Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
May142013

Paper Reams

There are very, VERY few non-wrecky uses for edible photo paper, my friends. So if you're going to make your guests gum their way through all that ink and extra fiber, at least make sure it looks cool. 

You know, (not) like this:

I can just imagine the baker showing these off in his/her portfolio:

  "As you can see, I pioneered the 'wet blanket' decorating technique. I also specialize in printer jams and making your poop sparkle."

 

 Or this:

Granted, this doesn't look as much like edible paper as it does a thin plastic table cloth. Maybe it comes with a pair of scissors for serving? (Only let's hope the scissors come on the outside this time.)

And I love how they wrapped the (presumably) iced cake in "paper," then added more icing, and then topped it with (more?) plastic. It's like a Dagwood sandwich of choking hazards.

 

My favorite, though, is what Angela N. got when she ordered Avengers themed cupcakes from a national chain store bakery which I am *this* close to outing, because omigosh are you kidding me:

 

AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE!

*splat*

Thank you.

 

Thanks to Andrew C., Jaymie P., and Angela N. for actually making me look forward to the day when print is dead.

« Maybe We Should Stick to Baby Blocks And Umbrellas... | Main | MANLY MAN CAKES »

Reader Comments (59)

Jeez, for half of what the last one paid, I could have at least put on cute little avengers flotsom

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

:|
...Words fail me.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

Do you need a *safe* *way* to out the chain store bakery or am I reading too much into that comment?

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Sung to "Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer"

Here come the lazy, crazy bakers and their paper
It adds a serving of fiber, I hear
I won't eat lazy, crazy baked goods made with paper
You know that it's tongue paper cuts I fear.

@Jodee -- how's your daughter doing? Still sending good thoughts...

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

ouch. I agree, they deserve to be outed for that last one!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKirstie

They need to be outed, and quickly, so the rest of us can be warned!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

No way would I have paid for the last one... or any of them for that matter. I, with my admittedly meager baking skills, could have filched out better than that. Sheesh!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdonna

I'm not convinced the material covering cake #2 is actually edible. The printing is too bright and crisp. Maybe it IS plastic. Yuck.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBB, Miami

Are they kidding with those Avenger cupcakes? There are no words...

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin

Seriously the bakers actually think those look okay? I would have them eat it and see how they like it.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLianne

Oh, that last one. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

As my high school band director used to say when we didn't do our jobs correctly, go take up basket weaving.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJim L

At least with the first one you can easily remove the paper before eating.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlaura

I wish we could get "After the Wrecks" updates. Cuz I sure as heck want to know what Angela did/said aftee seeing that last one.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

If I was running to the store to pick up those Avenger cupcakes like two hours before a party for my kid I would have been arrested from the stress induced flip out those cupcakes would have given me. If i went and picked those up I would seriously have started throwing cupcakes at the baker. I'm not proud of it, but DAMN. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!?!? I'd love love love to know what the people picking these up said when they looked at them, and what on earth the bakers said in response/justification.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Thor and the Hulk need surgery, stat, on that last one 'cause the page is torn. Seriously?

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

OMG, that *splat* almost did me in!! :)

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterwildmaven

I love that the Avengers paper is torn in so many places. Ms. Chain-store-baker gets her $8 an hour whether she gives a frick or not.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonnaB

These are all ridiculous but that last one...there is absolutely no excuse for that! Seriously!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersandy

The first ones have such pretty swirly icing with sprinkles, why ruin it with spiderman paper? even if it's edible paper? I guess they are supposed to go on flat cupcakes.

The second one, at first I thought it was a bucket of edible papers to decorate your own cakes/cupcakes until I saw the piping around the bottom. It does look like plastic.

The last one-the customer should have been warned they didn't have cupcake sized avenger papers, or at least used some scissors to cut the avengers apart so each cupcake got a head or letter or something.
It could have been a game, name the body part and who it belongs to-'I have the hulks arm,' 'I found his other arm!.' I spy on cupcakes instead of a quilt.

