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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Sep032014

To The Pain

These cakes have been left to wallow in their freakish misery forever, but we viewers are the ones who really suffer for it.

For example, tell me you don't get a brain-ache from trying to comprehend...

The cycloptic smiley clover of despair!!
(Now with matching ladybug!)

 

And that popping noise can mean only one thing:

"Pool Party Patty" has some serious 'splainin' to do.

 

You know what every caramel cheesecake needs?

Pretty much anything but large poo-swirls topped with plastic mold-specked hot dogs and hamburgers, that's what.

 

Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the little surfing 'dog on the left:

C'mon, a mini hot dog riding a poo wave? What's not to love?

 

And lastly, check out what Amy S. got for her rehearsal dinner when she requested a simple sheet cake with a logo on it:

I don't know what that is either, Amy, but I hear the chocolate coating helps it go down easier.

 

Moira & Stephanie E., these cakes are inconceivable.

*****

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« 5 Kids' Cakes So Creepy They're Actually Hilarious | Main | Chevron One, Wrecked! »

Reader Comments (68)

what the ???

(smdh and walk away).

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAddie

I just love any post that includes Princess Bride references! Thanks!

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPurpleiris

Truly, you have a dizzying list of Wrecks.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

These wrecks would go nicely with a MLT sandwich....where the mutton is nice and lean.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeloise

...Cakewecks is what bwings us togethaaa today...!

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

"No, I said sheet cake! SHEET cake!"

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRoxy Random

I didn't understand it the first time either. Running it again merely increases my need to storm a castle. (Well, at least I'll have fun!)

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Love the plastic fire on the hamburger/hotdog cake. Really adds to the ambiance!

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne from GA

For the last one, maybe the baker misheard her when she asked for "A sheet cake."

Currently sniffling because I just put my youngest cupcake on the bus for the first time. I now have cupcakes in 7rd, 5nd, 2st, and K. I am gazing around at our house, and thinking, 'Oh crap, no excuses, now I have all day to get this tidied up...'

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

Bakers, you keepa using that decoration tool. I don'ta think it does what you think it does.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrett

I try not to comment when people unkindly criticize our comments because I feel that they do that primarily to get their pleasure from getting us worked up. But this popped into my head late last night, around midnight….

(with apologies to Dionne Warwick…and Isaac Hayes, who has a really great, long bluesy version of this song)

Scroll On By

If you see us posting on this site
And you think it’s too long, what we write
Scroll on by, scroll on by

Make believe that you don’t see the post
We’ll try not to grieve, but really, each time that you diss us
We break down and cry, ‘cause we try

Scroll on by, don’t stop
Scroll on by, don’t stop
Scroll on by

We feel real sad about losin’ you
But this is just what we like to do
Scroll on by, scroll on by

We just can’t help it, it’s what we do
So if some of it seems too long for you, well, just
Nicely say good-bye, nicely say good-bye

So scroll on by, don’t stop
Scroll on by, don’t stop
Scroll on by, don’t stop
Scroll on by

Scroll on by
Scroll on by

Long-ish stuff, that’s what some do best
So let us hide the tears and sadness you give us
When you say good-bye and scroll on by

So scroll on by, don’t stop
Scroll on by, don’t stop
Now you’re really on a roll, so scroll on by
Just leave, you’ll never see the tears we cry
You better scroll on by

Scroll on by
Oh, scroll on by, don’t stop
Oh, scroll on by, don’t stop
Oh, scroll on by, don’t stop
Just leave, you’ll never see the tears we cry

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel, The Midnight Writer

Happy 10irthday??????? …What?

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Brain broke trying to understand....

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Itty bitty hot dogs hanging ten, hee! Almost as cute as Mohawk baby jockeys on carrots LOL!! And what is in the middle of the burgers/weenies cake?! Is that a flame?!!

Have no idea how simple sheet cake turned into that...thing...but, in case you were wondering, the Victory Junction Gang is a wonderful organization here in NC for kids with illnesses, founded by some NASCAR folks and Paul Neuman:
http://www.victoryjunction.org

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoanie from NC

Have fun storming the castle, boys!

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

I had a little trouble seeing the last cake as a "simple sheet cake" until I walked back into the bedroom and realized -- it's a "rumbled unmade bed sheets" cake....

