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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Feb042016

No Body Is Better At Wedding Cakes

Last Sunday we saw how bakers used fashionable dresses to inspire some stunning cakes. So TODAY...

We're not going to do that.

 

See, cakes that look like actual dresses-on-bodies keep popping up, and they tend to be rather creepy.

How creepy?

Well, about as creepy as you'd expect edible neck-and-arm stumps to be:

Not to mention this one looks like its floating up through the table. Spooky.

 

It's not so bad when the stumps look like a fabric dress form, but for some reason bakers keep making the under bits look like skin. And, worse, wrinkly skin:

 

Photo removed. Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot.

o.0

 

Now, you might think it'd be better to just go ahead and sculpt the whole bride:

It's not.

 

And don't go sticking a blow-up doll on your wedding cake, either:

This is also creepy.

 

Here's one that avoided the skin/stump issue entirely - which I applaud - but then fell down in the whole looking-like-a-human-body arena:

 

This photo also removed. Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot.

Definitely more centaur-shaped. The boobage section in particular is... worrisome.

 

Still, all of that pales in comparison to this bizarre choice of a wedding cake:

I'm actually weirdly fascinated. I... I can't look away. It's like staring into the sun. A headless, armless, legless sun. That you kind of want to hug.

Or is that just me?

 

Thanks to Elicia H., Caren, Angela B., Sondra D., Brenda T., Megan B., & Samantha B. for proving no body is better at weddings.

*****

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« Friday Favs 2/5/16 | Main | Evolution Of A Big Bird Wreck »

Reader Comments (59)

That last one needs a better bra.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDiane

Not every edible bride can be young and perky.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

As the years go by, my body looks increasingly similar to that last cake. I can guarantee you that at no time have I thought to myself, "I must have all of this fabulosity immortalized in cake." Nobody needs that.

On that second cake, let's assume the bride does have noticeably lopsided boobs. I don't think the world would end if they were evened up for the sake of the cake. Just sayin'.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

Hug?? No, I don't want to hug that. I don't even want a piece of that to eat. Blech!

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

#3 More of the black spaghetti mess. I wonder if it was the same decorator who wished Eve a "Happy Bleifg@*?!" last Friday.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

If my polish grandma were in a wedding dress, she'd look like the last one. Just hold your breath and go "in" for a hug. 😳

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

the last one looks like a 70 year old body in a very nice nighty. Don't ask how I know.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNanny

Oh, my. What ARE those things on the first cake?

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDorothy

My husband, Jim, as he walked by the computer: "Oh look, another penis cake."
Me: "They're wedding dress cakes."
Jim: "Same thing."

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterwildmaven

So, I don't know if the first picture was from Sunday Sweets or not, but I'm operating on little sleep this week, and I thought it was a bunch of differently colored toilet plunger heads at first.

Re: cake no. 3, I'm very sorry for Shannon's deformities.Both full bride cakes after that are creeptastic!
Then, I laughed out loud at the next cake with the worrisome boobage area, and I shared your concern.

And finally, is the last dress SUPPOSED to be a maternity gown?

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Good lord. That last one looks like a manatee in a wedding dress.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMadeleine Robins

Cake 1: Looks like those "ballerina flowers" from Fantasia mated with whisk brooms.

Cake 2: Sad thing is that the quality of the decorating is actually quite good...it's just the design itself is awful.

Cake 3: Poor "Shannon" looks like a licorice factory vomited on her...and that's the least of her problems!

Cake 4: <shudder>

Cake 5: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth....

Cake 6: Actually is refreshing after the creepiness of the previous two wrecks.

Cake 7: While I have seen people who look like that last cakeform, I can't say that the sight of them would inspire me to use them on a wedding cake. Did the wreckorator forget to put a bra on that cake?

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLady Kal

I think I figured out your strange desire to hug that last cake: it looks like a headless, female, wedding dress-bedecked version of Baymax, and he is totally huggable-looking.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBrittany

OMG!

