I'll Never Stop Laughing Over This "Unicorn"

Heather asked her bakery if they could add a unicorn to her cookie cake.

They said - and this is a direct quote - "Yes."


So just so we're clear: the professional baking people said yes, they could add a unicorn to Heather's cookie cake.



"Little did the princesses know that directly above their heads..."


"... lurked the tragically misunderstood tentacle volcano optometrist.


I hear it ain't easy.



"Hey Sal, this drunk melting blue cat just isn't weird enough, you know? Anything else we can add?"

AHA! Pirate chest hat! 


Occasions That Call For Sh*t Balloons:


- Your First Hemorrhoid 
- Anniversary of Your First Hemorrhoid 
- Someone Else Asked About Your Hemorrhoid 
- The Hemorrhoid Cream Worked! 
- Your Boss's Birthday


Thanks to Heather C., Marie S., Chris H., Joy J., & Michele A. for the crappy occasions.

And hey, speaking of things that are crappy (and also green! Another tie-in!), I feel like this is the crowd to appreciate my latest Amazon find:


 It's a ceramic frog texting on the toilet.

But wait, THERE'S MORE.

The Texting Toilet Frog also comes on a shower curtain:


And as hilariously bad as that photoshopped product photo is, for $17 I'm tempted to buy it just to put up the next time my parents visit... AND THEN SAY NOTHING.