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Let me 'splain what I think about these cakes. No, let me sum up.
You did not do as I wish - now I'm going to throw you to the ROUS'

"C'mon, a mini hot dog riding a poo wave? What's not to love?" my current CW favorite line. 'Cause really -- what other blog has lines like that -- that make perfect sense in context? Huh? We heart CW!!!

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Simply click on the photos, and the credit will tell you what the thing is (to the best of its abilities). It's "fun"!
See for yourselves:
#​1>This one calls itself ​"Moira. ow. flowercyclops." What could be easier. Even the little bug is funky. (Me?I'll just go with the "ow".)
#2> Yeesh~to be trapped under the Dome of DooDoo(m)...That doll's cheeks are puffed out because she's trying desperately to hold her breath. Her name is: StephanieE.ow.doll. Want to take up a collection to help her get a better...(?Life? View? Hairdo? Ventilation system?)
#3> What's that between the pre-cut slices--sheets of toilet paper? Handy, that.
This one's called "StephanieE.ow.poo." Coincidence? I think not.
#4> Surfer Moondoggie's not surfing; he's being carried off by one of the dreaded, blind Poo Anteaters. (Oh, the pewmanity!)
#5> LOOK at that chocolate, will you!!? And there were complaints?!? Who ARE these ingrates?
Credit calls that "chocolatelumpwithlogo", but I call it "Come to Mommyyyy...!"
=^-.-^= *drool*
OH! And @ mel/TMW: THAT was supremely AWESOME (even without any Supremes)! Please take a bow, and we'll all cyberplaud!! (And whistle, and throw cake, etc!)

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Dear God, what is that THING?

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

BAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

Okay, the 1nd made me instantly think of the Audrey II..."Feed me Seymour!!" The rest...I got nothin....and so many clever PB references today, I feel no need to add another.

@mel: You do that too??? I also find my brain running rampant in the middle of the night at times...only I don't usually give in to it...I usually just roll over, tell my brain "mmrgpmphrghkfrrfflgmp" and try to go back to sleep. Maybe if I do give in to it I can grow up to be just like the Midnight Writer??? <giggle snort>

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

Here's a totally-off-the-subject-but-interesting idea my princesses came up with this morning before school (and it came from Spongebob): Has the Doctor ever tried WATER on the Daleks? I doubt they can swim, and they do have electrical systems, so...? Imagine: instead of a jammy dodger, turn on the sprinkler system. No guns, grab a fire hose.
"Your extermination has been called off due to rain."
"I'M MEL-TING, MEL-TING. WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD."

(I guess I can be proud I have these discussions with my elementary-schoolkids. That, or worried. Not sure which.)

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Those cake wreckers are the brute squad!

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterrob333

Further on the Daleks:

My husband disagrees, saying that if their armor can withstand radiation, it's probably waterproof. But what REALLY made me snicker is his comment "Now what would be funny is to see a Dalek janitor unstopping a toilet. What would it use??"

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Funny post + Princess Bride references = very funny post.
A cyclops flower, with a cyclops ladybug. Wait, the ladybug has its eye ON TOP of its head there...

That thing probably has a lot of trouble getting around...

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commenter-Unknown-

Cyclopic pink clovers???? EEEK!!!

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

@SaraCVT: In "Dalek" the episode where Dr. #9 and Rose stumble into Henry vonn Statten's secret museum, the Dalek turns on the sprinkler system and sends out an electrical pulse to kill all the people fighting it. There are scenes where the Dalek is standing under the sprinklers. The electrical pulse also had no effect. (Did I mention I'm a geek?)

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The first cake was slightly reminiscent of Gru's minions. Only slightly.

There is a shortage of perfect cakes in this world. 'Twould be a pity to fail to destroy these.

I don't think even beloved Wesley could build up a tolerance to this foul cake poison.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

The last cake reminds us all how dangerous a little vowel shift can be.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJasini

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father's cake. Prepare to die.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Baker: But it's a beautiful cake.
Customer: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaremel

@SaraCVT- You my dear are my hero......HERO I say!!!! If you are having those kinds of discussions with your elementary school kids...need I say more? And...ANd...AAAAAND...you put Sponge Bob and the Doctor in one phrase and I see NOTHING wrong with it, I rest my case...you are totally my hero of the day!!! Personally, I would like to see what would happen with instead of "Daleks...iiiiinnnn spaaaaace" how about "Daleks...in the Sea?" Maybe...I think it's a valid question, and even if your husband said they were radiation proof, they never got tested UNDER water did they???

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

I've been on holiday for a few days with no internet and I've missed you. You write as much as you like Mel, I promise not to scroll on by too often!

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Since the invention of the cake, there have been 7 wrecks that were voted the worst, most horrible, supremely excrutiating to look at. These ones left them all behind...

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPauline

Well, the sheet cake reminds me of something my English teacher told me once. At the time, much like most of my compatriots (I'm from Israel), I didn't realize there was a difference in pronunciation between, say, "fit" and "feet". To us, they sound the same. Unless one is told there is a difference and starts to listen carefully.

Anyway, I had a talk with my high school English teacher, years after high school, and she complained about this, and added: 'The strange thing is that most Israelis err on the side of "ee". That is, when they see the word "ship", they will pronounce it like "sheep". So I'm wondering why [then Prime Minister] Shimon Peres is always talking about the... Piss Process.'

So perhaps the bakers who made the "sheet" cake were Israeli? After all, it would be a great accompaniment to the Piss Process.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSkeptic

@VaBeach alemaP: Yeah, they did. Re: Sharyn's contribution above. And Sharyn: so am I! But I had a brain-fart and forgot about that episode. Not sure how, because Nine was one of my favorite regens, perhaps my favorite (inner Whovian is still debating). Eccleston was MAGNIFICENT.

Still, it's a funny idea, though. And for an 11-year-old to think of it...it makes me all verklempt.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

@Sharyn ~ You're the sweetest lady I've never met!
@Rachel CrazyMum and VaBeach alemaP~ I'm so glad I'm not the only one that does the 1nd thing :-)
Yesterday I sent my baby off on the bus to her first day of high school. Totally forgot to send a lunch OR lunch money! Mom of the year right here ladies and gentleman!

@mel ~ I never scroll on by! Keep on doin' what you do my friend! I was telling my girls about you last night. They now love you almost as much as the rest of us. ;-)

@sending ~ Thanks for clearing up the confusion. Clear as mud! hehe

That flower thingy up there looks a little minion-ey. o.O

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I scroll specifically *looking* for Mel's flights of whimsical cleverness.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShekuse

I don't know, I think the hot dog & hamburger cake is kind of awesome in an awful kind of way.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWaffle Bunny

I think the sheet cake is precisely that...a sheet all rumpled and sorta folded.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

I'm a little lost about the comment by the poster referencing "cupcakes" in "7rd, 5nd, 2st and K". Am I missing something?

As always LOVE this blog. Sometimes it's the only thing that gets me through the day.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNeesie333

Anyone else think the poo waves look like mutant Peeps? VaBeach alemaP, the Daleks have risen from the Thames in one of the classic Who episodes.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlexandra

I agree with Mel: The "sheet cake" is an UNMADE BEDSHEET cake in a very unfortunate color.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDragon Faery

I agree with Mel: The "sheet cake" is an UNMADE BEDSHEET cake in a very unfortunate color.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDragon Faery

Boss [to Wreckerator 1]: "Pipe faster!"

Wreckerator 1: "I thought I was piping faster."

Wreckerator 1 [to Wreckerator 2]: "Do you think the customer will like it?"

Wreckerator 2: "It would take a miracle!"

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

*blink*

*headtilt*

*BLINK*

...Someone took "sheet cake" a little too literally. And on that note, I need to make my bed.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmy H.

If that's real chocolate, I don't care how sheety a cake is or isn't . . . I want that chocolate!

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFM

There's something oddly hypnotic about the pink clover cyclops. "Look into my eye!"

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney

Please stay on topic. I hate having to wade through all these posts that have nothing to do with the cakes.

JUST KIDDING!

I love it.

"Give me your songs, your Haiku-er,
Your Daleks on an "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" spree,
The squarepant-ed sponge along the teeming shore.
Send these, the unemployed in Greenland to me,
I lift my (cake)wreck beside the bunker door!"

-with many, many, MANY apologies to Emma Lazarus

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Amy S: "no SHEET cake - a chocolate SHEET cake! Not a bag of chocolate sh*t cake!"

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

victory junction gang refers to the camp the petty family of nascar fame set up. it is one of the camps for sick children that paul newman started.

September 3, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjane lewis

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