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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jul022014

Stars & Strips Forever

...or at least with this cake:

"Sad of September" sends his regards.

 

Ask not what your country can do for you... [eyebrow waggle]

 

Not ok, man. Not ok.

 

Of course, some bakers don't need words to show their true colors:

Ah, the good ol' red, blue, white, and black.

 

No, wait. I can't do it. I can't just move on to the next cake. I tried - I really did - but I just can't. I'm afraid this calls for a Jen Rant. Sorry.

Here goes.

[Ahem.]

Seriously, Wreckerator? SERIOUSLY? This is what you're calling an "American flag," to be sold here IN America, and for America's birthday, no less? I mean, really? Red and BLUE stripes? Black stars? REALLY? Have you no shame? No patriotic pride? No...
Uh...wait...

Um. What is that?

Ok. Never mind. This is worse.

 

Now, what do you say we go out with a bang?

Theeeere it is.

 

Amber E., Carol S., Sarah C., Christina P., Robert I., Hillary H., & Jennifer, I don't know about you, but my confidence in these wreckerators seems to be flagging.

*****

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« An Independent Celebration | Main | Draw Your OWN Conclusions »

Reader Comments (31)

I bet those baker were all borne on the Forth of Julie, too.

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

They were given full artistic LIBERTY! What's more patriotic than that?

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

There's nothing as patriotic as a pink clown wang standing proudly in a field of green and blue grass, flapping gently in the wind. God Bless, indeed.

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMSTeacher3K

Ah, the cupcake, ribbed for her pleasure.....
I just had a mental image of what it would look like when you actually eat that cupcake and it wasn't pretty...

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

I finally got a new phone and am able to post comments on here and let Jen and the whole crew know how much I love cake wrecks!!! You guys are awesome!!!! I can't wait to find a wreck of my own to submit lol. As far as these wrecks.....let us all celebrate the red, white and black with a big BANG this 4th :)

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

Wow, that last cake brings banging to mind, but not of the pyrotechnic variety!

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I think I am going to move to Australia.

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTeacher

"Theeeere it is."
Love ya, Jen. And the whole CakeWrecks crew.

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Hmmm...Cake four looks an awful lot like the Confederate's early flag the Stars and Bars used before the more recognized Blood Stained Banner AKA the Confederate cross. Cake 5 is even closer to that Stars and Bars flag even in the layout.

Sigh, why is it SO HARD to make a cake of the simple flag of the United States of America?

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/p417x417/34627_111795705539418_5518952_n.jpg

Trust me it's NOT THAT HARD!!!!!

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

If You’re Happy…. (with apologies to kids everywhere….)

If you’re Happy of July, clap your hands
If you’re Happy of July, clap your hands
If you’re Happy of July, you’re as American as pie
If you’re Happy of July, clap your hands!


If you love stars and strips, stamp your feet
If you love stars and strips, stamp your feet
There’ll be no legal hassles as long as she keeps her tassels
If you love stars and strips, stamp your feet


If you can’t spell America, shame on you
If you can’t spell America, shame on you
It’s not really much of a test, so if that is truly your best
And you can’t spell America, shame on you


The flag is only red, white and blue
The flag is only red, white and blue
You’ve made the starts all black, that’s the sign of a hack
The flag is only red, white and blue


Cupcakes pushed together aren’t a flag
Cupcakes pushed together aren’t a flag
This will never do, it looks like Patriotic Poo
Cupcakes pushed together aren’t a flag


If you wanna make her smile, give her this
If you wanna make her smile, give her this
And if she’s Happy of July, I will know the reason why
If you wanna make her smile, give her this

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Murica-land of the typos :P

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

@ mel, that was "bang on", my friend! eh heh heh.

Amerika? Amerika?
Wrecks are a blight on thee.
Wrong flags are flown
Condoms are shown
From every Bakery!

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

I don't know what's worse: the "Amerika" cake is for the 4th, or that I've actually seen that as someone's name.

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDelphine

Maybe that last cupcake is why she's Happy of July.

