My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

I'm Irish, But Don't You Dare Kiss Me

 It's nice to see bakeries really getting into the St. Patrick's Day spirit this week:


 By which I mean they've clearly been drinking.

This is one week I'd actually kind of love to work in these bakeries. I wouldn't be drinking, though; I'd just be egging on all the drunk bakers.

I'd be all, "Hey, guys, you know what we need? JEWISH LEPRECHAUNS."





Then I'd hold relay races where all the drunk bakers have to ice a cake with their elbows and pipe on the side swags with their teeth:



Next I'd get them all to do that thing where someone stands behind you and and you pretend their arms are your arms and play icing Pictionary: 

Bam! Zap! Ni!


And finally, I'd just be overly enthusiastic about everything they made, no matter HOW terrible, kind of like your favorite aunt acted when you were four:

[shrieking] THIS IS THE BEST SHAMROCK CAKE I HAVE EVER SEEN. Who wants more beer?


[gasp] Did you use the airbrush? WAY TO GO, YOU! And did you cut out that paper pot of gold yourself? You DID?! Well, now, who's a big boy? WHO IS IT?!


  I have never wanted to kiss a red UFO more.


Yep, I'm telling you, guys, that would be a HOOT. 


Now, y'all have fun this weekend, and be safe, and remember:

 Easter wrecks are next.


Thanks to Tamara H., Dan B., Lindsay B., Timothy E., Dara M., Courtney L., Jessica D., & Amanda M., for the sobering selections. ;)

« Sunday Sweets: St. Patrick's Day | Main | We Don't Need No Lava Soap, Pope »

Reader Comments (54)

WTF The "Jewish" one looks as Irish as I am. These cakes are an insult to Irish history :P

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I'd like to echo those first cupcakes and wish everyone a "Happy St. Putz!"

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

St. Putz?
Jewish leprechauns?

These bakers are to be commended for killing two appetities with one cake.
Passover is only a little over a week away!

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

If I couldn't see the napkins next to that "shamrock" CCC, I'd never believe it was supposed to be one. I was thinking that maybe they made a bad jalapeno or strange cactus. Poor Elijah!

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

That fourth one looks like a pickle to me!

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTina

St. Putz is no schmuck:
patron of wreckerators
laughs with the faithful.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I was wondering why they gave Elijah, who has no "t" in his name, a lower-case t cake. Hmmm, maybe they thought the order was for "tea cakes?"

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDB

I kinda like that last one though. I'd take it home and love it and (maybe not)-squish it and call it George. LOL!

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMary

When I saw that fifth cake, I was thinking it was a pretty good lowercase "t" until I realized it was meant to be a shamrock. XD

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlex K

I think Elijah's 'cake' might actually have been a pet lizard. At least, it was before Mommy reversed the car over it.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

@Tina: I'm seeing "pickle with a yeast infection."

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

There are only 9 chocolate chips in the rainbow cookie cake?

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarin

What happened to truth in advertising? The last cake says "white cake" but it's clearly green...ish.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDavid from Brazil

Lol...the idiot who did the rainbow cookie cake didn't just mess it up, they put the wrong label. should be a 12" for $8.48.... Maybe she knew it was ugly and mistagged it for the lower price

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermichelle

Pretty sure the Elijah cake is in keeping with the Jewish theme, what with Passover approaching and all...
Yup. Birthday cake. For Elijah.

During Passover.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I've never seen Oscar the Grouch look so happy as he does in that last cake!!

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAKS

H. Op. Fy. St. Pu. T3.

What a holiday.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

To be fair, the first one looks like some creative finger-lickin' editing, which could have been done after purchase. I'm related to some people who'd have taken great pride in that editing job.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChristiane

I see nothing wrong with the texas clover cake for Elijah ;)

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBrandi

@Tina - Yep, definitely saw pickle, too.

@Sharyn - Uhhhhh...just where has that pickle been to get a yeast infection? o_O

I was slightly bummed, Jen. Seeing the last cake, I thought your comment was going to be "And remember, Irish eyes are terrifying."

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

Oscar licks the wrong trash can; now we know why he is so grouchy--withdrawal.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I believe Elijah's shamrock cake was made with the same pan used to make
a crucified Jesus cake.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnonynon

On that last cake.


Those monstrosities should never see the light of day.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

I'm sorry, but the eyes on that last cake look like..... cleavage.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBella


I'm really surprised none of you knows about Shecky, the Jewish Leprechaun.

I'm disturbingly impressed that the maker of the red UFO punctuated correctly.

/end transmission

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Instead of a pickle, I saw it and thought, "Why does Larry the Cucumber" (from Veggie Tales) have a white wig on?" I didn't think they'd be willing to go down that road in their movies.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarnie T

I now know the game we will be playing at my next party, "Team Icing Pictionary!".

