GET ME A UNICORN CHASER! (Oh. Wait.)

[Note: Today's post contains a mildly bad word, because I put it in to make John laugh and then he said it was too funny to take out. Please parent accordingly.]

According to Urban Dictionary, a unicorn chaser is anything that "serves as a cleansing of the palate after a viewer has been subjected to a distasteful internet image or experience." If you've ever mistakenly clicked a link that showed you something really disgusting, like clown porn or those prairie dresses from Target, then you know what I'm talking about.

You used to be able to buy a Unicorn Chaser from ThinkGeek (RIP), thought they never mentioned what it tasted like. I'm guessing moonbeams and Oreo filling, because I can't imagine anything that tastes better than that, except maybe Oreo filling without the moonbeams. But it might taste like green Skittles, which would be disgusting, and then you'd need another chaser for your Unicorn chaser. Which would be both sad and kind of filling.

Look, my point is that these clouds look like shit:

No, wait. That wasn't my point at all.

My point is, Unicorn horns: Do they really need a point?

Or can they just be a giant lump like a cartoon head injury?
Or a large pile of bird doo-doo?

And do unicorns need heads, or can they just puke rainbows directly out of their necks?

Assuming they still have a horn jammed in there somewhere, I mean?

True Story: As I was typing "do unicorns need heads" just now, I could totally hear one of you saying, "Why would a unicorn need a bathroom at sea?" And I was all, "WAIT FOR ME TO FINISH THE QUESTION, IMAGINARY WISE-GUY READER." And then you were all, "Gee, sorry," and I was able to move on after eating a spoonful of Oreo filling for recovery purposes.

This unicorn-pooping-cupcakes cake is adorable, and I won't have any of you speaking a WORD against it.

Unless you want to comment on the wonky elongated nipple/leg. That I'd be ok with.

And finally, you know how when you visit a friend or relative, and you break something, and you just lay the broken bits down like they're not broken and hope nobody notices until a few days after you leave? No?

Ok, how about this:

You know how when you can't get a cake unicorn head to stand up on its own, so you just break it off and plop it back down on the body at an unnatural angle and pretend it's supposed to look like that?

o.0

[backing away slowly]

If anyone needs me, I'll just be over here eating Oreo fillings in the moonlight. Just as soon as I find a picture of the moon for my computer screen.

Hey Laura B., Andrea & Anne Marie, Joshanna R., Robin E., & Samantha S. - why the long face and creepy demon eyes?

*****

P.S. Oh! For you minions who have both a pool and a sense of style:

Unicorn Pool Float

YOUR STEED AWAITS

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Sunday Sweets: 4th of July Fireworks!

Happy almost July, fellow Sweets lovers!

With America's Independence Day coming up this week, you know I had to find some pretty red, white, and blue numbers:

(By Sugar Hero, who has a complete tutorial on her site)

Plus this one has a drool-worthy surprise inside!

WOWIE. Our flag has never looked more delicious.

And look how sweet this old-fashioned bunting is:

(By Wild Orchid Baking Company in New Hampshire, now closed)

Ahhh, but I have some goodies for my non-American friends, too. Check it out, rainbow fireworks!

(By Victorious Cupcakes in the UK)

So pretty! I like the abstract take on them, and the silhouettes are perfect.

I love the way Glory (yes, her name is Glory!) took these ice cream cookies:

...and stacked them to look like triple-deckers!

(By Glorious Treats, online only)

SO CUTE.

Oooh, I may have spoken too soon on that last flag cake; this one ALSO looks darn tasty:

(By For Goodness Cakes in Charlotte, NC)

I'm loving the thick textured buttercream on top; can't you just FEEL that crunching ever-so-slightly, then melting in your mouth?

Ooof, I really want some cake now.

Hang on, here comes another one that's not helping:

(By b. sweet dessert boutique, online only)

Alllll the grabby hands. Gimmie.

Of course I couldn't pass up a chance to feature another Captain America cake, right?

(By Chocomoo Cakes in Sheffield, inspired by Mighty Mugs)

Look how clean and perfect that fondant work is! So good.

Now, let's end this post with a bang:

(By Adrienne & Company Bakery in Jeffersonville, IN)

Fireworks cake! I love all those bright neon colors together.

This one looks like an oil painting:

(By Katja Seaton in the UK)

Look how the fireworks spill over the edge:

I think that's my favorite part; the way the fallout looks so shimmery near the bottom.

Big finale!

(Baker unknown; Google Image Search has failed me. Anyone recognize it?)

Simple, but wow does that pack a punch.

Happy Sunday, everyone!

*****

P.S. Need a cool gift for the person who has everything? Then how about a card that transforms into a bouquet:

Fresh Cut Paper Pop-Up Flowers

I sent this one to my Mom for her birthday last month, and it looks just like this! Even better, it ships free with Prime, so no extra postage needed.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: