My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Flows Like The Wrinkly, Tied-Together Bed Sheets Of A Tower Escapee

Bride-to-be Melissa spent a total of 8 hours before her wedding consulting with her baker, literally painting a picture of her dream garden cake with its cascading sugar waterfalls:

Melissa supplied all the miniature accessories: benches, bird baths, etc - so the baker only had to make the garden and waterfall parts on the multi-tiered cake.

On the Big Day Melissa was aghast to discover that:

A) there was no garden - not a stitch of green icing anywhere

B) in fact, the ONLY decorations were the miniatures Melissa herself had provided, with the exception of

C) the waterfall, which looked... like this:

[wincing] Ooh. There's a slight wrinkle.

Melissa would also like me to point out the "pond" on the bottom, which the baker converted into an above-ground pool. An above ground pool with a giant flannel scarf dangling in it. Dangle dangle dangle. Yeah. Like that.


Thanks and sympathies to Melissa, who says this STILL isn't water under the bridge. It's more like dirty laundry under the bridge, which someone brought to her wedding, and then charged her several hundred dollars for.


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Tina Fey Would Have WORDS About This

You ever stumble across a reeealllly old website - I'm talking pre-2008 here - where it's got the auto-play music, ten different fonts, plus flashing geocities-style graphics of crying kittens and glitter trails behind your cursor?

Well minions, I've found some cakey equivalents, and they. are. GLORIOUS.

The only thing missing is 8-bit Mario music and a MySpace link.


This is why you never drink and web-design:

Or rather, drink and edible-image-design. Holy clip art overload, Batman!


Speaking of clip art, there are some ANCIENT edible image designs still being sold in a certain huge grocery chain, and I think you'll agree: they need to stop.

First there's this:

Which is kind of cute until you realize that kind of uniform is only used for skimpy Halloween costumes nowadays... and she looks like she's about to throw that cake in someone's face. ("I put on the outfit, I got your stupid flowers and cake, and that's where I draw the line, bub. Now put. The stethoscope. DOWN.")


Don't worry, though, just to even things out, there's a male option!

...of a doctor. Doing, you know, doctory things. Because he doesn't have time to deliver your sweets and flowers, k, pumpkin? HE'S A DOCTOR.


And while we're on the subject of some sweet, sugary sexism, check out this pair of designs:

Look, I'm not one to over-analyze something as trivial as cake...

Oh, wait.


So Mr. Boss Man "works" with his feet up and a knowing leer - there's not even a computer on his desk, because he doesn't concern himself with the little picture, got it? - while the female equivalent is either a secretary-type or a telemarketer. Mmmhmm. No, yeah, that's suuuper cute and appropriate for us modern workin' gals, am I right, ladies?

Riiiight. Thanks to Heather S., Kathy G., Jessa H., Seab & Steph, and Katie H. for the blergiest of cakey blergs.


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