? What a great idea! I have nothing against the 'guy', you understand, just that with a niece who is president-for-life of the SBSP fan club, I have the shows memorized. I want to unmemorize them -- I need the brain space for other things!

#6 Cake located too close to an oil change gone terribly wrong: -50. Hidden Mickey (look beneath the unicorn's nose): +50. Final score: 0.

#7 It doesn't see me, because I cleverly looked away.

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

The unicorn obviously has the intestinal bug that's been going around. We thought my son was coming down with it today, but now it looks like a false alarm. Whew! Because if it looks like that, we're all in trouble.

Sharyn, I can't believe you can blog this well when you're that sick! Get well soon!

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

applause for Craig- I now see the Hidden Mickey, too!!

just for the record- when I say a post made me laugh so hard I had an asthma attack then I mean I actually laughed until I coughed and needed a rescue inhaler.

so, guess how hard I laughed at this post? :D

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

OK, you guys are all cracking me up.

@mel and Haiku Joy: Brilliant as always. mel, I'm gonna have to try that annual vacuuming thing...

@LInda: Please don't fret. I think it was a christening cake for triplets.

@Gutz Grilla: I'd be fine if it weren't for all... these... BATS!!! (Arms flailing...)

@KarateLady and Andrea (and Craig should probably know this, too): I talked to Theardare yesterday, explained the upcoming contradiction, and gave him a copy of my son's paper about how the Ancient Egyptians worshipped cats. He seemed OK, but he was listening to the Bangles' "Walk Like an Egyptian" when I left. We may have to bow next time we see him.

Thanks for all the well-wishes. I'm feeling much better. I wrote this post the morning I made my hubby get up at 4:17 AM to answer the door -- Well, of course no one was there. They were embarrassed when they realized it was 4:17 AM and they left. Besides, it took him long enough to get to the door... That's when he used the "l" word -- lucid -- and grounded me.

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

How did Karate Lady know I've had a donut today? Who's ratting on me?

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

What on earth is that first cake with heads and silly putty? I can't imagine on what occasion that might be presented to someone.
Thank goodness for the cute bull/spongebob cake to take my mind to a happy place.

February 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermarnieb

I too have either the flu or some evil bug. And those cakes look like all the wreckerators are ill as well lol. Gag at that first one..wow. Feels sad for the unicorn though. Looks like it pooped on the cake and can't get off lol.

February 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I feel for those triplets, being slowly digested by the sarlaac, as force lightning rages all around them. They certainly need blessing indeed.

February 6, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

@khereva OMG! I don't know how I didn't see that before. Now that's all I see. Thank you! Brilliant!

February 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

The first one: Babies being digested by a carpet monster, requiescat in pace?

Or, per Dan Glassner's anti-lullaby "Close Your Eyes", "That is not a blanket..."

February 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

That is the cutest little smiling feces with legs that I've ever seen! ...Uh, the first and only one I've ever seen. Let's hope it's the last! What are they thinking? I'm serious here, WHAT are they thinking? Why, why, why would anyone want to make/eat something that looks like poo? Even if it's cute cartoonish poo. Why?
Which brings me to the unicorn cake...
Why? Why would you want to make/eat a cake that looks like unicorn diarrhea? Plus, that unicorn looks pretty dang pleased with himself. That's just not right.

February 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Number five is a Happy Poo cake.... Why there is such a character, or why anyone would order such a cake is beyond me. Here is a link to the Happy Poo app.
http://www.amazon.com/Retro-Dreamer-Happy-Poo/dp/B0070O973K

February 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPato

@craig you would be surprised to see some of the stuff customers do..they put up comes and flip them over. leave them on their side something with cupcakes. it so crazy.

February 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCrissy

Bahaha looks like zebra stripes on the unicorn cake.

February 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

Is the poo cake meant to be like the Ferdinand (Spongebob) cake??

February 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

As long as Theardare doesn't add 'Walk Like an Egyptian' to his playlist / repertoire, I think we're ok. He might have been Sharyn's 0417 visitor; I wouldn't put it past him to be monitoring people's donut consumption, either.

Happy Poo? There's an app for that? Suddenly, SBSP doesn't seem so bad. Oy...

February 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

LOL @Craig! Just when I think it's safe to go back and read comments on previous posts... **wiping coffee off my monitor** Althought I'm more than a little horrified that there's an app for Happy Poo O.O

February 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

just dont forget your towel

February 7, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterelliy

In South Korea Poo is COOL the kids have pencils cases and pillows shaped like it. I never understood why. Anyway I am guessing it is supposed to be Poo, as in my time living there I saw several Poo cakes

February 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

The first looks like a triplet abortion. :/

February 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermella

My husband's comment upon seeing the fist cake was: "KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!", as he lept back from the computer in terror. Can't say I disagree.

February 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLizzyBean

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