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDazzawyo

...Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down... Oh, sorry. I've had the hardest time shaking that song, for some reason.

#1 I was going to be all polite and read this as "Hapfy St. Puts!" But since several other people "went there" already, I guess it's ok to read it in Jackie Mason's voice.

#2 I see a giant roasted marshmallow with a tam. Because I do, that's why. The two O's are where the fork went in.

#3 Frankly, I'm gralified that st. palrick, patron saint of non-capitalization, is finally receiving the recognition he or she so richly deserves.

#4 A pickle in a wedding dress. So what's wrong with that?

#5 I guess Elijah is sleep-deprived. That would be why they're wishing him a "Nappy birthday," right? The wreckorator is, too -- that's why the message comes on a green 't'.

#6 They were as chintzy with the chocolate chips (9!) as they were with the frosting.

#7 I know perfectly well folks from Ireland don't travel in red flying saucers, so I'm not kissing y'all -- I have no idea where you've been. For all I know, I could wind up saying, "unny ufts" a lot, and people would think I was saying, "Sonny Tufts"

#8 What happens if you don't clean your refrigerator out regularly. So I'm told.

...Never gonna put you down, or... Shall I become visible, Grumpy Cat?

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

"pickle with a yeast infection." where's the brain bleach?

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Jen, I love you!! Marry me?? What, John who? Oh...well, can I come work in your bakery? Or at least come watch? I'll bring a jumbo can of sprinkles!

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

The 4th one (notice the correct use of -th) is of course the fabled pickle bride.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWwwcam12

It probably makes me a tad weirder than I already am, but I kinda want that last cake in plush form. I would hug it and love it and squish it forever and call it George.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterhppire

@Karin There are 9 chocolate chips because it's after Mardi Gras, so there's no plastic baby to put it it...ummm...and shamrocks have three leaves and 9 is the square root of 3...ummm...and who ever gets the most of the chocolate chips gets the prize, which is ...ummm...any of the other cakes in this post.
And well deserved it is.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

I think the pickle is supposed to be green beer. I can imagine if the frosting were brown instead of green it'd look like poo.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNight Owl

Wait... did anyone happen to notice the Shamrock Lowercase T cake is actually made of cupcakes covered and connected by that massive sheet of icing??? WTF is that?!?!

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHahahaComedy

Why is Texas green?

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

@hppire - "...I kinda want that last cake in plush form."

OOH! Me too!! I want one!

Hmmm... I wonder if I can make one out of crochet...??

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLucinda

I'm going with @Craig's pickle in a wedding dress. While it doesn't make any more sense, at least it's not quite as disturbing as a pickle with a yeast infection O.O

@drgns4vr ~ Your explanation makes more sense then the actual cake does... Nobody is going to mention the fact that the colors aren't even in the right order??? ROY G BIV wreckorators!

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

They are so bad! I think I would need my beer goggles on to even taste them!

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIrishMum

Thank you Haiku Joy, we now know who our patron saint is. St. Putz of the Cake Wrecks. And just in time for Easter, too.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKay

No, #5 is the Texas/Mexico (Texico) border towns' Irish Jalepeno! (Not so much on a steeeeck.) And I can say that, cuz I live there. Oy vey.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

Pickle Bride,
follwed by the spirit of her great aunt Ethel (watch out, she's a hugger) who made it back to this side in time for Elliot's big day

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMs anthrope

That last cake is defective. It is clearly supposed to represent that most Saint Patricky of garments, the furry green tube top, but well, as you can see...

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

I meant pickle.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

The first two were obviously done at a Kosher bakery.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlazypadawan

oh, boy, Craig's really lost it this time and I'm blaming Theardare and the Rick Astley. as if Barry Manilow wasn't bad enough.

Can you hear me? Put down that marshmallow fork and back away from the decorating table. (The only way he knew what that was- he did it himself!!)

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

For what it's worth, the 'pictionary' one (#4) is supposed to be a mug of green beer I believe. The curly bits are foam, and the wish 'Here's to ya' I guess is supposed to be followed by a clinking of mugs.

March 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMunden

I too saw a pickle. A drunken smashed by an elephant pickle lol. Wow and just think Easter wrecks are coming..I think I should just hide under my bed and not come out until my birthday. It just might be safe by then lol.

March 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I had the pleasure of meeting John and Jen in Oklahoma City a couple of years a go, and they were just the kind of fun and congenial people you would expect them to be from thier
Cakewrecks posts.

March 16, 2013 | Unregistered

After a night of sleeping on it I now recognize that last cake as the smaller green cousin of the abominal snow man (from Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer) and the whampa (that attacked Luke Empire Strikes Back) and is only found in that small Island country of Ireland.

March 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMs anthrope

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