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

The first cake really reminds me of Disney's The Sorcerer's Apprentice. It is rather well executed too, if you think of them as magic brooms instead of disembodied dresses.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersue

The last one reminds me of the Venus of Willendorf. With a dress form thingy for a head.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

So, the last one is the wedding dress of those fertiity idols the archaeologists find a bit everywhere? Wish i had a picture to show, but that was the very first thing popping in mind.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEnmyn

The last one makes me want to do a reverse motorboat. Stick my face right in there and OM NOM NOM NOM.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I feel like the last one is a 'Venus of Willendorf' tribute

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

I think the first cake looks like scrubbing bubbles who are so drunk, they're wearing their brush parts on top of their heads.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKathy

The last cake needs to read Jen's Epbot blog about buying the right bra!

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMary

So, I bet the *actual* dress the centaur wore was gorgeous.

Am I the only one who thinks the last one looks pregnant?

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterElissa

It's pretty clear that the second to last dress was modeled after Roz from Monsters, Inc.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

The last cake is from the newest trend in Bridal Shows, sponsored by Prego.
Call a nanny! Bring your OB! Don't you dare miss this big Bridal Show!

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLuLu

Cake #6 If you look at it as sleeping owl in a cape, it's not bad at all!

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

That last cake....can't.stop.looking. ooOoOOOoo

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered Commentergalladria

I have to wonder if the red one were made from a pic of a dress thrown on a floor with a person passed out in it. It looks like its been out all night and just wants to be left alone.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

Is the black "blow up doll" really a cake? It doesn't look like cake anywhere. Maybe the cake is hiding out under the dress...

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJennToo

The red cake with "Shannon" on top was NOT made by a professional baker.

Why is it on the list ?


[Editor's note- The person who submitted it to us told us "it was done by a professional at a professional shop." Sorry for the confusion. -john (the hubby of Jen)]

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSandrineSmiles

I thought the things on the first one were toilet plungers...

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterann

Are those extra-plump pierogi topped with toothbrush heads? Is that Chris Christie's torso in a wedding dress? So much confusion..

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMarianne

Oh, dear, Shannon looks to me like the dress has her by the throat. Or maybe a bag of holding that's been severely overstuffed something's trying to get out.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAdo_Annie

The last one looks like Venus of Willendorf except in white.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAndreanna

The "centaur" cakes look more like someone threw a blanket over a toilet.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterellen

I would not hug it on a plane,
I would not hug it on the train,
I would not hug it in a car...
What the heck is under thar?

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

The first one would be a win if it didn't have those things on the top.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterChicago

I love that I'm not the only one that saw venus of willendorf with the past cake!

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

My husband just asked: "what in the he*& are you laughing and snorting at".....I told him Cake Wrecks....he said "must be pretty bad..." I said 'you just wouldn't believe them if you saw them'. He wasn't interested in getting off of the couch.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterColleen

OMG! I never thought I would see a cake from a bakery in my own home town on here! I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed.

The second to last cake was made by a local bakery for display at a bridal show. I'm engaged, and needless to say I did NOT select them to make my cake!

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAura

Glad to know I wasn't the only person to think of the Venus of Willendorf we studied in Art History class on that last cake. It has kind of an ancient fertility goddess vibe going on.

And the armless ones make me think of Venus de Milo. Maybe instead of the female version of penis cakes, these are really a trip thru ancient Europe??? Or just really ugly cake art.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

Is there any cake with the blowup doll?

Can't decide if that last one is boobs or butt.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKaren S

I thought the cakes were funny until I read @Madeleine Robins comment:
"Good lord. That last one looks like a manatee in a wedding dress."
Broke out in hysterical laughter. Of course, you have to be from Florida to appreciate the comparison.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTriciaL

My husband said that last one looks like a penis, now that's all I see.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterkat

The boobage. I can only assume these "decorators" have never seen a real pair up close.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

I can't believe no one's pointed out that's Spaceship Earth, not Epcot!

Am I old, or is that not as funny as I think it is?

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCraig T

I looked at the first one, and Poe was instantly brought to mind:
"Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells--"

As for that last cake, I now have an explanation for the current state of my figure: my frosting has melted, too.

February 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

I think the second to last one forgot to "scoop and swoop". XD

February 5, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJay

Oh man those headless and uneven breasted cakes. Scary and hilarious at the same time lol.

February 5, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

I missed a wreck and had to see Epcot instead.

February 5, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterIndigo

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