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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jun232014

3 Wedding Wrecks That Completely Missed The Mark

So many wedding wrecks happen when a bride asks for a fondant design done in buttercream - but what happens when it's the opposite? LET'S FIND OUT.

Here's the buttercream design one bride ordered for her wedding:

She had a Fall theme, so her one stipulation: NO ROSES.

 

Which is kind of ironic, since the store-bought roses ended up being the best part!

Now if only the baker had purchased the whole cake from a store, am I right?

Oh! Hey! I just had a great idea:

1) Take orders
2) Give the orders to a real bakery
3) ???
4) PROFIT

 

Moving on....

 

You've got to love this gorgeous butterfly cake. GOT TO.

Adrianna M. certainly did, and ordered one just like it for her wedding - albeit with a few color changes.

o.0

Not sure which colors you asked for, Adrianna, but I'm seeing red.

 

And finally, Janice H. submitted her daughter's wedding cake with the plea, "Please! Stop laughing. IT STILL HURTS."

Yep, the wedding was just a few months ago, so let's try to be respectful of the lady's pain, ok, guys?
Ok. Here goes:

They ordered this style in purple, with gold ruffles:

So if you're wondering what the dirty spot near the bottom is, that's the "gold" part:

OUCH.

[biting lip]

[eye twitching]

I'm... I'm not laughing, Janice. I'm NOT.

I can't speak for the rest of these yahoos, though. Tch. SO RUDE.

 

Thanks to Patty S., Adrianna M., & Janice H. for the bridal tiers.

*****

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Reader Comments (57)

With apologies to Joyce Kilmer:

I thought that I would never see
A cake as wrecky as these three

A cake with NO roses was stressed
And ended with a bride, depressed

A cake with a new color scheme
That simply made the poor bride scream

A cake with golden, ruffled flair
And not that wonky dirt spot there

"I can make that!" bakers exclaim
But end results are often lame.

Cakes done well are jewels, you see
But oh my God, they wrecked these three.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Why did the bakers add the dorky little figures to #s 1 and 2? The cakes are bad enough by themselves, but they added insult to injury.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDorothy

What did they do that last one with, shaving foam?

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

someday, I hope to hear exactly what the BAKERS have to say for themselves. how they excuse, explain or rationalize what they have done. also do the brides/families actually PAY for these travesties? Sharyn, I never really cared for that poem until now. you nailed it honey!

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie Jo

Beautiful purple cake partially covered with Styrofoam packing 'peanuts'. x/

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

On that last cake…no gold ruffles?
Wonder where the yellow went?
They frosted that cake with Pepsodent…

(And on a side note: I had some small ants in the kitchen the past two days. They just appear for a while and then disappear, only to come back later. There’s no regular pattern – they just come and go at rather random intervals. I looked ‘em up on the internet, and, apparently, they’re Intermitt-ants…..)

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

those are pretty sad. Still, I have to wonder if someone brings in a $1000 cake picture and wants it for $100 and expects it to look like the original

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMark

@mel: By now, the first generation are probably dead. They're ant-decedents...

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

@mel and @Sharyn -- well done for a Monday morning.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Wondering if I should head for the bunker in case the first couple of puns have set a preced-ant for the day.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

Honestly, I like the "wreck" of the last one better. The pink ruffles on the original remind me of intestines.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDelphine

I agree with CB - my first thought was "packing peanuts"!

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

I really like the last one. (I used to live in a purple house, don't judge!) Without the packing peanuts on it. That's just wrong. But it almost looks like they airbrushed the purple on it? How does that even work?

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Mel and Sharyn hee hee :D I do wonder what bakers hear when given instructions. Blah bllah ruffles blah blah......

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

@Kathleen: Good ant-icipation on your part... (Some people have an ant-ipathy to puns.)

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

@Sharyn: you may be right...I'm just hoping they weren't a hint of what's to come...preced-ants....

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

@Kathleen: good one! (Your post wasn't up when I submitted mine, so as you'll see, great minds think alike...)
@Maureen :-)

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

@ mel: Have you tried killing them with ant-acid?
(Sorry, been a long couple of days, that's the best I've got.)

