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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May012017

Tina Fey Would Have WORDS About This

You ever stumble across a reeealllly old website - I'm talking pre-2008 here - where it's got the auto-play music, ten different fonts, plus flashing geocities-style graphics of crying kittens and glitter trails behind your cursor?

Well minions, I've found some cakey equivalents, and they. are. GLORIOUS.

The only thing missing is 8-bit Mario music and a MySpace link.

 

This is why you never drink and web-design:

Or rather, drink and edible-image-design. Holy clip art overload, Batman!

 

Speaking of clip art, there are some ANCIENT edible image designs still being sold in a certain huge grocery chain, and I think you'll agree: they need to stop.

First there's this:

Which is kind of cute until you realize that kind of uniform is only used for skimpy Halloween costumes nowadays... and she looks like she's about to throw that cake in someone's face. ("I put on the outfit, I got your stupid flowers and cake, and that's where I draw the line, bub. Now put. The stethoscope. DOWN.")

 

Don't worry, though, just to even things out, there's a male option!

...of a doctor. Doing, you know, doctory things. Because he doesn't have time to deliver your sweets and flowers, k, pumpkin? HE'S A DOCTOR.

 

And while we're on the subject of some sweet, sugary sexism, check out this pair of designs:

Look, I'm not one to over-analyze something as trivial as cake...

Oh, wait.

YES I AM.

So Mr. Boss Man "works" with his feet up and a knowing leer - there's not even a computer on his desk, because he doesn't concern himself with the little picture, got it? - while the female equivalent is either a secretary-type or a telemarketer. Mmmhmm. No, yeah, that's suuuper cute and appropriate for us modern workin' gals, am I right, ladies?

Riiiight. Thanks to Heather S., Kathy G., Jessa H., Seab & Steph, and Katie H. for the blergiest of cakey blergs.

*****

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Reader Comments (26)

Epic commentary today, Jen. Love it!

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

Anyone else think the woman working looks like she is Star Trek?

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle T.

I was born in the '70's. I still remember reading the newspaper - the "society pages" where women could do womenly things. Like post recipes for Chile Con Queso, under names like "Ms. Bill Mitchell".

The battles that needed to be won there, have largely been won now, I think. I think the main enemy has been defeated, but there are still holdouts that didn't get the order to surrender. Archaic clip art in national bakery chains are one such holdout, and as such, they still deserve to be given a little battle.

In short, you go girl.

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRob

Does that say "Sheila" on the it's a boy cake? Why? I don't believe in gender bias in names, but if they are naming a boy Sheila that's just setting the kid up for pain later in life. Not to mention confusion in Australia... Maybe it's the mother's name?

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAllegra

That second one reminds me strongly of the birth announcement/newborn picture we got of our twins, framed in our hallway. That style was very hot then, the newest thing for baby pictures.

The girls were born in 2003.

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Allegra, I think that might be the mother's name as it say Felicidades before the name, which is congratulations in Spanish...

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPenny M

LOL...I agree with Michelle T! That last pic is total Star Trek...green skin, red shirt....which means she'll be killed off in that episode. hehehe....

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJan

Allegra--Sheila is apparently the mom. "Felicidades Sheila"="Congratulations Sheila."

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Yeah, the mom may be named Shelia, but the baby just gets "boy"? Seriously? And floating in outer space, instead of a "congrats on your" or anything? Nah, I think think the baker named the boy Shelia!

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAbi

Score, Michelle. Green Orion Red Shirt girl doing outer space cool stuff. That first one makes my eyes burn looking at it.

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterdeb in atlanta

Fourth cake: Doctor Healgood: "THAT'S good, Jimmy...! You just keep $wallowing ALL the gumball$ you want! We'll have you out of here in...oh....a few week$......
=^-.-^=

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

But...where are the dancing hamsters?

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJules

oh my gosh, at first glance at that 'man boss behind desk' one: I thought he had his left leg up behind his head, yoga-style, right leg 'man-spread' out. now I can't see it right!

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMC in NZ

My boss puts his feet up on his desk quite frequently, but he makes up for it by having two monitors.
I also put my feet on my desk with some frequency, as do a few others around here. Bear in mind, our 'business casual' is making sure all your clothes are clean and cover the 'private' bits. Which for me is neck to wrist and toe. (And I'm not one of the people who wear hijabs; I'm
just old and cold.)

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNanalettie

I think y'all are talking about an Orion Slave girl from Star Trek. And yes she does look like that.

She's not a telemarketer and probably not a secretary either; she has no phone.

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

Why would anyone want a nurse or an office worker (male or female) on a birthday cake???

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Those are old Walmart labels. "We" do not use those images anymore. lol

The last two are Joe Mannix and Peggy Fair.
(Mannix doesn't like computers, so naturally he'd leave his hot young widowed secretary in charge of all that technology stuff.)

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterEoin

Funny, cause when I look at that "boss" with his feet on the desk all I can focus on is the chair bottom & the old school phrase "sit & spin" leaps to mind!

May 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMovieMom

Oh man these are hilarious and scary at the same time lol. Yep avoiding cake this week is the way to go for me lol.

May 2, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

I don't know...I think you just over thunk it.

May 2, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJacki

To be honest, I'm just bummed that there's not a link to an old geocities webpage.

May 2, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

kayk, the woman at the computer does have a phone - it's a headset. This makes her more likely to be a telemarketer than a secretary, but who knows.

May 2, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

I don't know. I kinda LIKE the green lady. Perhaps a distant relation to Mr. Spock?

The smiling doctor with the kid and sprinkles is.... creepy. And... they're kinda tinged green too. What is up w/green tinged flesh on cakes?

And that nurse cake.... looks like the cake mignt really be a bomb and she's getting ready to heave ho it !

These were the most creptastic cakes I've seen in awhile.. ROTFMAO!

May 2, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

Kayk - many call centers nowadays have phone systems integrated into the computers. That cake might well be for a telemarketer, although I don't know why anyone working in that field would WANT a cake commemorating it (This coming from someone who spent far too long working in call centers, though not telemarketing.)

May 5, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPegasusKnightmare

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