I agree with SaraV, commentary from the receipients of these cakes would be a wonderful followup.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

And to think, Peter Parker worked for the paper... I'm no professional baker, but if someone wanted me to make Spider-Man cupcakes, I would think "cupcakes that look something like Spider-Man's head" or "red, with that little spider logo in the middle before "little sheets of paper draped over cupcakes, sometimes off-center."

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

Och. I'm with everyone else - need to know the name of the baker... ATragic, just full out tragedy. Also, no, the second cake probably isn't edible. I'm pretty sure....

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStoich911

@Joan I laughed- long and loud!

And Jen, thanks for the LOL on you Avengers joke, Great comic timing!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJake and Me

Geeze... At least the "Spiderman" cupcakes each got their own individual little wet blanket...

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

#1: I'm sorry, Spiderman is not a character from Breaking Dawn - He should not sparkle!

#2: If the scissors ARE on the inside, who would ever know? I don't see anyone actually eating that thing. Hmmm, that gives me an idea...I could start a Cake Safe business. You use the hideous cake that no one will ever want to eat as a place to stash your valuables! Burglars already know to check the freezer, but who would think to check an ugly cake?

#3: That box of cupcakes may just be the saddest thing I have ever seen. You wouldn't even need Sally Struthers or Jerry Lewis to raise money on a telethon. Put that box on a stage with just a spotlight on it and play some sad music. GOLD MINE.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

You can't be serious. Really?? How does one even think that is close to being ok?!?!?!?!?! I am really speechless at the last one. Because....yeah....speechless.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Wow. Some people just really don't have any pride in their work product. Shameful.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

BTW, I share some of the more age-appropriate wrecks with my youngest. He saw the Cars "race track" travesty a couple of weeks ago, and spotted the advertising banner for said wreck hanging in the local mega-mart. Alas, the wreckerators at our mega-mart are "meh" quality, and I can't seem to find anything worth submitting here. I am tempted to order said Cars wreck just to see what happens.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPamtha

Are we sure that second one is really a cake? It looks inedible. Unless bed sheets and plastic are part of your (un)balanced diet.

I'm with the others who say that #3 needs to be outed. If only as a public service to your readers. To keep us from such wrecky disasters.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMyra

OUT THEM!!!! That's absolutely horrid!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGrace

Don't hate the decorator, hate the chains. As a former grocery chains lead cake decorator, I was REQUIRED to do the wrapped double layer cakes to have in the refrigertor section, 2 at all times.
On another note, the "paper" has come a long way since the rice paper. What we used was actually thin sheets of fondant, so please tell me the difference between wrapping a cake like the football one & covering it in a layer of fondant? At least there is a nice layer of icing under the printed fondant. I'm just saying..

My favorite new saying. And totally appropriate in this situation, I might add. FREAK OUT AND THROW A CUPCAKE. Staying calm is so yesterday. Especially with cakewrecks like these.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulse

I..... Ummmmm... I got nothin'...
The person who had the b*lls to hand me that box of
(Insert exploitive) would have gone home that day
with cupcakes in places she didn't know she had.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShortcake

Maybe the outing will force them to employ people that actually have skills, so kids won't be disappointed at their parties anymore. It's for the CHILDREN!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLittleJenniPooPoo

Several years ago I went to pick up an Ariel themed cake for my daughter's birthday - on the way to the party - from a rather upscale bakery in the town we lived in. The presented me with a sheet cake that had a very blurry picture of Ariel that looked like a screen capture from the movie, which had been printed onto one of those edible photo sheets and draped on top of the cake. And then wanted to charge me $80 ish for the thing. I said, um no, you can keep that and ended up at a chain grocery store nearby where a lovely cake decorator put my daughter's name and some Little Mermaid accoutrement on a half sheet for about $40. There's no moral to my story other than I'm glad I saved the 40 bucks and the kids didn't know the difference.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Hey, I just realized that 2nd cake is for the Arizona Cardinals! As a person who lives in this fine state, maybe I'd better pay closer attention to our bakeries. Apparently there are awesome wrecks happening right under my nose!!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne

For the Avengers cupcakes I would seriously be screaming ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!??! just before passing out on the bakery floor from the shock and my blood pressure going through the top of my head! Ridiculous is too kind a word for these screwups.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMajksmom

@Sharyn and everyone else from yesterday ~ Thanks for the good wishes and prayers for my daughter. She's still in the hospital. Not sure yet when she will come home. Apparently God thinks I can handle a whole lot because now my very frail 76-year-old is in the hospital as well. :(

Thanks for the awesome wrecks today. I need some laughs for sure!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Regarding Former Chain Decorator's post, thanks for clarifying that. I think the biggest problem if that is fondant are the massive wrinkles in the fondant. And I don't care for fondant, so even if it were printed sheets of fondant, I'm still nonplussed. It's good to know that it's your manager responsible for that horrible idea, though.