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

*Small voice* I didn't think the second one was so bad, other than the stupid topper with the emaciated bride and the husband ball-and-chained to what mya or may not be a toilet.*Cowers under desk*

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

You Can't Always Get What You Want - begging your forgiveness, Rolling Stones.

I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she had seen her wedding confection
At her feet a cowering baker man
No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might just find
Your cake will end up on CW so people can mercilessly mock your incompetent baker so even though it still hurts you do have some kind of closure that brings you satisfaction in a twisted sarcastic disdainful way.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Sung to "The Draw"
In my right hand, there's the cake you wanted
In my left hand there's the cake you got
Sorry to criticize the baker
But what's with the odd yellow spot
Don't listen to the wrecks
See the despair
Behind their tiers
Don't listen the wrecks
Think the baker
Had a few beers
I can feel the wreck
I can feel it hurting my eyes
I can feel the wreck
I can feel it hurting my eyes
It's hurting my eyes
It's hurting my eyes

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Hmmm - these cakes might not be so wrecked if the bakers were a little more pedANTic. I've never been to the bunker & would like to visit!!

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjust me

Ok, so were the original butterflies in the second cake made of frosting? And what were they made of in the wreck -- wire?!?

Sorry, Janice, couldn't help myself. How awful. Did you scrape off the ruffles before you cut it?

@mel: While I usually ant-icipate your comments, I must inform you that your latest pun has cause me great pain. In other words, it was brilliant. I'm going to forward it to my client who owns a pest control service.

Having done some research on this, I must caution you to be careful of your use of humor these critters. They swarm and attack if they're ant-agonized by bad puns.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Sharyn, mel and Kathleen-just stop the antics already.

But for the cake-topper, Adrianna's cake looks like one of those dioramas at the Museum of Natural History.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Why can't people just admit that they cannot do certain styles of cake? That would be a whole lot better than ruining someone's big day and looking like an fool.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermarie

I love how the topper on the butterfly cake seems like a commentary on the work.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRixie

Just wow. That's why I always ask for a week to a month advance so I can get every detail of your big day down pat. I take great pride in not ruining your big day. I've had bridezillas, momzillas and even hubbyzillas. Got to get every detail or you're the biggest joke. The butterfly cake is leaning, I'm scared lol and where did the detail go. The gold spot, wow just wow. I guess ruffles really do have ridges cuz it's not even the same style. That first one, um wow. I would've been honest and told them my abilities from the gates.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie S.

@SuBee: sorry…didn’t mean to bug you….
@mindy1 :-)
@Stephanie: hahaha…good one (and never apologize for a pun – they are all good!!)
@just me: nicely done….
@TLC: sorry for the pain, but thanks for the compliment…and the forwarding. Also, thank you for your research, but I think I’m safe with the humor thing…no such thing as a bad pun…and great job with yours! (and I would never knowingly ant-agonize an ant…though I have annoyed a few uncles now and then….)

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Is there any indication that the long-running success of "Cake Wrecks" has encouraged ANY bakers ANYwhere to improve their skills for the sake of NOT appearing on this site? Just wondering.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrian Johnson

The flowers and fruits on the first picture are not buttercream. They are definitely fondant. Just saying. :)

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercassie

The butterfly wreck is really not that horrible, not nearly good enough for a wedding, or for the customary wedding cake price, but I'm looking at the topper and thinking they probably didn't pay a ton. I have discovered I am a wedding topper snob, anything that looks like one of the bridal party are there against their will, or are zombies and I'm judging, you've been warned. @mel, I literally face/palmed and I couldn't be happier that it started a punvalanche. Some day I will be smart enough to have a fantastically witty comment, but for now I just bow down to the genious that this perfect blog inspires:)

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

Ant puns are a terrible hill to die on. Next I'll be expecting myrmidons trudging up the comment queue to take the bait.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

On the 3rd one....i am trullllyyyy sorry. I did not laugh but.... is that packaging foam???

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercy

Honestly, anyone who would pick that 2nd topper DESERVES a wreck of a cake!!! Even the SWEETEST of Sunday Sweets would be wrecktastic with that wretched figure. Not cute. :(

My condolences to the first and third brides.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

@Sharyn, that has to be my favorite song parody yet! Good job!
@Sandy, I liked yours too!

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

I've never commented before but I simply had to ask - are those packing peanuts on the third on?