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Not being from America, it actually took me a minute to realise that the blue and red stripes are not correct and not how it is supposed to look

What can I say? Yay Australia?

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKristy

I wish I had a "like" button for these comments.

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRebekka

I wish I had a "like" button for these comments.

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRebekka

Happy of July's deco job is closer to "Circles and Streaks" than "Stars and Stripes".

The "Jen Rant" on those flags is entirely justified - sheesh, bakers. Really? If I found myself somewhere those were served, I would consider it my patriotic duty to complain... or in the case of chocolate, to eat the evidence.

@Mel - Another one I will be humming for days! =-)

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

BANG!!! Chef Duff is weeping.

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Okay, the first cake is ingenious....you can have it out ALL month!
Someone Might want to celebrate the 12 the of July...or the 16th...maybe???
Second cake.....made by a MAN with something completely different on his mind😎!
Third one maybe for a girl named Amerika?? Or for those of us who know how to
Write in cursive...Anerika?!?! Hmmm....going to pretend that the botched flags were
Made by decorators new to this country. Or maybe shipped in from China. Certainly,they
Couldn't have been made by people who were BORN and RAISED here...geez!
The last cake....that decorator needs to get some...soon! Plain and simple😱Yep , I said it!

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCamille

I was planning on making a cake for our celebration this weekend. Now I'm thinking I should go order one and take my chances of having something to submit. Nah, my family knows I'm no professional cake decorator (Maybe I found my new calling!!!) but at least it will taste yummy.

My brothers would be highly offended if I brought the Bang Wang to the party. o.O

@mel ~ Another one to teach my future grandchildren! Well, except the keeps her tassels part. O.O

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@ Kristy

Have you considered in how many ways someone can mess up the Australian flag? If they can't manage Stars and Stripes imagine the ways they can mess up the Union Jack and the southern cross!

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

As a Canadian from British Columbia, I've often liked the fact that the American flag was relatively straight forward - stars and stripes. The maple leaf is difficult to draw, and so is the Union Jack with the setting sun in the bottom portion of the flag.

Although, I have to confess, I did see a rather spectacular CCC (patooie!) for Canada Day yesterday. It was a giant Canadian flag with made of cupcakes. It looked fairly decent!

@ Jen, maybe the problem with these wreckerators is that they are Amerikan, not American...that could explain a lot ;)

@ Mel, Thanks for another delightful post. That song will be with me for a while :)

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

@Isolder74,
that last cake is

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMudmusher

In addition to the er...anatomical resemblance on that last cupcake, the "frosting wang" looks like extruded play-doh. yuck.
It reminds me of a pic I took the other day in the grocery store bakery of a smallish piece of cake deco'd with about 4 inches of frosting on top. I'll have to submit that one.

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

Dog food kibbles for stars......brilliant!!

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKnittedbooties

@Sandy: Thank you, and you did great yourself!
@lisadh: sorry you missed yesterday’s Vera’s wang…and as for today, well great minds think alike…..
@Seabird: thanks…glad to help keep music in your life…..
@Jodee: glad to be able to contribute to your future grandchildren’s happiness…and what’s wrong with the tassels part?
@Emily: You’re welcome…enjoy!

July 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

It just occurred to me, the big problem with Cupcake Cakes is RESOLUTION. Each cake is one pixel. You need THOUSANDS, if not MILLIONS of cupcakes to make a decent picture. But the poor bakers are trying to get by on one-pixel-per-2-inches on a 12-inch image. No wonder it's always awful. But there's a challenge there for a World Record CCC...

July 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAA

Very creative.

July 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Saxon

EW! #SorryAmerica

July 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

The Amerika cake would be correct, if not made in the US but in e.g. Germany, Austria, Switzerland or any Scandinavian country (and I guess in those Slavic countries not using Kyrillic script). It's the fault of that mapmaker anyway who named it after Mr. Amerigo Vespucci but latinized it with a c. Wouldn't you prefer to be a merry gang instead of a merkin? ;-)

July 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSwatopluk

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