I agree with all the people who said there are no words for the last wreck. Though the chocolate/chocolate icing cupcakes look pretty tasty. Better than the ones with the Avenger Splat on them, anyway.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

Really? not even color coordinated on the Avengers? And I thought every place had those plastic rings to toss on cupcakes. That's the hot thing for kids.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCrystal

Dear Jodee - OMG. Major prayers & warm thoughts being sent your way now. Wish I lived near you - would bring nice allergen-free cakes & cupcakes, & donut holes, & pancakes, etc, etc. etc. <sigh> And when things have calmed down, I think you should get a nice all-expenses paid trip to the Epcot Bunker Day Spa...A massage, pedicure, manicure, whirpool tub soak with lavendar bath beads and Zen music, a facial, hairdo, and makeover. Think that'll do it?

Seriously, take care & I hope *everyone* is out of the hospital & home safe asap!

Truly,

KarateLady

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Thanks @KarateLady That sounds fabulous! My mom is in critical condition and things don't look good. I'll definitely need that Spa Day!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I have seen *one* good use of printable edible stuff. It was a housewarming cake for friends who host a weekly board game night, and a Carcassonne map filled the entire top of the cake. The image came from the Carcassonne video game, and I'm told a couple of the guys spent many hours getting the map *just* right! :)

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSnapdragon

The only thing that surpasses the hideousness of cupcakes no. 3 is the laziness of the wreckorator, which is completely awesome. HOW does anyone look at that mess and say, "That's good!"

Jodee, prayers being said for you and your family. Please keep us posted.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

@Jodee: Adding my prayers and cyber-hugs to your in-box, sweetie! Well, not so much the prayers. That would be weird if I were praying to you. So, I guess I am CC-ing you on the prayers? The cyber-hugs are definitely for you, though!

Love,

Just Andrea

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

#1 There is no legitimate reason for this.

#2 Could actually be a sports-themed 'tablescape' in kit form. I am hoping with atomic intensity that such a thing does not exist (because that would mean there's more than one), but this universe does contain the SL...

#3 I'd just wad up the 'paper' and hand it to the person behind the counter, saying, "File this. Now, since this is just an ordinary box of cupcakes, I don't expect to pay any more for it than I would for that one in the case. I'll supply my own 'theme', thank you very much."

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I seriously LOL'ed at "...making your poop sparkle," and "It's like a Dagwood sandwich of choking hazards." ;)

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTeal

Jodee warm hugs, lady!! we're here for you- virtual shoulders to lean on

I love how The Hulk is smashing his way off the top of the paper- even he knows it's wrong...

@Jim L I was once a cake decorator and I have taken basket weaving (what? stop judging me) and basket weaving is WAY harder. Just sayin'.

@Just Andrea your telethon idea is epic. I started with a strangled giggle/snort which became a coughfest and required my rescue inhaler. Thank you for the perfect ending to a rotten Tuesday!! ;) I actually feel better.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Ha! Thanks for the Avengers laugh and the Dagwood sandwich of choking hazards. I REALLY needed that laugh just now. I just got off the phone trying to teach my parents to set up a Skype account (having just done it myself) and then teach them how to Skype (also my first time ever). Can I just say that it was not as easy as I had heard/hoped? Cakewrecks was my "go to" immediately for some comic relief. Thank you for putting my smile back again.:-)

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarnieB

Oh man I really want to know what happened to those cupcakes. Did she fling them at the baker or just run out in tears? Sheesh. I have decided from now on to bake my own darn cakes lol. Much safer than any of these.

May 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>