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLAW

Couldn't cake 3 have used Ruffles? At least they would have been crunchy...

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLB

For the last one, I think this might be the first time I've seen the professional cake and wondered why someone wanted to order it. I think the gold & pink one is well-made but not really attractive. Those 'ruffles' look like a towel someone threw on the side of the cake. The 'wreck' wouldn't have worked even if they had sprayed the ruffle gold, but the purple cake on its own was nice.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterklb4n6

@Mel - It sounds like the ants are resisting your attempt to break up their establishment - a classic case of ant-idisestablishmentarianism.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

#1b: Those look like daisies* to me, so technically, in my opinion, which I don't require that anyone share, the instruction was followed.

* Gerber daisies, to be precise.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

@CBushLite: Thank you, and, well, I thought “punvalanche” was witty, so see, you’re doing fine! I’m not sure how this works, but Jen and john(thoJ), and their staff, put together this incredibly funny post each day that makes people just laugh and laugh, and I think that releases something in the commenters’ minds that creates the fun that follows. And by the way, the pests have become nuis-ants…..
@Seabird: I think you’re right…and good play!

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

What I will never ever ever understand is why this happens. Seriously, are the bakers that deluded that they think they can do what they can't? Do they even LOOK at the inspiration cake? [like with the last one, they turned complex ruffles into lots of zigzags] Yes, people have to learn, but it shouldn't be on a cake that someone has special ordered.

June 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Oh man I can only imagine the bride and her reaction to these cakes. Wow. I really hope the wreckerators responsible ran the heck out of town before the brides can get them lol. These just left me speechless.

June 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Why did the top baker rotate the layers 45 degrees?

June 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJanice

Looks like the cake decorators got confused.

June 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Saxon

Mel - Not to seem irrelevAnt, but just be happy you don’t have an abundAnt supply of giAnts. Your intermittAnts would have to be defendAnts. (Apologies to Piers “Ant”hony)

June 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKayW

1. Order a picture in a magazine from the grocery store bakery, and you get what you deserve (and vice versa).
2. Users of toppers with "reluctant bridegrooms" need to be beaten to death with iron rods.
3. "I want it just like this only different-- OMFG IT'S DIFFERENT" (time for a dose of clinical slapthology)
4. This, according to the fragment of Aristotle's Poetics, Bk 2, as excerpted in Umberto Eco's The Name of The Rose, is the essence of Comedy: use base, vulgar persons, and take pleasure in their defects.

June 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Laugh? Who could laugh at blatant misrepresentation and fraud like this? Personally I find it enraging. In any other industry there is legal recourse for such disgraceful fraud. Not only does this demonstrate how little the average bakery cares about your special day, it shows that they don't really care about their job in general. To brides out there I say you should be able to ask the baker for pictures of cakes they have actually made and include pictures of inspirations when possible. For my wedding I was already a fan and knew what perils awaited me if I wasn't careful. I avoided the big "professional" bakeries because none would accomodate my flavour choice (maple glaze icing between layers of white chocolate pound cake covered in chocolate ganache) and went with a local woman who worked out of her home. She forgot to make the layers white chocolate and made Devil's Food instead, but the cake was beautiful, otherwise exactly as ordered and only cost $350. Still insanely priced, but the copper maple leaves trailing down the tiers were picture perfect. The baker was able to show me numerous pictures of cakes and she was in half of the pictures so I knew it really was her work. She had a dozen or so testimonials as well attached to the photos from the clients she served. her leaves looked so real that the venue staff took them off the cake to serve not knowing they were edible. The pity? There were just enough leaves so every slice would get one on top to match the maple leaf theme. So much work in the trash.

June 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoelle

The purple cake itself almost works. But the "ruffles", Yikes!

June 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

Yep - #3 was ours - packing peanuts is exactly what it looks like. We turned the cake for the cake cutting pics so not to look at it. Oh gosh, it was awful. The baker's exact comment "I don't feel I did anything wrong". She said the "real" ruffle came off during her drive into the venue. She had delivered a cake to that venue before and told us the drive wasn't a problem. Yeah, right! Apparently she forgot how to drive. Not sure why she decided to put packing peanuts on it though. My lesson learned - venues have a preferred list of vendors for a reason. Use them.

June 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJanice - 3rd cake

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