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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Aug152013

Don't Do Drugs, Kids. Seriously.

So there's a brand new cake design in town, and it's, well...

... confusing.

 

At first I thought it was just some leftover Batman flotsam running wild amongst the New Year's party hats.

 

Then I thought maybe the "party hats" were supposed to be some kind of psychedelic twin sunsets.

 

Then I gave up.

 

You guys kept sending these things in, though, demanding answers - or at least a healthy dose of mockery - which eventually led me to realize that most of you were taking your pictures upside down.

That's when things REALLY started coming together:

See? Now it's so obvious! They're mustachioed garden gnomes in straight jackets! DUH.

Just kidding.

According to my sources, they're actually ice cream cones. Wearing mustaches.

Here's the best example I could find:

(Go ahead, scroll back up and look at those other cakes again. I'll wait.)

[whistling]

(Back with me? Awesome.)

So, in conclusion: Kids, don't do drugs. And kids, don't do drugs and then try to market to hipsters. Seriously. Besides, this whole mustache thing is SO last week, amirite? So you can quit insulting our intelligence, corporate bakery people, and just take your silly little plastic mustaches and twee sense of cuteness and just... just...

[blink blink]

Forget what I just said.

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

 

Thanks to Lorah W., Melinda M., Megan R., Kimberly S., Emily F., Colleen K., & Angie C., who know puns make everything better. Even hipster mustaches.

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Reader Comments (118)

My first thought, on seeing the first one, was either bats or upside down mustaches in sleeping bags.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

WHY is this a thing?? Seriously, my brain just twitched from trying to comprehend the logic behind neon mustachioed ice cream cones!

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

I used to work in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Yes THAT Williamsburg!
As a result I can assure you, these are wildly funny. No, I can't explain it, you'll just have to trust me. I'm trying my hardest not to laugh,as I don't want to lose my special breakfast fedora, but believe me, they are terribly, terribly humorous. The upside down ones are particularly ironic.
Your welcome.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Sung to "Muskrat Love"

Mustache? Mustache? That ain't right.
Turn it around in the morning light
It's deceiving
But now I'm seeing...

Mustache ice cream? Is that glam?
Sittin' on the shelf in bakery land
Add some jimmies
Bakers are ninnies

And the girls shook their curls 'til they tangled
They just weren't getting the angle
Wait a minute! Heaven's above!
Looks like mustache love.

(Hey, Theardare, I've got a song to add to your playlist...)

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I mustache you a question.
Why? Just why.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRainyday

"I moustache you a question"??? WtH?....OH! They're TRYING to say, "I must ASK you a question"! KindofAlmostCute, actually! But we'll never know what the question WAS! I don't know about you, but I won't sleep tonight.
=^-.-^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

My first thought was the lower half of people in thongs (or really bad wedgies) with towels wrapped around their legs. Or they tried to put said swimwear over the towels. That is an unfortunate coloring for the cones in the first few.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBelBlue

I notice in some shots, the label says 'Manager's Special'. For allowing this design, I am inclined to agree, VERY special, though I think they left the word 'Needs' off the end...

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterUrgo

Darn. It's just a mustache. And here I thought they were evil bats sucking the life blood out of poor victims in sleeping bags.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

I'm in that group of "I don't get it" but then, one of my girls asked me to make her a mustache cake for her 13th birthday last year. I have asked her repeatedly

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDebs

It's a gnome thing. You wouldn't understand

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGoodyTombShoes

My almost 19-yr-old daughter LOVES mustaches. She has one on her car, she and her best friend wear them on necklaces and earrings and bracelets. It's just a "thing" these days. I do have one question, though... why do the ice cream cones only come in green and orange?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKrysmon

"I don't know about you, but I won't sleep tonight." ~~ sendingtheclowns

You're not the only one.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterwoodnwheel

That last one is just too funny. (I'm a sucker for bad puns, what can I say?)
As for the whole mustache thing, I still have no idea what that's all about. But it makes for fun CW fodder, so I can't complain. :P

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Personally, I think that ALL garden gnomes (mustachioed or otherwise) should be in strait jackets! They're CREEPY--the lot of 'em! Better yet: if they must be in the garden, put them IN the garden...as in UNDERGROUND. =^e.e^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

But why are they all pink/red and green? I don't understand.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I think i am most perplexed by the fact that these cakes are all on "manager's special".... why would such gloriously confusing cakes be on special? are they SPECIAL or "little bus special"????

