I'm Irish, But Don't You Dare Kiss Me

It's nice to see bakeries really getting into the St. Patrick's Day spirit this week:

By which I mean they've clearly been drinking.

This is one week I'd actually kind of love to work in these bakeries. I wouldn't be drinking, though; I'd just be egging on all the drunk bakers.

I'd be all, "Hey, guys, you know what we need? JEWISH LEPRECHAUNS."

And they'd be all, "OMG JEN YOU ARE SO SMART AND PRETTY BUT MOSTLY SMART."

Sha-POW!

Then I'd hold relay races where all the drunk bakers have to ice a cake with their elbows and pipe on the side swags with their teeth:

Ker-PLOOIE!

Next I'd get them all to do that thing where someone stands behind you and and you pretend their arms are your arms and play icing Pictionary:

Bam! Zap! Ni!

And finally, I'd just be overly enthusiastic about everything they made, no matter HOW terrible, kind of like your favorite aunt acted when you were four:

[shrieking] THIS IS THE BEST SHAMROCK CAKE I HAVE EVER SEEN. Who wants more beer?

[gasp] Did you use the airbrush? WAY TO GO, YOU! And did you cut out that paper pot of gold yourself? You DID?! Well, now, who's a big boy? WHO IS IT?!

I have never wanted to kiss a red UFO more.

Yep, I'm telling you, guys, that would be a HOOT. 

Now, y'all have fun today, and be safe, and remember:

Easter wrecks are next.

Thanks to Tamara H., Dan B., Lindsay B., Timothy E., Dara M., Courtney L., Jessica D., & Amanda M., for the sobering selections. ;)

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cloverfield Scares

Tomorrow's the day, everyone!

Yep, the day when bakers try - and mostly fail - to remember what a shamrock looks like.

Here, I'll give you a hint:

NOT THIS.

OR THIS.

They're also not lumpy Xs:

Broccoli stalks:

Wonky crosses:

Or cacti!

Got all that?

Ok... GO.

See, now you're just screwing with me.

Tell you what, bakers, just go back to making leprechauns.

I mean pots of gold.

I mean rainbows.

OH NEVER MIND.

Thanks to Sheree K., Jerod J., Marisa F., Vanessa L., Paula P., Adrienne L., Julie S., Liz, Michael L., & Cara D. for proving there IS such a thing as too much green beer.

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And from my other blog, Epbot: