My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Failure To Communicate, Vol. 67

I think this is what our grandparents call "a senior moment."

The best part?


[sad face here]


"Sprinkles All Over Momther" is the name of my Cake cover band.


Ahhh, NOW you're speaking my language.

(The language... OF WRECKS. [eyebrow waggle])


In a word?


Thanks to Lani T., Donna C., Patrick L., Anony M., & Rebecca P. for keeping those lines of communication nice and squiggly-like.


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

« Sunday Sweets: Jen Gets Girly | Main | The Jeers Of A Clown »

Reader Comments (49)

Comment. IN ALL CAPS with italicized emotional expression under neat that.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

These cakes collectively are like one of those obscure Mensa comes to something when I'm baffled by instructions given to me by cake.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Sorry, but you're getting too well practiced at reading "icing scrawl". All I see on #3 is; Tll ooo- fish hook Moverthorl.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Sung to "You Don't Bring Me Flowers"

You ruin baby showers
Happy face cake is all wrong.
You never spell names right anymore
And sprinkles all get poured
Out any which way

I remember when...
You once were multilingual
Could pipe "Birthday" three ways

I'm... guessing you worked late last night
Does that look good to you?
Or do you pipe in spite?
Something you puzzled over?
Or are you just not bright?

I'm not buying your cakes...

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The Proclaimers proclaimed the original and have proclaimed nothing since, so:

When I’m bakin’, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the one who’s bakin’ wrecks for you
Decoratin’, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the one who’s cake wrecks make you spew

When I get drunk, yes I know I’m gonna make
I’m gonna make some cakes that look like putrid goo
None to savor, no these cakes are gonna be
Just drenched in sprinkles that I sprinkled just for you

But I would wreck 500 cakes
And I would wreck 500 more
Just to be the one who wrecked 1000 cakes
That you would just abhor

La da da da. La da da da
Dumb, dumb, dumb dumb, these cakes are dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb
La da da da. La da da da
You’d be a fool if you would ever taste a crumb

If they’re foreign, well you know it’s hard for me
I hardly know English. It’s sad but also true.

It’s a puzzle why you’d buy a cake from me
Because you know I simply don’t know what to do
Yet you’ll pay me (in a check, cash or a charge)
I might even tell you, “thank you” when you do

But I would wreck 500 cakes
And I would wreck 500 more
Just to be the one who wrecked 1000 cakes
That you would just abhor

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Diverse learning needs:
some need to draw a picture
and some spell it out.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I want to know what those colorful plastic things are on Daniel's cake--and why he got two chocolate dipped corks on it.
And I thought the cake above it was having its own diversity issues, being signed Mom Thor.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Classic Cake Wrecks.

(With perfect submissions from Sharyn, SuBee & Haiku Joy to boot!)

I Want Sprinkles

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCuriousT

ABC Literally (with apologies to the Jackson 5)

Ah buh buh buh buh-buh
Ah buh buh buh biuh-buh

You’re came here to learn, girl
Things you never, never knew before
Like how to write the letters E and a C
And how to make the number four

Now, now, now I’m gonna teach you
(teach you, teach you)
All about cake, dear,
(all about cake)
Sit yourself down, take a seat
All you gotta do is repeat after me

A B C, easy as one, two three
Just write it literally
Whatever they say, write it literally, all you do girl

A B C, easy as one, two three
Just write it literally
Whatever they say, write it literally, all you do, girl

A B C, easy as one, two three
Just write it literally
Whatever they say, just write it literally, all you do, girl

Come on, let me show you how to use this tip
Come on, let me show you how to use this tip
I’m gonna teach you how to write it out
Come on, come on, come on
Literally is what it’s all about

Don’t have to make any pictures
Just write out the words, you’re home free
Add a bunch of sprinkles and then a border
Your education is complete

T-t-t-teacher’s gonna show you,
(show you, show you)
How to write an A, spell the words they say
Listen to the customer, that’s all you gotta do

A B C, easy as one, two three
Just write it literally
Whatever they say, write it literally, all you gotta do girl

A B C spelling don’t count a bit for me
Simple as a melody
That’s how easy cake can be
That’s how easy cake can be
Sing a simple melody
And write it literally

Ow, girl, I think you got it
Now get on girl show me what you can do
Write it, write it, baby, come one now
Write it, write it, baby, ooh, ooh
Write it, write it, baby ho!
Literally, baby ooh, ooh

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Those puzzle pieces
Too much of a mystery
For that baker's brain

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I know the second one probably just has a happy face as the dot of the exclamation point (though not why that made sense to the baker), but I can't help but see a minimalistic drawing of somebody with a penis on his forehead.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBorg

That's the first time I've seen an exclamation point with two dots, or an emoticon with a mohawk. I'm not entirely sure which one.

I love the literal LOLs. If you didn't laugh, you'd have to cry. I understand that there are people who have trouble with English, and apparently, there are people who have trouble discerning whether it's supposed to be on the cake or just directions about what to put on the cake. Why those people would choose a job as a cake decorator, though... *shakes head*

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

#1~((small, whimpering sigh))~
#2~Wash and rinse eyes, then repeat #1.
#3~((another sigh, but slightly off-center))~
#4~Interesting concept>Forget the candles; just blowtorch the cake!
#5~It might have been !fun! to toss some !actual puzzle pieces! on top.(!) The worst thing that could happen if anyone actually ate one: they'd be getting a little extra fiber that day. =^-.-^=

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

If you have a full shot of Greg's cake, that should be the cover of your next book.

And I was laughing so much about "Sprinkles All Over" that I didn't even notice that Mother was misspelled.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

JR gets wrinkled feet, Momthor gets all the sprinkles, Greg gets the sperm, and Daniel gets the plastic flotsam in three languages. Poor Diversity 2011 doesn't even get puzzle pieces. Il n'y a pas de justice!

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Okay, the one that asked for three languages without writing out the actual words? That was NEVER going to turn out correctly!

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJM

Ha. Puzzie Pieces.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay, the one that asked for three languages without writing out the actual words? That was NEVER going to turn out correctly!

August 8, 2014 | JM

I had the exact same thought. :/

#1 - And yet, they managed to spell "Congratulations" right. Go figure.

@SuBee - Well played. That's gonna be in my head for the rest of the day.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChaosTheory

FYI: There is a band named Cake.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Dark Ferret

I think Daniel's plastic flotsam are candles of the individual letters of happy birthday. I think all the cakes are painful, simply painful.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

These are my favourite kind of wreck!

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterhaylz

The daniel colorful thingies are shaped "happy birthday" candles.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersadie

At least that one cake got actual sprinkles? Yeah I got nothing.

How about a Sunday Sweets with some GOOD lettering?

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

I'm sorry Daniel, but your cake looks like it was smeared in poo.

Sharyn, Sue Bee, and Haiku Joy, you all have made my morning. I'm still choking on coffee.

My MoverThor needs more sprinkles.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMissMina

Aw, come on! Even I could figure out the fourth one. Here is "Daniel" in Italian, French, and English:


Nailed it! Yay diversity with puzzle pieces drawn on it!

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

What I want to know is was this REALLY volume 67, or did you just make that up? :)

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie Hill

@SuBee: We have been busy in the studio and have recorded a new song, which, ironically, is a follow up to the one you posted. We borrowed the tune from Peter Paul and Mary’s “500 Miles.”
Your Friends,
The Proclaimers

"500 Cakes"

If you see the cakes are wrecked, you will know that we are done
We have wrecked 500 cakes in this town
Five hundred cakes, five hundred cakes, five hundred cakes, five hundred cakes

We have wrecked 500 cakes in this town

S’Bee it’s one, S’Bee it’s two, S’Bee it’s three, S’Bee it’s four,
S’Bee it’s 500 cakes in this town
Five hundred cakes, five hundred cakes, five hundred cakes, five hundred cakes
S’Bee it’s 500 cakes in this town
We are not looking back, next town we will do the same
S’Bee we just a-roam and wreck away
Wreck away, wreck away, wreck away, wreck away
S’Bee we just a-roam and wreck away

If you see the cakes are wrecked, you will know that we are done
We have wrecked 500 cakes in this town

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

The plastic bits on Daniel's cake are individual letter candles spelling out "Happy Birthday". In English only.

At least Greg's balloons LOOK like balloons.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLady C

I like turtles. (Hey, it makes more sense than most of these cakes.)

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

drgns4vr - The "plastic things" on Daniel's cake are those inexpensive toothpick Happy Birthday candles you can buy at the dollar store. Each one is a letter. They melt quickly once lit!

I definitely agree with JM, the customer who assumed the baker could write Daniel in 3 languages without writing out exactly what they wanted got what they deserved.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersue

She's too respected by you to just be called "Mom"
Too fun-loving to be called "Mother"
Introducing... "Momther"... ?????
(now with sprinkles)

As for the diversity cake... nobody told me there'd be a test.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCybrczch

My darling spouse, Greg, has a birthday coming up on September 24. I believe I have just found his cake.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

The plastic-looking things on Daniel's cake are burnt birthday candles. It took me a while to discern that too.
SuBee, that was absolutely great. Thank you. So often I don't know the tune to the songs (even songs with which I am more or less familiar), but I sang right along with yours. Of course, I also enjoyed the contributions from Sharyn, Haiku Joy, and Mel.
I rarely post a comment, but I have visited this site every day since almost the very beginning and I want to say thanks to everyone (with sprinkles for Jen and John (THOJ)) for all of the fun and laughter (although I still have not actually spewed anything onto my computer).

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMariaTeresa

Thanks to everyone who explained the birthday candle think. It's been ages since I've invested in birthday candles. Everyone I know is now so old we are afraid to use candles for fear of setting off the fire alarms. Plus, I think the last time I bought candles, we invested in the "blow them out, they re-ignite" kind. Life was simpler then. It was easier to entertain people.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have had a miserable morning, on the phone dealing with people like those who wrote on those cakes, and then I clicked over here and had a good laugh. You sure know how to brighten up a person's day.

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdkzody

The songs, the songs!!! I had to sing them all out loud. Thank you for the laughs.

The "chocolate dipped corks" are actually yummy cookies called waffeleten made by a company called bahlsen. I make a mean marble cheesecake using them as the rim. Take a look:

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMarym

@The Dark Ferret:
That IS a cool name! Years ago, we had a buff tabby cat named Cake! Actually, his full name was "Adorable Cake". Our son named him when he was about five (the kid, not the cat). =^~.~^=

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Subee that was brilliant !

August 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStephen Barker

Well at least they got sprinkles. Lots and lots of sprinkles on that one cake lol. Puzzle pieces must have blown that poor wreckerators mind. Not even an attempt at any. I guess I should be happy there were no evil clowns hiding under all the balloons on that second cake.

August 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

I wonder if these people ever get written up or at least a verbal warning of some kind. If so, are they actually surprised? Do they consider this a job well done or were they suffereing from medication side effects when they made these cakes?

August 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

I work in a grocery store bakery and on of the request that annoys mr to no end is when someone wants me to write a message on a cake in a foreign language and expect me to know it. For example last week someone wanted me to write, "Have a safe trip" in Russian. I asked her if she could provide the translation since I don't know anything in Russian. She was offended that I didn't know how in her words, "simple phrases in common languages." So not only sm I expected to be a skilled decorator, I am also suppose to be fluent in multiple languages.

August 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMinnie

Note to self, next time I am making a comment on this site, make sure I use my computer and not my phone since I am unable to type on my phone. This is especially important if the topic is bad spelling and grammar and miscommunications on a cake.....

August 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMinnie

Exactly why you should always open the box and check the cake before you pay for it and take it home.

August 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKrista

Minnie, I would have not been able to resist pointing out that she herself did not know the simple phrase in a common language.

August 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

That first cake... they clearly did or did not understand the instructions

August 9, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersam

@MariaTeresa: Thank you for your kind comment and thank you for being a part of this fun-filled community! This is THE go-to place for laughter! Jen and john(thoJ) are incredibly clever and creative, unbelievably funny, and more than kind in letting us play here.

August 9, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

I don't know why people even bother ordering cakes any more.

August 10, 2014 | Unregistered Commenter...

The cake with the 'fabric' and the purple flowers? Those aren't just purple flowers. They're made to look like ribbon roses and ribbon embroidered flowers.

It made me miss my Grandma all over again - who made both beautiful cakes and beautiful ribbon flowers.

August 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJema

I had no idea this was so common.

The only incident I had heard of was from my friend Dave, who tried to order a plain cake for their anniversary. When his wife picked up the cake she couldn't figure out why "No Message" was written on their cake.

August 26, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJohn

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