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea Rusk

Thank you, @Rainyday and @sendingintheclowns, for explaining the last one, because I really had no idea. However, once explained, it merely rises to the level of "bad pun" and I don't like those kind of cupcakes. Not sure why Jen thinks it's so cute. She's usually got more sense than that.


[Editor's note- Jen loves a bad pun. -john (the hubby of Jen)]

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

They are on "special", because that's the only way they can get rid of them. Have you considered the colour your mouth and internal organs will be after eating that permanent BLUE icing?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Cody cakes!!

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

I actually find it encouraging that these are nearly all "manager's special". At my local grocer "manager's special" means: "Nobody would pay full price for this in the 2 days before it went completely stale, so maybe you will buy it now that it is half-price!"

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKim L.

The moustache was chosen as the symbol for Men's Prostate Health Month. The Cancer Society thought ribbons were are little too girly to draw attention to a men's disease. Interestingly, the campaign is not really directed to men, but to the women in their lives so they will encourage their men to get a prostate screening. That is the reason for the "I (moustache) you a question". You are supposed to ask your man or men when the last time was that they had their prostate checked. September is National Prostate Health Month. However, we all know that stores try to one-up each other to get their merchandise out first, so the cakes are showing up so early.

Doesn't every man want to celebrate his prostate with a three week old cake?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSue Smith

Mustaches are just so cool right now, and here I am tweezing like an idiot!

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Please, please, somebody who knows...tells us what these really are supposed to be or I'll join the others in not sleeping tonight. Why always that gnome/ice cream cone/sleeping bag shape if it's just about the mustache? Why always green and orange against a blue back ground? The only question I can answer is why they are on special: nobody is buying them! Which begs the question, "Why do they keep making them?" Are these all from the same region of the country?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterbirdergirl

I'd like to think that those are all different photos of the same two whatchamacallits, so I could tell myself that it wasn't a new "thing" that will end up "going viral" (gag)...but they look just different enough for me to be wrong. =^u.u^=(Sigh)
@woodnwheel: So you want to know what the question is/was, too? Should we gang up on whoever it is, or just not and say we did?(Frankly, I'm all for letting them off the hook, because he/she/they could be bigger than I am, and I'm not a fighter.) =^-.-^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

A few thanks:
Sharyn, thank you for embedding the song, "Muscrat Love," in my brain for the day. It's my least favorite song (followed closely by "A Boy Named Sue,") and I never tire of the line, "Muscrat Suzy, Muscrat Sam do a jitterbug down in muscrat land." My classmates also never seemed to tire of it. Shout out to Sammy Melazzo-I didn't really hate you, it was just the song...

Urgo, thank you for causing the coffee I was stupidly sipping to take a detour through my nose. I've been meaning to cut down on my caffeine intake.

Jen, thanks for everything. Every day.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

If you eat cake while wearing mustache, remember all men swallow but fu manchu. I'd stay for dessert but I really mustache ~

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

Not a clue why this is a "thing".
@Subee I'll take your word for it
@Sharyn excellent!

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

"Mustache you question."
But you only answer me
with stale cake on sale.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

If I want a cake featuring an owl wearing a porn-stache and Aviator sunglasses, would that be ironic, post-ironic, post-post ironic, pre-post ironic, just stupid, or made of "Win"?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Batnado. 'Nuf said.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSM3

I know what they are! Pacific mole crabs (aka hipster crabs) in some new colorful molting stage.
This is the best picture I could find, but the mustache is what gives it away!

http://oceanguardians.blogspot.com/2011/04/pacific-mole-crab.html

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZoe

Yah? And what's riding on that question? bleh.

* naughty muskrat giggling ensues *

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

"I moustache you a question,
but I'll shave it for later."
~ RexxaRoo the cat (Helene Sola)
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/1148870_621217851245626_1480789700_n.jpg

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie K.

19 year old girls have a thing for mustaches? I'm glad mine turned 20 then! I just don't get it. I"ll ask her and my 17 year old son if they know about this "thing." At least they may have read about it on the Internet. Me? Not a mustache sort of gal.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Look, I know I'm losing my so-called mind, but did "Kinky Bee" (?) morph into someone else again? (It's not nice to "Gaslight" your elders, y'know....) =^~.~^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The green ones make me think of McPedro, from Girls with Slingshots!

http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/cast.php

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKate

@Sue Smith ~ Thank you so very much for explaining! I've been trying to figure it out for a year! (not trying very hard mind you, but still...)

@sending ~ Don't pick a fight with @Craig. He's a real big guy. I'm pretty sure. And @KarateLady is really feisty. **giggle**

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Uh... I think I know what are those. Why, it's-a Mario and it's-a Luigi ice cream cone, of course XD!!!

...ice cream with mustache... yuck.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGutz Grilla

Okay, I thought they were mustachioed ghosts in sleeping bags. That's why the background is blue...it's the sky. The ghosts are floating...in their sleeping bags.

@Sue Smith: Thanks for the explanation. I can't help but be slightly put off by this campaign. Apparently, my husband, who is a grown man, still needs a 'mommy' to make sure he gets a prostate exam. Maybe I'm just unaware, but when they run a breast exam campaign, is it aimed at women or men? How about the campaign for Pap smears? AND! What if my husband doesn't even HAVE a mustache? Huh? He'll be wondering about Sancho again...

@zoomom: Hee! I was thinking the same thing! Er, about me, not you. How would I know if you have a mustache or not? *big, innocent eyes*

@sendingtheclowns: It's not really a *new* thing. This has been a thing for at least a year or more. I don't really get it, either. I'll just take @SuBee's word for it.

@SuBee: Heehee. I love your story/shout out. That is all.

@Lorie: very nicely done.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

@drgns4vr: Nice!

@SM3: Hahaha!

@Gutz Grilla: Hahaha! Yes!

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

See, if those *are* ice cream cones, it makes more sense to me that the white part is the ice cream. Don't they still make those rainbow colored cones? I think I have spent WAY too much time thinking about these cakes. Obviously MUCH more time than the wreckerator ever did!

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

mysendor - I see what you did, there...

(Whistling dirty tunes as I stroll into the bunker)

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

I guess half price on Manager's Special would be the only way to sell these things. I buy a lot of Manager's Special items at Kroger's, it keeps the food bill down, but I skip the baked goods.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

The last thing I want in my icecream is hair-fake or otherwise D: Sharyn hahahaha

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

In Soviet Russia, ice cream eats YOU!

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElspet

@Jodee: ?You talkin' to me? You talkin' to ME??
You must have me confused with some OTHER fight-picker! I'm a PEACENIK! (You know, "make love, not war" and all that crap?) Jeeze...! =^u.u^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I thought they were torsos in pareos with those lower-back tattoos that look like butt-antlers (a local comedian once said that doing girls with that kind of tattoo from behind looked like he had a deer giving him a blow job. so now everyone where I live calls those tattoos butt-antlers).

Ice cream cones with moustaches don't make any more sense, but are somehow still less disturbing.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLcP

PS: now I'm waiting for the first stupid girl to get a moustache tattoo on her lower back. I don't dare google it. Because it might already exist. I'm scared.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLcP

I recognize "Manager's Special" stickers. Those are Rhymes-with-Broger (not sure if mentioning the chain is okay) stickers that they put on items that are expiring that day. I know the chain is pretty large. I think maybe these are a new standard design for the bakeries in the chain and all the pictures came from people shopping at those stores. All I know is, why??? Why ice cream cones?

And the mustache thing is pretty big, but I think it's waning. My brother-in-law gave his best men flasks with various mustaches on them and my other brother in law has various paraphernalia, such as mustache socks, a key chain, and a wallet.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarahB

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