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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Nov292017

My New Favorite Thing Ever: STICK A STICK IN IT

Ahh, black and white weddings. So classic. So chic. Why, just look at this beribboned beauty here:

LOOK AT IT.

That's what the bride wanted.

This is what the bride got:

CLASSIC.

 

And how about this little number?

Simple white tiers, drippy dragees, a flower topper - what could go wrong?

 

[deadpan stare]

[uncomfortable silence]

[slow, creepy grin]

 

BAM!

Oh, you know you love it.

 

Ok, last one. Behold this black and white flight of fancy:

FANCY.

 

Now behold When Flights of Fancy Collide With The Telephone Pole Of Ineptitude:

Here's what Angela, the bride, had to say:

"...the cake was falling apart when she brought it in and once she sat it down she started grabbing glow bracelets and stuffing them in the cake along with a stick she had my mom break off a tree outside...."

 

I'm going to stop you there, Angela, just so we can all savor this moment.

***

Everyone done savoring?
Ok, Angela, please continue.

 

"....and the cake was not even fully decorated...the back of the cake was bare....and I had asked to have burgundy hearts and white daisies added as well... it wasn't even the cake I had wanted and she said she could do them no problem!"

 

There's a lesson to be learned here, my friends. A lesson which I am not prepared to reveal because I'm too busy looking for the tree branch jammed in that cake up there.

 

Thanks to Karie C., Mikki J., and Angela for sharing their pain with us today. So that we may laugh. At their pain. But in a supportive way.

*****

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Reader Comments (22)

Well, I guess that last solution was an attempt to "stick the landing".

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

1) The way this cake is leaning, the baker must have been "tipsy" when they made it. And is anyone else getting a sci-fi vibe here? See the black spider creatures climbing up the tiers? (You know they're spider creatures because of the shiny, compound eyes in the middle of their heads).
2) I'll bet the groom thought this cake was a drag, (or at least the topper was). How old is this cake, anyway? Was it in storage for months? For one thing, it's already graying. Two, there's a mouse hole in the bottom layer. (I hope they didn't charge extra for the mouse droppings).
3) I'd say this could be a Cruella de Vil cake, (black and white and hideous), but it looks more like a Cruel Devil cake. It ought to be "cast out" of the reception.

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMike

Oy, and these people call themselves professionals?!?!?!?!?!

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

"Okay, can I have a little help from someone while I put on the finishing touches?"
(Baker lights another road flare)
(Grandma volunteers)
"I'm gonna need a rustic base about 2" thick. There's a big pine tree I saw across the street. Go for it."
(Baker hands grandma a chainsaw)

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAl the K

The second wreck - I had no idea frosting could curdle.

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered Commenter3Davideo

LOL...a stick from a tree outside? are you kidding me? wow. I often wonder do these brides do their homework and even look at the baker's portfolio before hiring them?

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJan

I can't even!!! The last two are beyond words!!! I can't even begin to imagine how those " decorators " let those out of their kitchen, let alone felt they were ok to set on the bride's table. The second one makes me wonder if the forgot about the cake & poured icing on the cake straight out of the oven, threw a few sprinkles on it & called it good. But the last one!! Glow sticks???? Why???!!!

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterStacy

We had a friend who was an amazing baker and made really pretty cakes and desserts. We asked her if she'd do our wedding cake. We made it clear, we would understand if she didn't want to take on the task, but she was confident. We gave her three cakes as inspiration. They were all round, three tiered cakes with an anchor on top. The night before the wedding she called to tell me that the top tier was done but the bottom two tiers were falling apart and she was freaking out. I'm a pretty down to earth guy so I said to her, "Remember, we're talking about cake, not a sky scraper. It's cake. As long as the top tier looks good, just make a bunch of cupcakes and we'll be good." Well..........the top tier was square, had weird piping all over it, a huge fondant cover anchor that looked like a toy, and sea shells (from the actual beach - yuck) and brown sugar for sand all around it. We never asked for a beach cake, but a very clean cake with red, blue, yellow on white fondant with an anchor on top. It was the worst. I was embarrassed for her when they brought the cake out. We haven't spoken much since then because I realize now she should have never taken on the task. I gave her an "out" like 10 times before the wedding. And I let her know, we were fine if she couldn't do it. No, she promised she'd blow us away. And she did, in a bad way. It was awful. Truly awful. It wasn't until a few days into the honeymoon that it hit me that she ruined our wedding cake and there are no do-overs. I'm not mad at her and she's the one keeping her distance, but at the same time, I don't feel this big need to reach out to her. We're not getting married again, but we have decided that for our first anniversary we're getting a cake done by a professional with a portfolio to back up their work. ANd I will demand to see photos of their actual work and speak to a client or two. I will get my gosh darn wedding cake! :-)

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterWR

I have been enjoying CakeWrecks for over a year now. One would think I would be prepared for the differences between what was ordered and the ensuing wreck. But, no, the wreckorators still amaze me.
On a side note, why do people pick a cake topper where the bride drags the groom or vice versa? I guess it's supposed to be funny. Seems dumb to me.
Is this a new trend: sticking real branches in a wedding cake? Not very sanitary, is it? Just because it's 'natural' doesn't mean it's not germy.

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJuin

Would somebody PLEASE , PLEEEEASE get more sticks?!? I can still see the bloodugly CAKES...!!!
=^>.<^=

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I don't know what they paid, but the "what they wanted" cakes are friggin expensive!!! One cannot take a picture of an $800 cake and have it made for $150 and have it turn out the same... Or even close. Not saying this is necessarily the case for these, but honestly more often than not it is.

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSmh

Well, they got the drippy part right on the second cake…

So, I love glowsticks. They're awesome. I've seen some creative uses for them. Not a one has been to prop up any sort of cake, much less a wedding cake. That's, uh, hopefully non-toxic.

And where was the stick?!?

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterYet another Jen

"The telephone pole of ineptitude" is my new favorite phrase.

November 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLoraine

That first cake looks like it was made for a funeral. Like the couple died together... Creepy.

November 30, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTintifee

For the last cake, I think the photographer was very kind to photograph it at an angle, and only the front, so one can barely see the glow sticks. And the tree branch will only be in their memories-may they forget it soon! At least the topper is beautiful!

November 30, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Am I missing something? Is this April fools? I cannot see a cake with a branch in it??? I see three cakes and three wrecks: black ribbons, dragees and topsy-turvy. Am I going blind? Which one has a branch in it?

November 30, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJen Francis

That one looks like it was iced with bundt cake icing. More important, I wish they would retire that stupid cake topper. It's so 50s and stupid.

November 30, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterThe One who remains nameless

Oh please tell me the brides got their money back. Wow what the heck wreckerators lol.

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Jen Francis, they say so below the last one. You can't see it because she used it as a dowel down the center of the cake. Horrible.

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterYa know

I’m a baker myself and tend to scope out the competition in my area. I have seen first hand people stealing photos from other bakers and posting them as their own. Always watermark your photos! People are mislead thinking they’ve got a great deal after seeing “their” work.

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterChristi

All right, I am a bit torn on the wedding wrecks. On the one hand, they sometimes come across as bourgeois rich people getting petty and nitpicky about things. On the other hand, they’re paying LARGE SUMS OF MONEY for a ONE-TIME EVENT that’s supposed to be SPECIAL. So when I see something like Missed Mark #2 above with the knowledge that it was presented as acceptable by a *ahem!* “professional” cake decorator, I just have to shake my head in disbelief.

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMike

I... kind of feel like I've read the story about the cake with the glow sticks and the branch here before... it's such a crazy story. XD

December 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSappho

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